Despite the elegance of the haute cuisine French restaurant, or the perfect location of the table, near a very large window with a beautiful view of the city from above, Takao Kazunari could not silence the worries and anxiety that had taken over his soul. Midorima looked as he always looked: calm and collected. The event that led to this the situation, of them dining in a luxurious French restaurant, only further nerved Takao: Midorima had telephoned and asked him for dinner. This dinner.
Midorima asked for dinners by himself only when he wanted to break an important news. His admission to the Medical School. His decision to move out on his own to a house closer to his university. His successful passing of National Medical Licensing Board Examination. His decision to start his residency at a nearby hospital's cardiothoracic surgery department. Only important events that could have lifelong impacts. Only to inform Takao of those, as though he had to inform Takao, in such a formal manner too, Midorima would telephone him, ask for a dinner and the dinner would always take place in the most beautiful and famous restaurants of the vibrating capital. Why did Midorima do this? Takao liked to think that it was because he was the sole closest friend of Midorima. Sure, he knew many others, had many colleagues, but even his old team mates from Teikou whom they still occasionally or frequently met, depending on the person, were nowhere near to what Takao occupied in Midorima's life. Takao was the only one who could endure Midorima every day and Midorima, despite his grandiose ego and boundless vanity, respected and depended on Takao more than anybody else. "A symbiotic relationship" Akashi had once called what they had, after a night out drinking during which even Akashi had gotten a little tipsy. "More like heterosexual life partners!" Aomine had mocked with a knowing smirk. The rest, Takao could not remember well, he was very drunk that night.
What was Midorima going to announce? What important milestone had been reached in Midorima's life that it required this now traditional gathering? Possibilities ran across Takao's mind and a particular one stuck out so much yet it was also the one he wished for it not to be the most. Despite the charming smell and brilliant atmosphere, he could not focus and he felt a little dizzy. One would never know it looking at his face though, as he made small talk with Midorima and giggled now and then, teasing Midorima like always, like he has done for years now, to the point that Midorima would utter nasty comments that anybody else would be hurt but Takao was not for he knew how Midorima worked and what tenderness laid beyond the rocky shores of his vocabulary. Based on past experience, Takao also knew that regardless of how much he worried about the possible news, he would hear it, he would hear it surely and he would hear it exactly after they finished their meal and started eating their desserts. Because that is how Midorima announced his news: while eating dessert. And Takao could try to postpone it as much as he could, try to eat his meal as slowly as possible, but inevitably that moment would come. They would finish their meal and the ordered desserts would be laid out on the table and Midorima would utter the exact same words he did every time in these awkward and, honestly, completely unnecessarily ceremonious meetings; he would say: "Takao, I have some news to tell you." And that time came, Midorima looked at the dessert in front of him and before he took the dessert spoon in his hand, he said it.
"Takao, I have some news to tell you."
Every time Takao heard this in the last three years or so, he would feel his heart constrict and his chest hurt, for there was always a specific piece of potential news that scared him the most and that particular potential news was even more likely this year so his heart constricted even more than any previous years and his chest ached so much... he smiled like always, like every day he did, and he asked a sweetly curious voice:
"What's up Shin-chan?"
"I am planing to propose to Azumi. I will talk with her next week, I would like to be engaged to her. We have been going out for a year now and I believe it is the right time to reassure her and also take our relationship to the next level. I still have 3 years of residency I have to complete before I can take the specialist examination. But I think we could marry next year, since I already have a stable income working at the hospital."
Like always, Midorima was not asking for Takao's opinion. This was not a friendly meeting to discuss what to do about life challenges or important decisions. Midorima was simply informing Takao of the decision he made, like always. Like always, Midorima lived alone, existed alone, independent and isolated from all, and after so many years' hard work all Takao could achieve was to become the first person who would hear of these decisions. Oh, and also hear them in a nice ambience. That is all. He had not become the person Midorima could or would discuss these things in advance but then could there ever be a person as such, given Midorima's personality?
How do you feel or rather how should you feel when you hear the news you have always had nightmares about? How do you handle a particular event that you knew would eventually happen, that you tried to imagine countless times but always cowardly stopped thinking about it before finding or deciding on a proper way to handle it? How do you deal with the shock? How should you deal with it? What is the one thing that is most important about such a moment: is it the realisation of these long held fears? Or is it the shock it induces? Or is it the pain that is very intrinsic to that fear that you overflow you the most?
