Secrets Chapter 1, a jag fanfic

TITLE: Secrets

AUTHOR: Vid Z.

PAIRING: Harm/Singer

TIMELINE: shortly after Loren and Sergei started dating

DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the TV show JAG. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fic. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: the basic idea for this fic came to me when I was struck by a realization of how some of Loren's actions could've been interpreted. Planting the evidence in Mac's car, getting rid of Kate, confiding in Harm and no one else about her career plans, visiting Harm's apartment when there was no reason to, their flirting on the show, for some time they even had a better friendship than he had with Mac. And that got me thinking: what if Loren was in love with Harm, but never told him, afraid of being rejected? Thus this fic was born.

SUMMARY: Sergei and Loren's break up brings to light startling truths and their lives could be changed forever.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sergei stalked into the apartment and angrily threw himself onto the couch.

Harm came out of his bedroom, curious over his brother's uncharasteristic behaviour. Normally Sergei was an even-tempered man who never threw a temper tantrum. But this time it looked he was doing just that.

Being 17 years older (it always made him feel very old when he thought of their age difference), he had enough life wisdom to be confident about trying to help Sergei. He cared about his brother a lot and wanted to find out what had upset him.

Harm sat across from Sergei and just waited until the other was ready to acknowledge him.

After five minutes of angry mumbling Sergei finally realized that there was somebody else in the room. He lifted his arm off his eyes and eyed Harm.

"Hello, brother."

Harm nodded in greeting. The silence stretched for a while more until Harm broke it. "What's eating you? I've never seen you that upset before."

Sergei sighed, ran his hands over his face and sighed again. He contemplated whether to reveal what he was upset over or not. In the end, desire to share his burden won.

"Loren and I broke up."

Harm was stunned at the news. "Why? I thought everything was going great between you two? What happened?"

"It was. Until tonight."

"So, what went wrong?" Harm wasn't sure he was the right one to talk to. His track record wasn't the best. 3 failed relationships in 6 years and his strange situation with Mac didn't make him the best person to go to for romantic advice.

"I think she's in love."

"And this is a problem?" Harm scowled at his younger brother. He had never pegged Sergei to be the kind who would toy with women's hearts and be in a relationship just for sex.

"Yes it is. Since it is not I the one she is in love with."

-----------------

THE NEXT DAY

HARM'S OFFICE

JAG HQ

1467 ZULU

Harm was still in shock from Sergei's words.

'Loren in love? And not with Sergei? Lt. Witch is in love?'

He immediately felt guilty for such thoughts. True, she was extremely motivated, for which he suspected a hard, trying childhood, and ambitious, but that didn't mean she wasn't capable of loving someone. She's pretty passionate about her work, that would probably mean she's passionate in private life also.

'Besides, she's a woman. Women are more serious about love than men. Well, at least they get serious about love sooner than us, guys. I was 35 when I first started seriously thinking of having a family. But with the way things are between Mac and I, always fluctuating and uncertain, I don't think I could inflict our relationship on our children. It would be cruel, much less fair. Better leave this line of thought and get back to Singer. It's not nice of me, but I never thought of her wanting such things.'

Just then Loren went by his office. 'She IS a beautiful woman, but she seems to be spending all of her time either with Sergei or at the office.'

Harm's eyes bulged at this revelation. 'Oh, god. Please, don't tell me. Please don't tell me it's Bud she fell in love with! What is it with that man? He's a regular chick-magnet! I still remember what Harriet told me of how women just fell over him before she publicly staked her claim. I never received that much attention from women, how does he do it? But, no, it can't be Bud. She'd eat him alive and spit out the bones. Singer and Bud is as ridiculous as Mac and Bud.'

Harm let his eyes sweep the bullpen, taking in everything. There was Harriet talking to a Petty Officer, Sturgis was nowhere to be seen, Mac was in her office, as was Cheggwidden, Tiner was talking to Singer, Bud was by the photocopier,...

'Wait a minute? Singer and Tiner? No, it can't be. She wouldn't endanger her career like that.' satisfied with his conclusion Harm went back to thinking.

His mind wondered back to what Sergei told him of how he realized that Singer was in love.

------------------

FLASHBACK TO PREVIOUS EVENING

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, my brother."

"And how did you find out?"

"I believed it was the right time and suggested we relocate to her bedroom."

"And?"

"She became nervous. It would've been our first time together."

"That doesn't mean anything, Sergei. Perhaps she was just shy." 'I can't believe I just said Singer could be shy.'

"She was not. I talked to her about the reason. Finally she admitted that she's been in love with someone for a long time now. She believed she would be able to forget him and wanted a chance with me. But then she realized she can't have sex with anyone else, because she felt she would be cheating on the man."

"I wish I could tell you I am angry that she used you, but that would've been hypocritical since I once did the same thing myself."

"You speak of the beautiful Colonel?"

"Yeah. As you know she was engaged for a time and I started a relationship with another woman, because obviously Mac didn't feel for me what I felt for her. Otherwise she wouldn't have taken Brumby's ring in the first place. Renee knew from the start of our relationship what it was about, but she told me she understood. I wanted to love her, she was a wonderful person, but I couldn't. I was too hung up on Mac. I'm sorry I hurt her, but I am also happy that our relationship made her realize she wanted marriage and family and it was a contributing factor that in the end she got together with the man she's been in love with for years. They're married now."

"I see."

"Perhaps this was for the best. You may be the Renee of this relationship. Perhaps you had to get your heart broken this time to find out what you want and then eventually find the right one for you."

"There is wisdom in your words, brother."

"So, did she say who it is?"

"She did not. But she did say she sees him frequently and that is why she can not forget him."

END FLASHBACK

----------------

That is how Harm came to the conclusion that the man Loren was in love with was a co-worker.

On her way back to her office Loren once again crossed Harm's field of view. Upon a closer examination he noticed signs that her recent break up did not go by without leaving it's marks on her. Her drooping shoulders, defeated stature, tired expression, even her hair seemed to have lost it's luster.

Harm decided he had to talk to her. Break up is always hard, on both parties. She was a co-worker, his brother's former girlfriend and a friend and because of that he cared about her.

It seemed that Harm was the only one in the office with whom Loren had more than just purely professional relations. They were friends, something she was not with anyone else at the office.

He was also the one in whom Loren confided her plan to become the first female JAG. He was flattered and confused. Why him?

On the other hand, whom would she have told that? Mac? Bud? Harriet? Tiner? Cheggwidden?

No one can completely isolate themselves at their work place and not suffer some kind of consenquence. If not complete and utter loneliness, then their co-workers's attitude.

He made up his mind to see how she was doing and got up out of his chair and out of his office.

-----------------