You love fan fiction, that is why you are here. You love Invader Zim, that is why you are in this section. But when you are in a fandom long enough, you start to see patterns, some you don't mind, but others you wished would just die. But in the end it still means the same thing, there's hardly anything new. Old plots are being recycled again and again.
Now add a amateur writer like me who has a deep love of parody.
The challenge is, to write a story with every IZ fanfic cliché and attempt to have it make some sense.
Now, I'm obviously no professional. I need your help. My English isn't the greatest, so any spelling and grammatical assistance is welcomed (also, please be sure to tell me which paragraph so I know what I'm looking for). Bad story telling wants to be corrected because who wants to take time out of their day to read shit. Now while the sentences before this one was important, I want you the reader above all else make sure I manage to write every IZ fanfic cliché before this story meets whatever ending it's going to get.
Every IZ fan knows I don't own IZ, but just as a warning since this is a cliché story I'm going to be referencing a lot of other stuff I don't own. You can call them shout outs if you recognize the random show/movie/book/game/song.
Chapter 1: The Death of the Cthulhu
(It sounded like a good idea at the time.)
"You were correct sir, they surrendered."
"Excellent. And...?"
"The coordinates to Ghithevergal the Mist Worm and the formula to the Black Hole of Lilithnanhart." the advisor took the jet black disk from it's matchbox container and handed it up to the towering Irken before him.
"Finally, Ghithevergal and Lilithnanhart! You have the last pieces to the answer!" grinned the Vortian, the numbers 777 formed from the dull scars from years past on his brow. Hardly able to contain his excitement, the eight foot giant returned a soft eerie one of his own which brought nervous silents to the room.
"Thank you everyone, without you this would never be possible." He gave a slow head bow.
"T-thank you, sir!"
"S-sir!"
"Oh, Tallest!"
"Sir!"
"But you are too modest!"
"He's right, Lord. Put some pride in your work. You could've done-" The Vortian and other Irkens stopped their praise at the raise of their leader's hand.
"Xavicdal, it might have. But I doubt it would do as well." His gaze turned to his closest Vortian friend that one could have in his position. Making Xavicdal bow deeply in return with all the other Irkens following quickly after. All muttering 'sirs' in near unison.
"When do we start the Gateway of I.E. my Tallest?" Spoke up one of the advisors.
"As soon as everyone is ready. I've been itching for the challenge that had been named Improbable Existence." the deep maroon eyes narrowed which to everyone was a polite command saying 'NOW!'.
"Ready!" cried all the Irkens and ran off yelling orders down the multiple hallways. The Vortian stood up and walked to his Lord's side. Lights on the walls and celling in the hallway were too soft to form any shadows; Xavicdal's fine purple hairs almost appeared powder blue on the ends
"I never would of believed the entire observable universe was under your control if I wasn't by your side accomplishing it." Xavicdal sneered, "And the fact that your bored of your unrivaled supreme power baffles me."
"You can stay behind if you wish."
"Are you kidding? I gotta see this! Who wouldn't want to see this? This will be the greatest discovery on record! Besides, I'm curious to see if it's true. Wouldn't you want to see if there was another you?"
"Even if they are alternate dimensions everyone is one of their own. There is no such thing as a perfect replica. One may have similarities but it can never be the same." the Vortian only laughed.
"We'll soon find out what they meant by 'alternate'!" He gave a friendly slap on the hand because he was nowhere near the hight to slap him on the back. "C'mon, only you can give the final touches. The only other person who could understand this as much as you might be... 'you'."
"Maybe..."
------------
Everyone who wasn't held in place by their restrainers were thrown off by the opposing force. The black on the screen made a noise that no alien ears could understand. Irken eyes, emergency lights on the floors and control panels kept the room from darkness.
"Sir! The Leviathan can't hold it's position!"
"But The Leviathan is the strongest ship-" challenged Xavicdal.
"That's alright! Release the gravitation hold!"
