"Man, what are you doing?"
Chuck didn't even move, didn't turn to acknowledge his best friend or even look Nate in the eye. He continued to stare stoically at the water below him, holding what he knew to be his best staring stoically pose, with a glass of gin in his hand. He would continue to stare stoically from the railing of this bridge until Blair came back or until he was too buzzed to care. Because he was Chuck fucking Bass, and he did not grovel.
"Did you and Blair fight again?" Nate asked, shaking his head in disapproval. "When are you two going to reach the honeymoon phase?"
"We already had our honeymoon phase," Chuck answered. "But Blair said her throat hurt from all of the screaming." He grinned at the memory. They would have to relive some of those finer ideas. Nate pulled a face, then chuckled at the image. "She always did run the show."
Chuck nodded, taking a long drink from his glass.
"And star in it."
Chuck smoldered as he watched Blair lean in closer to Carter Baizen. Her petite form was showcased by a lily white Vera Wang gown that caressed all of her curves, displaying her fair skin and dark hair to their best advantage. Chuck had been with her during the purchase of that gown. Had sat through her trying on one dress after another in preperation for this event, and had fantasized about taking it off of her tonight in repayment for his having been so very good throughout the entire shopping trip. Because he really had contained himself. Mostly. And he'd known it had pleased her that he'd been so restrained and dignified, and it had earned him points against her damn ideal boyfriend model, which she constantly told him he didn't measure up to outside of the bedroom. (But really, what else was there? Chuck wondered. Finesse in the bedroom was the most important thing. And Blair certainly appreciated it, despite her harping on him outside of the bedroom.) But now Blair wasn't speaking to him, and all of his patience and his restraint were close to having been a waste. And Chuck Bass didn't do anything for nothing.
Blair rested her hand on Carter's arm, laughing loudly at something he said to her with his damn unshaven grin and his stupid gelled hair gleaming in the light from the chandelier. Chuck clenched his jaw, knowing that Blair was only playing it up for his benefit and hating himself because it was working. But damn it she was his and she wouldn't even look at him despite her infuriating awareness of the fact that he was watching her. He stopped a passing waiter and took a flute of champagne, swallowed it in one gulp, and replaced it on the tray. He would not just stand off to the side and glare daggers at Carter. He would calmly assert his ownership of Blair, in a polite but firm manner that he knew Blair would approve of. Because she did not approve of him acting childish in public, and it had been a very long time since he had done anything to earn her disapproval. Disturbed, he stopped this line of thought and paused to consider it. He only did these things, or restrained from them as it were, because he knew that Blair would not speak to him (among other things) if he did. Not because he was Blair trained. Because he wasn't. He merely chose to avoid provoking argument when it was unneeded. He had matured, he decided. And this was the result of that maturity.
Satisfied, he made his way towards where Carter and Blair were seated in an alcove away from the other guests. He stopped short of them, seeing Carter slip away, promising to get more drinks, and followed him away from Blair and back towards the crowd. When he was sure that Blair was out of earshot, he tapped Carter on the shoulder.
"I wondered when you would show up." Carter greeted him, upon seeing who he was.
"You're with Blair, I couldn't be far." Chuck responded disdainfully. "She's my girlfriend after all."
Carter smirked at him, then looked over Chuck's shoulder at where Blair was sitting with her back to them.
"Yeah..it's funny, though. According to Blair, she isn't seeing anyone at the moment, certainly not you. She doesn't seem to think you two are much of anything right now, actually."
Chuck scowled internally, keeping his expression in check. Of course Blair would tell him that they had broken up. She knew that Carter was Chuck's weak point, that's why she had run to him after their fight. It was the best way to drive her point home, and she knew it. Carter continued, knowing he was hitting a nerve.
"Whatever you did to screw it up, bravo," he goaded. "She's done with you."
Chuck's blood boiled. He stepped closer to Carter, whispering dangerously low.
"She's mine, Carter. So you can crawl back into whatever festering hole you came out of for the occasion. I'll handle it from here."
