Just for tonight
„just for tonight, darling, let's get lost"
Just a little one-shot that came to my mind after I watched Eclipse (again). Lol. I hope you enjoy it. The song that made me think of this is "Let's get lost" by Bat for Lashes & Beck from the Eclipse soundtrack.
It is about the day before the battle with the newborn in Eclipse. I hope you like it. Enjoy!
Esme's POV
I watched Carlisle and Jasper go over the plan with the wolves one more time. Tomorrow. Tomorrow we would face the newborns and Victoria. I swallowed the lump in my throat, glad that Jasper was too far away to sense the wave of fear and desperation that washed over me and left me shivering. "It's gonna be an ugly fight, with lives lost." Carlisle's words repeated themselves in my head, mixing with horrible scenarios out of nightmares I could never have. The faces of my family, of my kids Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rose, Edward and Bella contorted in masks of agony before the disappeared in thick clouds of purple smoke; vicious newborns attacking, their crimson eyes staring at me; tearing my family apart before my eyes; but worst of all – Carlisle being attacked and shoved into a roaring fire, his gentle face a grimace of searing pain as his eyes settled on me one last time, his lips forming the words 'I love you' before the flames claimed him…
"No." a frantic whisper escaped my lips as I clenched my eyes shut, forcing this image out of my head, trying to stop myself from trembling.
"Mom? You okay?" I spun around to see Emmett walking my way, flexing his muscles and smiling that carefree, goofy smile of his. On the outside Emmett acted like this was nothing, a chance to prove his strength, not having to hold back like in the wrestles with his brothers, nothing dangerous. But I knew that deep down he was just as worried for Rose as I was for Carlisle…
"Yes, I am alright…" I replied softly, putting on my bravest face, faking a smile. "Are we going back?" I asked him. Emmett grinned. "Yeah… I think the mutts know what to do… Jasper is being extra careful though, I believe he's going on their nerves a bit…" he laughed. I nodded, not even scolding Emmett for calling the pack 'mutts'. I had other things on my mind.
On the way back to the house I made an effort in talking to Rose and Alice, keeping my distance to Carlisle and Jasper so none of them noticed how pent up I really was. I knew that if I could I would just grab Carlisle and the others and run off, hiding somewhere where no one could find us.
At home Carlisle immediately went upstairs into his study, probably over thinking the strategy once again. It was Carlisle's way of coping with his fear and anxiety – thinking of every possibility for anything to go wrong and extinguishing it. I went into our room, trying to distract myself and think positive, but it didn't work. In my head I counted down the hours until we would be out in the battle field, the hours remaining in which my family, Carlisle was still whole and safe. I took a shaky breath, standing up and making my way down to Carlisle's study. I needed him. I needed to feel him holding me. I could not spend what could be our last hours together apart from him.
I opened the door to his study and found Carlisle sitting at his desk, looking at a battle plan he and Jasper made. He didn't even acknowledge my presence, but kept staring at the paper in front of him. I silently closed the door behind me and went over to him, running my hand over the tensed muscles of his neck, kneading them softly. "Carlisle…" I mumbled, burying my face in his hair for a moment, then pressed a kiss to his neck and pulled him to his feet. "Esme…" he protested softly, but I shook my head. "No more battle plans tonight, please… no more 'what ifs'…" I whispered, taking his hands and leading him into my study that was attached to his. It was the most secluded room in the house because it could only be accessed through Carlisle's study. It gave us the most privacy when we wanted it.
I pulled Carlisle into the room, locking the door behind him. I wanted to shut the whole world out. This was our sanctuary, our little bubble. I didn't want thoughts of the oncoming battle in this room, I wanted this to be just us, no fear, no worries, just me and Carlisle.
