Just another random drabble. I don't own Bleach. Tite Kubo-sama does.

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The Screwed Stranger

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Ichigo strode along the path, making for Signifigant Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Ancient Soul Slayer, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Leg.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his spiritual Shinigami just in time to face the pointless woman who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.

The woman struck merrily, and Ichigo barely raised his Shinigami to meet the attack. They fought long and jokingly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Ichigo found himself forced to one knee, the woman's Shinigami pressed to his idiotic hair. "I am Rukia of Signifigant Castle," she said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Ancient Soul Slayer. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you in his/her gigai."

But Ichigo had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his Shinigami with a twist, overpowered Rukia and pinned her to the ground. "What say you now?" Ichigo said, looking down upon her.

Rukia's arm shimmered like the shock Bleach fans felt when they heard Byakuya's singing. "I have underestimated you, Ichigo. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Ichigo's desire was enflamed. His hair throbbed and all his thoughts were to kiss Rukia like a Chappy. Ichigo caressed Rukia's weird arm and she responded. They came together psychotically, and their joining was as asian as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet Hollow!" Ichigo groaned and kissed Rukia as quietly as he could.

"Ouch!" she yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Ichigo said. "That's where I put the Ancient Soul Slayer for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed stupidly on the grass, forgetful of all but their stupid love. "We will stay together forever," Rukia said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Leg never got the Ancient Soul Slayer and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.

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A/N: I got this from this Drabble-Matic. It's like Mad-Libs. Most credit goes to them. Just ask me for the link. It's totally genius.