Author's Note: This is not meant to slam anyone or anything. It's just meant to be a fun, harmless fic. As always, I own nothing. No, really, I'm hunting for loose change here, folks.
Setting Things Straight
I was enjoying a nice cup of coffee in the mess hall - a quick break between scientific status reports when Rodney hurried in. He swiveled his head around, looking remarkably like an owl in his movements. He stopped when he saw me and approached at a clip.
Rodney came to a halt in front of me and leaned forward, resting his weight on his knuckles. "I am not gay," he said.
The entire commissary went quiet at his declaration.
I choked a little and concentrated on swallowing my coffee. "Um. I'm not sure how to respond to that."
"I'm not gay," he repeated patiently, seemingly oblivious to the stares we were receiving.
"Is this maybe a conversation you'd like to have in private?" I asked quietly. I wondered if Cadman's sojourn into his consciousness had made him unnaturally courageous or temporarily insane.
Rodney straightened up, glanced around the room, and went very still. He reminded me of the deer I had seen on early mornings at my parent's old ranch - going completely motionless in an attempt to blend into his surroundings. Maybe the courage was shorter lived than either of us had anticipated.
Then he shook himself and looked back down at me as though the fear was a momentary aberration. "Whatever."
He followed me quietly to my office. I glanced back at him once on the way; he seemed lost in reverie, his eyes permanently glued to a spot somewhere beyond my head. When Rodney was this quiet, it unnerved me. I was used to him moving at a mile a minute - it meant that, although he was probably complaining about something, he was in control of his world, or would be with some certainty. When he went quiet, something was out of phase and he didn't know how to fix it.
I leaned against my desk. "So what's this now?"
"I am not gay. I don't now, nor have ever had sexual feelings towards a man."
"I know what gay means, Rodney," I said. "I never really suspected you were, but I'm glad you feel you can be so honest with me."
Rodney gripped his hands behind him, looking for all the world like he was a private standing at attention for a superior officer, except for the slight rocking back and forth, heel to toe. "That whole thing with me and Beckett. It was all Cadman's doing. She has a thing for him and in a flagrant act of betrayal, she...well, you know." His gaze briefly met mine before it whisked away then back again.
It was a wonder he didn't get dizzy doing that.
"But that wasn't me," he continued on. "I have no feelings toward Carson other than professional mistrust. And occasional friendship when we're not getting on each other's last nerve. But nothing else."
Rodney looked so earnest - and he never looked earnest - that it was all I could do not to laugh. He was radiating 100 keen as though this proclamation held the same weight as if he had found the key to the universe. I had a sneaking suspicion John and Radek might have put him up to this and were secretly recording it for future blackmailing purposes. What I couldn't figure out was why he was telling me this as though it was some deep, dark secret. We all knew that Lt. Cadman had been able to take control of his motor functions, and despite the teasing Rodney and Carson had both endured, none of us had believed it had been anything else (especially considering the shocked look on Rodney's face post-lip lock). But such perceptions were never Rodney's strong suit. Well, I could humor him.
"Because you're not gay," I summed up.
Rodney rocked again - heel to toe, toe to heel. "Yep. Because I am not gay. I just thought you should know. You know, just in case you...thought otherwise."
"Okay."
"Okay."
As I moved behind my desk and took a seat, an intriguing thought occurred to me. I propped my chin on one palm and said, "So hypothetically speaking, if a woman were to show interest in you, you would not be turned off by the prospect. Because you are, indeed, straight. Correct?"
He cocked his head to the side. "Hypothetically speaking."
"And if this hypothetical woman were to ask you to, say, coffee, with more than just friendship in mind, you would not be opposed."
Rodney's smile started slow, but once it worked up speed, it was a sight to behold. Not even his scientific discoveries lit up his eyes with the same intensity. "If there were such a hypothetical woman, I would be amenable to such a situation."
I, too, couldn't keep a smile off my face. "And if said hypothetical coffee led to a theoretical dinner...?"
"Then, hypothetically, I would enjoy that."
"Okay."
"Good."
"Good."
He took a step back and turned smartly, whistling a faint tune as he left.
I watched him make his way through the control room. Right before he moved out of sight, Rodney glanced over his shoulder, caught my eye, and grinned.
I grinned back, feeling like a peg that was missing had just fallen into place.