John Reese doesn't particularly believe in honesty. Lies of omission aren't lies, they're just omissions. Lies can be white. Assumptions don't always have to be corrected. Honesty is important, but it doesn't have to be absolute.

And, finally, knowing about someone isn't the same thing as knowing someone.

All the things, important or not, that John never said, didn't correct, or twisted a bit, just becausethat's what he did.

So... I'm rewatching the show ( again ), like, for the... fifth time? Or sixth? Not sure ( I started it less than a year ago, when it was already finished, and now I'm just going back and back and back and... you get it. I'm obsessed ( especially by John ).

And I decided, why don't I collect quotes from various conversations between him and the others and add the thoughts he never said out loud? Yeah, I know. I'm crazy.

Also, you might see some things that aren't canon, without being against canon. You can go and take a look at my other PoI works, especially the crossovers, and you'll see I'm staying true to my vision of John.

And finally, I'm taking the relationships as they make sense TO ME, staying faithful to canon as I can but filling in when I found the obvious explanation didn't sastify ME. Which means, brotp for Rinch, very strong relationship without romance for Careese, antagonistic then unsaid Team Rocket friendship, sibling Mayhem Twins, etc...

PILOT

Joss Carter: "You don't learn how to fight like that in the regular army. So, what were you? Special Forces? Delta?"

Both. Neither. A bit of the two. And more. He passed by so many branches of the US armed forces, sometimes even he thinks it's a bit ridiculous. Not that it matters so much, in the end, where and with whom you learned how to kill. What mattered was that you could. That you did.

John Reese: "Seems like the only time you need a name now is when you're in trouble. So am I in trouble?"

Of course he is. He knows that the detective won't lose any time in getting his fingerprints – he's going to let her, too. Then he'll end up in jail, and the CIA will hear of his continued survival. Considering they had him terminated, a few months back, he doesn't doubt what's awaiting him then. But even for that, he doesn't need a name.

Joss Carter: "Of course, some other guys I knew, they'd done so many evil things, they felt like they needed the punishment. That sounds more like your story?"

Not particularly. Of course, he's not proud of everything he did, but it isn't like most of it wasn't necessary – he does have doubts about certain assignments, though, but he won't tell the detective that. Just like he didn't tell her his real name. He isn't really a forthcoming individual.

Harold Finch: "You don't owe me anything, Mr. Reese. That's the name you prefer, isn't it? I know you've had several."

The fact that the man doesn't use his real name could mean two things: either he doesn't know it and is skillfully not admitting it, or he does know, but thinks John will be more amenable to working for him if he doesn't hear a menace in the exact knowledge of his original identity. Well. Two can play this game, right? He isn't going to deny or confirm anything. Let the stranger wonder about his reactions.

Harold Finch: "I know exactly everything about you, Mr. Reese. I know about the work you used to do for the government. I know about the doubts you came to have about that work. I know that the government, along with everybody else, thinks you're dead. I know you've spent the last couple of months trying to drink yourself to death. I know you're contemplating more efficient ways to do it."

He frankly doubts that the man knows absolutely everything about him, but at the same time, he can't deny that the stranger knows more than most people do. Some might even say that he knows enough, if not all. John, though, would argue that, so far, the stranger knows a lot about him, but that doesn't mean he does know him. There's a difference there, a difference that matters.

Harold Finch: "You need to know what it would be like to be forced to listen to someone get murdered, and not be able to do anything about it."

As if he doesn't already – Finch probably doesn't realize what exactly being the kind of agent he used to be entails, even if he thinks he does. On top of that, there were the times from even before... But that is another matter altogether.

Harold Finch: "It's the truth. You left the government because they lied to you-"

Not quite, no. He left because they put a bullet in his stomach and sent an airbone missile to make sure he didn't live through it, just in case. He also left because after that, obviously, there isn't a way he can possibly trust them not to do it again – that's called compartmentalization, and John's very good at it. He understands the need for secrecy, the necessity to keep some things quiet. It doesn't mean he's willing to die for it, especially when he didn't do anything to deserve a death sentence.

Harold Finch: "I recognize, Mr. Reese, that there's a disparity between how much I know about you and how much you know about me."

That's an understatement if John ever heard one. That's also one of the reasons why he has to stay. To figure out how much Finch actually knows about him, about his past, without letting the limping man understand that he might not have all the pieces of the puzzle. John needs to make sure that the few things he has left aren't in danger because of the man. Finch, for now, seems to be doing something good, and John might find a place in this crusade, however futile it can be in the long run. That's enough for him – it'd be another story if the man was someone bad, but he's also staying to determine that – for now.

John Reese: "The slow way. Cultivate a relationship to allow you to earn the asset's trust."

Which is more or less what he's intending to do with Finch. Of course, he doesn't doubt that the older man already suspects as much. John doesn't particularly mind the paranoia. If it was too easy, he'd think it suspicious.

John Reese: "Well, neither do I, but if someone has to have them, I'd rather it was me."

Not exactly true. He does enjoy a good weapon – the skills needed, the accomplishment, the efficiency. But unlike most criminals, and an important number of other unsavory people, he doesn't like shooting people for all that. What matters right now, is that sometimes, you just have to, or you end up being the one lying dead in a morgue or a ditch. Which wouldn't do, if Finch really wants him to save numbers.

John Reese: "Take you, for instance. You're holding that thing sideways. You can't aim it, and two, it'll eject a shell casing right into your face."

Well... The last part isn't exactly, completely true – that is, it wouldn't be so serious if John wasn't about to make sure that happened by twisting the thug's hold on his weapon. Which he totally intends to do. So technically, yes, in this case the guy is going to get the shell casing right into his face. That's what aiming a weapon at a stranger could earn you, from time to time.

John Reese: "But I don't know if I can protect Hansen. I can't see the whole picture."

He is good, yes. But he isn't bulletproof, and he can't be everywhere at the same time. Finch has to understand that even a skilled operative can't work miracles. Sometimes, one piece of info could make the difference between a death and a life.

Lionel Fusco: "It's Oyster Bay. Glad you like it. You're gonna be here a long, long time."

Yeah, he had recognized the place. Oyster Bay hadn't changed much in twenty years, and John does remember working a case here once or twice, back in the day, when he wasn't yet who he is now. Not that Fusco needs to know he used to have a badge too.

John Reese: "I don't particularly like killing people, but I'm very good at it."

He doesn't particularly mind killing them, either, but for some reason saying it out loud tends to make people think he's a psychopath. The truth is, if he doesn't have a choice, if they deserved it, John isn't going to lose any sleep over their death, even if it happens by his hand. He might regret having had to, but he won't regret doing it. He's just being practical about it – he isn't sure if that's a psychopathic tendency, or something else, but he acknowledges he has a problem. Well. At least he's trying to make the best of it, unlike most killers.

John Reese: "I don't have any friends. I don't have any family left either."

False. But do you really have a family left when they don't even know whether or not you are alive? When you can't go to see them, because it's just better for everyone – except for you, but does your comfort really matter? It's false that he doesn't have any family left, but he guesses it's kind of true too. And even if it wasn't, it's certainly not Stills' business.

Harold Finch: "Sooner or later both of us'll probably wind up dead."

Again: when you have nothing left to yourself, can you really say you are alive?