Disclaimer: Adam Burton (aka Maxwell Atoms), feel free to hand your delightful characters over to me the minute you read this story. Or not.
Truly, I hope you guys enjoy this story. I wrote it all out over the course of a few hours of non-stop, hand-cramping writing, in ONE DAY. TO-day. That's a first. It took a lot of effort but I really enjoyed writing it. Please enjoy reading it too. This takes place, like, today.
Merry Christmahanakwanzica, guys.
The Reluctant Christmas
Open on a sunny, cloudless day in Endsville. A blonde ten-year-old walks the sidewalk, scowling at the blow-up snowmen and mistletoe adorning front lawns and doorways. It was this despicable time of year again.
"MANDY!"
Out of nowhere, the girl is tackled by a boy of the same age, wearing a blue-and-white striped shirt and a cap. Doubtless his most prominent feature would be his bulbous pink nose.
Mandy groaned, face-up on the ground with Billy pinning her down. Something scratched at her neck and chest; a wreath was draped around Billy's neck. Fake red berries poked out of it. One of the berries popped out and hit the sidewalk next to her.
Grunting, she pushed the idiot off her, climbing to her feet. Billy bounced back up with a bit too much energy, grinning. "What do you want, Billy? And what's that thing around your neck for?"
"I'th not a thing, Mandy. I'th a wreattthhh." Billy said, spraying spit everywhere. Everywhere except for Mandy.
"I see. And why are you lisping?"
"What'th a littthhh-puh?"
"Idiot." Mandy pried the boy's mouth open with her bare hands. A saliva-soaked, giant red Christmas bow—looking like it had been ripped right off the wreath—sat lodged against Billy's tonsils, forcing him to speak around it. Disgusted, she pulled it out as quickly as possible before tossing it over her shoulder and wiping her hands.
"Boy, you wouldn't believe how much better THAT feels!" grinned an oblivious Billy.
Anxious to rid herself of him, Mandy repeated, "What do you want?"
"It's almost CHRISTMAS!" With that, Billy attempted to jump on and hug Mandy. She smartly stepped aside, leaving him to grab the air and fall on his face.
"Christmas," she grumbled, and walked away.
-
"GrimIt'sAlmostChristmas!" Billy appeared behind the couch, throwing his arms up.
The skeleton jumped and fell of the living room couch, screaming in alarm. Panting and wheezing, Grim sat back on the sofa, glaring. "Why…you…Billy…"
"It'sAlmostChristmasIt'sAlmostChristmasIT'SALMOSTCHRISTMAS!" Running around in circles and then jumping on the television set, Billy yelled and bounced with sugary, hyperactive delight.
Back on the couch, Grim sighed and shut off the TV. There was no hope for watching any more of his soaps now that Billy was here.
"Yes, Billy, I've heard."
"You GOTTA help me put up the Christmas tree!"
"All right, Billy."
Tongue hanging out the side of his mouth, Billy led Grim to his garage, where Harold was struggling to untie the tree from the roof of his car. "I tell ya Billy," Harold grunted, fumbling with the white strings, "that rotten scoundrel who ties up our tree every year is a dirty no-good beast."
"Yeah!" Billy added, nostrils flaring.
Grim sighed. "Gimme dat," he said, pushing the red-faced Harold away from the car. Raising his scythe, Grim cut clean through the net that attached the tree to the car and compacted it. This caused the tree to first fluff out to its original size, spraying needles everywhere, and then to roll off the car and fall on Harold.
The burly man poked his head through the tree, shaking needles off The Pomp. "Wow, thanks Grim!" Getting up, the man obliviously walked through the front door, carrying the tree at a strange angle hanging from his neck.
Grim turned around to see Billy pouting, looking at the floor. "Why de long face, Billy?" he questioned, then immediately regretted asking it.
"Mandy doesn't believe in Christmas." Sticking his bottom lip out further, Billy made pitiful puppy-dog eyes at Grim.
