Author's Note- Hey, its been awhile since I've been on here but here is a new story I'm working on! It's pretty differen than my other stuff. It's mostly going to be about Emma and Manny during thier senior year, so disregard anything after season five. Every chapter will be told from either Emma or Manny's point of view. This chapter is long, but I'm not sure how long this story will be. Craig is coming back from Vancouver for good and is dating Manny, and Sean is back and with Emma. Please read and let me know what you think!

JULY

I was chewing my nails with frustration and excitement, watching the planes take off the runway from the terminal. I watched the blurry faces peering out the little oval windows on the plane, and imagined their exotic destinations. Hong Kong, Paris, Morocco…and wishing that I was one of them, drifting through the clouds to anywhere else. Yeah, planes are fun. But I'm already flying, I thought. A lot of people keep their feet planted on the ground their whole lives, waiting for a liftoff that never comes. But not me. I'm not going to waste all this life, because you might as well be dead. So I'm just going to fly higher and higher until….

I checked my watch. I hate waiting, it's such a bore. I tapped my foot and fiddled with the cigarette I was going to smoke as soon as I walked out of the stuffy, claustrophobic airport. I couldn't wait much longer- I hadn't seen Craig in four months and I could hardly wait to touch him and kiss him and just be in his presence. I was excited, definitely. I was planning on giving him a welcome he'd remember for the rest of his life. No playing it cool or swaggering up to him….no, I was going to knock him off his socks. He walks around with this look in his eyes sometimes…like he's about to cry. So when I can make him smile, a genuine smile, well….its the best feeling in the world. Time is going so slow- almost backwards! I'm going to explode if I have to wait much longer.

I felt so happy and relieved that Craig wasn't going to be so far now, I was dying without him around. But I don't think it was because I loved him so much. I felt so much for him, but that didn't mean I was in love with him. I used to think I was. I've changed. Don't get me wrong- I still want to be with him. And sometimes I want to just give up but….I never do.

I don't know why I started to feel so intensely about him. I don't understand myself, because Craig can be a real bastard sometimes and I'm really put off by it. He does some really fucked up shit, and then tells me he loves me. And I can't make sense of that. But I deal with it because he makes me feel….he makes me feels something that I can't even put into words.

After ages of waiting, I saw him step through the gate, and I nearly went hysterical. I yelled "Craig", and ran over to him, screaming his name and looking like a fool….he looked a little alarmed, actually. I practically jumped on top of him, hugging him and kissing him and pressing myself into him. "I' MISSED you!"

Craig was beaming and stroking my hair, and I think it worked. He couldn't tell what I was thinking, that I doubted this, that I really didn't know how I felt at all. But I was thrilled at the same time. I just wanted to absorb all of him, every bit of him.

"Not nearly as much as I missed you," Craig mumbled into my hair once I calmed down a bit. "I can't believe I'm back."

I couldn't stand it. "Oh, I'm so happy you're here, you have no idea…" I lost it again and grabbed him, smothering him in wild kisses. He laughed. And I laughed, because it was like nothing had changed. Not a bit. He was still Craig, almost too cool for his own good. And he was giving me one of his big, soft smiles. "Let's get the fuck out of here. I need a cigarette desperately," I said, pulling on his hand.

"We need to get my bags," Craig said, so we began walking toward the baggage claim. We started talking about all sorts of things- his band, my school, his friends, my friends, life in general. I didn't know how to act, truthfully. And Craig was acting funny. He just seemed zoned out. Not his usual way, though.

After we'd grabbed his bags Craig's phone rang. He looked at it very hard for a moment, and then slipped it back into his pocket. "Oh was that Sean?" I asked, dragging one of Craig's suitcases behind me.

"No, it was nobody," he replied, staring at his sneakers. "Can I get a cigarette?"

"Oh, so now you're all mysterious, huh?" I teased. I tossed him one of my Marlboros.

"I don't know- does that turn you on?"

I smirked. "You mean the complicated, mysterious bad boy? I don't know, I think it's a little overrated."

Craig smiled, blowing out some smoke. It coiled around in the air like a snake. "Ouch."

AUGUST

"Get up…….hurry the fuck up! Get up! Damnit!"

