The angel.
The angel, who was she? She was so beautiful, her hair was a platinum waterfall and her pale skin, a baby porcelain doll, she radiated with strength and love and acceptance, and he knew that she was there to extinguish the Devil inside of him.
She'd came for him again. Not Kazuya. For Devil.
He always dreamed the same thing. He would be standing in some field of sorts, any abandoned place that was strangely blurry and endless, no matter how far he ran, and eventually he would watch Angel descend from the heavens, and then the world would mutate, showing him his own genes mutating into the cancerous beast he couldn't stand, the fizzing purple paper skin of Devil he wanted to butcher to death; and Angel would fight Devil whilst the real Kazuya watched helplessly. And every night he watched Devil triumph, and reap his prize in front of his host. His prize was Angel herself and Kazuya couldn't help but imagine that Devil had powerful lust for her. Pulsating with masochism and shame but still an innate lust for the angel throbbed in Devil, her sweet virginal beauty appealed to him so much that it drove him crazy with desire and want. That wasn't Kazuya. Not the real Kazuya.
(angel...)
That was when he would wake up, and gather his bearings; it was a false but calming thought that Devil only ever seemed to exist in his mind, and so did Angel – but it hurt every night to watch his mind violate her, and for a time he wondered if he was the one doing it. But Kazuya knew even he wasn't that low; for he would turn to his left and look at the sleeping woman next to him. She wasn't Angel. She was Jun Kazama, quite normal and an intelligent, pretty girl who was defiant and strong-minded. Kazuya had never viewed her as an outstanding beacon of light separating her from the other women he had seen in his life – it was her kindness that drew him to her, and her mysterious ways, and every detail he found out about her life before he entered it depressed him further. It was a kind of love in which he wanted to protect her. Jun looked after him. She knew all of his favourite foods, and what he liked to do, and knew exactly when he wanted to be by himself. Kazuya didn't understand why she put up with him, but she just did, bless her soul. He never really knew how to repay her. It was difficult for him to be intimate. He never knew how to love her.
Tonight was one such night. He woke up, bolt upright, in a cold sticky sweat from once again watching Devil claim his prize. He rubbed his eyes and the darkness remained. But soon the moonlight came into view, illuminating a white road down the center of the bedroom, and he felt Jun shuffle next to him. She was real. Devil wasn't. That was what he told himself to cope with it. Devil was always there, though, in the back of his mind; he was a schizophreniac who was sane, listening to the voices that weren't there, trying to make himself ignore the awful hallucinations Devil created – usually they consisted of Jun dead in front of him – but nothing seemed to work. It didn't help that now the roles had been reversed – Jun was pregnant, now, with their unborn son, and so it was his turn to look after her. She needed to sleep and he didn't want to bother her with his stupid dreams.
(Jesus Christ, Kazuya, you idiot.)
"...hmm?"
Goddamn, he cursed himself, you've gone and woken her up.
"Kazuya?"
"What?" He didn't mean to sound scornful but it came out quicker than he had expected.
She stretched and looked up at him. Kazuya sighed. She really was pretty. Kazuya had never really been able to find many words to describe Jun Kazama. He was not a ladies man, unlike that bastard Paul Phoenix, and really he'd never even thought about it before. I really do not deserve her was his constant mantra. She was pretty, and in that moment, underneath the moonlight, her black hair mussed from her rest and sleepy brown eyes, she was...beautiful. She was cute, and she was beautiful, and she was the best thing Kazuya had ever had in his life. He could think those things very easily, and often dreamed of being intimate with Jun, but it was so difficult to just...do it. He felt so silly and vulnerable. He wasn't even sure if he'd ever told her he loved her. He knew that he did, but it was Heihachi's abuse that drilled the arrogance and power into him, and now he was trying to rid himself of it, and was only further plagued by confusion and guilt because he couldn't understand himself, and then there was Devil to top it all off, the icing on the shit-cake.
"Did you have a bad dream?" She stretched and groaned a little at moving, and Kazuya made sure to look at her growing belly. She had to be about six months along now, and he felt a peculiar sensation warming up his insides as he watched her sweet hands caress her unborn child. Their child. He nodded in response and sighed again, closing his eyes because Jun was so sweet that he couldn't bear to look at her. What in the world had he ever done to have someone like Jun love him? She gave him so much affection, and so much care, and he could never find the inner strength to do it in return. He wasn't forcing himself, it just...he didn't know how to love her.
And Devil gave him the physical strength he could ever have wanted, but that meant absolutely nothing when it came to love. Devil knows nothing about love.
"The same one. Every night."
(every night you can watch me rape justice and equality and love and all of those silly things, you are such a privileged man, kazuya, because that's what you did too)
She kissed his shoulder – he could even feel her surprise at letting her do it, normally he was very reserved – and placed her hands there. "You go back to sleep," he said, trying not to look. He couldn't bear it. "You need to sleep more than I do."
"I've been having bad dreams, too," she rested her head on his shoulder blade, and he turned to look at her soft black hair. He started to feel something. He wanted to kiss her. He actually wanted to. "I mean, probably nothing like yours..."
"Bad dreams are still bad dreams."
(you're pathetic you don't deserve her)
"I only ever started getting them recently. It must be a pregnancy thing."
"Maybe."