Carter would have said more, but Chuck turned away from him and, fueled by the heat of their discussion, returned to Blair's seated form. She must have sensed his approach, because she looked up with a cold gaze when he neared her.
"Blair," he murmured, kneeling to be level with her. He wasn't sure what he was doing here, this wasn't a part of his plan, but he had tried everything else. He rested a tentative hand on her knee. She didn't move to dislodge it. "Blair, I don't know how to fix this. You won't return any of my calls. When I come by, Dorota says you aren't home. Where have you been? How have you been? I miss you."
Blair stared at him, her expression unreadable. He searched her face, waiting for a response. The silence stretched out between them, but still he heard nothing.
"Will you tell me what I did?" he asked. This earned him a response.
"You don't know what you did?" She asked him coldly, in a voice that suggested she knew otherwise. Chuck continued to look intently at her.
"No, I don't, Blair, I told you that. Tell me what's wrong so I can fix it and we can get past this."
Blair frowned.
"We can't get past it. I can't get past it. I'm done, Chuck."
Carter approached behind him and placed his hand on Chuck's shoulder.
"You heard her, she's done Bass," he said. "Now kindly pick yourself up off of the ground and leave us be."
Chuck, who had stiffened when he felt Carter's hand on his shoulder, ignored him and grabbed hold of Blair's hand. He ignored Carter and held her dainty fingers, caressing them with his thumb.
"Please Blair," he pleaded.
She stood imperiously, his hand sliding from hers and falling through the silky folds of her dress, coming to rest forgotten by his side. He looked up at her, too numb to move.
"I can't deal with this, Chuck. It's over."
And with that, she walked away from him. Took Carter's hand and walked away, leaving him kneeling on the floor alone.
Nate didn't understand how serious it was, and it was getting on Chuck's last nerve.
"Did you apologize?" He asked one day, when he found Chuck sitting alone in his rooms with a glass of scotch in hand. He'd given up on gin because it wasn't strong enough.
"Yes, Archibald, I apologized," he responded. "She told me to apologize to someone who cared."
Nate frowned. "Can't you just buy her something in repentance? Blair's never been selective about accepting gifts of apology."
Chuck eyed him disdainfully. "Of course I thought of gifts, Nathaniel. I had the entire spring Prada collection sent to her house. I'm not naïve."
Nate blinked. "Okay, and..?"
"I haven't heard from her."
Nate laughed. "But she kept the bags?"
Chuck looked at him. "Yes, but it wasn't about whether or not she could keep the bags. She'll need them when I take her out next season."
Nate laughed. "Are you serious?"
Chuck stared at him, unabashed.
Nate shook his head. "You two are meant for each other."
Chuck resumed his drink. He didn't respond, because he already knew this. He didn't need Nate to tell him that. He needed Blair to recognize, the way she once had, that they couldn't possibly date other people. That they were the only possible options for each other, because together they were perfect. Alone and separate they were miserable. Or at least he was. And he had always relied on that knowledge to keep the two of them together, no matter how often they bickered. But lately it seemed that Blair had forgotten this important fact, had forgotten him, and really meant to move on from him. And if he was really honest with himself, he was scared that she might succeed.
"Serena said Blair won't talk to her," Nate said next. "She's completely cut herself off from us."
This worried Chuck. Blair didn't do anything alone. She always counted on her friends. And if she wasn't talking to Chuck, and she wasn't talking to her friends, then who was she talking to?
"Why?" Chuck asked.
"No one knows," Nate answered. "She just stopped answering us. Maybe it has to do with what happened between you."
It had been two months. Two months of phone calls, unsuccessful visits, and going stag to so many boring, pretentious events that Chuck hadn't enjoyed a single moment of. Two months of nothing but Blair Waldorf overshadowing his thoughts, his dreams, and his every move. Two months of not hearing a single word from her.
