The Widow
By Subjockey
Chapter One
"Just a little further, Lee," Lauren urged calmly, as she guided him to the garage. He was leaning heavily on her, his arm wrapped over her shoulder and shuffling his feet along as best he could.
"Did you call, Jamie?" he breathed out, gasping in between words.
"Yes Darling, I'm taking you to Med Bay? Remember?" she replied, opening the car door and helping him into the passenger seat. He groaned, holding his mid-section as she adjusted his seat to recline back. "There Darling, now I'll be right back, I have to get my purse," she explained to her husband of three months. "Don't worry, you'll be in Dr. Jamieson's care soon, My Love," she promised, placing her hand along his face and smiling thinly, her words issued with little emotion and even less concern.
Lee nodded, in too much pain to notice her strange disposition... distant, emotionless for the obvious emergency at hand, and oddly calm.
Lauren Crane left him in the car and walked purposefully back into the house, grabbing a prepacked suitcase and a blanket from the linen closet. She carried them to the car, depositing the suitcase in the trunk of her sedan, having opted to leave the Cobra behind, and stopping to place the blanket on Lee, tucking it in as she spoke.
"There now," she whispered in his ear. "You just rest Lee, it will all be over soon."
"Hurts..." he gasped airily.
"I know Dearest, but Dr. Jamieson will know what to do."
He nodded slightly, as she shut the car door and headed back into the house. She pulled out a box from the pantry closet, already partly filled with canned goods and added additional fresh supplies from the refrigerator and freezer, not hurrying her movements even though her husband was obviously gravely ill. She checked over her supplies, satisfying herself that she had most of what she needed and carried the box to the garage door, stopping to grab her purse on the way out.
After depositing the box into the trunk she slid into the driver's side and glanced at Lee. As she suspected, he had drifted off to sleep. The sound of the automatic garage door woke him, however, as he slowly rolled his head her direction.
"It's okay, Lee. You're going to be okay," she recited almost clinically, before backing out and heading for the highway.
His eyes slowly closed as she drove the familiar foothill road, turning to take the highway north, in the opposite direction of NIMR. Lauren Crane smiled, the mild sedative kicking in as her husband slipped into a light sleep where he could still be roused if necessary. She drove north to the cabin that had recently been acquired with cash. Even Lee didn't know about it; it was their own private getaway, where the outside world couldn't bother them.
She sighed contently at the thought, while sporting a strange, eerie smile as her passenger groaned in his sleep, his pain reaching even beyond the sedative as she drove onward, unaffected by his distress.
VTTBOTS
Lee drifted off to a pained sleep, a flash of light taking him instantly to a dream where he stood on the edge of an open grave, watching a coffin lowering into the pit below. The "widow", dressed in a black dress, stood on the opposite side of the grave, dabbing her eyes under her black lace veil. The coffin reached its destination six feet below, as the grave diggers paused for her to toss in the first handful of dirt. She reached down, picking up the loose soil at her feet and held it out over the coffin, allowing it to sprinkle slowly onto the box below. Lee watched as the dark soil suddenly turned into a white powder, dropping to the coffin and heaping into a large peak before she stepped away, allowing the grave diggers to finish their job.
The disturbing dream invoked an uncomfortable twitch in Lee's cheek as he tried desperately to wake himself, but the sedative even at its low dose, was too strong in his weakened condition. Thankfully, however, he managed to shake the dream... at least for the time being, as he drifted in and out of consciousness.
VTTBOTS
Lauren Crane glanced over, smiling at her sleeping passenger, currently out to the world. She sighed contently, refocusing on the road in front of her and enjoying the drive along Highway 1 with the ocean to her left and the coastal mountains to her right. Her thoughts drifted wistfully back, recalling their whirlwind romance. They'd only been married three months, and had known each other only a few months prior before she snagged Commander Lee Crane. Of course, it had been a rocky road leading to their elopement, with her late husband's death being less than two months prior. Lee and Rod had been good friends, and it had been quite natural for her to accept his offer to help after the funeral. She rather thought Rod would have been pleased to see how close they had become; all the hours they had spent together dealing with the legalities of being a military widow, and then the late evenings when he held her, offering comfort in her sorrow.
It just happened; she needed someone in her sorrow and apparently, so did he.
