Erika: So here I am again, about to write a new fic just for the people that read it. The only fun thing I got to do today was use a powered sanding machine thingy. It was so cool.
Malik: Enough with your day and write the Ra damned fic already!
Erika: You know what, go screw a tree!
Malik: Oh yeah? Go screw your mom!
Erika: Your mom!
Malik: No, your mom!
Erika: Stop copying me you cow-humping horse-fucking cock-sucking fucking grandma licker gay-ass!
Bakura: Wow, she has you there.
Malik: (grumbles) Oh shove it up your ass albino rat.
Bakura: (shrieks) WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?!?!?!?!
Erika: Ehehehehe, well, enjoy the fic.
X
Therapy: Yugioh Style
Summary: THE SECRET CONFESSIONS OF THE YUGIOH CHARACTERS!!!!!!!
Notes/Warnings: Perverted, gross, hilarious, OOC, NO PLOT, COMPLETE RANDOMOSITY!!!! THIS IS A ONE-SHOT!!!!!!!!
Disclaimer: This is my fic, these are my ideas, and if you take them…….I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH YOU FUCKING BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, except I'm borrowing the Mr. Bonkers bunny for Yuugi….hope ya don't mind DIS.
Erika: And no flames about how this story has no plot, that the characters aren't in character, and all that nonsense. I KNOW. Spelling, grammar, and sentence mistakes I will accept (but please copy/paste the sentence that has the problem and tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it. I don't have enough time to play "Find the error"). OKAY! HERE IT IS!!!!!!
X
Dr. Bob walked into his office to find it squeaky clean, except for a used condom under the leather chair. He sighed and picked up his phone, calling his secretary Mary.
"Mary?"
"Yes Dr. Bob?"
"Why is there a condom under the chair?"
"Uh, well, Dr. Bob I have no idea," She giggled.
"Oh, okay well then is my first patient here?"
"Yes sir!" She chirped.
"Send them in."
X
Atemu strode into the office, staring defiantly at Dr. Bob.
'Curse Grandpa! Making go to some Doctor just because he thinks I have control issues! Some nerve!' Atemu stared at Dr. Bob.
"Sit down."
"Sit down? I'm will not sit down you fag! You're going to try and rape me, aren't you?" Atemu strode over to Dr. Bob and poked his chest, "Well I'll tell you what buster! If you try and make me do anything then I will kick your fat pimply ass all the way to America!"
(A/N: After all, they are in Japan.)
"Umm, okay, uhhh, Atemu. So, how are you feeling today?"
"Why do you want to know? You're going to try and steal my identity aren't you!"
"No Atemu I'm not. Please, just answer the question!"
"Or what? You'll make me give you a BJ? Well I'll give you a BJ! Make you sorry you said it!" Atemu forced the Doctor down and…….proceeded to give him a…..blowjob…….ewwwww.
An hour later….
"Well thanks Dr. Bob!" Atemu strode out of the office. Yuugi shuffled in and Dr. Bob cleared his throat.
"Sit down please." Yuugi sat down in the chair, laid on his back, and stared dismally at the ceiling.
"So, how do you feel right now?"
"I'm horny."
(Oo)
"Um, well, how else do you feel?"
"Submissive." Dr. Bob sighed and asked the illustrious question: "How's your sex life?"
"HORRIBLE!!!! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME MR. BONKERS WHY????? I MADE SURE THAT I FUCKED THE STUFFING OUT OF YOU!!!!!!!!! I MADE SURE THAT WHEN I GAVE YOU A BLOWJOB IT DROVE YOU BONKERS!!!!!!!!!!! (sob) WHY MR. BONKERS WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" With that, Yuugi started to bawl.
"Well, um, who was Mr. Bonkers?" Dr. Bob asked, forcibly polite.
"He was my stuffed Bunny Rabbit. I made sure to give him a whole bottle of Viagra a day…..AND HE LEFT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yuugi wailed.
"Well, why don't you find another rabbit?" Yuugi looked at him, horrified.
"You don't understand! Mr. Bonkers and I were made to be together! That's why he's big enough to fit inside me!"
"Uh, Yuugi, maybe Mr. Bonkers needed to go...relax."
"But he always relaxed when I was fucking him and sliding in and out of him!"
(XX)
"Ummm, well, oh look I believe we are out of time. I'll see you in a few weeks."
Yuugi ran out of the office, crying. Bakura walked in and sat on the chair.
"So, how are you feeling today?" Dr. Bob asked.
"Happy," Bakura grinned evilly.
"Really? How did you come to be happy?"
"Well, you see, I saw this dog on the side of the road that was mangled and it was still alive. So I broke all the bones in it's body, and then I gouged out the eyes. It was still alive so then I cut off it's nose, tail, and tongue. Then, it died. I shall miss my tortured play toy."
(TT)'
"Are you a sadist?" Dr. Bob asked.
"It's 'the' and no I'm not the saddest. I'm the happiest!"
"Not saddest! S-A-D-I-S-T, a person who enjoys inflicting pain on others." Bakura blinked.
"Oh, yeah, I guess. So uh, can I castrate you? I swear I'll sew it back on without a sedative. Or could I rape you? I'll make sure it hurts-" Dr. Bob pressed the red button under his chair. Two humongous security guards came in a dragged Bakura out.
Ryou shuffled in next, head down. He sat, sighed, and looked at the Doctor.
"It's like this Doc, I love this girl named Anzu and I know she loves me back but she says to stop stalking her and it's not my fault that I love her so much that I want her to think of me every waking minute of every day. God, can't she just let me lick her all over like a lollipop?"
