Not Your Mommy by Fire Fire Leo
Vi is finally accepted into the League of Legends, and Caitlyn starts to think she might not be too old for her precocious Enforcer after all.
Warnings: F/F smut, creative license with the lore.
Chapter 1.
Caitlyn was early again. At 7 AM she was already well into the obligatory paperwork from her last several cases. Participating in the League on the weekends always put her behind. Most of the desk jockeys at the Piltover police department were just now wandering in with their doughnuts. Caitlyn pondered the case report in her hands, trying to think of a way to describe the encounter with the Westside Wingers last week. They were a gang of country ruffians, young guys, less than 25 years old, who liked to bully bar-goers and sexually harass anyone they perceived as not 'boss' enough for them – pretty much everyone. The irony was that they probably would have liked Vi if she hadn't burst in to shut down their party and destroy their hangout. It was the collateral damage that Caitlyn wasn't sure how to bury. Vi had a way of – as she liked to say, "making doors."
A sharp rap on Caitlyn's office door distracted her focus. A large stack of letters dropped through the mail slot. Caitlyn rose from her chair painfully, her rear aching and half-asleep from sitting in the same position for so long. The mail held the usual: thank-you notes, bills, death threats, a late check from the League – "Finally!" she muttered to herself – and there, a large gold envelope addressed to Vi, from the League High Panel. Caitlyn smiled, delighted, and placed the envelope on Vi's desk. Gold envelopes meant good news.
Caitlyn was rather surprised that her deputy sidled into the office moments after she had returned to her desk. Vi looked like she might have walked there in her sleep. Her pink hair was unkempt and her eyes were bloodshot, dark shadows around them. She still had that bewildered, early morning look that Caitlyn only saw on the very rare occasions when they had shared a hotel room during overnight work trips. "Morning, cupcake," said Vi hoarsely. She fell into her desk chair with a loud CLUMP. "Has the mail-." She noticed the gold envelope on her desk and her face lit up.
Caitlyn hid a smile behind her hand, almost as excited as Vi was.
Vi tore the letter open and rubbed her eyes so that she could see the delicate script properly. "Dear Officer Vi," she read aloud. "We are pleased to inform you that your letters of recommendation and initial combat test have been accepted and that, pending the formality of the final combat test before the Summoners' Panel, you have been chosen to become the next Champion in the League of Legends, for life or until retirement/removal. You must arrive at blah, blah, blah – I got in!" Vi slapped her acceptance letter down on her desk, upsetting the coffee that Caitlyn had prepared for her but catching it just in time. She took a long sip of it. "Ah, thanks, girl. I am so wiped."
"Did you eat breakfast?" asked Caitlyn skeptically. "You look kind of-,"
"—Nah," said Vi. "I just wanted to get here ASAP. I'll go swipe some doughnuts off Ezreal."
"Are you sure that's what you want? It's just going to giving you a spike in blood sugar, and if you're training for League—," Caitlyn hesitated under Vi's disgusted expression.
"Uh, yes, mom, I am quite sure that Ezreal's doughnuts are what I want to eat." She rolled her eyes and clomped out of the office more loudly even than was necessary with her big metal boots.
"—maybe we should go get some real food to celebrate," Caitlyn said, finishing her sentence in a whisper for the empty room. "Why am I so bad at this?" She shook her head and returned to her report. "7:13 PM," Caitlyn read to herself under her breath. "Announced our presence and possession of the warrant for arrest. Received no answer. Obliged to enter by force, wherein some civilian property was damaged. Perpetrators captured." There. That sounded positive, and a little bit less like, "Vi blew the place up and stole the cat." Caitlyn glanced at the fat orange feline that had made himself at home in the nest of blankets they had made for him atop the wall of filing cabinets. He looked rather pitiful with his little arm cast, but he seemed to like it here.
They split up that morning to lie in wait at the most likely locations that they thought Jinx would show up. That havoc-loving sociopath had been spotted on traffic cameras the night before, but no one on the night crew had seen or heard of any destructive activities in the city. Caitlyn was still on her guard. Based on past experiences, the sheriff believed that revealing herself on camera was Jinx's way of taunting them, right before she would blow something sky-high. Parked on the hill overlooking the business district from the north, she opened her eyes, shifting slowly across the landscape and looking for unusual flying objects.
Caitlyn touched the button for her walkie-talkie. "What does it look like, Vi?"
"Nothing so far—," came a crackly version of Vi's low-pitched voice. "This bozo went by me at 30 over so I'm working on his paperwork right now." Vi was parked on the opposite side of the valley, on high ground so that she could see the situation from the south. Jinx had always attack high-profile locations, so that was their working assumption of where she would attack today, although Caitlyn had instructed her other officers to keep their eyes open on their regular routes and to report to her immediately if they spotted Jinx.
"Alright, well, don't get distracted, Jinx is tricky," warned the sheriff.
"I won't—shit!" Vi's walkie-talkie continued to crackle though her voice broke off.
"Vi, what's going on?" Caitlyn demanded. She turned on the engine of her car, ready to switch on the lights if necessary. "Vi?"
A male voice – Torr probably, but it might have been Henry. "Sheriff, I think the deputy noticed the disturbance on 8th and Heimer. Should I pursue?"