Do not think that because Takao thought all of this, asked all those questions deep in his soul, and cursed his luck and the fate and the gods that he spared any time frowning or in silence; no, right after Midorima had finished talking, while his mind was busy processing the information and complaining and complaining and complaining about it and his heart was constricting so hard now that it felt as though his chest was being crushed under the debris of a building or something, he exclaimed, with a cheerful voice oh like always,
"Wow! That's amazing news Shin-chan! Congratulations. I am sure she will accept!"
Why?
Why did he have to play the supportive best friend? Why didn't he flip the table and slap Midorima so hard that his glasses would shatter? Why didn't he yell and curse the man in front of him for his immense obliviousness? Why did he have to smile and congratulate the man he loved for many many years about the news of him proposing to his girlfriend? There were a thousand insignificant and significant reasons why and he knew them, he knew them well, but he could not, for the love of God, remember any at that moment... As the shock he had masterfully veiled faded away, frustration grew in his stomach, despair filled him up so fast and so much that he felt any carelessness would cause him to spill it all over Midorima. Any silence could agitate the restlessness inside him further, so he chose to quickly continue after sipping a little bit of water, making silly small talk about the matter, running around it rather than to delve in its contents for real, he thought, would be less painful,
"But you know you should have popped the question during Saint Valentine's day. It was just yesterday. Why wait another week? It would be so romantic too..."
"The horoscope for Pisces was not very favourable last week. But it will be very favourable next week, especially for romance. I was planning to ask for her hand in marriage for a quite few weeks now actually, I was just waiting for the stars to align."
How many times Takao had heard similar statements from Midorima's mouth? It was so numerous that one could simply say "countless times". So why?
Why right now, right at this moment, the statement bothered him to no end? Why the ease Midorima had uttered those words with bothered Takao so deeply? Why the memories of the last few weeks flashed in his mind? The time they had gone to the cinema, the time they had gone to that little old Cantonese restaurant in Yokohama Chinatown, the time they had played streetball, the time they played shogi... All those times, all through the last few weeks, Midorima was thinking of when and how to ask his girlfriend to marry him and Takao did not know. As he enjoyed each minute of those outings, as he savoured every moment he spent with Midorima, as he tried to reassure himself that Midorima must feel strongly for him for them to spend so much time together and alone... he had no idea that the man near him had this question in his mind. This... this bothered Takao so much and perhaps the calmness of Midorima who was by now eating his delicious crème brûlée silently, as though he had just not informed his friend of perhaps one of the singlemost important decisions of his life, irritated him so much that the despair, the frustration he so carefully hid, so carefully controlled spilled out instantly and sharply.
"You are crazy."
"Huh?"
"You are crazy. A year ago, you decided dating because you felt 26 was 'the proper age to find a suitable partner'. And the only reason, you decided that your girlfriend would be her was because she was a Pisces with a respectable job, a good family background, and a similar faith in the fate and the stars. That was all. Just that. That she was 'compatible' was enough for you; you did not feel the need to love her. You did not feel the need to empathise or sympathise. You still do not. And now, you want to propose to her because you have been dating for a year and you feel that you have to marry when you are about 28. That is all. Is that not? It is not about love. It is not about whether or not you want to share your life with another person. And you even carefully choose the date of your proposal, not paying attention what would or could make her happiest but what would be the most compatible and proper date for you. This is all crazy. You are crazy."
Midorima was utterly shocked. Takao would tease him about his peculiarities that others found bizarre or strange but rarely, very rarely, he would get angry and use a furious and frustrated tone like he did now. And those rare, very rare incidents would often involve children or elderly, the two group of people that Takao was especially fond of and careful that Midorima did not act wicked towards. Not that Midorima thought he ever acted 'wicked' but it was true that he could not handle societal norms at times, despite the great importance he put to some of those norms, and he was especially bad in handling children and elderly... so he did not particularly mind Takao getting mad at him at those instances. However now, he could not think of any reason Takao would lash at him so harshly, especially after Takao himself had welcomed the news of his marriage so warmly earlier. Midorima was confused, so confused that his spoon was still up in the air, he had stopped in the middle of devouring his dessert.
Takao grabbed the glass of water in front of him and started drinking it slowly and tensely; he had to find a way of rectifying the situation by the time he would finish the water in his glass – this was what he had in mind. The moment the last syllable of his tirade was pronounced, he knew, he knew that he made a mistake. The confused and shocked face of Midorima exposed this already known fact so brightly that he could not bear how he had made such a stupid mistake. How could he let his frustrations out so quickly and bare naked? Such stupidity, he could not believe he had done it. He had to find an excuse. But what could he say? What would be the best excuse?