He started to hear Devil again, and was unsure if Jun was speaking to him, but she was rubbing his shoulders slowly with her lng, elegant fingers. He closed his eyes again and tried to distinguish what Devil was saying, but he was speaking too fast and it sounded like twenty Devils had invaded his mind and were all shouting at once, and he found himself tensing up tighter and tighter until his hands flew to his head and he yelled out: "Shut up, Devil!"
Devil was quiet immediately. So was Jun. He opened his eyes and it took him only a split second to realise what he'd said out loud. He turned to Jun, finally, and she just stared at him; she looked hurt, but confused and concerned at the same time. For fuck's sake, Kazuya thought, she's never angry at me. How can she be so patient? That was something he admired about Jun Kazama that he couldn't find in himself – her patience.
"What did you say?" she asked calmly, but she was concerned. Her movements were slow. He hung his head in shame, and didn't move, or didn't slap her hand away as she held his cheek in one hand and started to stroke it. She kept up a slow rhythm and it was calming him down. Devil started to drain away. All voices in his head were reduced to almost silent whispers. Kazuya inhaled deeply.
"I...I keep hearing him again. When you had your hand on my shoulder, I started hearing him. I didn't know what he was saying..." he murmured, trying his best again not to look at his sweet girl. "...Jun...I don't know how you can put up with this. This...me, I mean. And all of the shit I do."
"You need me," was her simple answer; she smiled sweetly and Kazuya felt his heart wrench and tear into infinite pieces. That was it. He was gone. He was dead. Jun had killed him with sweetness he could never repay her with. "Just as much as I need you. I need you to take care of me, and I need to take care of you."
He said nothing.
"Kazuya...?"
"...what?"
"...who is it you hear? Is it...?" Jun made a small shrugging gesture that Kazuya assumed meant Devil. He'd told her about Devil, and didn't expect any understanding or anything, really – he had never expected Jun Kazama to love him, and hell, even when they knew each other, he didn't particularly care about her. But now those thoughts were abominable and he knew them to be totally untrue; a life without Jun was a life without laughter and joy and sweetness. It was a life without looking up at the stars together, watching sunrises with her, it was a life without the beautiful things in life. Those were the things she fought for, and the things she represented. To Kazuya, she was just as lovely as morning fields, or as sunset sky, or the white roses she so adored; she was, maybe, the angel in his dreams. She wasn't Angel herself, but she was someone who was trying to help defeat Devil for good. He didn't know how Jun could ever have done that, but she was so full of surprises.
"Yeah. Devil," Kazuya shuddered at the word. "I...it doesn't matter."
"Does so."
"Don't do that," he sighed. "Alright. Fine," He looked out the window and she followed suit; their curtains were half-drawn, and Jun had only then just noticed the stars and the moon in the inky sky. "Devil speaks to me. Every day. He taunts me, and...and he says things about me not deserving you. That I'm useless, and he's not really a separate thing. He's saying that I'm him. Every bit of me, and that I can control him...but I can't. He's always there, no matter how much I try to will him away."
She snuggled back down underneath the covers and gently let Kazuya join her; it was the first time they had been close in a few weeks. Jun was always happy for his affection, even though it was often silent and short-lived. She shuffled as close to him as she could get, found his strong hand, and placed it on her bump. He gasped and she smiled, giggling a little. "You know, Kazuya? If you really were Devil, you wouldn't have made love to me that night. There wouldn't be a little child growing inside of me. Devil isn't the Kazuya that I know. He's not you, and you're not him." Her little hand held his, and she clutched on tight.
"But-"
"Shh," she smiled, and nuzzled his neck, quietly astounded by how close Kazuya allowed her to be.
That morning, Kazuya woke up first, and remembered immediately what he had said to Jun. Before she could wake up, he went and brought her breakfast in bed. Maybe this is what being a 'real man' means. If there is such a thing. But I'm right. Physical strength means nothing when it comes to love.
(you're FORGETTING me, kazuya!)
"It's not your day, Devil," Kazuya smirked to himself. "I won't let you beat me today."
He brought Jun her favourite tea – lavender to help her relax, especially when the baby decided to start playing football inside of her – and a small assortment of her favourite breakfast food. She looked so pretty under the morning sunlight, and Kazuya felt a strength boil within him. Not a physical strength, but a power that was fuelled by Jun's neverending love. That he could be a good person because she loved him.
"Oh!" she smiled when she woke up, and was surprised to see Kazuya sitting there beside the edge of the bed, waiting for her to wake up. He'd taken one of the buns and was diligently nibbling at it. He didn't have much of an appetite but as if that mattered. What mattered was Jun, and not letting Devil take over. "You sweetheart, Kazuya! You did this yourself?"
"Of course I did," The memories of his father forced his smile to stay downwards, but he fought it. Is this the same Kazuya Mishima from a few days ago? "What are you saying?"
"Well, you're the only person I know who can set fire to soup."
"One time, Jun. That was one time," he rolled his eyes jokingly and finished off his bun. "Anyway, eat up. I'll be back in a minute."
What Kazuya really meant to do was go get himself a drink, and he was halfway through pouring a glass for himself when the glass suddenly shattered in his hand - "Aah! Fuck!" - and he shrieked out loud from the shards now painfully embedded into his left hand. One stuck out all the way through his hand, ugly and bloody, and every breath he took was deep as he gasped in a sharp pain, the air cold and nipping, the glass eating away at his ripped skin. What the fuck? But then the voice started to come back to him. He hadn't shattered that glass. Not him.