He had opened up that he was recovering from a traumatic event aboard his submarine, one that had affected him greatly, leaving him with fitful dreams and little sleep at night. With Rod gone, she needed someone to talk to, as well as someone to take care of. Lee was both, and she soon came to realize that he needed her just as much as she needed him.
Of course, Lee's friends hadn't been too pleased with his involvement with a newly widowed woman. She endured the expected accusations of finding love so soon after losing a mate, spoken bluntly by his so-called friends. Her affection was questioned as "rebound love", while Lee was accused of needing a crutch to lean on since he was officially diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He was, in fact, on leave with the Nelson Institute, partly because of the PTSD; partly because he was finding it difficult to deal with the attitude of his friends, and their constant questioning of his wisdom in taking a wife in "his condition".
She rolled her eyes under her dark sunglasses and then glanced back at Lee as he moaned and tossed his head.
Poor Lee, she thought distantly, caught in another nightmare, she supposed and smiled at how the mountain air would do him good. The thought brought a content smile to her face as she reached over and pulled the blanket higher to his chest, then patted it reassuringly, before resuming her attention on the windy road ahead.
VTTBOTS
Another flash of light preceded Lee's dream as his face scrunched at the unpleasant memory. Chip was yelling at him, but the words were strangely muted until the dream slowly came into focus, as if the reception were being dialed in slowly; then suddenly, both the picture and the volume sharpened as he heard the blond shouting angrily at him.
"You've got to be kidding, Lee! Of all the stupid…"
He tossed his head at the uncomfortable memory as his stomach continued to cramp, his strength slowly ebbing away. He had alienated his friends, quite purposefully he knew; but right now the only thing that mattered was Lauren. Rod would understand… he was sure of it. On that thought, his dream settled on the first night he and Lauren had given in to their attraction for one another. It had happened so fast…
"Here, let me help you with that," Lee offered, reaching for the box Lauren was carrying downstairs; it was packed with Rod's things, and only being a Navy wife for a little less than a year, she hadn't known what was important to keep and what she should donate to goodwill. Her shoulder length dark hair framed her face in soft curls that brought out her incredible blue eyes.
"Thanks, Lee," she said, dabbing a tear from the corner of her eye. "I had no idea this would be so hard," she admitted.
"It's all right," he reassured her, placing the box on the floor between them as they sat on the sofa.
"You know, some people think it's strange that I would want to go through this so soon, but Lee, it tears me apart every time I come across his things up there," she said, sobbing on her last words.
"Hey, it's all right," he said, scooting closer on the sofa and reaching to offer a reassuring hug as she sobbed against his chest. "Everyone deals with death differently," he added sadly.
She stopped her sobbing and sat back, watching tears swell in his eyes as his own comforting words brought back his own pain. He swallowed hard, not wanting the memories to take him over… "Not in front of her… Not right now," he begged himself.
Her eyes turned soft, recognizing his struggle as she reached up and cupped his face. "I'm sorry Lee, it's selfish of me to cry like this when you're in so much pain yourself."
Lee stood up, breaking the connection of her touch, while turning to face the wall. His mind was full of conflicting emotions: first, the comfort of her touch, he shouldn't be craving it, he argued with himself; those thoughts were followed by the picture of his crewman's death replaying over and over in his mind; his screams of pain playing endlessly in his head… even now they were tormenting him as he reached up to cover his ears.
"Not now!" He begged himself, afraid he would lose himself completely, reliving the gruesome death in another flashback.
"Lee," Lauren said, placing a hand on his shoulder and feeling him shudder under her touch.
He couldn't talk just yet, so he lowered his hands from his ears, placing one hand to cover hers and holding it tight until the tormenting screams stopped. She didn't move, patiently allowing him to recover until he found his voice again.
"I'm sorry…" he started, ashamed he had broken down in front of her.
"Shhhh," she hushed, pulling her hand gently from his grasp and then wrapping both arms around him from behind. She laid her head on his back as he continued to face the wall, her embrace offering the warmth of her body pressed softly against his.
His head dropped slowly to see her soft hands against his stomach as she held him tight. Slowly, he reached his hands to cover hers and drank in the comfort as she anchored him; his flashback receding back into his mind and not playing before his eyes any longer.