I was still sleeping, but I could sense someone hovering over me, yelling and throwing a fit. I groaned and rolled over. Maybe if I ignored them…then suddenly there was this sharp pain in my back…. They kicked me! Right in the spine, too. I opened my eyes and sat up, furious. I was absolutely livid. Emma was staring down at me. She was tapping her foot impatiently, tap, tap. "Rise and shine, bitch."

"You cunt!" I screamed. "Are you high? That hurt!"

"Ha, good, it was supposed to," Emma snapped. She pushed up her sleeve and shoved the watch on her wrist into my face. "You're late." Her eyes drifted over me. She frowned and did this long sigh thing. "You look fucked up. At seven thirty in the morning."

I was only half-listening to her babbling because of my head. It felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to it. I was holding a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, and in the other I had an unlit cigarette. Somehow I'd ended up passing out on Craig's living room floor. My eyes were killing me! I squinted up at Emma. "Look….can I help you with something?" I felt awful. The last thing I needed was Emma screaming in my face about nothing. It's the worst, you can't imagine.

Emma looked like she was refraining from ripping my head off. "I'm here, I was supposed to pick you up and take you to school." She paused. "Remember- we start senior year today?" And then she started laughing hysterically, because she knew I hadn't remembered at all.

Oh, fuck. "Nooooo," I wailed, tossing the bottle aside. I stuck the cigarette into my mouth and lit it. "I'm not going. I'm still drunk. No way." There, it was settled, fuck school. It was all brainwashing anyway. Know this, know that… "I'm going to sit this one out."

"Sometimes you are so…." Emma began, and then trailed off. I stared at her, challenging her to continue. I'm so what? I asked her with my eyes. Do it. Go there, I know you want to. I'd probably already heard it a million times. Emma blinked and shrugged. "Whatever. I really don't care how drunk you are. I came over here; you're coming with me. Period."

Emma turned and stomped back out to the car. She made a big deal of slamming the door on her way out. Emma, Emma, Emma. She's something else. Not really in a good way, though. I hate to say that, but it's true. I finally pulled myself off the floor and stumbled towards Craig's room. I'd been wondering about him. He tends to slip off sometimes, like he's in his own little world that no one else is allowed to be in. I haven't tried to think about it much, but he just seems…lost. Disoriented, like he never understands where he is. I opened the door. Craig was sitting on his bed, playing his guitar and swaying back and forth.

"Up this early?" I said from the doorway. He looked up.

"Never went to sleep. I went outside, ok, and started smoking a cigarette and then…well, the sun just came up. And I was thinking about cigarettes and the sun. Which is cool because you don't usually think about those things together. Anyway, it just struck me as….a song moment. Like these thoughts would make a great song."

And he was really fucked up, see? His eyes were dancing wildly and his face was stretched out in this humongous smile. I had to look over at his dresser, and of course, there it was. The long, neat lines of cocaine. Wonder how much he took? I try to figure it out but he always takes more than I think.

It was weird, the first time he did it in front of me. He'd been hiding it for awhile. I think he was a little embarrassed about it. But then I suppose he got sick of hiding it. We were just sitting around one day, and he pulls it out, like it's the most casual thing in the world! And then he chopped it up and prepared it, and snorted some. I remember being horrified and thinking oh God, oh, God. Just because you hear all those stories about how you take one little sniff and then you are hooked for life. And its all goes to shit from there. Then Craig started talking about how great coke was, but it's not as addictive as you'd think, blah, blah. I kept looking into his face to see if I could see anything different. But he just looked…relaxed, happy. See, what's so bad, he says sometimes. It doesn't seem bad to me.

Maybe, I don't know, I say. We don't really discuss the coke anymore. It's just there. I keep telling myself that all the "rock star" bullshit got to him in Vancouver. And he'll get over it…right? Yeah, he will.

"I can't wait to hear it, babe." I started picking up some of my clothes off the floor. My shit is always everywhere, but I think Craig likes it. "But I forgot I started school today. Isn't that crazy? I didn't even realize…."

"Well, look on the bright side. Only nine more months to go."