"We're going to get pulled in!" Lights dimmed as a chorus of screams swam through the massive ship. Echoes of the same feeling ran across the light-year of fleet behind them. But no sound could be heard out in the dark matter of space.
"I'm sure this is what is supposed to happen!"
"Excuse me my Tallest; but NO ONE SURVIVES A BLACK HOLE!"
"We don't know that for sure! That's why we created it by Ghithevergal; we are going to go through that worm tunnel! Fire the V. Light!" Upon pushing the button, all generators stopped. White noise whispered throughout the machinery, the feeling of dread never being stronger in the conscious.
"Shit!"
"Everyone, shut all your senses off!"
"What?"
"Close your eyes and ears! Hold your breath! Any part of you that helps you understand your existence and react on this plane of reality you turn off!" Xavicdal snapped, walking to the front of the command deck, "No one is dead yet so you will still answer to your Master!" looking over his shoulder he gave a reassuring smile to the one in question. "All shields up sir?" A nod was returned back.
"All but the phasers 056 and 108."
"We didn't need them anyway..." he pushed the Irken symbol on his left shoulder that produced a low groan and brought up a white sphere of energy around him and his captain.
-
Pure blackness is never seen, it can only be felt.
Pure Blackness is unknown, so it is only feared.
Pure blackness murders sound, turning your hearing senses cold.
Pure Blackness can not be thought up, not without the loss of your mind.
Pure Blackness' temperatures freezes stars, eliminating all matter.
Pure Blackness is nothing.
Without it, you can't create.
-
Even with 7,869 shields on the outside and the 583 on the inside along with personal lock-down cages, he could feel the effect of the nothing getting to him. Emptiness, memories of years past played around him speeding by. Unable to change or stop it's course, he fell to his knees. He knew what was coming, he saw the scene first-person from both her and him every time the lights would leave.
"It was going to happen anyways... it just came... a little early..."
"No! Stop saying that! Your going to make it! We will pull through this!"
"Heheh... That's why I love you... You are so-"
She was interrupted by her own pathetic attempt at coughing up the blood from her ripped lungs. She tried hard to focus through her broken glasses to her beloved Irken before her but what little blood ran through her broken system was fighting it's way to the heart. Her brown eyes stayed foggy and dull, blind to the one holding her.
"We were going to be happy together! We were going to be... forever..."
"Zim, nothing lasts... forever..."
"My Tallest! Wake up! My Tallest, we made it!"
Zim's eyes snapped open only to close again from the bright lights on the ceiling. Sitting up, he put his head in his hands as a migrating migraine began making it's entrance to his pounding head.
"My Tallest, we are under attack!" Pain was forced into the subconscious as he stood up making all personals' necks snap up once again to the tower.
"What are we being attacked by?"
"Well... actually, we do not know for sure. It's some sort of energy eating monster of doom." the blue eyed Irken pointed at the screen, showing in high definition a beast of pearl light, soft blue and purple veins could be barely seen. It resembled a squid, but had a greater number of tentacles. It jerked unnaturally everywhere... in fact it seemed to be randomly exploding.
"Of... doom?"
"I really don't know where that came from my Lord."
"Where did this creature some from?" He looked back at the screen. The Leviathan vibrated from the after-shocks of the violent explosions.
"All we know about it sir is that we came from it."
"What?" he turned his attention back to those nearer to the floor.
"I said..." Xavicdal began again, "we came from it. Sir, it's our exit and entrance from our home reality." The power flickered as the ship was pushed back by the final implosion.
After the plasma cleared, the screen showed a familiar star system. The coordinates, if this place was similar to his... He knew where they are. Just a few billion light-years from-
"Sir! The creature has completely disappeared!"
"You idiot, it blew up!" Xavicdal slapped the Irken, "What remains of our fleet?"
"The creature ate over 785x7500x463804 of our troops! We're stuck here and doomed!" The Vortian sighed as he walked up to the deck and placed his fingers on the alert pad.