(you thought you could get away didn't you?)
"No..."
(face it kazuya you'll never be rid of me)
(every night I revel in your horrified eyes as angel lies beneath me trying to escape the silly girl. but she is so sweet and that's what make you and i similar. you are driven mad by the lust and virgin beauty of jun aren't you?)
"Don't you have anything better to do, Devil, really? Why are you still here?"
(don't worry)
(i won't go just yet)
(there's no way you'd survive without me)
Kazuya was beginning to lose his temper. He could hear Jun coming downstairs, no, no, he couldn't let her see him like this, no no please his chest was tight it was as if an elephant was sitting on him and his heart was about to explode and his eyes throbbed and his lungs were hot and dry and his skin was beginning to deepen in colour and he could feel himself literally pulsing with anger at Devil leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone!
"Kazuya? Is everything...?" Jun stopped mid-sentence as she stared at Kazuya in the kitchen, his left hand impaled by glass shards and half of his skin fading to a strange purple that she had seen before. His left eye was bright red and terrified, and his mouth kept on slipping from a frown to a crooked, evil smile that she knew did not belong to him. "...Kazuya?!"
"That goddamn son of a bitch," Kazuya's voice was too deep and too raspy and hoarse for it to be his, and Jun instantly knew that it was Devil. What was she supposed to do? What had happened? If that voice was what Kazuya heard every day...she honestly felt enormous pity for him, and then she found the defiance that defined her – pregnant or not, she would help him defeat Devil with all of her might.
"Kazuya Mishima! I know you're in there! This isn't you!"
He started to move toward her now, staring her down with an irate expression, but then his face contorted into a twisted smile. "Oh, you...I want to feel you underneath me," Before Jun could do anything, Devil's injured hand was wrapped around her swan neck, pinning her up against the wall, her feet off of the ground. She kicked and punched, but her fists just couldn't quite reach him, and Devil laughed louder every time. He licked his lips, his tongue much longer and thinner, almost like a snake. "I want to be inside of you," he growled. "Haha! And with child, too! Not so sweet now, eh? Even better!"
"Let me go!"
"Why?" Devil's grip tightened. "I'm the father of your baby, Jun. And that baby will be born with me inside of him! Sick, isn't it? Doesn't that thrill you? To the fucking core? Your precious little bastard child will have me inside of him, for the rest of his life!" With one swift movement of his horrendously strong hand, he ripped out a clump of Jun's hair, and she screamed in sharp agony, and Devil simply became angrier. She'd screamed for Kazuya, not for mercy. "You don't want to know what I really am, do you? You think I can be ignored!"
Devil's snarl was pressed into her face, their noses touching, and he was speaking so harshly that she could feel his spit pepper her face. His long, gnarled fingers clenched around her throat, and he tightened – she let out a squeak rather than the screech she had intended, and Devil laughed. His tongue flicked at her cheek and Jun shuddered. "You're d-disgusting," she spat, sounding braver than she felt. "You're a bully!"
"I don't know what you're talking about, Jun, baby," he chuckled, his voice was softer, now. Dangerous. "You, Jun...you are just like Angel. The angel that I take for myself every night! You'd call it rape...but I would rather think of it as just taking my prize..."
Jun spat in his face, her head aching and throbbing from the pain, and tried to wriggle free, she shouldn't have caused herself so much stress but she had to get out, she had to, this wasn't Kazuya anymore – "No!" The horror of what Devil wanted to do to her nauseated her; the images flashed to her, Devil's trickery messing with her mind; the thought of Devil inside of her, reaping his prize...
Behind the mask of Devil's crimson-blood eyes, she could see Kazuya's brown own, desperate for help, desperate for Jun, screaming and shrieking in agony and torment from the Devil's mastery; Devil knew Kazuya inside out and it utterly tore Jun's heart in two to know that her lover could hold no secrets, or show her intimacy without Devil laughing in his head; sometimes she thought she could hear him cackling in Kazuya's head, and that was what stopped him when he was about to reach down and kiss her head. But she never stopped, never faltered with her own affection. It was love that would extinguish Devil, it was care and affection and the work of the angel Kazuya told her about. Angel...Jun thought to herself, please help me! If you're real, you must be real if he sees you with Devil! Help me, help him!
Instead of saying anything else, Jun kept her mouth shut, and simply tried to escape from Devil's grasp. He had both of her arms pinned against the wall and his dark purple face was now close to hers, his long snake tongue flickering at her with deep lust; he was sick, a masochist, Jun pulled herself away but she couldn't just find the strength to escape. After a few seconds, something struck Kazuya and Jun felt it – his movements ceased entirely and started to groan out in pain – from the raspy voice Devil possessed, his voice became more baritone and smooth like stone, and when Jun opened her eyes, Devil no longer stood in front of her.
"Kazuya!"
Kazuya looked up at her. He realised the way he was holding her, and immediately let her go. He grabbed her delicate hands and stared at the ugly bruises he'd left on her skin; painted with saffron and lavender and indigo, they would have been beautiful if they hadn't hurt her, if they hadn't been created by his hand. There were bruises on her neck, too, Jesus Christ what had he been doing? His hand was still bleeding from the glass and with great pain, he slowly pulled out the bloody shard that impaled it completely. The rest were tiny splinters of glass and they cracked, the sound of teeth shattering, whenever he moved.