Not catching on, Grim snorted, "She wouldn't."
"But Grim! We have to make her believe in the spirit of Christmas!"
Chuckling, Grim said, "So dat's what all de pouting is about."
"Please Grim? Can't we try to make Mandy buh-lieve?"
"No. Dat girl's sour as a puss. Do you really tink you'll convince her ta prance around singing Christmas carols?"
"But Grim!" Billy repeated, "YOU believe in the spirit of Christmas!"
"Mandy won't," Death countered.
Billy got to his knees. Grim knew what would come next: pleading, and then the insults. "Please, please, please, please!" He began to weep pathetically. Grim raised an eyebrow.
"Why do you want to convince her about all dis anyway? She already knows Santa exists and she still doesn't believe. What more could you do?"
"It won't be Christmas without Mandy!" Billy slobbered.
"Yes it will. De world isn't gonna wait up for her, you know."
"But I will! She's my BEST FRIEND!" Snot dripped from Billy's nose as he made a desperate attempt to kiss Grim's feet.
Death wisely moved the hem of his robe aside. "If only you had a brain and knew how corny dat line was," he grumbled.
Billy got to his feet as his nostrils flared, pointing an accusing finger at Grim. "You no-good, in-con-sit-er-it, sweet-little-girl-hating, three-legged octopus!" He threw his head back and screamed, the shriek wavering in pitch from a two-year-old's cry to an old man's moaning.
Did de idiot just call Mandy a sweet little girl? Grim sighed.
"You hairy, pumpkin-eating, rope-killing cheater! You're nuttin' but a CYCLOP-TIC WEREWOLF!"
At least the boy hadn't learned to swear yet.
Billy switched to Shakespearean mode. A strange slur of insults poured out. "Thou spleeny spur-galled nut-book! Thou ruttish, onion-eyed HUGGER-MUGGER! Thou spongy, urchin-snouted maggot-pie! Thou tottering, common-kissing whey-face! Thou—"
Seething with frustration, Grim slapped his forehead and gave in. "ALL RIGHT! I'll do it."
"Do what?" Billy teased, voice back to normal.
"I'll help you get Mandy in de Christmas spirit," he growled.
This time, Billy managed to swoop down and peck Grim's exposed toe bones before the skeleton could stop him. "Thy honeysuckle, sweet-seasoned kicksy-wicksy sweet-meat," he complimented, batting eyelashes that appeared out of nowhere.
Shuddering with disgust, Grim walked back into the house with Billy at his toes. Harold stood contemplating the Christmas tree, which was now set up in the living room.
"Now, where did that neck-shaped hole come from?"
-
"ORNAMENT FIGHT!"
"No, Billy, dat's breakable!"
A shattering sound, followed by obnoxious laughter.
Mandy shook her head as she walked by Billy's house. Night had fallen, and it had begun to snow a little. The lights were on in Billy's house and she could see his and Grim's shadows through the window as they decorated the tree. Never mind the fact Billy was Jewish anyways…
She plodded onwards until she reached her own house. Throwing open the front door, she saw her parents looking over a red spruce with multicolored lights and ornaments hung on it.
"Oh, Mandy!" her mom spotted her, rushing over. "Hope you don't mind that we already bought and decorated the tree," she laughed nervously, "We didn't think that you…would…uh…haha," The older woman wilted under her daughter's gaze.
"No, Mom, I don't mind. You cretins have fun celebrating the most frivolous, unnecessary holiday of all," Mandy said darkly, walking past her parents and the tree as she reached the foot of the stairs. "I'll be up in my room."
As soon as she closed the bedroom door behind her, Mandy's phone rang. Sighing, she picked it up. "What."
"Uh…hi Mandy! Wanna come over and help Girm and me decorate the tree? Teeheeheeheehee!"
"No, I don't." Mandy hung up the phone.
