Annie was awake, and she didn't know why. Annie jolted, fear pushing her body into the air, only to be held back by cold metal shackles. Her heart raced, and her head snapped around an empty room. The smell of dirt and humid earth filled her senses.
Why? Why am I awake and what is going to happen to me?
Tears rolled down Annie's cheeks, her heart snapping as she thought about the impending doom. All she could imagine was that metal door flying open, and an assortment of scalpels gripped tight in that wickedly neurotic scientist's fist.
They're going to tear me apart, rip me open like some fifth grade science class experiment. They probably won't have the decency to kill me first. They'll torture me to get me talk. I'm trapped here, in an underground hell forever.
Annie tried to look at her wrists, her sore neck cracking. The pain hit her like a brick wall and despite her resistance to pain, a small whimper escaped her. The skin on her wrists had been rubbed raw and bled in the driest areas, her ankles did the same, and her arms dangled limply, exhausted from being strung up for so long.
I deserve this pain.
Annie allowed her face to drop to the floor, flashing images of the sins her own hands had committed flooded her toxic memories.
She was comforted by the thought of being restrained, terrified, yet somehow calmed. It was over. She wasn't going to hurt anyone else anymore.
The door slowly creaked, and despite the nightmares that haunted Annie, she fell back into the face she learned how to wear so well.
Show no pain, no fear, nothing. Show nothing. Stand your ground and take every blow. Don't let them know they've affected you. Don't let them know they hurt you.
Annie stared blankly at the black boots that walked in, and like every dream she'd had in her armored sleep, Hanji entered - scalpel at hand and an evil grin reaching ear to ear.
"Look who's up," Hanji clicked her tongue and strutted towards the retrained girl, " had enough rest there, sleeping beauty?"
Annie was unresponsive, besides the horrifying thundering of her heart rate increasing with every step the scout took towards her. It wasn't until less than a foot separated herself and her worst nightmare that impulsively she took a step back.
Hanji's eyes flickered to the ground, and back up to the chains.
"Ah, right - thanks for that little reminder sweetheart," Hanji turned towards the door, "Hey! String her back up - would ya?"
The sound of gears echoed in the cave.
"Can't have you moving around while I work on you now can I?" Hanji's glasses flickered with mischief.
Slowly the chains pulled on Annie's wrists and ankles until she was a good foot off the ground and unable to move her ankles. The pain on her sore skin was almost unbearable, and blood rolled down Annie's arms and feet.
She didn't even flinch.
"lets get started now shall we? Blood samples, skin samples, muscle samples, bone sample- oh my isn't this truly exciting?!" Hanji squirmed in place, started humming a lullaby and readied her scalpel on Annie's bicep, "This will only be probably the worst pain any human can ever experience, don't worry though, your fingers will grow back in minutes"
The blade touched Annie's skin with a sharpness never know to her, and she silently dropped her head, closed her eyes and refused to let the world see her pain.
"Let her down! I'm finished now."
Annie fell to her knees, her body trembling rabidly. Blood pooled around her legs, hot and reeking of iron.
The door slammed shut - and Hanji's humming finally disappeared.
Until that moment, Annie had held her own, stood her ground. The scientist hadn't even seen her flinch, she'd never cried, she'd never screamed - but at that moment when Annie know she was alone, when she knew no one could hear her - she released the most horrifying, blood - curdling scream she'd ever heard cross her own lips. She gripped her finger-less hand and rocked back on forth on the ground, she stared at the skin and muscle that had been surgically removed from the bone of her bicep, blood oozing and squirting onto the floor. Hot, salty tears rolled uncontrollably down the officer's face. Steam swirled around the room in as if to smother Annie in her prison. The pain and panic sent Annie drifting into yet another pitch black, nightmare induced sleep.
Annie awoke to a freshly cleaned floor, a new pair of clothes and -
Wait for it
Annie looked down at ten fingers.
Good.
Annie forced herself back to her knees - the empty cold of her prison staring back at her. She looked out the door and through the windowed slot, a pair of glasses covered eye peered back. Annie stared back with completely empty eyes.
Fuck this
Annie turned around, and stared at the dirt instead.
Mikasa stared through the window panel into the cell of the monster known as Annie Leonhart. Hatred seared through Mikasa's veins, rage pumped her heart too fast, vengeance made her palm sweaty.
"She's been that way for hours, hasn't moved an inch, hasn't said a word. Didn't even so much as flinch when I took my samples." Hanji explained as Mikasa gazed at Annie's back. The girl's short blonde hair was down around her chin, and the plain white tank and training pants clung to her body, as if Annie had already shrunk in size.
"I'd like to be alone with her." Mikasa hissed through clenched teeth.