Dr. Bob could not believe these people! What the fucking hell?!
"Erm, well, have you told her how you feel about her?" Ryou sniffled.
"I tried, but she told me to stop stalking her or she'd apply for a restraining order." Dr. Bob sighed; this was going taking a while.
X
Dr. Bob came to his office door, sad that his lunch break was over. There were many disturbed people today. Opening his door Dr. Bob screamed, "AH! MY INNOCENT VIRGIN EYES!!!!" Mary and the security guard were in the middle of a climax...and the security wasn't a guy...or a girl...it was BOTH!!!!!!
"The HORROR! The AGONY! MY EYES, THEY BURN!!!! OH THE HUMANITY!!!!" Dr. Bob shrieked, waiting for them to notice he was in the room. The security guard kept pumping away, Mary still moaned. Dr. Bob stood their, glowering.
"HEY!" Suddenly Mary screamed and tried to find something to cover herself up with. The security put his... "thing" back in his pants and also put back on his bra.
"CLEAN MY DAMN CHAIR AND PUT SOME FUCKING CLOTHES ON!!! THEN, WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH THAT YOU CAN PACK UP YOUR SHIT AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE AND FIND A NEW JOB!!!!!" Mary scurried out with the security guard following her.
A few minutes later...
Dr. Bob sat on his squeaky-clean chair, still frazzled. He looked at his schedule and saw that he had an appointment. A Mr. Kaiba. Sighing, Dr. Bob asked his new secretary, Susie, to send him in.
Seto Kaiba stalked in, cold and impassive. He sat down, and stared at Dr. Bob, who gazed back with the same apathy.
"How are you today, Mr. Kaiba?" Dr. Bob asked curtly. Suddenly Kaiba started sobbing, his head in his hands, fingers clenching his brown hair.
"H-horrible!" He sobbed, "My life is a m-mess! First that little pest Yuugi takes away my title, and then I find out that I have some part to play in this prophecy?!" Kaiba sniffled, accepting the tissue that Dr. Bob had held out to him. "Why did they choose me, why can't I just live my lifelong dream?"
Dr. Bob started doodling on his notepad, completely disinterested in his job now. "What is your dream, Mr. Kaiba?"
"To be a Broadway star!" His eyes glassy Kaiba started explain, "Ever since I saw "Cats" I wanted to be onstage. I wanted to be singing, acting, being someone else. Then I saw Phantom of the Opera...I cried."
Dr. Bob found that easy to believe, Kaiba was practically creating the Pacific Ocean in his office.
"I felt sorry for the Phantom...he's a lot like me, I think. We're both outcasts, and we have no friends. We both love this one girl, but she chooses someone else." Kaiba started to bawl, and finally he walked out of the office, tears flowing down his face.
Our good therapist could not take much more of this shit. First he gets a blowjob, then a kid obsessed with fucking a stuffed animal, a psychopath, a stalker, his secretary being a complete whore, and now a pansy-ass. Thankfully, there was only one more session with three people: Marik, Malik, and Isis Ishtar. Apparently there were problems at home.
Marik and Malik walked in, scowling, and they flopped down on the couch. Isis walked in, radiantly smiling.
'This might go well.' Dr. Bob dared to hope.
"So, how may I help you?" He inquired.
Silence.
"Marik needs to stop using my vibrator." Isis said. Marik rolled his eyes but said nothing.
Blinking Dr. Bob asked, "Is that all?"
"NO! That's just the beginning! Malik needs to stop swearing, they both need to learn to clean up the house! THEY'RE DRIVING ME INSANE!!!!!!!!"
Malik looked up and said, "Yeah, Isis, the feeling is mutual, you're driving us bloody bonkers too." Isis grabbed Malik's beautiful blonde hair and started slamming his head against the coffee table.
"MOTHERFUCKIN'ASSEATINGMIDGETLOVINGSONOFAMOTHER'SFORNICATIONWITHTHEDEVILYOUFUCKINGLITTLESHITWHORE—"
SLAP!
"DID YOU JUST SLAP ME BITCH!?" Isis bellowed.
Malik stared at her, "Erm...no?"
"RWAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!" Isis leaped at Malik, who jumped onto Marik.
"SAVE ME BROTHER!" Marik pushed him off and ran to the far side of the room.
"LIKE HELL!" Malik ran around the room, Isis chasing him with a maniacal grin.
"YOU ASS!" Malik bellowed at him.
"So? I'm having fun." Malik grinned evilly.
"I'M SURE YOU WILL WHEN I TELL EVERYONE AT SCHOOL THAT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH BAKURA!!!!" Marik looked at him with horror.
"You bitch! How'd you find out?!"
"I READ YOUR JOURNAL WHEN YOU'RE USING ISIS' VIBRATOR!!!!!!!" Marik scowled, and stuck out his leg, tripping Isis. She fell to the floor, slamming her head on the table. Malik poked her, "Good, she's unconscious." The Ishtar brothers got up, whistling, and said, "Well, Doctor, just stick in her in a mental ward somewhere."
Dr. Bob stared at them, aghast. Marik and Malik closed the door behind him, and he snapped.
X
A few days later...
Dr. Bob and Isis sat in the mental ward, playing cards.
"Funniest dream I had last night." Isis said.
"Oh?" Dr. Bob asked.
"Yeah...I don't remember now."
Dr. Bob sighed, "That's a shame."
"Yeah, it is."
X
Erika: BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! I started this like, two years ago, about time I got it finished. Well, hope ya liked it.