At Billy's house, Grim sighed and turned to the aforementioned Billy. "All right Billy, what's de plan?"
"Oh, that's simple. We hang up wreathes and Christmas lights and stuff all over my house, and then bring Mandy over on Christmas Day and give her a BIIIIIG present!"
"Like what?" Grim said, scowling.
"Uh…I dunno." Yawning, Billy left the room. "I'm tired. Gotta go to bed. See ya, Grim."
Grim stood there for about five seconds before yelling, "HEY! You can't put all de pressure on me just like dat!"
His only response was a snore. Great, so it was up to him to think of something. Just great. Now, what would a crazy little evil ten-year-old want for Christmas anyway?
-
"Wake up, Billy. We're goin' shopping."
"SHOPPING?" The boy suddenly sat up straight in his bed. "I LOVE shopping! Are we going to the Endsville Plaza?"
Grim stood back up from where he was hunched over the boy. "Uh…no. We're going to de Mall of de Underworld for Mandy's gift. It'll take de better part of de day."
"But then when will we buy Christmas decorations for my house?"
For once, Grim's mouth split into a big smile. "De Mall of de Underworld has everything, Billy! Including your stupid Christmas decorations."
"YAY!" Billy jumped off his bed, knocking Grim to the floor with a hug. He rushed into his closet and then ran out in a matter of seconds, yellow pajamas traded for his standard outfit. "Let's go!"
Grinning happily, Grim slashed his scythe through the air, creating a green portal through space. "Hop in, Billy!" he shouted, then jumped in himself. "I love de Underworld Mall!"
Moments later, the portal re-opened, spitting Grim and Billy out in the center of the mall. This was nothing unusual for the mall-goers, who glanced in their direction for just a second before going back to shopping.
The mall-goers came in many different sizes, shapes, colors, and tentacles. It was what you would expect from the Underworld: strange fish-like creatures, vampires, all the other monsters from all the other fairy tales.
"WOW!" Billy exclaimed, looking around at the variety of shops that surrounded them from all sides. "This mall RULES!"
"Yes, Billy, it does!" Grim sighed with happiness, eyeholes sparkling. "I've always loved de Mall of de Underworld!"
"So!" Turning back to Grim, Billy let his tongue hang out of his mouth like a dog's. "What're we gonna get Mandy?"
"I tought about it, Billy, and I have an idea."
"Is it pink? Mandy loves pink."
"Fine, it'll be pink. Now come on, get yer shop on!"
Going to the Mall of the Underworld was a treat even to Grim. It wasn't even unsettling or embarrassing to have an idiot in tow with him. With the enthusiasm of a five-year-old on a sugar-high, Grim pointed out various stores to Billy as they searched for the shop Grim had in mind.
"Ahh, here we are!" announced Grim, stopping in front of a brightly-lit store. He led Billy inside, skimming the aisles. For a while, Grim, pointed out different items to Billy, who shook his head each time.
Finally, Grim found what both of them were looking for, causing Billy to gasp in awe. "It's PERFECT!"
"I know," Grim smiled, heading to the register. The bored-looking clerk—a five-eared rhinoceros with a pirate patch over one eye—gave them a once-over before going back to looking bored. "Now, pitch in Billy! How much money do ya have on ya?"
Giggling, Billy pulled out a fifty-dollar bill. "I been saving up my allowance for Mandy's gift since Halloween-ie!"
"Dat's perfect, Billy! I got da rest." After paying, they left the store. "Mandy'll love it!"
"As much as Mandy can love anything," reminded Billy. "Now we gotta buy Christmas sh-tuff!"
"Right behind you, Mon."
-
As Billy and Grim jump out of another supernatural rift into Billy's living room, Gladys walks in and eyes the ten-or-so shopping bags in tow warily. "Now where have you boys been all day?"
"We been buying Christmas decorations Mom!" Grunting, Billy raised a heavy plastic bag saying 'Have An Evil Day!' on it before dropping it on the ground and panting with exhaustion.
