Disclaimer: I do not own any characters used in this story, all recognizable names, locations, and characters are property of the wonderful JK Rowling, who was lovely enough to bless us with the Harry Potter books to become obsessed with as I have.
Summary: AU/extra scene where Remus visits Harry at Privet Drive during the summer after Sirius died. They need each other more than ever, because they were the two people closest to Sirius before he died. Implied Wolfstar. One-Shot. Hurt/comfort, family. Rated K+.
A/N: I've written something like this before but I love the relationship between Remus and Harry and want to explore it some more (though not through anything remotely romantic or sexual).
….
Lost
….
Harry was alone. Desperately, utterly, completely alone. Yes, he still had Ron and Hermione and the Weasley family, but nobody understood the pain he was going through. No one was as close to Sirius as he had been.
Harry was sitting at the park in Little Whinging, hanging on the chains of the swing for dear life. He was the Titanic, floating along, lost, until he crashed into the loneliness left by Sirius's death. And he sank. He was drowning, and all the lifeboats were gone.
Harry was caught up in his misery when he saw a familiar, ragged figure walk up and sit in the swing next to him. Instead of greeting his former professor, Harry simply stared off in the distance.
Remus looked over at Harry and sighed. "Hello, Harry."
Harry remained silent.
Remus sighed again. "I'm sorry I didn't visit sooner, I'm afraid I was too busy grieving to think about anything else. I shouldn't have neglected you like that, I apologize." Remus muttered softly.
"You don't owe me anything, Remus." Harry replied, still staring at anything but the scarred face looking at him.
"No, but I am the only other person who feels the pain you do for…" Remus sniffed. "We're in this together."
Harry looked even farther away.
"I know you loved him – " Remus started.
"Remus, I don't really want to think about this right now." Harry snapped.
"It seems like you already are." Remus whispered.
The two men sat in silence, grieving the loss of their loved one together, not needing words right then.
Finally, Harry spoke. "I just…after years of being in Azkaban, Sirius barely got to enjoy his freedom. He was on the run, then he was stuck in Grimmauld Place until…I barely got to know him before I lost him." Harry swallowed hard.
"I know, Harry. It is horrible that Sirius had to live like that after he got out of Azkaban. You two deserved to be able to live together after this mess with Voldemort is over. I know how you feel. I have lost all of my friends. I have no one left. No one but Dumbledore and you." Remus paused. "I know we are not that close, Harry, definitely not as close as you and Sirius were, or you and Dumbledore are, however I do care about you. Not only are you all I have left of my friends, you are also a wonderful person who deserves to have someone actually care about you. You have the Weasleys and Hermione, but I feel like you need someone else too. Someone who understands having to bear a terrible burden…" Remus closed his eyes.
"I know you care about me, Remus. I guess I just didn't think about the fact that I am not alone in grieving for Sirius. I may have lost my godfather, but you lost the only friend you had left." Harry put his hand on Remus's shoulder.
"He wasn't just my friend, Harry." Remus sighed. At Harry's quizzical look, Remus continued. "Sirius and I dated during school and after. It was pretty casual at first, but we became very serious, very quick. I have heard that Sirius was going to…going to propose to me, but he got sent to Azkaban before he could." Remus sighed, and a tear leaked out of his eye. "When he got out, we got back together, but he wasn't quite the same. I still loved him, and he still loved me, but we were two different people. We had a whole new relationship. Some things were better and some were worse, but we were together again. Until…I didn't just lose a friend to Azkaban, I lost the love of my life, Harry. And now I have lost him all over again." Remus bent his head forward and closed his eyes.
"I'm sorry you lost him, Remus. Of all people, you deserve to be happy. You have dealt with so much, yet you still give, and care about others more than yourself. I wish the two of you could have lived happily ever after."
Remus looked up at Harry, and Harry met his eye for the first time since he had sat down. "And I'm sorry you lost your godfather. You deserve so much happiness, Harry. You have had to deal with so much, the least you could have is your godfather."
"I'm glad you came here, Remus." Harry smiled.
Remus patted his hand. "I am too, Harry. We may be lost, we may be grieving one of the most important people in either of our lives, but at least we can do it together."
