Summary: My Roy fictive got away from me, deciding to take matters into his own hands. I assume to responsibility for his actions, although I cheerfully applaud them.
Characters: Dick/Nightwing, Roy/Arsenal, Wally/Flash, Tim, Alfred, Batman and a special guest star.
Damn Idiot
By:
Christine Wood
----------------------------------------------------------
"More coffee, sir?" Alfred asked, as he placed an empty sandwich plate on the silver tray.
"Thank you, Alfred," Batman replied, when suddenly from out of nowhere, a strong wind whirled, filling the cave and sending the various forms and print outs Batman had been hunched over for the past three hours into the air.
"My word! What on earth?" Alfred gasped he plucked a dry leaf from the cup of coffee he had just poured.
"What do you want, West?" Batman all but growled.
"Hi/Batman/I/need/to/find/Dick/it's/really/important!" Wally stressed, his sentence communicating as one word.
Before either Batman or Alfred could answer, the Flash took off again.
Batman sighed, rubbing his temples as a red blur zipped throughout the cave; in and out of doorways; around artifacts and up and down the cave's many levels.
"FLASH!" bellowed Batman.
Wally screeched to a halt, inches from Batman's face, "What?" he asked as dust settled around his feet.
Batman began to open his mouth to answer as Dick and Tim stepped off the elevator, "Dick! Oh, man, Thank G-d!"
"Hey, Fleet Feet, what's going on?" Dick asked, taking another bite from his apple.
In a blink of an eye, Wally disappeared then suddenly was back, thrusting one of Dick's suits into his arms, "Roy, he uh..."
Dick stopped in mid chew, "What? He what, Wally?"
"Well, remember that thing he told you we wanted to do?" Wally asked out of the side of his mouth as everyone looked on with interest, especially Batman.
Dick seemed to pale, "Oh, no. Oh, tell me he didn't..."
Wally tipped head to the side, scratching the back of his neck, "Ok, well, I could tell you that..."
"Dick..." Batman started.
"Sorry Bruce, I'll explain later," Dick said quickly before he and the Flash disappeared in another gust of wind.
vvvvvvvvvvvvvv
"The circus? Where is everyone?" Nightwing asked adjusting his mask as he and Wally entered the deserted Big Top tent.
"Not sure. Roy made some sort of a deal with the manager for everyone to take off for a few hours. Honestly, I really didn't want to know."
Dick nodded as he breathed in the nostalgia of his childhood, "More times than not, that's the safest thing to do."
Wally nodded, "Come on, he's over here."
"Ohhhh, hey, Dick," Arsenal said with a wide grin, "I've gotcha a little surprise over here."
Dick looked over to where Roy gestured with a sideways nod of his head, "Oh hell, Bowhead, what were you thinking!?"
Roy snorted, "What was I thinking? What about him? What the hell was HE thinking?"
Dick placed his hand on Roy's shoulder. "Roy. We've talked about this already." Dick said, gesturing between Wally, Roy and himself. "I thought we came to an agreement."
"No. You and Wally came to an agreement. I got outvoted," Roy said, pulling another arrow from his quiver.
"Mmrph memmfrh!"
"Oh, I believe you've said quite enough already, my friend," Roy sneered, ice dripping from his words as he gave Dan DiDio a purely sinister glare.
THUNK
"Murfmph!"
Dick tried not to smile as he observed how a slightly green hue had painted its way across the face of the Senior Vice President and Executive Editor for DC Comics as the knife thrower's turntable continually rotated.
"Roy, I appreciate the sentiment, I really do," Dick said, failing miserably at keeping the laughter from his voice, "But the guy's turning green for cryin' out loud."
"Hmm, yeah, I see what you're getting at," Roy said, thumbing his chin in thought. "No problem, I can fix that," Roy grinned as he pulled out another arrow.
THUNK
"Ewww," Wally said, scrunching up his nose, "What is that?"
Dick cocked his head, furrowing his brow in interest as he walked up to his surprise gift. "It looks like...," he paused to wipe a gloved finger across DiDio's bald head then rubbed the dark liquid between his thumb and index finger, "Ink?"
"Yup," Roy answered as a proud grin spread across his face, "Ink collected from every pen in the entire office building. I wasn't sure which one was used to write the plot to kill you off in the Infinite Crisis so I grabbed them all. Chances are damn good that at least one of them had been used. Think of it as poetic justice."
"Dude, you can't do this!" Wally stressed and began to wipe the ink from DiDio's face.
"Hey, Twinkle Toes, cut that out! Do you realize how long it took me to squeeze the ink from all those pens into my arrow? At one point, Princess Snowball jumped onto my lap, knocking the arrow out of my hand. Lian went berserk when we couldn't get the ink to wash out of her white fur. I suffered through two hours of Teletubbies and three games of Chutes and Ladders before I was let off the hook for turning her puppy a disgusting mix of blue, red, green and black."
"Wally, get him down from there," Dick said as he wiped tears of laughter from his face.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa..." Roy protested after the Flash had untied Roy's victim in a fracton of a second.
Roy grabbed the dizzy editor by the collar then spun him around, pinning his back up against the wall, "This is far from over."
DiDio concentrated on retaining bladder control as the angry archer's emerald eyes burned with distaste. "We're just getting started, aren't we Danny boy?"
"Roy, look...," Dick sighed gripping his friend's shoulders, stepping between his friend and the other, "this isn't healthy. I've just succeeded in talking Bruce and Tim out of taking similar actions."
"What about Alfred?" Wally asked, leaning up against a nearby support beam, crossing one foot in front of the other.
Dick thought for a moment, "You know..., he never actually did say much about it."
"Yeesh," Wally said with a serious face. "That can be good, or very, very bad."
Dick nodded in agreement, giving DiDio a sympathetic look, "I'm leaning more toward the latter."
"How are you going to stop him?" Roy asked.
Dick shrugged, "I'm not."
"What!? Then why've I gotta stop?" Roy demanded.
"Because, Roy, Alfred's got style, panache," Dick said waving his hand in the air. "But more importantly, he can demonstrate his opinion to any situation without leaving A. Single. Mark." Dick said with a full grin, emphasizing the last three words with stinging pats to the side of DiDio's face.
"So, come on, Bowhead, let's leave this up to Agent A. Okay?" Dick coaxed as he slung his arm around his friend's shoulder.
Roy bit his bottom lip, considering the new terms of negotiation, "Well..."
"I'll buy you a snow-cone...," Dick bribed in a sing-song voice.
Roy looked at Dick with sparked interest, "Cherry?"
"Sure, Roy," Dick smiled and slapped the back of Roy's shoulders, leading him toward the exit.
DiDio looked over to the Flash and gave him a nervous smile.
"Agent A. Yikes," Wally said, shaking his head sadly, "Sucks to be you."
Flashing the now-trembling editor a menacing smile, Wally pushed himself off the beam, to catch up with his two friends, grabbing Roy in a headlock to give him a nuggie as the tent flap closed behind them.
Disclaimer: All characters in this story are owned by and the property of DC Comics, (probably includes DiDio too). I do not own any DC Comics or any of it's characters and don't make money off them, so don't sue me.