"I really don't think that's the best idea-"
"I can handle myself! I'm not afraid of her!" Mikasa yelled, surprising both herself and the scout.
"Actually, that's not what I was going to say. I was going to say that I'd rather have a living test subject than a dead one."
Mikasa sighed, "You don't have to worry about that, I promised Eren I wouldn't interfere with your research."
Hanji stared at her, "Do you want us to string her up first?"
"No," Mikasa whispered.
Hanji nodded and motioned for the guard to leave, "I don't care if you hurt her I just need her alive." Hanji's footsteps disappeared into the endless tunnel.
Mikasa sighed, staring through the door for moments afterwards.
What can I even say to her?... Why?...
Mikasa pulled on the padlock and let the door fall open itself.
The tall blonde never moved. It was hard to tell if she was even breathing.
"Annie?" Mikasa let her voice echo in the dungeon.
Still, Annie wouldn't move. It wasn't fair, Mikasa deserved an explanation, she deserved to be furious, and Annie wouldn't even look at her.
Mikasa let the door close behind her and her steps thundered around the two girls.
"Annie."
...
Still, nothing. Mikasa looked down at the girl's back.
"DAMMIT ANNIE WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?" Mikasa let herself yell, her voice bouncing off the cavern's walls and resonating Mikasa's boiling rage, "After everything you've done, everything you've put me through I deserve some sort of explanation! The least you could do is FUCKING LOOK AT ME ANNIE!"
Tears ran down Mikasa's cheeks, and slowly Annie stood, turning to the shorter girl, her face still blank and empty, slowly Annie lifted her ice white eyes to meet Mikasa's endless black. Mikasa still wasn't satisfied, she needed more. Without thought, Mikasa's hand flew to Annie's throat, and with no effort Mikasa forced Annie back onto her knees, her hand clenched tight around the older girl's throat. Annie made no effort to stop her, and only the slightest flicker of surprise widened her eyes.
She's weak, she's can't even put up a fight
"You tried to take him away! You tried to take away Eren! You killed people Annie - Do you even care?!" Mikasa yelled in the girl's face, softening her grip as to not completely suffocate Annie.
Annie stared back at her, and Mikasa knew she didn't care.
Annie cared, and like no one knew she wanted to tell Mikasa she cared, she wanted to make everything that Mikasa felt go away, she wanted Mikasa to know how much this meant to her, she wanted to go back and start over and maybe, just maybe live a different life, a better life, one where Annie wasn't a monster.
Why am I still trying to hide? Everyone knows that I am a monster - can't I just say how I feel now? Right here, with Mikasa?
"Mi... Mika... Mikasa..." Annie had to force words out of her mouth, she had to try and take off the mask that had protected her for so long. That part was a little harder, trying to be free of the mask. She wasn't even sure she remembered how to let emotion onto her face, but she could at least try to tell Mikasa how she felt, Mikasa deserved at least that. Annie watched the black haired girl kneel in front of her, calmly listening.
"Mikasa... I... I'm..." Annie had to stop and catch her breath - what was she doing? Was this supposed to be easy? "I... can't... I don't know how..."
"Annie." Mikasa sounded angry, or hurt. Maybe both, Annie wouldn't blame her, and she knew it was her fault. She forced herself to look Mikasa in the eyes, and she remembered how easy it could be.
She remembered how easily Mikasa could see through her, how easily Mikasa could crack her open.
"Mikasa I'm sorry. You should go. Forget about me, don't waste your breath. I'm a monster." Annie stared at the ground and watched her own tears fall on the dirt. "You don't deserve this."
Mikasa stared at Annie, watched her reveal something hidden, like she had many times before. It was a familiar feeling, seeing Annie reveal a small part of herself to Mikasa.
Mikasa had gotten what she came here for, so why was she still here, watching Annie sob?
Was this really what Mikasa had came here for?
Why do I feel like I want something else? Why do I feel like I need more?
Mikasa didn't have to answer that, somehow Annie did for her.
"Mikasa. I never wanted to hurt you, the hardest part of this was knowing that I was hurting you. I... I still love you," Annie's body curled into itself - she was trying to hide her shame, "I hurt you, and I hate myself for it!"
Mikasa stared, her heart pounding, tears pulling at her eyes.
That's what I needed to hear.
Mikasa touched Annie's cheeks, slowly lifting the girl's face. She stared into the icy whites of the eyes she'd loved many times before, she touched her own forehead to Annie's. The heat of Annie's tears and sobbing throbbed against her skin.
For reasons Mikasa didn't know, she pressed her lips against Annie's.
I still love you Annie. And I hate myself for it.