Yes! My first story! I'm really happy ^^

I wanted to make a story about how Tsuna thought his life before meeting Reborn. But somehow, a few paragraphs after I realized that he was waay to OOC. Sorry for this, everyone.

(Reborn is Reborn, so don't worry :3)

Oh well, I wish that you'll like it, anyways.

Warnings: Dark themes, OOCness, Mature Themes.

Enjoy!

The light in my darkness

Have you ever think about killing yourself? You know, when you realize that your life sucks and your head is filled with dark and suicidal thoughts?

Well, I am like that right now.

It's something weird, though. Death scares me, and hey, I'm not the bravest person in this world. If I were, I wouldn't be known as Dame-Tsuna.

It's just that… I don't feel like living anymore. Simple as that.

Why should someone like me live, anyway? I'm worthless. I'm good at nothing. That's what the other guys always tell me, and that is one of the many other excuses to pick on me. And surprisingly, I believe that. I always knew. And one of those ingenious excuses is my crush on the school idol, Sasagawa Kyoko.

She was pretty, she was smart and she was good with everyone. Almost every man in Nami-chuu wanted her, including me. And they knew that. And they would get angry at me for having an innocent one-sided crush on the nice girl.

It would be funnier if I didn't carry these bruises on my body, and the dark thoughts about suicide and that kind of bullshit.

The sole reason that kept me from being buried down under a pile of dirt until now was my mother. My innocent, silly mother. She is the only person who doesn't treat me like trash- except for Kyoko-chan, but that is because of her kind personality. Unfortunately, we talk only when we get paired and nothing more. I was happy in those moments, though.

What I was talking about? Oh, my mother.

She is really kind, too kind-hearted to understand my problem without putting a smile upon her face and saying that it is all okay, that mama and papa love you and that kind of stuff. The other reason is for the other thing that I said before: she is waaay too silly. My mom is air-headed and a klutz, just like me, but in a different way. I mean, who believes that her husband is working as an oilman in the North Pole?

But anyway. I didn't want her to be so worried about this thing. She has enough with her husband working overseas, and visiting us once in a period of five years. That and having her only son die? No, that is too much for only one person.

So suicide was out of the question.

…

I would like to say that, but these thoughts in my head won't stop. On the contrary, they've just got worse.

Yep, they have. And it is horrible.

I am really selfish, for not caring about her enough to stop thinking about these things. I feel like a horrible person, and that was added to the list of Reasons For Dying.

…

You may be thinking: "why the heck don't I just go to a therapist, if I am so messed up?"

Well, that is easy to answer.

I don't believe in them.

They are just like my teachers: not fully understanding the situation; and if they knew, they would get it only worse. They would put a fake smile and say something that probably would fuck up the bullying even more for giving me one of those stupid advices. That and my mother, I don't want her to become aware of this.

So, no therapists for me.

My grades dropped because of that -I couldn't believe it was possible- and the bullyng thingy worsened as well -another thing I couldn't believe.

The worst of it all is that I became self-centric. My mom, who I loved the most and I still love, passed into the set of secondary things that my brain had; my crush on Kyoko-chan faded- it still was there, but barely- and my dad… well, in my mind it was like he never existed.

Now, the only thing I can think about were my bullies and suicide.

I think that the bullies will never disappear. They are there, not only physically but… there. In my mind, in my thoughts, everywhere. They just won't leave me alone.

Literally.

And the suicide… well, you know. It didn't disappear like I expected, it chased me. You remember when I said that I wasn't on the ground because of my mother, right? I've managed to think that she doesn't need me, that when I die she won't be sad, because my father will come back to be with her and they will live happily together and after…

Bullshit, I know. But I think that.

Everyday, I think about killing myself, but my hands shake every time I grab the object with which I would end my life- a rope, a kitchen knife, a razor, the list goes on- and I cower. I just can't. I can't even hurt myself. And that kills me inside. And the dreadful thoughts continue.

I fear death, that's why. I'm a coward, and that makes sense, right?

Well, not to me.

But anyway.

The day of today I had fled in the middle of school because I saw the oh-so-nice Mochida- sempai, the guy that thinks that it is hilarious to make my life more miserable that it already is. And the day of today I wanted to get by clean and not with fresh bruises.

So now I am in my bedroom, reading some manga that I have.

I wished that today would be calm and full of peacefulness, but nooo, things doesn't happen like you want.

Nope, they don't.

My mom busted in my room saying that she got a call from school that I escaped in the middle of class and she started babbling about what I was going to do in the future and things like that.

I put my best poker face as I pretend to read and replied with a vague 'I don't know', while I am mentally chuckling darkly. Me? Plus future? How ironic.

"A home tutor is coming today, Tsu-kun" She says, bringing the subject out of nowhere.

…

Well, that took me by surprise.

