Ok, so here's the skinny. It's friday night and I'm sitting alone in my bachelor apartment. I had enough Tostitos and salsa dip to last me 3 weeks because I invited half a dozen guys over to watch live professional wrestling and no one showed up. Like I'm the only one with dick-all to do on a friday night. I got the new projector t.v. set from Mom and Dad last week for my birthday and I got a screen almost 12' wide, so screw 'em if they want to hit the clubs instead.
So there's a few minutes before the wrestling's gonna start and I flip the old Darkstalkers CD into the PS2. Ok, so I can't afford a Wii...I'm still tryin' to save up enough to get my dvd player outa the pawn shop. I haven't played Darkstalkers in a couple months so I'm a little rusty...Tekken 4's been the deal for the last while. Too bad Dead or Alive never came out for the PS2.
I'm doing ok though...Demitri the vampire dude's kickin ass. I finished off Felicia the cat chick with a super fireball, but I can't quite get the move right for the Midnight Rhapsody. Then alluva sudden, somethin' weird happens. It's like the game freezes up between rounds and I get all woozy feelin'. I lean my head down to shake it off. For a bit, it feels like a bad acid trip, then my head sorta clears and I open my eyes, but it's all messed up. The apartment's gone and I'm in some kinda old room with 2 stone walls. The ceiling's real high and there's a fireplace all lit up and crackling.
I look around then I see her. A woman, but like none I ever seen before. She's hot like I don't even know how to tell you, I'm serious. It's Morrigan, the succubus babe, no question about it. Her hair's green and long, like almost to her ass and her wings are movin' like they're alive. She's wearin' the leather top that shows off, like, EVERYthing she's got and the batty stockings. But what really gets me is that even with the big-ass heels she's got on those boots, she's still not much taller'n a kid. "Petite," Mom'd say. I grin at her, suddenly real glad I'm alone in the apartment 'cause I'm gonna start talkin' to the t.v.
"Hey, the manual says yer s'posed to be tall," I tell the demon chick.
"I'm sorry if I have disappointed you," she says. Her voice's real sweet, almost like she's purrin' like a cat. She walks over to me, those hips movin' like they was on a swivel and I realize I'm sittin' in some kinda big antique chair with arms and stuff. She kneels down on the floor in front of the chair and I'm lookin' down at the biggest pair of hooters I've ever seen. I'm starin' like a deer starin' at a car's headlights and if she notices, I guess she doesn't care. Maybe she's used to it. A babe wears somethin' like that and she's gotta want you to look, you know what I'm sayin'?
"I'm sorry to bring you here so unexpectedly," she says, and I look up to meet her eyes. They're pretty eyes too. Bright and green like there's some kinda light in 'em. I'm still feelin' kinda woozy like I've had too many beers, but I don't get paid 'till next week so I didn't have any cash for booze.
"'s ok," I says, sounding drunk even to myself. "Always glad to oblige a beautiful woman."
She turns away kinda shyly and looks at me out of the corner of one eye and there's this sorta little smile on her face. "You flatter me, but I thank you," she says.
Now I'm lookin' at that sweet soft little mouth, thinkin' thoughts that make me glad again that my buddies stood me up. "So, what is it to which I owe the pleasure," I ask, tryin' to sound all aristocratic.She looks me in the eye. "Well truthfully," she says, her smile gettin' more serious. She straightens up a little bit and I swear she's stickin' her boobs out on purpose. "I was wondering what it would take to persuade you to break your allegiance with the vampire lord, Demitri Maximoff."
I can't help laughin' out loud. Still chucklin', I says to her, "So that's it' huh, baby? You're all scared that you're gonna get your hot little ass kicked!"
She's on her feet so fast I never even seen her move. Her eyes are all wild and her face is hard and furious. She backhands me almost outa the chair. Then she's on me, her fingers around my throat so's I can't breathe. I try to shove her away but it's like pushin' on steel. She's some kinda monster and suddenly I think I mighta pissed myself. "How dare you?!" she yells, but it's like it's not her. The voice seems to come from everywhere and it's bigger than the world. Her face has drawn back and her eyes are like little burning pits in her skull as she glares at me hatefully.