And it had been about a month and 3 weeks since Chuck had closed himself into his bedroom, leaving only to attend those events he couldn't absolutely avoid. A month and 3 weeks since he'd been sober. Because what was the point of life if Blair wasn't in it? And she'd made it clear that she wasn't a part of his world anymore. That she would never be again. And he didn't even know what he'd done.
Someone knocked on his door, but Chuck was too far drowned in his misery to hear it. He became aware of the presence of another human being when she crouched in front of him. He was seated in a club chair in the shadows of his bedroom, nursing a glass of bourbon. When Lily entered his field of vision, he leaned his head back to take in her solemn expression.
"Charles, what are you doing to yourself?" she asked. She reached a hand out to gently push his untamed hair away from his face.
He didn't say anything, just stared at her. He was hurting, couldn't she see that? She met his gaze, her eyes searching his face. Chuck guessed that she was looking for some sign of his old persona, some proof that he could be brought back from within this foreign person. But he knew he was lost. The best parts of him had belonged to Blair, and she had broken him when she had left him. He had loved her, and now he was lost.
"Can I ask that you come with me to dinner? It will be good for you to get out of the house I think. We don't have to talk. You can drink, and I won't say a word. Just, please, come out of your room. This isn't healthy, Charles."
She was looking at him now, concern evident in her gaze, but she was patiently waiting for an answer. Chuck didn't want to leave. He didn't want to be in public, where others could see how shamefully in love he had been and how hurt he now was. He knew he could say that, and Lily would leave. But something in him didn't want to turn Lily away. He was glad to have her there, he realized. Glad that she hadn't given up on him. And he didn't want to lose that, too.
"I'll get my coat," he told her. His voice was gruff, from so many days of unuse. Lily smiled.
"Okay. I'll be outside."
They ate at Butter because Lily wanted their butternut squash soup, and because it was high class enough that Chuck's underage drinking wouldn't be acknowledged.
True to her word, Lily didn't expect a word from him. They sat quietly while Lily ate her soup and Chuck poked at their appetizer. When their eyes met over their respective dinners, Lily smiled at him.
"I'm glad that you came out with me," she said to him. She reached out and rested her hand on his.
And then Blair Waldorf walked in.
Chuck saw her entrance from his position facing the front door, but Lily did not. So when he blanched, Lily quickly turned to assess the situation, her movements coming to a stop at the sight of Blair.
Chuck took in the sight of her like an addict re-experiencing a high. Maybe it was the shock of seeing her, finally, the flesh and blood Blair, making all of his memories of her seem dull and lifeless in comparison. She was radiant, her skin glowed as if she'd just come from the spa, and Chuck drank in her perfectly tousled curls and high, pink cheekbones, her small hips and those perfect, dainty fingers. All of the odd angles that made Blair Blair. Chuck took them in and his heart ached from the missing of them. He sat and stared and wished, not for the first time, that things had not turned out this way.
Blair, for her part, took longer to see the two of them. After being greeted, she had just looked up from her phone to follow the gentleman to a table when she locked eyes with Chuck and visibly froze. Chuck watched as the knuckles holding her phone turned white with the force of her grip. To her credit, Blair held her composure admirably. If Chuck didn't know her so well, he wouldn't have known she was upset. She made her excuses to the waiter, then turned on her heel and exited the restaurant. The entire scene took place in the span of a moment, and then she was gone, and it was as if she had never walked in.
Chuck stood up, startling Lily, and followed Blair out of the restaurant. When he stepped out into the chilly evening air, he looked around desperately, seeing Blair a little ways down the street. She was walking quickly, although she hadn't seen him come out behind her. He hurried after her, calling her name.
"Blair!"
Her step faltered, but she didn't stop or turn around. She continued walking up the street, and Chuck rushed to catch her.
"Blair, please!"
He reached her and grabbed her wrist, spinning her around. She tried to pull away, but Chuck held his grip. She wouldn't walk away this time.
"What do you want, Chuck?" Blair asked him. She squared her shoulders, as if bracing herself to hear whatever reply he chose to give. Chuck noticed this, as well as her unsteady breathing and fast pulse, which skittered under his fingertips.