"Just for tonight, Carlisle, please, I don't want to think of what could be tomorrow. Let's just... be us…" I whispered, wrapping my arms around Carlisle and inhaling his scent. Carlisle let out a heavy sigh and wrapped his arms around me. "Esme…" he breathed, laying his head down on my shoulder. "You're planning with Jasper all the time, you think of everything, of all possibilities, but you're so rational all the time… I'm afraid Carlisle… I could lose you, everybody, tomorrow, we don't know what will happen and I can't spend the night thinking of all that… the only thing I want to think of is you, us together… because this could be the last time." I whispered, pushing Carlisle down in front of the fireplace. "Esme… you won't lose me. I will never leave you, I promise. We practiced, we planned… we will be okay…" he whispered, taking my face in his hands and forcing me to look into his amber eyes. I refused to look into his eyes, not wanting Carlisle to see the agonizing fear there. Instead I kissed him, pushing him down on the soft sheepskin rug. "Let's forget everything, tomorrow… just for tonight, Carlisle…" I mumbled, pressing my lips to his, wanting to show him how much I had missed him, his touch and his love.
Carlisle wrapped his arms around me, kissing me back with fervor, mumbling my name. "Esme… I missed you, too… darling… I love you…" his tongue dueled with mine, exploring my mouth while his hands moved over my body, caressing me softly. I wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling the soft blond locks slip through my fingers, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, moving down to his shoulders. My fingers traced the outlines of his back, committing every little part to memory. "I love you…" I whispered, my hands moving to Carlisle's chest. "Oh Esme…" Carlisle mumbled, wrapping his arms tightly around my body, holding me as close as he could, gently stroking my back, letting his fingers tangle in my hair. "I love you… you're my life…" his lips trailed down over my neck as he began to kiss my throat down to my collarbone. I hid my face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his delightful scent that always calmed me and peppered his neck with kisses, even sucking on the scar there. My hands moved down to his abs, feeling how Carlisle shivered lightly at my touch. I quickly pulled his shirt over his head. I needed to feel Carlisle. I wanted to be as close to him as I could. Carlisle did the same and my top landed on the floor, joining his shirt there.
"Let me light a fire…" Carlisle murmured in my ear, kissing me again before he got up and quickly lit a fire in the fireplace. I watched Carlisle as he worked in front of the fireplace, the muscles in his back flexing. It was already dark outside and the flames coming from the now burning fire were the only light in the room.
Carlisle came back into my arms, wrapping his arms around my body, holding me close as his lips trailed over my chest. His fingers brushed over my skin, making me tremble. Exchanging caresses and kisses as we shed the rest of our clothing. "I will never leave you…" Carlisle promised as he kissed down my body. I fisted my hands in his hair, arching my body against Carlisle's mouth before pulling him up for another searing kiss. Our bodies pressed against each other, but I still wasn't close enough to Carlisle. "Don't be afraid, love…" he whispered, his thumb brushing a strand of hair out of my face. "I won't leave you… never. We will be alright, we'll be fine…" he assured me. I closed my eyes and let myself believe Carlisle's words, if only for tonight.
We let our worries drown in sensual caresses, putting as much love as we could into every little touch. Our hands ghosted over each other's bodies as we moved as one. Carlisle's name a breathless whisper on my lips as my hands roamed over every part of him. Carlisle whispered soothing words into my ear while we made sweet love in front of the fireplace. The flames casting orange shadows over our marble skin, letting us feel warm for once. We took our time caressing each other, not desperate for release but for feeling our love.