"Kazuya, what happened to you?"
"I..." he blinked. He couldn't remember. It was as if he'd fallen asleep whilst pouring a drink. "I went down. To get something...and then the glass shattered in my hand...I...it was Devil. He took over me. And I let him...but I can't remember after that," He looked at Jun's sweet face, she still wasn't angry with him; her big eyes were just dear and earnest and concerned for him. "Jun...what did I do?" He looked to his fist to see the shreds of Jun's hair. "Oh, God..."
"I'm not mad because I know you can't control him," Jun smiled. But as she kept speaking, her smile faded to a more sorrowful look. "I came to see if you were okay. I heard the glass shatter, and..."
"I fucked up," Kazuya immediately turned away from her and sat at the table. His hand hurt, throbbing away, sharp and cold with the fangs of cold air biting into his steel skin, but what did it matter? He hurt Jun. He hurt her bad and he knew it even though she was denying it. Not you. Not you, Kazuya, a blonde sweet angel in his head insisted, but her rapist with hellfire for eyes laughed too loud and shouted back, Yes you, Kazuya! You did it! You hurt Jun, and it wasn't me! Not me! A child taunting him in the schoolyard.
Kazuya didn't slap Jun's hand away whilst she cleaned his wound. He simply sat there, wallowing and drowning in his own guilt, he was a corpse rotting with the black water, and knew that he would die two times in his life – once when he stopped breathing, and his heart stopped. That was fine and peaceful. The second time would be when Jun said his name for the last time. It was the only thing he feared.
Jun hadn't heard Kazuya speak in two days. Ice flooded her veins every time she saw the shadow of Kazuya Mishima ghost by her side, and wake up silently in the morning; the once-rosy cheeks were now porcelain pale. The comforting if cold brown eyes Jun had known were dark and wet. And what infuriated Jun more than anything was that Kazuya had stopped eating. He drank instead. Drank the whiskey, drank the Carlsberg, and some of the Southern Comfort. There was a bottle of brandy in the cupboard and Kazuya drank the entire thing. Even when completely shitfaced, he still didn't speak, and he refused to eat anything. It concerned Jun, but it enraged her as well, to see her lover blaming himself for what Devil did.
But Jun knew that she needed to control her stress; it wasn't good for the baby, and she had been extra careful the minute she'd found out she was pregnant. It had been Kazuya who contantly nagged at her to go to bed and rest, he would wash up, cook food, do whatever was needed, and now it was her turn. He'd struggled with rage throughout his whole life, what with Heihachi abusing him to the near-point of suicide. And his mother died, Kazuya loved her and he never knew her. So he'd gone it alone, and even Lee, who didn't like Heihachi very much and disliked Kazuya even more, couldn't believe the way that Kazuya used to speak to his father. (kazuya, what the hell are you doing?!) (i don't give a fuck. he screwed us over. he fucked us over. he doesn't give a shit.) But it was so...difficult. It was so difficult not to be angry. It was so difficult for Jun to bottle up the rage, boiling inside of her blood, banging against his brain, a seething red razor blade slicing his hot skin off one layer at a time. She knew that her lover felt the same, and that she had to stay calm and cool, for him. He needed her. Kazuya needed Jun to take care of him, although he would never admit it.
He was simply waiting for Heihachi to die, that was all; whether it be by his hands or disease or time.
Twenty-five hours later, Kazuya Mishima sobered up, and was lucky enough not to have a terrible hangover. He swallowed some painkillers and let himself rest on the sofa, completely forgetting for a while that anyone else in the world existed, instead staring out of the window into the bleak land before him. The morning was grey and morose, much like his own feelings, and his breath was wheezy and stank of beer as he exhaled deeply. He only perked up three hours later at the sound of Jun crying upstairs, and stumbled rapidly upstairs to find her in the bedroom. It didn't surprise Kazuya so much as rattle him to the core in complete guilt. His heart lunged in his throat and tightened unbearably. The horror of Jun's sadness was something that didn't exist; she was a delicate flower, swaying with the wind as life went on, and simply stood back up if she was knocked down; but this was so surreal, and Jun's sadness became a nanosecond of reality when something worried her about the baby but this, this was too much, and it was too genuine for Kazuya to take. The horror of Jun crying because of Devil encapsulated somewhere between his pupils and his long eyelashes and he was nauseous with guilt and regret. Unimaginable guilt, everywhere.
"What is it, Jun?" was all Kazuya could say, completely pathetic and unable to think straight of anything else. She acknowledged him and simply continued to cry, and Kazuya tried not to let himself get angry – one quality he did not possess in the slightest was patience. "Tell me, goddamnit!"
"I was just worried," she sobbed, rubbing her tears away like an indignant child. "I'm sorry. I was just...last night. I...I thought of you...and what happened...and whether or not it was you."
Oh no. No no no.
Please.
She didn't just say that.