I shout something like 'HOME TUTOR?!' in a high pitched tone- curse my girlish screams-, as she rambles happily about a mysterious flyer that was in the mailbox that said something like:

'This home tutor will raise your son to be the next leader of the next generation. No pay. Only food and shelter.'

…

…Scam. It sounded like scam.

Or better, a bad joke. It matches perfectly with the profile of my nice bullies.

I told her that- the scam-thingy, of course, but she insists, believing it like the silly, naive woman she is.

I was going to keep insisting, that I didn't want a tutor, that I was good for nothing and that I didn't want to live anymore.

Before saying the last thing- SHIT I ALMOST SCREWED IT UP-, a childish voice came to my ears, interrupting my depressing speech- phew-, something like 'ciaossu'. Odd.

I couldn't find the source of the strange voice, until I looked down.

A baby wearing a black fedora and a black suit is standing there like he was the fucking boss. His obsidian eyes are looking straight at me, unblinking- creepy. A baby chameleon is on his shoulder, looking at me too, with his abnormally huge yellow eyes. They are both smiling- and not a gentle smile, a cruel smile instead…

…

…

…..

HOLY SHIT, IT'S A FUCKING BABY!

…

IN A SUIT.

…

This is a joke, right?

"I'm Reborn, the home tutor."

To me, it looked like a joke. But a funny one.

"I came early to evaluate you."

So what people do when they see something funny? Laugh.

And, oh, laughing is the thing that I am doing right now. After a long time. And it feels splendid- with zero dark thoughts.

"I wanted to know if it was real the information from that bullshit flyer, and it was. In the form of a baby!" His eyes gleamed dangerously, but I didn't notice. "You are just a baby, you can't teach me anything, so go to your house and drink some milk or something!" I said between laughs, and the next thing wasn't expected.

Nothing is normal today, isn't it?

The baby- that called himself Reborn-, kicked me on the stomach. Hard.

It hurt. I'm used to pain, though. But, boy, that baby could kick!

I was depressed, but my pride persisted… Sort of. So I replied:

"I won't forgive you for just being a baby!"

And you know what? He grabbed my necktie, lifted me-is it possible?- and flipped me to the other side of the floor, my back connecting with the surface.

…

Now, I wasn't used to that. A baby throwing you to the floor. Right.

"Owww… What the hell was that?!" I said, rubbing my back on pain.

Reborn smiled.

"I have no openings, Dame-Tsuna. Remember that."

"How do you know my fuc-, I mean, my nickname?!" I demand, not liking that the sadistic baby knew my lovely nickname.

The baby ignored me, and out of nowhere, he took out a brief case, took the weird things that were in there with his chubby fingers and assembled what appeared to be a rifle, letting it rest on his shoulder. The day that looked like it couldn't possibly get weirder got, well, weirder.

"I'm a Hitman. And my job is to make you a mafia boss"

…

….

….

Did I hear that well? I think I heard the baby saying that he was a hitman and me being the aspiring mafia boss….

No, I must have got that wrong, right? A baby can't pop out of nowhere and start telling me that weird shit… right?

Haha, this is a really funny joke.

Me? Being a Mafia Boss? It is impossible.

Just, no.

"You are so sweet, Reborn! You are willing to make him a man!"I didn't know that she still was there, and I couldn't believe the next words she said: "I think that you will become really good friends!"

…Right.

"I'm going to make dinner, so get along!" She smiled and exited the room, closing the room behind her.

Reborn just smirked evily, his obsidian eyes promising oncoming torture, and his cute partner sticked playfully his tongue, as he was used that his master abused every student he had, and the only thing that I could do at that moment was shriek in terror, my disbelief growing and growing every second that passed.

But strangely, I feel happy. I don't know why, but something told me that from today on, things wouldn't be so dark anymore.

And I was right.

The time I spend with Reborn was the happiest thing. And not the Mafia thing, as you may notice.

I gained friends because of him. Real friends for the first time in my life, that cared me a lot and I cared for them a lot, too. The exceptions were a certain skylark that wanted to bite me to death every time we fought, and a certain pineapple, that wanted to posses my body every time he could, and dominate the world with it.

I considered them as friends, though.

Reborn told me that they were my Famiglia, but it didn't feel that way. He knew this too- he knows everything-, but he just teased me.

Of course, everything wasn't covered in sugar. The Mafia was there to make sure of that.

Bad things happened- and will happen in the future, no matter what I do-, but thanks to my friends, and that sneaky bastard who can read minds, we could and can affront it.

So, if you are reading this, Reborn, I am writing this at the age of twenty-four. Not as the Vongola Boss, but as your student and friend, Sawada Tsunayoshi.

I don't know when you'll read this, but I just wanted to say… Thank You.

Thank you for waking me up and make me see the wonderful life that I had.

Thank you for helping me to make friends.

Thank you for giving me the enough courage to confess to the love of my life.

Thank you for staying by my side, no matter what and always telling me the right thing.

Thank you for being the light that shined through my darkness.

Thank You.