We made love for several times that night. Afterwards Carlisle and I just lay on the sheepskin rug in front of the fire, entwined, our eyes closed. Carlisle's hands were running over my back, soothing my fears. "We'll be fine..." He whispered again, but it sounded more like a sigh this time, like it was not said to reassure me. "Carlisle…" I whispered, lifting my head from his chest. He closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly. "I'm sorry, I'm…" he said, finally looking at me again. His eyes were shining with unshed tears. "Oh, Carlisle…" I mumbled, hugging him tightly. He let out a strangled breath. "I'm afraid, too. Esme, I'm terrified. I can't lose you… I simply can't!" he said, his voice sounding broken. "You won't." I said softly, staring into his butterscotch eyes, trying to convince him. "I thought… I thought it would be easier if I… when we weren't so close…" he admitted in a low voice and suddenly realization dawned on me. He kept his distance because he thought if something happened to him… I couldn't even finish this thought. No. Nothing could happen to Carlisle. "Nothing will happen to you." I said convinced. "I won't let anything hurt you." I whispered, kissing his chest. "I need you, Esme… I can't go on without you… I love you so much… If I'd lose you… I wouldn't be able to…" he rambled, panic in his eyes. I quickly pressed my fingers onto his lips. "I won't let anything hurt you." I repeated. "Never." Carlisle relaxed slightly, letting out a shaky breath. "I can't be strong without you…" he mumbled as I softly cradled him in my arms, feeling how he shook in silent sobs. I kissed his shoulder, rubbing circles over his back to calm him down. My lips moved over his soft skin, until I finally found his lips and kissed him lovingly. I poured all my love and adoration for Carlisle in that kiss, wanting to show him how much he meant to me but also wanting to reassure him. Our kiss quickly got more heated as Carlisle pulled me closer to his body, burying his head in the crook of my neck, sucking on my scar, mumbling loving words all the time while his hands moved over my skin as if he wanted to remember every little part of it. His eyes were closed and his fingers were trembling a tiny bit.
I massaged the tensed muscles in Carlisle's body, hoping to erase the worry and fear I saw in his eyes earlier. "I love you… I love you so damn much… I'll never leave you…" I said fervently. Carlisle groaned softly as I moved against his body. "Tomorrow doesn't matter…" I said. "This is only about tonight." I mumbled again as I felt Carlisle's body press against my own. "How did I deserve you?" he asked, slowly entering me. I groaned at the intense connection and held still for a moment before moving my hips against Carlisle's. He kept his eyes closed, moving at a steady and sinfully sensual pace, making me tremble with desire. Our breath was coming in short gasps, moaning how much we needed each other as I held on to Carlisle for dear life. The muscles in his back flexed as I scraped my nails over his shoulder blades, surely drawing blood if I could. "Carlisle…" I moaned, the coil in my stomach tightening with every slow thrust of his. He looked up, his eyes that smoldering butterscotch I adored. "More…" I breathed. Carlisle moaned, picking up his pace a bit. "You're so perfect…" Carlisle mumbled his hands tracing the outline of my breast with his hands. I shuddered at his gentle touch. "I'm yours… always yours…" I replied, pulling Carlisle down for a kiss. Carlisle's movements sped up again as he altered his position slightly, creating a new angle that made me feel like I was about to burst. "Carlisssle…" I panted. "I'm... so… close…" he breathed, ragged gasps escaping his lips. "Esmeee…." Carlisle panted before his climax washed over him, taking me over the edge with him. I cried out his name, burying my head on his shoulder.
We fell back onto the sheepskin, exhausted but happy. I laid my head on Carlisle's chest, kissing his soft skin that was actually a little warm from the fire. "I love you." I breathed, my hands stroking the hair that had fallen into his face back. "I'll be yours forever." Carlisle replied, tilting my head up to kiss me.
We watched how the light crept over the horizon. The day of the battle had come but I wasn't ready to let our little bubble of happiness burst like that. I wanted to stay here, in Carlisle's arms, forever. Here, in our little sanctuary, the time stood still. When we left this room, we would have to be the strong parents again. Carlisle would be the level-headed leader, showing strength and confidence to all of us. I would be there beside him. Support him. Protect him in battle. We would get through this, together.
"It's time." Carlisle whispered after a while. I nodded and with a sad sigh got up and put my clothes back on.
"Just promise me one thing." Carlisle said before we left, wrapping his arms around me. I nodded. "Stay close to me. I need to see you. I can't fight when I don't know if you're in danger." He told me. I nodded. "If you do the same." I replied. Carlisle smiled tightly and nodded. "I will." He promised, kissing me gently, before he opened the door. Now we would face the newborns, together.
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