Kazuya's eyes enlarged as saucers, big and brown without his sunglasses to hide the mess, brilliant white stained by cerise spiderweb of hungover capillaries. The horror boiled up in his stomach, the hot wax inside a lava lamp dancing up through his oesophagus and it made him nauseous and Jun only realised then, too late, what she had said. Complete and utter guilt shattered her and she burst back into tears. It ripped her chest open and pushed her lungs and heart and splintered ribcage back into her spine with a dull ache, the roar of the blood in her head mocking the waves of the ocean. The sharp agony split through her torso and she wasn't sure if the pain was real; it tore rapidly through her torso and through her unborn son, a total mess of blood-spurting, heart-wrenching guilt. She opened her mouth, but closed it again before she was sick.
Oh Jun. No no no.
Surprisingly, he didn't leave immediately before she could take back what she said. The guilt was a blood-soaked parasite. The baby inside of her started to feel like jagged teeth as his little heels dug into her diaphragm and felt no comfort at the idea of meeting the little human in there; what if he, too, possessed the Devil Gene? Kazuya simply looked at his thighs, unable to face her. You've finally snapped him, Jun.
"I..."
"Save it."
(kazuya...)
A voice shivered through Kazuya's cold bones in a menacing baritone, and angry bronze eyes flashed in his brain, lightning burning in his blood at the anger because he had seen those eyes before. He could feel bloody lips that didn't belong to him curl up into a sadistic smile, a masochistic pleasure flooded through his veins and he was aroused. He could feel the hardness pressing against his thigh and shivered at the shame. Not him. Not him. Devil. It was Devil's sick obsession with Jun and Angel that Kazuya really couldn't stand; any intrusive thought about it drove him crazy and drowned him in fits of anger.
"Devil is not me," he stated, and it sounded so much harsher than he intended it to be; Jun jumped a little at the severity. "And I'm not him. You knew that. You...you did something no one else ever did."
"...what?"
Kazuya sighed. He still refused to look at her. "When I was coming out of his trance, you know...when he takes over me. It's kind of like being asleep, and having a lucid dream. Then when I come out, it's like that feeling when you wake up from a dream. But he's a nightmare...anyway, when I was coming out, waking up, I heard him shout. He sounded really, really angry. Like something had managed to get to him, his possible weakness. You kept on calling my name...and then I saw you."
"Me?" Jun still didn't understand. She just kept on looking at Kazuya, silently begging him to look back. If she didn't have his albeit strange way of love, then what did she have? Kazuya was the only thing she could call family that wasn't more than ten hours away. She didn't even know what Kazuya was to her, and she to him. What he thought of her was something always on Jun's mind; he barely referred to her as a partner, and would have probably died before calling her his girlfriend. They'd had sex once, that spontaneous, peculiar night in which Kazuya said absolutely nothing; the only sound he made was his climax, his strong hands gripping her hips in pleasure and gasping as the sweat pealed off him in beads. She wanted to feel his love, but understood why he wasn't good at showing it; and times like this frightened her, when she wondered if Kazuya loved her at all.
She was alone, and she felt it every single day, and even with her baby inside of her to keep her company for the rest of her life, she still felt lonely. Jun stood out, a cherry blossom in the midst of the grey of life, whilst the world buzzed and whirled without her.
Then she understood. She was Devil's weakness. She might have been a representative of Angel. Maybe, some part of her was Angel, the goddess, the prize that Devil reaped in Kazuya's nightmares. That thought initially gave her hope – did Kazuya believe Jun to be an angel? Or was Angel a separate entity altogether, a part of the good side Jun knew he possessed? Each thought was a door, opening up a dazzling light that had erupted from a tiny spark of white knowledge; then another realisation dawned. Devil had taken a horrific reaction to Jun defying him. She'd called him Kazuya rather than Devil, and that erased Devil's identity. He didn't like the idea of Kazuya feeling love. And what with his upbringing, and the circumstances into which Devil came into his life, love was not something Kazuya felt very often.
Love would defeat Devil. Perhaps not banish him forever, but would perhaps give her lover some peace. That was Angel's purpose – to love and to forgive and to cherish Kazuya, hold him high like a child who wanted to know what it was like to feel the wind through their hair, and listen to their echoing laughter dissipate away into the breeze.
"...Kazuya?" Jun knew she had to take a risk. That was her entire life, made out of risks. She'd risked entering the King of Iron Fist tournament with Lei, knowing she would very likely die; she'd risked the fight against Kazuya, and she'd risked her life, telling him to go ahead and do it, to tighten his hand clenched around her swan neck, to do it if it gave him any closure against Heihachi. But he'd spared her life. For reasons she still didn't understand, and would probably never know, Kazuya Mishima had spared her life and told her to leave before Heihachi got his hands on her. She'd taken a risk when she looked at the terrifying little plus sign on the pregnancy test, and she'd taken a risk when she offered Kazuya the choice to stay with her or leave. He didn't pack his bags to go, and that was always a thought that gave her hope.
"What?" His voice was angry, thick with regret.
"Look at me," Jun demanded, her voice firm but always gentle at the same time. He did, slowly moving his head up, and his brown eyes locked with her own, forever trapping them in a gaze. "I have an idea. I think I know how to maybe get rid of Devil...or at least give you some peace for a while. Show him that you're stronger than he is."
"He's what gave me my strength," Kazuya sighed. "He's what made me survive."