I gave him the finger, called him a bastard. Then Emma started honking her stupid car horn. About twenty times, I think. She's the most impatient…I gave Craig a kiss even though I was a bit annoyed. He'd said he was going to look for jobs today. But he hadn't slept a bit, and how are you supposed to find a job when stay up all night doing drugs and then crash all day? You cant, that's how.

I finally made it out to the car. I climbed in, Emma was mumbling things under her breath. I annoy the shit out of her. She didn't greet me. I lit up a cigarette, and decided to let her cool off. About a block into the ride she looked over at me and said, "I wish you wouldn't smoke in my car."

Well, I knew she was just saying that to say it, so I said, "That's hypocritical, because I see you smoke in here all the time." She was glaring at me. "Oh, Em, don't be mad at me. Thank you for the ride." I saw her smile ever so slightly, and it was alright. It was always alright, because I could talk Em out of anything. "Could I get a ride home? I'll be on time this time, promise."

Emma flipped on the radio. "Yeah. But we have to go to the drugstore after school."

"What for?"

Emma stared straight ahead. "I need a pregnancy test."

That was followed by an awkward silence. We were both thinking hard. Well, that's interesting…I couldn't help but think that. And I couldn't help but think…looks like the tables have turned. Someone's screwed, and it's finally not me. It's a really fucked up thing to think. I was supposed to be supportive; that's what best friends do. But I couldn't come up with anything good to say, nothing that wouldn't make her feel awful. So I just said, "Oh, well….ok." Ha, that was my best, I guess.

Emma quickly said, "I'm not for sure. It's just a feeling."

"So…." Oh, I couldn't think up one comforting thing to say. "Whose would it be? I mean, if you are…"

Emma gave me the evilest look. "Sean's, obviously."

"Right. That's what you'd like to think."

"Shut up," Emma hissed.

I couldn't help myself. There's just something thrilling about pushing Emma's buttons. "Well, let's hope it is Sean's." Pause. "But what if it's Jay's?"

"I'm trying not to go there in my mind."

"You should have used condoms more."

Emma slammed her fist into the steering wheel. I noticed she was swerving a little between lanes, and I was getting nervous. "I've been on birth control! I just thought….it would control birth!"

And then I had another thought. "Jay gave you gonorrhea and you still don't always use a condom?!"

"I know, but we've both been tested and….I don't think he's been with anyone else for awhile."

"So he's given up those magical days of lurking around the ravine and preying on drunk girls? How commendable. Well, in that case..." Emma got really mad about that one, and started telling me how I really didn't know anything at all. I think she knew I was right, but she kept fighting. That's just her. She's always trying to win a fight, so she goes and makes them. Finally I interrupted her to say, "Look, I've never made it a secret that I think messing around with Jay is, by far, the stupidest thing you have ever done."

"For your information…" I thought, here we go, but surprisingly, she stopped and sighed. "Let's just listen to the radio."

So we did. And I think we were both a lot happier. I glanced over at Emma. Lately she's constantly looking tense and stiff. I'd just like to see her relax. Calm down a bit, because she's been out of control for awhile. She's had a mental breakdown, in my opinion. After the whole anorexia thing…She's up, she's down, she's happy, she's angry….I can never predict her anymore. It's come to the point where I look at her and I can't even begin to guess what she's thinking. It's scary. We used to be on the same exact page, but now we're not even in the same fucking book. It blows.

When we pulled into the school parking lot, I felt like my soul had shattered into a million pieces. I know, I know, school's not that bad, it could be worse. But it kills me because….I know that there's so much beyond school, beyond grades and papers. There's something absolutely fabulous out there waiting for me, somewhere. So I just think, when is it going to be my turn? People always say you can be anything or do anything you want, but when? I don't want to wait any longer. I'm getting restless.

Before we got out of the car Emma said "Ready for senior year?"

Not even the slightest bit. Then I thought but hey, if I was stuck in this place, I might as well make the most of it. That's when I realized I wanted to do it all. You know, as much as I can. All the things you never dared, all the things you dream about and that you're curious about but that you never actually thought you'd do. Yeah, that was my plan. And it would be easy….to just do whatever I wanted. "Bring it on."