What would Rod think about him taking comfort from his widow, and he wasn't even a month cold in the grave? he asked, silently chastising himself.
She seemed to know what he was thinking and pulled him in even closer. Now her body was pressed so closely to his that he couldn't ignore what her feminine touch was igniting. She flattened her hands against his stomach, her fingers moving slowly and deliberately. He should have pulled away; been the strong one, but his strength had been drained away by the last month of torment. He loosened his hold on her hands, allowing her to brush her touch up and down his abdomen, toward his chest and then back down again. He breathed in deeply, soaking in her touch and the undeniable excitement of her bosom resting against back. Suddenly, he could resist no longer.
Lee breathed in deeply, exhaling his reluctance and giving in to both his physical and emotional needs. He turned sharply to face her, embracing her by the small of her back and bringing her even closer. He stopped to drink in her gaze for only a moment, before lowering his mouth and indulging in a long, passionate kiss; her willing mouth returning all the fervor of his passion as she reached to draw him to press firmly against her.
"Oh Lee, I've wanted this for so long," she admitted in a breathy whisper, as they parted while Lee applied heated kisses to her face and neck.
His mouth moved closer to her ear as he whispered, "I shouldn't be doing this."
"I need you, Lee. Please, don't stop," she begged, reaching for his face and kissing him hard, igniting more fire in his veins as they made love on living room sofa.
Their passion satiated, he leaned in to place gentle kisses to her face before getting his senses back, instantly thinking about what Rod would say knowing he just made love to his widow. She sensed his apprehension and wrapped her arms around him, caressing his back and running her fingers through his hair.
"No regrets, Lee," she said airily. "No regrets. I needed you, I needed you so bad."
"I needed you too," he admitted, "but…"
"No buts, Lee. Just rest, my love," she whispered, as he surrendered to her comforting touch completely, falling asleep in her embrace.
It was more than the physical exertion of their feverish love-making; it was weeks without sleep and no peace, and now that he had tasted of the peace he didn't want to let go. He decided right then and there not to let go, willingly surrendering to her touch as she soothed away his torment.
Another flash of light interrupted the scene and once again Lee was faced with Chip's angry outburst.
"You've got to be kidding, Lee! Of all the stupid, idiotic…"
He shook free of the unpleasant memory assailing him, and groaned as his cramps sharpened, only partially aware that he was in the car.
"Jamie?" he called out in his sleep, needing Seaview's doctor to end the pain and not completely aware of his surroundings.
"It's all right, Darling," Lauren said. "Remember, I told you I was taking you to Med Bay," she added soothingly, even though she was already an hour north of Santa Barbara.
His weakness persisted, aided by the light sedative she had spiked him with earlier as Lee closed his eyes, praying they'd reach Med Bay soon.
VTTBOTS
Lauren smiled as Lee drifted back to sleep, her strange contentment incongruent with the sounds of distress coming from the passenger seat, choosing instead to focus fondly on their decision to marry.
They had spent a lot of time together since Rod's death only two months prior, and had hardly parted since their first encounter together.
"Are you sure about this, Lee?" Lauren asked, holding the solitary diamond ring still in its box.
"You're the only thing I am sure about," he admitted with his hazel eyes misting in emotion. She responded by cupping his face with her hand as he continued. "I love you, and it feels right. I don't think I need any more reason than that."
She nodded her agreement and placed a gentle kiss to his lips, then parted with a sigh. "I love you, and it feels right to me too."
Lee smiled, but it faded quickly.
"Are you ready for what people might say, taking this step so soon after Rod?" he asked tentatively.
"Rod would want me to move on," she answered with a shrug of her shoulder. "What about you, Lee? You still haven't told them, have you?"
"It's not their decision," he stated flatly.
He'd been on leave for almost two months, only going into the Institute for his weekly visits with Dr. Jamieson, who was monitoring his progress, having been forced to take an extended leave due to the flashbacks that still plagued him. He'd been officially diagnosed with a severe case of PTSD, and had been temporarily relieved of his command. "This is my life," he added confidently, "and I deserve some happiness. I want you to be my wife."
"Then yes, Lee, I will marry you."
He pulled her into an embrace, the anxiety of whether she would accept his proposal still running through his body, as he dealt with insecurities he wasn't used to feeling. Never in his life had he felt so vulnerable to his emotions, and yet the only peace he felt from the torment of his crewmember's violent death, was when he was with her.