"Physical strength, maybe, but that doesn't matter if you don't have a strong mind!" Jun immediately defied him, and any words that Kazuya had prepared died on his lips from the shock. He always knew Jun was defiant and strong, but she had never snapped at him before. "You always told me that anger is a disease for the fighter. That they must erase all anger in their minds for their minds to be clear, so that it doesn't blind them. A strong mind means you don't let anger and hatred take over."
Kazuya sighed. "That's right."
"So...so why do you let it consume you?"
"I don't know, Jun!" Kazuya's hands balled into tight fists and he stood up, ready to punch the mirror, but retracted quickly at the memory of the glass in his hand. The bandages were tightly wound around his hand, slightly bloody, and still hurting. He faced her, the rain outside lashing against the window hurtling down from the grey clouds, and sighed. "A lot of things remind me of my father. Then I remember what he did to me. And I just feel it inside of me, boiling up, and I remember how he used to treat my grandfather, the only person apart from you who ever loved me, and I haven't seen him in years, and I wish my mother was still alive, and I wish Devil wasn't here and I know I'm going to be a fucking awful father to a child who isn't even here yet because every single day of my life I've been tormented by thoughts and memories and the pain! There's so much I want to enjoy but I can't!"
At the mention of his mother his voice became thick and wet with sobs, but they died in his throat and choked him. He crumpled at the wall, fingers pressed into his skin to hide himself, he didn't want to look at her, he couldn't bear it. Jun was so patient with him and she was just so warm and wonderful and why did she put up with him, and why couldn't he ever return the favour?
(you don't return the favour because i don't let you! how dare you love anyone? no one ever loved YOU)
"Kazuya..."
A hand. A soft hand. Felt his skin and his arms and what he showed of his face. Warm gentle hands with long elegant fingers. Jun's hands. Neither of them said anything, listening to the rain outside. Soothing. Comforting. Kazuya dredged up a memory, one he didn't really know if it was true, or if he'd just dreamt of it, or was just so in love with the idea of having a mother that his untainted mind then had formulated it. A memory of his mother, his silky sweet beautiful mother, a rose that Heihachi picked from a selection of other weeds, and he ripped her petals out of her skin; he somehow remembered being a very young child, curious about everything in the world, and sitting with his mother, hands pressed up against the cold window waiting for his father to come home – back when he had any sort of appreciation for him – and his mother was chuckling lightly to herself whilst she read him a story. It had been raining. He was interested by that. But she was evanescent, and Kazuya had no other memories of her no matter how much he sifted through them; he could find no halcyon solace, mellifluous memories of her flowery wind that coloured his life, in the spiderwebs of his blackened mind; she was an enigma, and all he had of her were pictures.
But Jun. Jun was his comfort now. He didn't have a mother to cry into, he didn't have that growing up, someone who would take him into their arms when he wanted to wail and thrash like a small child. And in three months there would be a screaming small child who would cry for Kazuya, to be taken into his arms, and he would cradle the one child in the world he could call his son.
"Kazuya."
"Jun, please-"
The sheets were soft and inviting, cool and soothing on his white-hot skin, sticky with sweat. The curtains breezed quietly with the outside wind and a cool air danced around the two bodies creating warmth in the night. He couldn't get comfortable on top of her so she took the lead, and for a while there was simply nothing but the groans and sighs - Jun coaxed the responses out of him, sounds and words he never thought he'd ever say. If Heihachi had ever known about this he would have called him weak. But he wasn't weak. Kazuya was strong. And he was strong because Jun loved him and made him strong. Not Devil. Not Devil.
He wouldn't win.
Kazuya worked with his fingers and tongue to prepare her, her own noises fuelling the stirring tingling in his hardness, the want and the desire, not to hurt her or use her for his own gratification, but to make her feel good, to prove to her that he was nuts about her, really, he was. Even though he would daydream at the most inappropriate of times, all his thoughts and fantasies were about Jun, and how kind she was, and her sweetness, and doing things with her, and doing things to her, and living together, just peaceful and happy and fun, his life infinitely better because she was in it and fuck fuck fuck he let out a gasp when she slid down onto him, connected, nothing between them. And she was so goddamn gorgeous, too; dear sweet God she was an angel, a sex goddess, a tempting Siren from the sea, Queen Eidolon, a rabbit fawn nymph mermaid sweet cherry blossom.
What are you doing, Kazuya?
"...o-oh..." Her groans were fuel. He couldn't get enough. His hands found their way to her hips and he held them there, forcing himself deeper into her, and she let out a long gasp at the sensation. Jun didn't know about him, but she had been needing this for so long. Needing him, his love, to help her. Stronger because he loved her.
You're FUCKING her? No, no, that's pathetic, that's not fucking! Hurt her! Kill her! Make her suffer!
"...fuck..." he groaned, closing his eyes and feeling her new curves; she had always been a slim girl, but what with the addition of an unborn child to her body she had certainly developed. Her breasts were larger and much firmer, and her thighs thick, and there was something oddly captivating about the fact she had a baby bump. The heat between Kazuya's thighs burned a messy hole in his nerves and he squirmed and writhed and wriggled, Jun's cool hands over his sweaty body, but then the squirming and writhing became not from the pleasure, but from something else entirely. "N-No...not now..."