Billy's dad enters the room, munching an apple. "Come on, Gladys—it is Christmas. Let the boys have some fun…hang up Christmas lights…break a few vases…"
"Oh, fine." Gladys hurried out of the room after her husband.
"Yay! This is gonna be fun!" Jumping around, Billy tore a bag open. A ridiculous Santa costume—complete with beard and huge red nose (that Billy probably wouldn't need)—tumbled out. "Put it on, Grim, put it on!"
Grim hesitated. "I don't know, child—" but then stared at Billy, who had already donned his own smaller Santa suit. He chuckled. "Well, I suppose I can't look worse den you."
"We invite Mandy over TOMORROW!" Billy exclaimed, raising a finger to make his point.
Having sometime during the whole mall scheme forgotten his initial disproving for the idea, Grim added, "I'm all for it."
-
"Teeheehawhawhaw! Come over Mandy!"
A tired, irate Mandy noted the time. Six a.m. And the idiot just HAD to call her now. "For what?"
"It's Christmas Day!"
"I'm well aware." Mandy stared at her phone, wishing for it to explode.
"Just come over! You'll be so happy you did!"
"I doubt that," she muttered. Weak protests began issuing from the phone and she sighed. "Fine, I'm coming."
"YAHOO! I mean, see you there," Billy shouted before he was hung up on.
Mandy hopped out of bed and changed into her usual pink outfit, smoothing her hair with a headband. Descending the stairs, she saw her parents hugging each other and looking very scared on the couch. An eyebrow was raised.
Her dad cleared his throat. "Suh…sorry we d-didn't get you a p-p-present, Mandy."
Stammering in the same way, her mom added, "We just didn't…k-know just quite wh-what to get you, honey."
Holding eye contact with the two of them just long enough to make them squirm even more, Mandy commented, "Pathetic." and walked out the door.
In a matter of minutes she reached Billy's house. The door flew open before she could even knock. Raising her eyebrow again, she stepped in anyways. Despite her best efforts to look neutral, her eyes widened in surprise.
Tinsel and blinking Christmas lights traced every wall of the living room she'd walked into, draped over every piece of furniture. Santa-shaped, reindeer-shaped, and elf-shaped candles lined up against the walls as well, lighted and flickering. Different strings of garland hung from the ceiling, stuck there clumsily with masking tape.
Most outstanding of all was the giant Christmas tree in the middle of the room. It stood, tall and proud, cluttered with ornaments, shining with Christmas lights. A little figurine of Death revolved slowly to serve as the treetop. The tree appeared to be giggling. "Come out, Billy. Come out, Grim."
Her words served as a cue for the two. Billy and Grim leapt out from behind the tree, yelling, "SURPRISE!"
Mandy stared freely at them. Both were wearing cheesy Santa costumes and grinning expectantly down at her. If only someone could photograph Grim in that suit…Death dressed up as Santa wasn't something you saw every day.
"Boy, you guys really outdid yourselves this time. Now whose lame idea was this?" She batted away a rainbow-colored string of garland from her face.
"Mine!" Billy squealed, jumping up and down. "Don't you love it?"
"You brought me over to show me this?" Mandy made her tone decidedly unimpressed.
Grim's mouth split into a toothy grin before he snapped his fingers. A screeching rendition of Jingle Bells filled the air from a previously unseen boombox in the corner of the room. "Don'cha feel de Christmas spirit now Mandy?"
"Was that the point of all this?" Turning her back on the two, Mandy moved for the door.
Billy looked at Grim. Grim looked at Billy.
"WE GOT YOU A PRESENT!" they chorused.
"Oh?"
"Yeah!" Billy ran over and grabbed Mandy by the shoulders, turning her around. Grim was busying himself dragging a carefully-wrapped gift box from behind the tree.