"You," he breathed, staring at her intently, willing her to see the truth of the statement in the look that he gave her. "You're all I've ever really wanted, Blair."
Blair cocked an eyebrow, but the intensity of her liquid brown eyes told him she was listening. Chuck slid his hand to hers, squeezing it.
"I can't stand being apart from you. Even though you're terribly high maintenance and you cut off my illegal drug use." Blair's hesitant smile mirrored his. "I need you in my life. Together we're better. I'm better. It sounds selfish, but I know that you were happy with me. We were happy together. What changed?"
Blair was quiet, meeting the intensity of his gaze. When she reached her free hand up to caress his cheek, Chuck thought his heart may stop.
"We were good together," she whispered. "But I couldn't handle another strain on our relationship. I don't even know what you're doing here." Her hand dropped back to her side.
Chuck was confused. Did she mean what was he doing at Butter?
"Lily wanted me to come out."
Blair's expression grew grim. He could see she was trying to be strong. Was there still hope then? Had she not fallen out of love with him as he'd feared?
"Well I'm happy that you came to spend some time with her, but if you thought you could bring me back with you, you're mistaken. I'm happy here, Chuck. My life is here."
Chuck was really confused now. What was she talking about now? Here? Where did she think his life was? His room? His face scrunched up with his lack of understanding.
"What are you talking about, Blair?" He asked finally. She took a step back from him, looking away for a moment.
"I'm happy for you that your career is going well. And I know that your father would be proud of you." She sighed. "But I really need to be here right now.I still love you, Chuck, and I'm done being mad at you for not telling me, but we just can't be together right now. I can't leave New York."
Chuck reached out and took her chin in his hand. "Blair, I don't want you to be anywhere but here. My life is here, too. I have no idea what you're talking about, but if you still love me, I don't need to understand anything else. Can't we work this out?"
A tear fell from Blair's eye, and Chuck wiped it gently away. "I don't want you to move back here for me. I won't ask that of you."
Chuck frowned. "Move back here? Where do you think I live, Blair?"
Blair blinked, surprise evident in her eyes. "I thought you moved to Europe to oversee the new branch of Bass Industries."
Chuck was floored. Europe? He'd been asked last week about whether he wanted to go personally to oversee the opening of the new hotel chain, but he certainly hadn't moved. He hadn't even given his director of operations his answer yet, although he'd been seriously considering it. It would be a new start for him, away from Blair and all that reminded him of her.
"No." That was all Chuck could manage. A creeping feeling of hope was coming over him. Could this be what Blair was upset about all along? But where had she heard such a thing?
Blair's mouth opened in shock. "But Connie told me at the MoMA opening that you were going to oversee everything personally. She said you were going to be needed there for at least a year."
Chuck's heart skipped a beat. There was definitely hope there now. Flooding his veins. He grinned and grabbed Blair's hands. "I'm not going anywhere," he told her. And he was so overwhelmed with the excitement of knowing that she was his again that he kissed her. It was a hard kiss, full of the emotions that he hadn't been able to express for the past two months. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him, and when she responded, he kissed her deeper. It was several minutes before they parted. Blair looked confused, and Chuck acknowledged that she would need all of her questions answered before she gave in to him. That was how Blair was. But he loved her anyway.
Smiling down at her, he sat on a park bench that lined the sidewalk, pulling her down next to him. "Ask me. Ask me anything."
"Well where have you been?" Blair asked, stunned. "You say you've been here, but I haven't seen you."
Chuck was ashamed. "I've been..around. I've had things to go to and a lot to take care of at home." He didn't mention that he'd avoided attending anything he knew she would be present for. Blair narrowed her eyes at him, and his guilt at his mistruth overwhelmed him. She always was good at doing that. He sighed and looked down. "I haven't really left the hotel much. I was…upset."
Blair looked at him, her expression unreadable. "I can't believe I didn't know that you were still in town." And then her expression grew darker. "Did she lie to me?"