"...l-let me go," she asked, but Kazuya's hands stayed put tight around her hips, and he couldn't move; he knew exactly what was happening and slowly, Devil's raspy voice faded in, his shrieking and screaming like sandpaper and boiling oil, beyond human range, beyond human anything. No no no he couldn't let Devil win. "Kazuya...you're h-hurting me...!"
Immediately Kazuya defeated Devil with sheer willpower and let go of Jun's hips, watching the white marks on her skin where his fingers had been flood back to the soft peach. She smiled at him - Kazuya could hardly handle it - and he propped himself up on his arms, and she reached down to kiss him. Oh, God, kissing her felt just wonderful, their lips and tongues working and moving together whilst he thrust himself in deep, and he was just so high on pleasure, sickly sweet fruit delirious delicious aching ecstasy, and he did his best to ignore Devil's screaming in his head because this was better than anything Devil could ever have given him. His physical strength meant nothing now because he was in love. Jun's beautiful fingers intertwined with his, the distant wind mimicking the rush of blood in his heart, the rhythm of the hot blood coursing through his veins, erratic breathing staining the air and their bodies fighting for warmth. She stopped kissing him to moan into his mouth and that turned him on so much that his hands found her rear and spanked her. She yelped out and started giggling, and he smiled too, eyes shut tight, he was doing it he was winning against Devil-
You're IGNORING me, Kazuya!
"Shut up!" he hissed, and he opened his eyes to see Jun staring at him, still moving, but concerned about what he was talking about. "He..h-he...no..."
"It's him, isn't it?"
Kazuya shook his head vigorously. "No! I...Jun..." He let out four powerful thrusts in succession, enough to make her cry out in pleasure, hopefully enough to make her stop asking. "I...no, Jun, don't stop, it's good, please-"
"Shh," she silenced him, and used her hands to force him down so that his thrusts became slow, and drawn out. She inhaled sharply at the sensation and smiled at him. "It's okay, sweetie. Let him out if you have to."
"...no..." Being called a pet name hurt him, not as in he took offense, but as in he couldn't understand why Jun would view him that way. He shook his head again, and brought his hands up to his head, like he was ready to tear his hair out. Then the memory of what Devil did to Jun a few days ago flashed back to him, and he moved them so she could see his eyes. "He'd kill you, Jun!"
That's right! Hurt her, make her suffer, make her mine!
"I'm strong," she continued stroking his cheek, a technique she'd used on many people to calm them down, and Kazuya was no different. His worried and anxious face slowly, slowly soothed itself back to normal, but that still didn't erase the debilitating, awful nauseating fear that buried him alive. "I can handle it."
"Jun-!"
"Kazuya..." was all she said, and she started grinding against him again, prompting him to temporarily forget and to start loving her again. They resumed almost immediately, his hands on her hips so he could go deeper; the heat and smoothness around his hardness felt wonderful, embracing and caressing him. But the idea of Devil taking over was very nearly too much to bear and all too soon, a fusion of a red-hot flame and a blue bolt of electricity ignited deep inside of him, his skin fizzed into purple, and he started to cry out against it - "No! No!" - but Jun silenced him and told him to let go. "I'm here, let it go..."
My turn, fucker.
Devil's tongue slithered from Kazuya's mouth,his mind blank as scalding kaleidoscope swirls exploded inside. He was throbbing and aching inside of her, no longer Kazuya, only Devil, and he let out a cackle at the sight of his prize, his reward, bouncing on top of him. Behind Devil's mask was Kazuya, desperate and silently screaming for help; underneath Devil's ugly skin was Kazuya's flesh, and inside his veins was his own blood, blackened with anger and hatred and Devil's own handiwork at destroying his body. Devil's enormous hand clenched Jun's throat and she cried out somewhere between surprise and pain.
"K-Kazuya!"
"Not anymore, darling," Devil spat, forcing himself painfully inside of her with every powerful thrust. "You're mine now!"
Jun was strong, but she hadn't expected this. This was what Kazuya saw every night in his nightmares, Devil reaping his reward in a disgusting display; he stripped his prize and raped the angel that stood for justice, the angel that only wanted to help him; she was that angel, she was Devil's sick obsession, she was every pulse of Devil's insane masochism, every throb and ache of his dripping desire and lust inside of her; she had to be strong for Kazuya, who had been strong for his entire life, even at such a young age when Heihachi threw him off the cliff. Sights she'd never seen flashed to her, Heihachi carrying a shrieking Kazuya over his shoulders whilst the tiny child punched and kicked, and she wondered if she'd been living peacefully and happily whilst Kazuya plummeted down the cliff, screaming and crying, and somehow surviving, and images of him lying there unconscious in a pool of blood for who know how long whilst wild wolves snarled and drooled at the sight of prey. He'd been strong his entire life and now it was Jun's turn to be strong. For him.
Every thrust from Devil hurt, and as it went on, painfully and slowly, she started to realise what she had to do. Devil wanted Kazuya to fuck her, pound her into the mattress and do obscene things to her, making her suffer for his own release. That was his fantasy. But she could feel that Devil was suffering when it was Kazuya underneath her. Love was what would defeat Devil, something he had been so deprived of. Jun Kazama felt the slightest sympathy for him and then remembered how disgusting he was.