"Attention all able Irken scouts; the monster that imploded ahead of you is the secret of going home, I want you to find more of these things and find out how they live! We will probably need to learn how to breed the damn things if we wish to go home!"
"Xavicdal..." he whispered as he walked up to the flustered alien.
"Uh, yes sir?" he lifted his hand off the pad and turned to face up.
"More than likely the way back is different. This is an alternate dimension."
"Good point sir." he looked away blushing just slightly; embarrassed by the childish act he commended. His friend only nodded back and walked to the starlit screen.
"It is fine, in fact..." a most grimacing smile formed on his face, one that no one had seen for years. "This is just it! After conquering my entire universe; where was the thrill? Where was the challenge? WHERE WAS THE ANSWERS?!?" he boomed, his well kept temper now rattling free. He began pacing back and forth as everyone scrambled to the other side of the room. Their angered leader was more dangerous than any damaged Mist Worm. "NO MATTER WHAT I DID I STILL COULDN'T FIND THE ANSWERS!" He grabbed the nearest chair and ripped it from the flooring. Everyone hid behind desks and counters as he threw it into a wall making a large dent and deep wavering ring throughout the room. Choking back a sob, he stumbled into the communications chair.
"Hey big guy." Xavicdal whispered ten feet away, far in the danger zone.
"I lost my temper again..." He wiped his face with his hands, "I apologize." as he stood up again.
"No problem sir." he grinned, "Now where to?" Tallest Zim looked behind him to the screen map as a grid computed, organized and processed new information.
Leviathan saving new information on Hard Disk, 697300.0204 B4 N07H1N6 Drive.
He watched billions of names being downloaded from million of advanced neighbor's radio signals many light-years away. So many similar to his reality and yet... wait. His eye's widened on the name that past by in the rapid computer sorting. "Stop! Continue saving but bring up sector 304H568/8EE9 on screen please." A 3D hologram of stars, asteroids, planets, black holes, wormholes and more came up covering the entire ceiling. "Cube DFE01/3L637/92/Z072." Cutting out a cube from the map, it brought a closeup of at least a thousand solar systems. Some were way off from memories of his counterpart world, others... "System-cut out YEK90LL.589gH." Xavicdal gave a gasp, Zim's eye's narrowed, "What is the name of this star?"
Sun.
"Name the planets, in order please." his voice shaking.
Mercury, Venus, Earth, Ceres, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto and Charon, Eris, and Sedna.
"Where these names given by those who came from... Earth?"
Yes.
"Everyone prepare The Leviathan to go to sector 304H568/8EE9, Cube DFE01/3L637/92/Z072, and system-cut YEK90LL.589gH. That will be our first take over!"
"Yes, my tallest!" ran throughout the room, a very concerned Vortian leaped over to his leader.
"Sir, the planets, moons, asteroids and star may be the same... but you don't know if she's there!"
"If not someone almost just like her, someone with only one thing missing that made her... her. This is an alternate universe Xavicdal."
"This isn't right Zim!"
"Right is all an opinion. I'm only curious, my friend. Aren't you?"
Somewhere on Earth...
"Dammit Zim! That wasn't right!" the little green alien tilted his head back for the most cruel evil laughter he could make himself do while balancing a junk pile. Dib shook himself the best he could to remove the orange goo that covered him thickly.
"Your right is WRONG, Dib-goo! I am curious to what Zim will DOOM you with! Aren't you curious too?"
Mars isn't mentioned because Zim destroyed it in the episode Battle of the Planets. Dib parked Mercury back where it belongs but if it orbits still I don't know. I own the poem, Pure Blackness (since I personally wrote the poem myself, triple cliché points). Pronounce Ghithevergal (Gith-ever-gall), Lilithnanhart (Lill-ith-nan-heart), Cthulhu (Khlul'-hloo), and Xavicdal (Zav-ick-del).
Okay, first chapter has about twelve clichés, lets see if I can do better on the next chapter...