Maybe I should have seen it coming.
It was right in front of my eyes the entire time; I just refused to see it.
The older Onii-san was working so hard to prevent me from seeing the world that he has now comes to terms with. But I see how it weights him down, how his eyes darken when he thinks, how he slumps over like he's holding all the burdens in the world and struggles to keep composer. I say nothing. Because when you truly think about, what can I do for him? I am one of his burdens. I'm the one who he chooses to protect no matter how hard it is on him.
Tsuna-kun is no different. I've forgotten how he used to be, after all; he has grown. There is a hidden strength in his eye now as they steadily try to look forward despite all the things weighting him down as well. He never complains to me, and only comes to me whenever someone else is having problem. I see how much he cares for us. Everybody was trying to hard so we can go back to the future but he is trying the hardest. Always tired, always bruised, always lagging but at the same time, always smiling.
I can only try to match that strength and return a smile in hopes he'll know how much it all means to us, to me.
There's almost nothing I can do for them other than support them. Just smile to let them know you're happy, just smile to relieve some of tense that fills the air, just smile to remind them that you are always there for them. I cannot cry anymore than I've already have. If I do, they'll suffer as well. Haru-chan knows this all too well and hides her tears by crying everyday down in the basement with the same excuse of "checking on the laundry, desu!"
I say nothing. Nodding and smiling as I watch her back leave and her, going to her daily 'routine'. I want to tell her that I understand. That I know her feelings because we are the same. I want to be able to hold her when she's crying and tell her it's alright. But it's not.
For I understood… nothing.
I'm different than Haru. I'm alone but I'm not alone. I have Onii-san… but he isn't my Onii-san. I nearly lost Tsuna-kun because he protected me with his life. I didn't want to remember the aftermath of that fight in the warehouse but the memories haunt me like a broken record. Tsuna-kun's blood… that eerie flame that shone brighter than the sun and more beautiful than any star. Fire, flames, cries of battle and the exchange of blows … it was horrible. But the most horrible thing about it was—I could do nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Emotions choking me, unable to move, staring in shock and fear that slowing filled me.
In the end, I couldn't do anything but cry.
So I choose not to cry anymore while we were here. In this 'future'. Not even when I'm alone. I take everything as it is and as my heart slowly tightens with fear, I smile to hide my conflicting emotions and my internal screaming that nearly makes me go deaf. This is all I'm able to do for them. I'm a figurine with a permanent smile on her face, which claims to be their friend. I can't argue with that. I am nothing with my Onii-san by my side. So I cannot argue against him when he leaves with Tsuna-kun, Yamamoto, Gokudera-kun, and Lal-san. All I can do is wish them best of luck with this blatantly fake smile on my face to hide my fear.
If I looked back at myself, I only laugh at my own ignorance.
Waiting was the absolute worst thing.
Thoughts and doubts fill your mind to a point where you think you burst from all the emotions. Haru and I both left each other alone as we waited because there was nothing worse than to be filled with these thought and be on the verge of metal breakdown. You'd think it couldn't get any worse, right? But soon later Kusabsuke left with Chrome and Lambo. Haru and I nearly broke our careful façade and cried but we held the tears back as we argued against letting Lambo, a child, go to this battle. I didn't want Lambo to get hurt again, he just a baby. But he looked at me, with his childish green eyes and laugh, saying "The great Lambo-san will be alright!! I'm strong too! Yare! Don't cry, crybaby!"
Of course, I had to laugh but as I watched their retreating backs, my tears wouldn't stop. Haru broke down as soon as the door closed and cling to me for dear life, sobbing her heart out. I stood there my arms on her shoulders, frozen on the spot before allowing myself to move and bring Haru to her room to sleep. Her episode made her fall into a restless deep sleep her head falling to her lap as I stayed awake with unshed tears.
I broke my promise by crying. But I didn't care. I felt numb but I was no longer smiling anymore.
I couldn't smile.
The muscles in my face refused to move anymore. A few more tears leaked out but I cared not. The doubts and shadows of my mind nearly consumed me. What if they were injured? What if they didn't return? What if they were-?! I whimpered, choking down the sobs that threaten my undoing. I let my hands that were holding Haru go to place them on my head. No. Onii-chan, he can't-! He promised! Tsuna-kun did too! They have to come back!
No matter how hard I try to be like the others, I am not strong. I am scared to death. Everyone risking their lives. Onii-chan. Tsuna-kun. Lambo-kun. Everyone.
No matter what I tried to be, I am still just a little girl in the end.
Time passed and soon, after staring at the same spot for the last hour, a knock came at our door. It startled me and Haru stirred in her sleep but failed to wake. Swallowing thickly and blinking the tears out of my eyes, I wiped my face with the back of my hand before carefully moving Haru's body off of mines and walked to the door, sliding it open slowly.
I saw no one, but then instinctively looked down. Reborn. I tried to make a weak attempt of my fake smile, but couldn't so I just greeted him. "Hello, Reborn." I was surprised that he didn't go with Tsuna because he rarely left Tsuna's side but I believe he probably need to give Tsuna the chance to do things on his own.
Strangely, he wasn't smiling like usual but had a blank expression on his face. "Kyoko. It's time to go."
These words stuck me harder than anything. Something sour was at the back of my throat and something fell through my stomach, through the floor, falling, falling, never coming back. I blinked stupidly before regaining my composer, swallowing hard. "T-Time to go where exactly?"
"The mission," He said before smirking slightly, "was a success but I believe you want to greet them properly?"
My heart throbbed in a way that gave me such joy that I'd forgotten it. My smile returned full force nearly splitting my face how wide it was but at the same time tears threaten to spill. I held to them back as Reborn tilt his hat in a nod before turning away. "Tell Haru too, we'll be leaving soon."
"H-Hai!" I said louder than necessary, my smile widening even further if possible and ran back into the room to wake Haru from her drooling sleep, closing the door behind me.
If I had stayed just a bit longer, I would have seen Reborn stop unexpectedly and turned to where I was just standing with this unusual intense look. "Kyoko. Don't forget that smile. Dame-Tsuna needs that more than anything else."
What the hell am I doing? TELL ME. Because I have no idea. I've been wanting to write one-shots with Kyoko the center of it the longest... and now I'm doing this. Something must me wrong with me. Anyways, review please. I will be most likely continue this in ficlets and/or a collection oneshots. Updates will be irregular so don't expect something so soon~