"O-Oh..." It was hard to fake her moans, and she clenched at the anxiety of whether or not Devil would be able to distinguish between real and fake sounds - but he just coaxed her into making more noise, he wanted to hurt her and he succeeded in making her yelp in pain.
"You're a good girl," Devil hissed, slowing down a little. Like Kazuya had done earlier, he spanked her, but it hurt this time, and she cried out again. "Such a good girl..."
For the love of God, let me beat him!
Jun watched as Devil started to growl as his purple skin faded back to its normal colour, his eyes no longer glinting with red, his thrusts into Jun had ceased...Kazuya was defeating him! She pulled herself out and kissed him, kissed his face all over, flitting between quick pecks and long, slow kisses, and when she reached his lips she burst into tears at the relief of seeing him again. "K-Kazuya!" she choked out. He looked up at her, eyes wide with confusion; the realisation she was crying forced him to hold her tight, her sobs dampening his skin. He let out deep breaths. He was normal. He was him again. She kissed him hard before he could say anything, gasping and moaning with total and utter relief. "Oh, darling..."
He said nothing; instead he just held her, her warm body close against his bare skin felt so nice, and he was quietly enjoying the moment until Jun broke the silence by kissing him again, but slower and gentler this time, and touching his face again - "I love you, Kazuya," was what she said between the kisses, and Kazuya immediately stopped. He knew Jun loved him, of course he knew that, and he loved her, but to hear her say it was...it was almost liberating. It fed him strength. Power. (I love you, Kazuya...) No one had ever loved him before. He had very little memories of his mother - after all, she was Heihachi's wife, too good for him, and Kazuya balled his fists instinctively at the thought but calmed down as quick as he was enraged.
Don't you DARE tell her anything, you fucking weakling! How can you do this after all the strength I gave you? And now you're going to submit yourself to LOVING her? Kill her!
"Jun..." he breathed back in the midst of her kisses, and she slipped back down onto him, forcing him to gasp out in pleasure and relief. He wasn't quite ready to say it back to her yet - Devil would have taken over completely and murdered her before his very eyes, and he had to be rid of Devil completely before he could properly commit. They started to make love again, kissing and communicating with each other through touches and little noises, and they had a steady rhythm going until Kazuya's hands gripped tighter, his thrusts became faster and stronger and Jun knew that together, the two of them would beat Devil.
"I-I think I'm gonna..."
But the sensation disappeared as quickly as it arrived, and he had to keep on going to try and recover the warmth between his thighs, his hardness tightening and his muscles spasming in ecstasy and his hands were shivering and he had to grab onto something; he alternated between the sheets and Jun's body and his sounds made Jun fall deeper and deeper in love with him. He moaned, gasped, sighed, but was beginning to get frustrated. "I can't, Jun!"
"Yes you can," Jun exhaled between bouncing on top of him, and reached down to kiss him again. Their wet tongues trailed around the others' mouth and he couldn't stop shivering. His strong arms flew behind her and he threw his head back and cried out as a heat engulfed his thighs and he came inside of her, gasping and panting and slowly, he drifted back down from his high with Jun kissing his hair and stroking his face and gently tugging at his lips and he landed in cloudy post-orgasm bliss.
Kazuya closed his eyes and waited for Devil to ruin the moment. But the demon remained silent.
"Jun..." he murmured, and opened his eyes to see a woman who he had never thought was more beautiful. Black messy hair and cute eyes and warm skin and lovely body and sweet voice and wonderful optimistic cheery sunny mind that always brightened his day.
She was a sun in his sky that no amount of Devil's acid rain could extinguish, her presence so fiery that Heihachi's abuse would never deter her. Kazuya had believed for most of his life that he was just a machine manufactured by his father to perpetuate hatred and greed, and his creation had been the cliff. When his head smacked off a tiny rock that left him unconscious for hours, days even, Devil had come to him when he awoke and frightened off the snarling wild wolves. But that wasn't true. Jun showed him it wasn't true. Heihachi's brainwashing had always made Kazuya want more of everything, to have as many possessions as he possibly could, even if those possessions were wealth or power, but for the first time in his life, Kazuya was happy to just be nothing but himself, to disregard wealth and power because he had Jun. He had Jun to give him strength, because she was so strong.
If he had wanted to, Kazuya could have lifted her with one hand and thrown her against the wall to knock her out. But Jun would get back up again and still fight. She wouldn't have relied on Devil. She would have relied on herself. That was what she was trying to tell him.
"I love you," Jun whispered into his ear, pulling up the covers on top of the couple, and was not surprised this time that he let her cuddle up into him. He even lay an arm around her, and was happy to have her there. He was peaceful, content, his mind quiet at last. He had the strength to defeat Devil if he ever came back because Kazuya was always going to be stronger than Devil. The demon could take over his skin, his mind, his thoughts and his actions but there would always be Kazuya Mishima underneath, constantly fighting to escape from the chains Devil found him with. Jun loved him. She loved him. Who else could ever have loved him, and why was it her?
Will you just stop questioning your entire life, and just kiss her already?
Kazuya said nothing. He smiled. He kissed her.
But Jun could still feel his love.
Part of that love was growing inside of her, and soon, they would meet the little human that they had created together in one night of passion. Jun hoped that there would be many to come. She understood his inability to say those wonderful words back to her, and realised that Devil still lived deep within him – but there were other ways to say "I love you" without saying anything at all.