Arthur's Coat – Sexual Innuendo Redux
Title: Arthur's Coat – Sexual Innuendo Redux
Author: canon_balls
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor
Pairing: Arthur/Morgana
Word Count: 506
Spoilers: Mild photo spoiler from S2. Full photos after cut.
Disclaimer: I own nothing from the BBC/NBC show Merlin, and I make nothing from writing about it either. Suing me would be silly, as all you would get is a very grumpy King.
A/N: First two lines taken verbatim from my post on herchampion. You guys said you wanted to read this. Thanks a million to my wonderful beta nani1986. This one was just to make you laugh.
A/N #2: This is intended as a JOKE. I was messing around, trying to get into character to write my other fic, Arthur's Coat, and this came out. Thanks to my beta, I decided to post it as a companion piece. It is not supposed to be historically, characterally (I know that's not a word), grammatically, politically or any other "ally" correct. Please don't read/comment if you have no sense of humor. If you do have a sense of humor, PLEASE read and comment. Oh, and don't be drinking coke when you do, or it may come out your nose.
Summary: Arthur and Morgana have a chat about his coat.
Just like in my post, Arthur leads us off…..
"That gown is far too revealing. I don't want other men ogling what's mine. Here, cover up with my coat."
"Well, all right, but only because it smells like you."
"You know, if you like my smell, why don't you go for the original source, and just cover up with me."
"Because this coat has the added advantage of not being able to talk. It can't ruin anything with its big mouth."
"My mouth isn't the only thing that's big."
"No, apparently your ego and your dreams are way out of proportion too."
"I don't think you can be a proper judge of that until you've seen what I'm actually bragging about. Then we'll see if my ego is unjustified."
"All right, but I don't think it can top what Lancelot showed me last week."
"What?! That's it, I never liked that guy. He'll be showing the other lads in the dungeon what he showed you, and for the next ten years."
"Why would you let him take his sword to the dungeons if you mean to lock him up? I would think you'd take away his weapons."
"All he showed you was his sword?"
"That's what he called it."
"Morgana!"
"Ummmm, love this coat. It makes me all hot and bothered."
"Erp."
"What's the matter, Arthur, cat got your tongue?"
"No, she has my coat."
"Why, I believe that's the nicest thing you've called me."
"Yeah, I made a pussy reference earlier, but that was just about you."
"I wonder, if I stuck my dagger into your side, would it kill you too slowly?"
"The slow way to kill me is to keep wearing those damn red dresses. Are you trying to give me a heart attack, or is that just a side benefit?"
"I don't wear them to torment you, Arthur. I wear them to entice the other knights of the court…."
"Which drives me crazy with jealousy."
"…and sometimes Gwen."
"Okay – that's just hot."
"Down, boy."
"Would you stop stroking my coat? I'm running out of room in these trousers."
"You could just take them off."
"Good idea. Let's go back to my room where I can sit down."
"You know I'm not that kind of girl. I need a ring on my finger first."
"How about I just ring your neck? I can't take much more of this."
"I guess I'll have to give the coat back, then."
"Fine, keep it. And you might as well marry me. You always get what you want anyway. About time I started to, too."
"If that's not the most romantic proposal I've ever heard, then my name isn't Gwen."
"It isn't Gwen."
"You're a lot smarter than people think you are, Arthur."
"Dammit, Morgana. Just marry me and stop yanking my proverbial chain. I've got a migraine now, with your name on it. All my blood has gone south."
"Hmmm, we'll see. Let's go back to your room, and you can try to persuade me while I get you out of those pants."
"Pfwoar!"