why it's never a date

author: foggi

type: ficlet, S/B

timeframe: directly after "First Date"

feedback: L@spookysand.com, and yes please

disclaimer: Everything belongs to FOX, ME, and Joss Whedon.

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Dammit. He's still sitting there. She hates it when he does this. Sits right next to her...it always ends with her saying things that she shouldn't and then having to pretend that she never said them later. He has a knack for getting her to say things that she'd eventually have to lie about.

Here they were, slayer and vampire. Sitting on her couch, in her living room, in dead silence. The silence was for the best though...

"And the principal?...Where's he fit in?" She could still hear his stupid nosey question in her head. He'd asked it about ten minutes ago, and she'd decided that it was best if she just said nothing until he got bored and changed the subject. He couldn't stand silence for too long when he was near her, she'd learned that much.

So they sat for fifteen minutes.

He'd given up on getting an answer to her question. She'd given him enough for one night by just asking him to stay. He watched her toy more with her little white sweater, glancing nervously at him every minute or so. Such a nervous girl inside that powerful woman. So full of doubt about everything...except saving the world. Bloody well knew what she was doing when it came to that.

Finally she can bear it no more, "So. How's your head?"

"S'alright I suppose, not really thinking about it."

"Oh. Good." And she sounds happy about it. Sounds like she's teetering between concern for him and the desire to not care at all about how his head feels. But they both know which side is winning.

"It'd help if all the mini-slayers would keep it down a bit." A joke. But neither of them laugh. There's plenty of laughing going on between all the young girls and the scoobies all day. Don't need more of it at night when things calm down.

Buffy looks at him through her tired eyes. She's got something like vulnerability written all over her, and Spike has no idea where it's coming from. Wants to let it go, but figures if they're already talking he might as well press his luck.

"You okay?" He says it as nonchalantly as possible.

"What?"

"Don't get angry. Just looked like something might be bothering you."

"You're bothering me right now." She says it in hopes that he'll get offended and leave her alone. But her knows it all too well now, knows what a complete lie it is.

"Come on, Buffy."

A sigh from her.

"Okay, fine. Don't talk to me. Just offering to help," he's frustrated with her now, "You know I do happen to know you pretty well. You don't have to act like I'm some stranger asking to hear your personal problems."

"I know." Barely a whisper. "I just don't feel like talking."

A pause. She looks at him. He's gotten bigger, in a good way. Substance to him now, he's a healthier dead guy. He looks so warm, and even though she knows that his body is exactly at room temperature she thinks for a second about grabbing onto him and burying her head in his chest. Thoughts like this are always invading her mind, and she never puts action to them. She knows it's wrong.

Hell, even Giles has caught onto it now. The talk from this morning alone had been enough to make her want to go out with Principal Wood...Robin. Plus, he was hot. And she could damn well be attracted to him if she felt like it.

Not that she was. But she could pretend. Not that pretending was going to go very well either. She knew that Spike knew...that things were known. She didn't know what those things meant, but whatever it was her feelings were pretty obvious. Always attracted to wicked energy. Stupid wicked energy.

She didn't want to think about it anymore. It was too much to deal with for one night. And she loved nothing more than to ignore the issue at hand. She's almost as good at that as she is at saving the world.

"Spike?"

"Hmm?" He's mumbling...almost asleep.

"Let's go somewhere."

"Now?" He looks at her through one opened eye, the one that had been beaten so badly all those times, like she's lost her mind. And he thinks that maybe she has.

"I'm sick of this house. All I can do here is sit around and think and I don't want to think....Please?" She knows he'll give in and go with her.

"Okay. Where you want to go?"

"Patrolling?" That's the only place she ever goes.

"That's the only place you ever go. Don't you want to try something different?"

"Not much different in Sunnydale. Bronze?"

"The Bronze is the best you can come up with? This from the girl who's video tapes I used to watch, her slaying things with pure artistry, thought you were a bloody genius...and you're not creative enough to think of a single place that you haven't been recently?" She wonders why he gets so pissed of at her. Maybe she'll ask him that later.

"I don't know. It's late. Nothing's even open." She pouts her lip now. The one time she actually asks Spike to do something with her...you'd think he'd be thrilled to go anywhere at all.

"The place doesn't have to be open, luv."

"Hey! I thought you gave up on that evil stuff!" She's irritated now. Here she is, defending the man he can be and he wants to go break in somewhere and do...BAD things. Hmph.

"I did, pet. You know that." He says it seriously, because he has to have that faith from her. "I just meant that you're the slayer and I am a vampire and we have the skills necessary to break into a building at night if we so desire, so you don't have to worry about if something is open or not."

"But-"

"Shut up, luv.....Alright, get up, I know where we're going."

"Where?"

"I'm going to take you out and chain you to a hydrant on the street and torture you."

"WHAT?"

He rolls his eyes at the idea that she'd even begin to think that he'd do that and gives up and says simply, "It's a surprise."

She looks at him in her faux suspicion, knowing full well that he's probably going to take her to the sweetest place on earth. And, even though it will piss her off to no end that he's done something nice, she really wants to just hang out with him tonight.

"Okay."

***********************************

"You're something else, Spike." She says as she stands in front of the tribal statue. Shaking her head now. Funny, all the people who tell her that Spike is not the right kind of guy for her, they must have been distracted when he was doing sappy things like this.