Then just as suddenly as it changed the first time, everything changes back. I'm sitting on my futon in my apartment, with the PS2 controller in my lap. On the screen, Demitri's lookin' all roughed up and the continue countdown is at 3. I curse under my breath and grab the controller back and stab the start button. Pissed, I select the Dracula wannabe again.
The match I lost was against Q Bee, and I lose another round to her because I'm still shakin'. 'Gotta be cool,' I think to myself. 'Gonna make the bitch pay.'
I take the bug woman 2 outa 3 then I got 1 more before the final boss match to get my groove back. I'm on it. 2 straight against Bishamon, second round's a perfect. I'm there, man, succubus's pissin' in her stockings.
The title screen comes up and I see the green haired bitch grinning about 2' tall on my wall. First round, I'm all over her, cranking off fireballs like a machine. She tries that thing she does where she flies across the screen and I nail her. Her clothes burn off and she's coverin' herself up with her wings. She screams. Another perfect.
I'm grinnin' as the second round starts and the fireballs are comin' down on her like rain. The succubus tries to fight back, but I light her up like a match and push her back into the corner. She can't do anythin' without getting hit with one of my attacks. She's down to about a quarter of her life bar when I hit the start button to pause the game. Did I hear somethin'? I get up and walk to the door. Nothin' in the hall. I start back to the couch and that's when I notice it. Somethin' different about the picture. It's...clearer. I walk up to the screen and I smell somethin'. It's not the stale pack from the pizza pops I had fer dinner the other night. Sweat and perfume, maybe? I look at the frozen demon character's sprite. She's backin' up from my attacks, tryin' to get away but she's got nowhere to go. The picture looks almost right but the face...it's like she's lookin' out at me. ...and it looks like she's scared. It's her fear I smell.
"Serves you right, bitch," I say aloud, remembering the feeling of those fingers on my throat and that awful voice. But the conviction isn't what I think it should be. I reach into the light of the projector, half expecting to feel that smoothe perfect skin. But there's only the chalky texture of the old latex paint on the wall. And the shadow of my hand obscures the top half of Morrigan's sprite.
Feeling a little stupid about the whole thing, I walk back to the couch and plop my butt down, feeling the hardness of the futon frame beneath the mattress.
I pick up the game controller and hit start to finish the succubus off. But instead I just watch. For a few seconds, nothing happens. Demitri stands there, flexin' his muscles, and Morrigan stands there with her back to the edge of the screen, her wrists twirlin' in that "come hither" way she has. Then she takes a couple tentative steps towards Demitri. The power meter is fully charged for the special attack and I think about the controller inputs that'll feed her a chest full of fire and end the match with my second perfect round. But instead I let her walk up and take a couple pokes. She's timid, as though waitin' for the axe to drop, but she gets bolder as I don't hit her. Finally, with less than 20 seconds to spare, she pulls a combo with a hard punch and a shadow blade special that ends the round.
Third and final, I lie the controller beside me on the futon. The Morrigan character is aggressive with her attacks, like she knows there's no defence and the match is over with 68 seconds on the timer. I watch the continue countdown wind down, not sure if I'd grab the controller again right up 'til it hit 0. Then I reached for the remote and turned off the projector.
I'm not sure exactly how long it took me to doze off with the salty taste of the corn chips in my mouth, but it was the sound of rustling that woke me up. It was her again, kneeling beside my futon. The big green eyes were soft again.
"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry," she said, bending over to kiss me, her long green hair spilling forward and tickling my face. "Also, to thank you for your compassion for me."
I nodded off again as her warm tongue slipped between my lips.
Sometime after 2 in the morning, the guys upstairs woke me up coming home. I got up to take a leak before sacking out. On the way, i thought about the weird dreams. Standing in front of the toilet, I discovered my fly was already open.
