All I can remember is the wind howling and the snow falling. I could feel his hot breath on my hand when I laid my head down to rest… just a moment's rest.
Fire crackled in between the trees, letting the smell of pine and wood fill the air. The wind was still blistering cold and unforgiving as it had been over four or five days, as usual. Smoke filled the air, only reaching up past the barren treetops as water ran within the distance, probably running downstream to a settlement or city- or something. Pulling the tape from his cracked and dry knuckles, Ottway sat, trying to warm himself with both the fire and thoughts of rescue, but only the growls of the wolves came to mind. The thoughts of his wife chilled his spine, though, but let them wander.
Ottway had left his billfold back there, somewhere, wherever somewhere was at this point. He left his with Talget's, Diaz's, Henrdrick's, but he didn't plan on going back. They would be either a marker showing where he went or a grave for an un-buried body. Either one was fine at this point, the latter preferred. Only if someone could reach out or if God wasn't so damn fake, he'd be fine but the feeling of being alone was crushing him. He could almost hear the trees snapping near him. Ottway stood, hearing the trees snap behind him.
The trees throughout this area had been logged. The saw marks, I had seen them and I knew that we'd find rescue.
Instead of the silent patting of wolves throughout the snow, the large creaking and growling of machines were heard behind Ottway- they weren't far off, maybe where he had left his billfold. Maybe there were people here now, looking for him and Talget and Diaz and Hendrick. All of them. But they would never find any of them, maybe just the bodies and shadows, the pictures of their families that would never see them again as they disappeared into nothingness. Kicking the snow behind him as he ran as fast as he could, the sound of growling and creaking became louder, the choir having ushered in the sound of a helicopter above and the talking of men.
Ottway couldn't yell… his throat was tightened up too badly and he could only wave. He was scared that this was his only chance, yet angered by everyone else's' death except for his. Trying to scream, he tried to exalt his voice, and something came out.
"Hey! Look over there, is that one of them?" A worker called out.
Heads turned and the faces of gruff men looked utterly in shock and surprised. One even dropped his coffee as he took off to get Ottway, to bring him into safety. Ottway fell to his knees with his breathing increased, almost gasping for air as Hendrick's face looked into his as the group of men who had died crowded around him.
She told me 'Don't be afraid'. I tried my best before I called out into the false heavens for forgiveness of anything I had done, for a sign. I only wished she could save me now. Hold me like she used to.
The bitter wind shook Ottway awake, holding him against the freezing elements and the rest of the wolves that still could be hunting him. His blue eyes flickered within the dark, wanting to hear the snapping of trees as he lay near the abandoned den of the wolves that had killed everyone but him. Looking towards the carcass off in the distance, the cold could've preserved some of the meat, but it was somewhat unlikely.
Ottway set off for the wolf's body, to scrap meat from it and to use the fur.
His sweater was pattered with the snow that he had come to know so well, it was almost warm. He could lay back in it, fall asleep and be so comfortable- but he knew what that meant, he'd freeze to death. But death was warm, and it washed over you. It was painless to die in the cold.
"Oh…"
Ottway whispered to himself as he felt to his knees as he did in his wild dream, laying back in the snow. It would wash over him, it would be okay and his wife would take care of him once he fell asleep. She'd hold him and kiss him again, keep him safe from all the terrors in the world.
The sky above, it was clear. Only the wild grey yonder filled his vision before he closed his eyes and found himself laying within the hospital sheets that he came to know during the last few hours of seeing his wife before he had to leave for the dreaded oil rig. She wouldn't ever know if he was okay, he wouldn't ever know if she was alive. But Ottway could feel her arms around him as he slept, dreaming of her eyes peering into his and smiling, whispering the dreaded words of Don't be afraid.
There was nothing to fear in death if it washed over you.
Only warmth.