"You'll love it, Mandy! It'll be better den any other present you get dis year, Mon!"
She looked on with minimal interest broadcasted across her features, though she was curious to know what these simple-minded creatures had got her. "I didn't get any other presents this year, bonehead. Not even from my own, so-called loving parents."
"Oh…hah…well den you'll love it even more!" Beneath his smile, Grim felt a pinch of sympathy for the girl. Must be this whole feel-good Christmas cheer.
Resigning herself to at least another five minutes with the two, Mandy stepped forward. "Fine. What'd you get me, coal?"
"No. Open it! Open it!" Grim and Billy chanted, before Billy remembered something. "The card!"
"The card?" frowned Grim.
"Yeah! I made Mandy a card!" Reaching in his pocket, Billy pulled out a folded piece of paper before chucking it at Mandy. "You gotta read the card first!"
She caught it expertly, reading the front aloud. "'Merree Ex-Mas Mandy.'" The words were obviously written with cheap Crayola crayons, messy and clearly Billy's handwriting. There was a crude attempt at drawing a snowman below. She flipped to the inside.
To her disgust, there was an unflattering drawing of her face on the inside…smiling. Gritting her teeth, she did her best to ignore it as she read, "'Hop you lyke yor pressent. Love, Billy. P.S. It's pink.'" She folded the card up again. "Well, that's good to know."
Billy was bouncing up and down, poking Grim in the rib cage. "Hahahaha! I bet YOU wished you made her a card, Grim! Look at how happy she is!"
"Uh…right," Grim swatted Billy's hand away. "Come on, open the present Mandy!"
"Yeah, yeah," she murmured, undoing the bow first. Tossing it aside, Mandy then lifted the lid.
Without warning, a dark purple-colored haze rose out of the box before Mandy could look in. Cackling laughter erupted from it, then died down. As the haze thinned out and cleared, she glanced at Grim warily. "What was that?"
"Eh…heh…just a little special effect." Waving his hand, he urged her to keep on going. "Come on, Mandy! Look in!"
First, she had to look at Grim and Billy. Their faces were portraits of bliss and childish happiness. Be a shame to disappoint them now.
Mandy slowly lifted the present out, and her eyes widened. "Oh," she breathed.
It was a decidedly-evil looking outfit. Just like Billy had promised, it was pink, with black edges near the sleeves and neckline. The shade perfectly matched her own dress. A short-sleeved shirt and a matching knee-length skirt, along with a black belt with skull-and-bones insignia carefully imprinted on it. The hem of the shirt was black velvet, the rest of the outfit probably made from some other strange material.
Most unsettling was what lay under the outfit at the bottom of the box. Mandy stared at it. A classic red-and-white Christmas hat. It clashed against the outfit, but not in a bad way.
"Mandy Mandy! Don't you love it? It's from the Underworld!" Billy waved his arms about.
The somewhat-shocked expression on Mandy's face didn't tell if the reaction was pleasant or otherwise. "Put it on," urged Grim.
She disappeared into the nearest bathroom without saying a word. Grim and Billy both bounced on the balls of their feet as they waited for her to change.
At last, Mandy threw the door open and stepped out. "How do I look?" she asked tonelessly, though she must have already judged herself in the mirror.
Grim stared. He couldn't think of anything more suited to her if he tried. The Santa hat didn't even throw the look off…much.
Billy stared. He was thinking of pie.
"It definitely fits you," Grim offered.
She gazed coolly at the skeleton. It was the truth, and she knew it.
Picking up the gift box, Mandy put her original clothes in there. She clamped the lid on it and hugged it to her side. "Thanks." Simple as it was, the word was real, and Billy and Grim knew it. Hugging the box to her side with one hand, Mandy headed to the door and opened it.
Standing in the threshold of the door, Mandy turned around to look Billy and Grim in the eye. "Merry Christmas, dweebs," she said, then turned around and stepped outside, the door closing behind her.
THE END