"No," said Caitlyn, shifting into gear. "Keep watching, I'll go see what's up." She turned on her flashing lights and sped down the hill, vehicles swerving out of her way. As she turned left on Heimer Boulevard, she could hear and see the ruckus down on 8th street. Rapid-fire gunshots were blowing chinks of stone out of the walls of the Hextech Plaza, and occasional crackling thuds let Caitlyn know that Vi was already engaged. Civilians were ducking for cover and running away from the intersection, though Caitlyn noticed that many of them looked closer to exasperated than frightened.
Caitlyn pressed her walkie-talkie and said, "I need you all to cut off the exits to 8th and Heimer. I've got Heimer west, but I need a blockade." She parked her car crosswise in the street and rushed into the scene. A familiar cackling laugh came from a hovercraft swooping around the square and firing at Vi, missing spectacularly and lodging bullets in the walls of the surrounding buildings and street. Vi, who had actually worn a bullet-proof helmet for once, was hesitating, apparently having difficulty getting a lock on Jinx. Caitlyn took aim and shot at the moving target, missing by inches.
Jinx's attention shifted. "How nice of you to join us," she yelled, mimicking Caitlyn's accent. She pointed her smaller gun at Caitlyn and fired. An agonizing pain erupted in Caitlyn's shooting arm as the bullet lodged itself below her elbow.
Vi waved her huge gauntlet-laden hand, signaling for Caitlyn to fall back. She charged at Jinx, anticipating her dip in the air, and pinned her to the ground. Jinx managed to get a hand loose and had her gun in Vi's face. They appeared to be talking to each other. Vi tried to wrench her face away but Jinx kept the gun pinned to her. That was when Henry charged forward onto the scene and without a moment's hesitation, Jinx turned the gun on him and shot him in the leg. At that range she could have easily got a head shot. She wasn't shooting to kill.
Just then Ezreal sprinted onto the scene from the eastern side, and Jinx wriggled easily out of the tight, but clumsy grip of Vi's gauntlets to take off on her hovercraft, cackling. Ezreal didn't even have a chance to spar with her. Vi stood up, looking at her gauntlets with disgust and Caitlyn could tell just from her body language that she was beyond angry. She stomped toward Caitlyn's car and opened her mouth as if to say something, then just shook her head. She stooped down to look at the bullet in Caitlyn's arm.
"Did Jinx say anything to you?" asked Caitlyn, wincing slightly at the movement. Her arm was covered in blood but Vi was attempting to wipe it off. It was not a very deep wound. Once a bit cleaned off, Vi dug a cloth bandage out of the car's first aid kit and wrapped it around the wound. "Vi." Caitlyn pressed.
"No," said Vi. "Nothing important. Just her usual nonsense."
"That didn't go very well," said Caitlyn, poking experimentally at the bandage. She winced at her own touch.
Some paramedics had arrived to treat Henry, whose injuries were worse. Vi inclined her head toward them, "Get a patch-up?"
"No," said Caitlyn. "I'll be fine till we get back."
"Mmm," said Vi. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure Jinx just wanted to mess with us. She didn't break anything as far as I know." She shoved her hands back into the gauntlets that were resting against the side of the car. "See ya, boss." She ran off to her specialized motorcycle to drive it back to the station. Caitlyn drove back one-handed.
When she had her arm treated at the medical center and finally returned to her office, Vi was sitting facing away from her desk, toward the windows.
Caitlyn rapped her knuckles on Vi's desk. "Hey," she said.
"Hey." Vi swiveled around, looking sour.
"We're going to have to take a different approach," said Caitlyn, as businesslike as she could. She sat on the edge of her desk. "Meeting Jinx on her own terms isn't going to work, obviously."
"Well we can't just not go after her when she's 'on her terms' or whatever," said Vi emphatically. "Like what are we supposed to do? We can't anticipate her. She doesn't want anything. She just wants to fuck with us – me mostly, and…" Her fists were clenched tight, shaking a bit.
"What's wrong?" said Caitlyn. "Are you sure Jinx didn't say anything?"
"Of course I am? Like, I fucking—I need to fix my hands," she rand a hand through her pink hair, sweeping it forcefully back into place. "They don't fucking work."
"I thought the League just checked them, and why are you swearing?"
"Oh my god!" Vi interrupted furiously. "I'm not sixteen anymore. I don't need you to tell me what to eat, or how to talk, or not to get distracted, ok? I know I let Jinx get away, but it's not because I was distracted, so don't even accuse me of that." Her jaw was clenched tight. "My fucking hands don't work."
Caitlyn gaped. "I wasn't going to accuse you of anything—," she said softly. "I know your hands don't work like that, that's not what they're for. If anything I should've alerted the other officers to get there faster…."
"Ok, whatever," said Vi, holding her head. "Just, please. Don't language police me, and don't tell me what to eat, okay?"
"Okay, I'm sorry," said Caitlyn, feeling defeated. The orange cat leapt down from the storage cabinet and meandered around the leg of the big sheriff's desk, then rubbing his body affectionately against Caitlyn's legs.
"You know what?" Vi rose and walked up to the desk. Caitlyn was momentarily frozen as Vi encroached upon her personal space. The hairs on her arms stood up, and she glanced out the window to steady her thoughts. "Can I do that?" Vi pointed behind Caitlyn at the incomplete case report for the encounter with Jinx.
"Oh, um," said Caitlyn. That hadn't been among the things she had been subconsciously expecting. "Sure," she said resignedly. She pushed the paperwork to her partner. "Whatever. Do it right." The edge in Caitlyn's voice was clear. Vi glanced at her icily, but Caitlyn also thought she saw a little bit of hurt in Vi's eyes. She felt stupid.