Lauren smiled at the memory; they had driven to Tahoe that very day and were married in a wedding chapel. Of course, Admiral Nelson and Chip Morton weren't happy about it when he went to the Nelson Institute to change his marital status and add her as his Beneficiary. He had come home that day especially upset; having let loose his anger on his so-called friends for attempting to interfere in his private life, and apparently the scene had been an ugly one. He had avoided both Nelson and Morton since that day, and only kept his appointments with Jamieson because he was ordered to participate in the therapy or forfeit his position as captain of the Seaview.
Their first month of marriage passed quickly, but apparently Nelson and Morton still hadn't accepted the marriage and had told him so after his latest session with Dr. Jamieson. It had taken her most of the afternoon to help him past the uncomfortable exchange and subsequently insisted on accompanying him to his next appointment at the Institute. It had been a difficult session as Jamieson insisted on showing Lee photos from the incident aboard Seaview that had mangled the young seaman's body beyond recognition.
"Mrs. Crane, I'd like for you to sit over here, please," Jamie directed, noting Lee's tight hand hold and his reluctance to let go. The doctor had made it clear that he was fervently against having her there, but relented upon Lee's insistence that he would walk out if she weren't allowed to stay.
Lauren carefully tugged her hand free while reassuring her husband that she was near, before taking the chair in the corner. Lee's eyes fixated on her movements, returning his attention to Jamie only after she sat down, nodding for him to continue.
"I want to talk about the accident, Lee," Jamie started only to be interrupted.
"We've already talked about it."
Jamie nodded; his face even as he pulled a manila folder from under his clipboard and handed it to Lee.
"What's this?"
"Open it and find out."
Lee took a deep breath in and opened the folder, assaulted immediately with the sight of the crewman's body lying on the Missile Room deck. His hands shook at the gruesome scene of the mangled body in the dive suit; an arm was missing below the elbow and a large bite mark was all that was left of one side of his chest. Lee drew a nervous hand to his mouth, at the sight of the dismembered foot still in its fin, lying on the floor next to the body. The face mask was still on the young diver, and the bottom of his face had large lacerations that disfigured his features.
"Is this necessary?" he asked with a glare. "I was there, remember?"
"I understand, Lee," Jamie answered in a monotone voice that offered neither concession nor comfort. "Please look at the next picture, Captain."
Lee swallowed, not able to gain strength from Lauren whom Jamie had purposely placed behind him, but from her position, had a full view of the photos he was currently viewing. He placed the photo face down on the table in front of him, instantly revealing the next photograph in the stack. The gruesome scene invoked a gasp as he quickly shut the folder and slammed it down on the table.
"Pick up the folder, Lee," Jamie instructed, offering no sympathy to Seaview's captain in either his voice or his demeanor.
"I was there… I don't need to see the crewman again," he argued heatedly.
"Pick it up," Jamie ordered, not backing down, his medical authority clearly outranking Lee's in these sessions.
Lee attempted to hide his palpable fear behind his very real glare as he stared down Jamieson. There was a full minute of uncomfortable silence before he reached for the folder and opened it back up to view the next photograph. The crewman's facemask had been removed, revealing the distorted features of Patterson; his distinctive baby face was easily recognizable, even though the bottom half of his face had been horribly disfigured in the shark attack.
"Do you recognize your 'crewman'?" Jamie asked, pushing for an answer and knowing that up to this point, Lee had refused to identify Patterson by name in a strange case of denial.
Lee shook violently. "Damn it, Jamie! What do you want from me?"
"Tell me who the crewman is, Lee," Jamie insisted, not relenting to his patient's torment.
"I can't!"
"Who is the crewman, Captain Crane?" Jamie yelled back.
"Patterson, all right?! Are you satisfied?" he screamed, standing and turning toward the mirror behind him and ignoring Lauren in the corner. "Is that what you wanted to hear, Admiral Nelson? I know you're back there!" he accused, knowing full-well the two-way mirror was currently in use. "Patterson's dead! Is that what you wanted to hear from me?" he demanded. "You bastard!" he added, choking on his words as his voice broke with emotion.