He just smiles a bit in reply. It's been a long time since he got to do something like this for her. He loved it. The look on her face, she was a closet sap too.

"You know, I don't even remember coming here when she was alive. Maybe once or twice, but I never looked around. I don't even know anything about art."

"Your mum ran this gallery for years and you didn't learn anything?"

"She probably tried to tell me. But I was busy being a lousy daughter."

"You're not lousy at anything, Buffy." He's frustrated with her again.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Get so mad at me."

A smile. "Because you piss me off, slayer."

"Oh." She's not sure why that bothers her.

"Don't I piss you off?"

"Well. Yes, of course." Duh, Spike.

"Well, there you have it then. We make each other angry. It's just what we do."

"Oh."

He looks at her then, trying to figure out what she's thinking. Because as much as he had forced himself to let her move on and date that sodding stupid principal, he had been left with hope after the events of the evening. Damn that hope, now he wanted to know more. And he can see it in her face that there are a thousand things that she has on her mind. And he's dying for her to tell her any of them. Because he still loves her, dammit. There's no getting over that.

"Buffy, come sit with me." He says it without thinking.

She looks at him a moment. Had he been anyone else this wouldn't have been an issue. But it was Buffy and Spike, Mr. and Mrs. unresolved tension and nothing was ever simple with them. Every single event hung like a grand piano waiting to fall.

"Yeah, okay." She says. And that's a big deal to both of them. Just the ability to sit. Damn, somewhere along the line they had really messed things up. Just sitting on a bench in the middle of an empty art gallery shouldn't be a big deal to anyone. But they weren't just anyone.

"Sitting now." she says uncomfortably.

"Right then." he's uncomfortable too, he expected her to roll her eyes and keep on walking when he asked her to sit. She's been surprising him tonight, the block of ice she built around her seems to be slowly melting away. It's a shocking change and he wonders what could have possibly brought it on. "Do you want to talk?"

"Um, sure." Talking was not sex, not a proclamation of love. Good deal.

"You've been different lately." There. He said it.

"Have I?"

"Yeah, you've...just seemed more...upfront." And it's true, but he's still scared as hell that she'll suddenly revert to her moody-ness and kick him in the head.

"I guess so. Maybe, I haven't really noticed. But with all the new girls here, I do feel more in charge-y and stuff. I'm actually able to be in charge of them for something I know how to do. I never thought that would happen."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean, I think it's obvious that everyone thinks I suck at counseling at the high school. And I certainly wasn't going to become the CEO of the Doublemeat Palace. I just didn't think that there would ever be anything that I could work at that I'd be really good at."

"Saving the world isn't good enough for you?"

"It's not that. I just never got to be in charge of anything except my own fighting methods. I've been taking orders from people since I was 15."

"Taking but not listening to orders. And you certainly ordered me and your friends around a number of times."

"True. But this is different. It's new people, and they look up to me. It's just nice."

"I'm glad, Buffy."

A pause as she thinks about this. "So, you think that I am more upfront? How?"

"You make your own decisions. You used to be so concerned with what the rest of the lot would think."

"Like the chip?"

"Sure."

"I guess you're right. Everyone's pretty mad at me about that, too."

"Figured they would be .You did too, I guess."

"Yeah, but I didn't care. You didn't need that stupid thing in your head anymore."

"Thank you for thinking so. It means a lot to me, Buffy."

"Good."

"Riley surprised me, I just assumed he'd want them to kill me."

"Me too, with the surprised. I guess he knew I'd want to decide."

"No, I think he had *faith* in what you would decide. He trusts your judgment now. A little late coming of course." He added the smirk at the end of the sentence.

"You're right. Faith in me."

"It's a powerful thing, trust. Might be stronger than love itself."

"I think so sometimes."

************************************

They walked back towards her house, it must be almost four am right now. Freezing cold outside, like Sunnydale was permanently stuck in winter. Funny thing for a California town.

Buffy looked at him, walking beside her, glancing over at her over every few steps the way that he did. And she didn't really blame him, he probably still feared her quick exits. Last year was just a bad memory that couldn't be erased by anything, and it's remnants bleed into their lives in the present. Stupid memories.

"So. Two dates in one night, Slayer. Sought after woman." He smirked. Taking his chances with that remark. It seemed to be a night to push his luck.

"This isn't a date." There she was, that's his Buffy.

"Oh." He doesn't want to fight with her. Ever. Again.

"It's never a date with us, Spike." And now she had to press the issue. He got the picture.

"Okay, Buff." He sighed.

"No, it's not what you think I mean. I just mean that you and I aren't the dating types."

"Why's that?"

"Well, you date people to get to know them. We already know each other. It just doesn't have that date feel to it."

"Sorry to disappoint." He rolls his eyes now. Something they're both good at.

"Not disappointed. Comfy."

He looks at her and smiles. "Oh."

They walk for a minute. He breaks the silence.

"Well, I think I'm bloody glad it isn't a date. Dates are dangerous things you know. What with all the feeding each other with very sharp forks."

"Yeah." She smiles. Thank god this side of him is returning, she needs it.

"Hmm. I thought it was the 'best thing you'd ever had in your mouth.'"

"Mmm-hmm." She says, giggling. It's been a good enough night that she can giggle with him again.

"I know bloody well that that was a lie."

"Yes. A big lie."

He smiles. She wanted him around. She would talk to him. She would joke with him. And she'd given him faith, belief. Good deal.