Chuck hurried to soothe her. "No, no, they did attempt to convince me that I should be there to ensure things ran smoothly, but only just last week. I don't know how Connie knew. Someone must have told her before they brought the idea to me." He wanted to laugh at the rediculousness of the situation. Only Blair could have heard about this two months ago.
"Are you going to go?" Blair asked him.
"No," Chuck responded. He gripped her arms with an intensity that matched his answer. "I don't need to. I can hire someone for that. And why would I want to live there when you're here?" He looked at her, drowning in her chocolate brown eyes, the way her lip was quivering from the fear that he might actually leave her now. That she might have to lose him all over again, for real this time. "I love you, Blair."
Blair looked away, her eyes shining with tears. "I thought you just didn't want to tell me. She said you were leaving and I just couldn't believe that I didn't know. I felt like a fool. I trusted you..and I couldn't bear to look you in the eye any more, knowing that you were leaving."
Chuck's heart went out to her, his Blair, sitting so vulnerably next to him, recounting her troubles. He understood exactly why he hadn't heard from her in two months.
"Serena kept trying to tell me it was a mistake, that we could work through it, but I just couldn't understand why you didn't tell me. I couldn't live with knowing that you didn't trust me enough.."
"So you stopped taking her calls?" Chuck asked gently. "Nate told me that you two were having problems." Blair looked ready to cry. "I'm sure she understands, Blair. You two have fallen out before."
A tear escaped down her cheek, and Blair looked down, then at him. "It doesn't matter. That's not what's important right now. You aren't leaving?" she asked again, although she already knew the answer.
"No." Chuck answered this with finality.
Blair laid her head on his chest, and he breathed deeply, taking in her scent. He wrapped his arms around her, and they stayed like that for a time, delighting in having found each other once more.
After a while, Chuck lifted his head from where his cheek had been resting on Blair's hair. "Lily is probably wondering where I am."
They stood up from the bench together, and he leaned down for one more kiss. It was calmer this time, a promise that all was well between them. They made their way back into the restaurant, unable to keep from smiling at one another. When they arrived at the table, Lily looked up at the two of them in surprise, noting their joined hands.
"Do you mind if Blair joined us?" Chuck asked.
Lily silently observed Chuck's happy expression. His mood was lighter, she noticed. The dark shadow that had overwhelmed his presence was now gone, leaving no traces of the despair of the past two months. And Blair looked happy as well, she noted. She hadn't been too cheerful the last few times Lily had seen her out in society.
"Of course," Lily replied, gesturing at the booth where Chuck had recently sat alone. "Welcome, Blair."
She smiled as Chuck gestured for Blair to sit before him, assisting her into her seat. He sat next to her, across from Lily, and motioned for the waiter to bring Blair a menu. When he looked over his own menu, he casually placed his hand over Blair's where it rested on the table. The pair radiated affection for one another. Lily resumed eating her soup, smiling to herself.
Chuck looked up in time to see this, and he too smiled. He squeezed Blair's hand, and she looked up at him, smiling too. He would never let her go again, he promised himself. No matter what it took. Blair was his forever. His Blair. No one else could love her the way he did. And he loved her too much, really. But he'd fallen in love with the one girl on the upper east side that deserved to be loved too much, so really he'd done it to himself.
Lily cleared her throat, looking at the two seated across the table from her. "So, Blair, I haven't seen you around too much recently. What have you been up to?"
"Well, I've just been busy with school and helping my mother with her work. Fashion week is coming up."
"Oh, I know." Lily sighed, the way only she could after the mention of fashion week. "I've been making plans for Serena and I to go to Paris to see the shows there. Maybe you could come with us, if your mother can handle things on her own."
"Come to Paris?" Blair asked.
"Yes, Paris, France – the one in Europe," Lily responded, smiling. "I'm sure Serena would love to have you.
Chuck and Blair looked at one another. "It won't bite." Chuck teased her gently, brushing her jaw with his thumb. "But are you sure you can handle a trip to Europe if your life is here?"