Lauren rose from her feet, but Jamie's sharp glance her direction warned her to stay put.
"It's all right, Captain," Jamie soothed, clearly satisfied with the break-through.
Lee had been unable to deal with the fact that Patterson had been attacked right in front of him. Even now, he could see the whole event playing before him, as a flashback suddenly enveloped Lee.
Lee discharged his own spear gun but missed as the shark thrashed about with Patterson tightly in its grip, the sounds of his pain and terror playing loudly through the com system. Lee resorted to punching the shark in the nose to get it to release his shipmate, giving the Shark Watch a clear shot with their spear guns. As soon as Patterson was free, Lee swam his limp body back to the dive hatch, with the Shark Watch detail following close behind. He held the young man in his arms, even as the water around them tinted red at the fantastic blood loss. He held tightly, ignoring the large gash missing from Pat's side as the water pumped out. When the hatch finally opened he found he couldn't move; his were eyes fixated on the damage inflicted by the shark. They practically had to pry Patterson from his arms and even then, he was unable to move on his own, frozen in place and lost in a state of shock as crewmen helped him out. He stood in a daze as crewmen held him steady, looking down at Patterson's mangled body, his face half-eaten away and a shark's tooth still embedded in his side. His knees buckled when one of the crewmen retrieved Patterson's flipper from the dive hatch with his foot still attached, but it was Kowalski's accusations that sealed his distress.
"You killed him, Captain Crane! He was your dive partner, you were supposed to watch out for each other!" he screamed, as tears ran down the ratings face, his sorrow for his long-time friend inconsolable.
"I… I tried, Ski…" Lee stammered.
"You froze out there!" Ski accused hatefully. "You were so scared you couldn't even aim straight, I saw it all from the monitor!"
Indeed, the monitor sat next to the sonar station and Kowalski had had a front row seat to the devastating attack against his best friend before he was excused from his station to run to the Missile Room.
"I… tried, Ski," he repeated looking down at his wet suit and finding Patterson's blood covering his yellow dive suit.
"Easy Ski," Riley urged, trying to pry his friend away from the dead body on the deck as someone removed the face mask to reveal the wide-open eyes of Patterson.
Lee stared at Patterson until somebody finally covered his dead mangled body with a blanket. When he raised his head, he saw everyone staring at him; each one accusing him silently as Ski's words replayed in his head…"You froze out there!"
When the flashback ended, Lee found himself sitting in the chair, with Lauren tightly holding his hand and willing him back to the here and now.
"Are you back, Lee?" Jamie asked quietly.
He was still breathing hard when he nodded his answer.
"He's had enough!" Lauren screamed.
"We're making a breakthrough here, Mrs. Crane," Jamie countered.
"No, I'm taking him home," she countered, helping Lee to rise slowly. "Come Darling, we're leaving now," she said.
"Captain Crane," Jamie called, but Lee turned his back on the doctor and allowed his wife to lead him out of the therapy room.
That was the last time she was allowed to accompany him. Dr. Jamieson had insisted she stayed home, and Lee had agreed, citing his own disappointment that she had seen him breakdown so severely.
Lauren shrugged the thought off, physically raising her shoulders and lowering them in a whimsical sigh as her face took on a strange satisfied smile.
Lee's groan caught her attention as she glanced his way, before pulling off the road at a turnout. He was starting to wake and she knew that she'd have to give him another dose of sedative soon, pulling a bottle of water from the back seat and carefully measuring out a sedative dose into a small cup.
"Lee?" she called, his eyes opening into small slits at her call. "Drink this, Darling."
Lee looked at the cup and shook his head weakly at the offer.
"Drink it, Lee," she demanded, losing her soft, sweet approach of earlier as she raised his head from the reclining position, placing the cup to his lips.
He turned his head away, too weak to understand his surroundings and not completely coherent, until she lost her patience, grabbing his chin and thrusting the cup to his mouth while tilting his head back sharply until he finally drank at her command, emptying the cup completely.
"There, Darling," she said, returning to her soft, loving mood of earlier and pulling his blanket up against his chest once again. "Rest now," she urged, dabbing a few drops of water away, gently caring for him as he drifted back to an obviously uncomfortable sleep.
Lauren Crane smiled serenely, returning to the driver's side, and resuming their journey to their cabin hideaway.