"Takao, are you ill?"
"Huh?" he almost choked on his water, he was savouring the last drops hoping some excuse would be revealed to his heart by angels but perhaps his angel was the glasses wearing greenhead in front of him,
"I do not think I did a faux pas. I understand that I am strict about timing and how it relates to fate and the signs, but you already know this well and it is not something that you would 'angrily' call me 'crazy' for. So the only reason I can think of for your outburst is illness. Are you ill?"
Midorima was so serious, so honestly concerned – though most others would really not read concern from his face, Takao could read the micro expressions on this face so well by now that he knew Midorima was concerned – that Takao decided he deserved some payback. He deserved some concern and affection. Especially that night. Especially after the bomb Midorima dropped. Especially considering the fact that God forbid, but this could actually be the last time he is afforded such concern and affection. So he sighed dramatically and talked with a weak voice, almost mumbling,
"My head is so heavy and hurting... it feels as though it is being pressed on all sides. I feel nauseous too, even though the food was delicious and the dessert is delightful. The smell... it is pretty but too much for me for some reason."
"Is it your migraine perhaps?"
"I think so Shin-chan... I am sorry for losing my temper like that. You did not say anything wrong. I am just so tired... I couldn't sleep a wink last night either."
"But why didn't you tell me before? We could reschedule."
"But you choose your dates carefully right? And you invited me out. You invite me out to dinner only when you have very important news."
Midorima was silent for a second, there was a slight tinge of regret and tenderness in his voice when he started talking again,
"I will ask for the bill. If you prefer, you can wait in the car, the lighting here is too bright, it will hurt your eyes when you are suffering from migraine... Do you have any pain killers with you?"
"No" pouted Takao a little, he was too old to pout perhaps but he did it anyway, it was his personality after all to be a little dramatic and Midorima did not mind these gestures much, after getting used to them over the years.
"Okay, we will stop by a pharmacy and get you some sumatriptan. You had said it helped you the last time you had tried it, right?"
"The tiny white pills?"
"Yes."
"Uh yeah they had helped then... I am going to the car Shin-chan."
"Okay. I will be there in a minute."
It was childish. It was stupid. To play sick? How old was he? An eight year old trying to skip school? What was next, fake coughing? Takao was filled with internal rage and conflict as he walked to the car. Just how stupider could he get? What was he trying to pull? Why was he acting like this? Why did he adore the calm, still, serious, and perfectly sterile way Midorima reacted to his illness? Anybody else would think that he was simply giving out directives but why did they sound so caring and tender to Takao? Was he delusional or was he a psychic? After he entered the car, now sitting on the passenger seat near the driver's, he dejectedly leaned his face onto the glass of the window. Why did he love this stoic man? Why did he bother with this ultimately hopeless love for so many years? The driver's door opened and Midorima came in but Takao did not bother looking; was he ashamed of the childish play he was pulling or was he simply too frustrated and tired of Midorima? He did not know. He was not sure. Then he felt something on his lap. When he turned his gaze on it, he realised that it was a nicely wrapped box from the restaurant.
"Um... Shin-chan, what is this?"
Midorima replied as he plugged in his seat belt and started the engine,
"Your dessert. You couldn't eat it, because of your migraine right?"
"Uh... I see."
"I asked them to add an extra portion as well. Sugar is good for you. You don't eat enough. But you should not eat it now, wait till your migraine attack is over."
"Okay" mumbled Takao as he gripped the little box in his hands tightly. He leaned his face back on the window again and closed his eyes. As they drove, he listened to the silent but perfectly in tempo breathing of Midorima and thought that he had to get over this. He had to stop this. That this was stupid. Then Midorima silently said,
"Takao, don't sleep like that, window is cold..."
"We will soon be at the pharmacy and you will have to drink your medication too."
"If you sleep and wake up, you won't be able to sleep again. Takao?"
"Takao?"
Takao was not awake but did not answer any of the questions; he was already playing sick, so what if he played asleep as well? It was pathetic enough as it is, nothing could make it more pathetic...
"Jeez... what will I do with you..."
Midorima mumbled, and perhaps he was delusional, or perhaps he was really a psychic but Takao felt that Midorima's voice had softened, was gentler. And Takao thought,
"What will I do with you... Shin-chan."