A/N: Artemis Fowl is unstoppable: nothing will get between him and power and live to tell the tale. Except one thing. What happens when our favourite teenage criminal hits puberty, starts coming out in spots, and starts seeing girls in a different light? And how will he be able to deal with that alongside mystery, betrayal and suspicion? And what will happen when the LEP get involved as well, and he comes head to head with our favourite female captain?

NOT a Holly/Artemis. Sorry guys. I've posted this under "Adventure/Humour", but it could easily decide to be an angst fic instead along the way. Plot bunnies are fickle friends…

Disclaimer: I don't even own the third book yet, let alone the copyright. So don't sue. And please bear in mind, whilst reading, that I haven't read the Eternity Code yet, so sorry for any discrepancies there. I'm gonna stop babbling now. Just read the fic. And tell me what you think, please. I'll be nice and update extra quick if you do!

Chapter One

I am Artemis Fowl. The Second, that is. Thirteen years old. A criminal mastermind. The author of several psychology articles, under a different name. The heir to the Fowl fortune, which, I must impress upon you, is a exceedingly large sum of money to inherit.

I am Artemis Fowl. You may have heard of me, but probably not. I've been called many things in my short thirteen years, "genius", and "madman" being just a few. There is no doubt that I am genius, if I may say so myself. But a madman? Perhaps. Vincent Van Gogh, after all, was slightly mad. But then again, he was also a genius. So perhaps I am a little crazy: I did, after all, shoot my own Father in an attempt to rescue him from the clutches of a Russian kidnapping racket, the Mafia. Don't ask. All you need to know is that I saved him. Don't ask me why, its only made things all the more difficult. But, then again, what is too hard for a criminal mastermind such as myself?

Butler hesitantly poked his head round the door of his Master's study.

"Artemis?" He asked quietly, and heard an annoyed sigh as the boy turned to him, a scowl on his face.

"What now, Butler?" He asked, the annoyance creeping all too clearly into his voice. Butler sighed slightly. His master had been acting quite strangely for the past few months, and Butler had come to conclusion that no one, not even Artemis Fowl, was immune to the effects of puberty. The result: one moody, lanky, spotty Artemis Fowl. The boy had not taken kindly to the sudden changes in his once-perfectly pale complexion. Nor to his sudden growth spurt, which meant that all his tailor-made, designer label suits no longer fitted. Butler wasn't particularly enamoured by it either: the way his charge was going, he would soon be taller than him, which meant that Butler would no longer be able to satisfactorily serve as a shield to his master when in the line of fire. Not that Butler was intending to get into any gunfights involving his Master anytime soon. Butler shuddered slightly. His master seemed to be a magnet for trouble: however ingenious the idea, however brilliant the plan, something always seemed to go wrong for young Artemis Fowl.

"Your parents wish to see you, Artemis." His Master sighed, but rose nonetheless, scowling.

"Very well, Butler." Artemis said in an exasperated tone. As he passed, he turned towards Butler, who was rather disturbed to note that the boy could almost look him in the eye without having to look up. "Please see that no one enters this room whilst I am gone. Hear me, Butler? No one." Butler shook his head as young Artemis stalked away. Who would have thought it? Artemis Fowl, teenage genius and criminal master mind, having his self-control torn from him by the simple matter of growing up? If anyone needed a girl, that boy did. Still chuckling softly, Butler settled himself before the computer his master had been working on and proceeded to do what he did best: sneak around his master's business.

A/N: Gasp What? Butler, sneaking around Artemis' business? Surely not… please review!