Hey guys here's a random oneshot that came into my mind... I just couldn't get the idea out of my head so this came out. I hope you like it, I own nothing, and please review and ENJOY!
"Tony, what are you doing?" Steve demanded. The billionaire, along with Clint and Thor, were sitting near a speaker listening intently to whatever it was saying.
"We're trying to see what the girls talk about when their out on one of their lunch date things." Tony explained. At least once a month, Jane, Pepper, and Natasha went out to lunch to get a break from all the testosterone. This month, Tony decided to put a tiny microphone in Pepper's purse so that he and his fellow Avengers could get a taste of what their girlfriends said about them.
"But that's wrong! You guys should give them the privacy they deserve. After all, they put up with you all everyday. Besides, how do you know they'll even talk about you?" The captain asked. Tony and Clint looked at each other then laughed.
"You really don't know anything about women. Boys are what girls talk about 99% of the time they're alone. It's their nature." Clint pointed out.
"It is true, Captain." Thor agreed.
"What's true?" Came Bruce's voice as he entered the common area.
"Bruce! You're just in time for the show!" Tony declared beckoning him over. Bruce looked at Steve in questioning.
"They're going to spy on the women while they're at lunch." He replied disapprovingly. Bruce groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Why do you guys need to spy on them? You already know they love you." The doctor asked.
"True, but I think you're forgetting who I'm dating. I mean I love Nat, but she's so dang mysterious sometimes!" Clint pointed out.
"I just love the sound of my Lady Jane's voice." Thor shrugged.
"Sh! They're starting to talk!" Tony shushed. A silence fell over the group.
"So, how are things going with you and Clint?" They heard Jane ask.
"Really well, actually. I mean, we probably would have gotten together a lot sooner, but I was always taught that love was for children. Once I got over that, it was pretty obvious to me that I loved him." Came Natasha's reply. Clint grinned widely.
"That's so sweet! I always thought you two were perfect each other. Tony did too." Pepper said.
"Don't I know it! He would always try to get Clint and me together. When he found out we were a couple, I think he almost burst." The redhead laughed. The other women joined in.
"Thor was pretty confused when he told me you two said you were dating. I think he was convinced you were already married or something." Jane chuckled. Clint looked at the Asgardian.
"What? You two acted like you were of one heart. I assumed you were espoused." He shrugged. Tony shushed them.
"Have you two..." Pepper asked.
"Oh yes. Many, many times. I mean, we have to do something while on stake outs. Besides, there are some key advantages to being with an archer." Natasha replied. They could practically hear her smirk. The men all looked at Clint.
"What can I say? I have very skilled hands."
"How's Thor in bed?" The redhead asked bringing them all back to the speaker.
"He's definitely a god. That's all I can say." Jane replied. The god of thunder nodded proudly.
"She is like a goddess herself." He said dreamily. Tony shushed him again.
"I'll be right back. I'm going to go wash my hands." Pepper announced then got up to go to the bathroom. Natasha looked over to where Pepper's purse was sitting and saw a little red light in it. Cautiously, she got a closer look and recognized the Stark tech. Jane looked like she was going to say something, but Natasha put a finger to her lips and grabbed a pen out of her bag and wrote a note on the napkin and showed it to Jane.
The boys are listening to us. Act normally. When Pepper gets back, we'll give them something to listen to. It read. Jane nodded and they continued their casual conversation. When the strawberry blonde turned, Natasha showed her the note to her and gave her a smirk.
"So, have you told Tony yet?" Natasha asked causally. The billionaire leaned in and listened intently.
"No, I haven't found a good time. Besides, I have no idea what to say."
"He's going to find out eventually." Jane pointed out.
"I know, I just don't want him to freak out." Pepper sighed.
"It's Tony, of course he's gonna freak out. But after that, I'm sure he'll be really happy." Natasha assured.
"Yeah, but how am I supposed to tell Tony Stark that I'm pregnant with his child?" Tony's eyes widened and he went as white as a sheet. Clint and Thor started cracking up.
"Nice going, Stark!" The archer laughed.
"But... But... But..." Tony stammered.
"Wow, he's actually speechless." Steve smirked.
"How did this happen?" The billionaire questioned.
"Tony, do you and Bruce need to have that special talk?" Clint sneered still laughing.
"Oh no, that is not in my job description." Bruce said then quickly left the room.
"Congratulations, son of Stark!" Thor boomed slipping the billionaire's shoulder.
"Get ready to trade your sports car in for a mini van." Clint teased. Tony's face fell.
"Hey, look at the bright side. Maybe you can teach one of your robots to change its diapers!" Steve joined in.
"And forget about spending all your time in your lab, because with Pepper working at Stark Industries you're gonna be a stay at home dad!" Clint laughed.
"Guys, this is serious!" Tony whined.
"Since when is anything serious for you?" Steve questioned.
"Since my girlfriend is pregnant!"
"Well, that's your fault." Clint pointed out.
"It takes two people to have a child." Thor reminded.
"Dude, we've all had that talk. Except maybe for Captain Virginity over there." Tony said.
"Hey, in my day, people waited until marriage to... You know." Steve defended blushing slightly.
"Back in your day, there were only forty-eight states. Times have changed, Cap." Clint reminded.
"Not all change is good." The captain muttered.
"We can talk about Steve's problem later. I've got bigger one!" Tony exclaimed.
"Yeah, you do. Imagine what Fury is gonna do once he finds out!" The archer said.
"Forget Fury, I'm talking about the press!"
"Really? How about you try thinking about someone other than yourself? Like, I don't know, maybe the woman you got pregnant!" Steve pointed out sternly.
"The captain has a point. This affects Lady Pepper more than it does you." Thor added.
"Sir, the women are on their way up." JARVIS informed suddenly.
"Everybody be cool!" Tony exclaimed just in time for the girls to walk in.
"Hello, boys, what have you been up to?" Natasha asked as Clint met her with a kiss.
"Nothing much. How was lunch?" The archer inquired casually.
"Good." Jane replied simply then kissed Thor's cheek. Tony all but winced when Pepper kissed him, which made her step back.
"What's wrong, Tony?" She asked innocently.
"Nothing, but, uh, if there's anything you need to tell me, I'm all ears."
"Like what?" The strawberry blonde questioned.
"Oh, you know, anything that could drastically change life as we know it."
"Way to be subtle."Clint rolled his eyes.
"What's going on, Tony?" Pepper asked. Suddenly, Bruce came back in.
"Did you tell her you know she's pregnant yet?" He questioned. Tony glared at him and shook his head.
"Oops, I'm sorry." The doctor said although it didn't really sound like he meant it. Tony reluctantly looked back at Pepper expecting her to be furious, but instead her face was blank.
"Please don't be mad! I just wanted to know what you all talk about when you're on your lunch date things. I never expected you to say you're pregnant!" The billionaire said frantically. The three women looked at each other then started cracking up.
"Why are you all so full of laughter?" Thor questioned.
"Because we got you guys!" Jane laughed.
"What do you mean you got us?" Tony demanded.
"While Pepper was in the bathroom, I found your little microphone. So, we decided to give you something interesting to listen to." Natasha explained with a smirk. Tony's mouth dropped open.
"So does that mean..." He began. Pepper nodded.
"I'm not pregnant, Tony." She smiled.
"Oh, thank God!" The billionaire said with a sigh of relief. He then kissed Pepper and wrapped his arms around her.
"I hope you boys learned your lesson about listening in to our conversations." Jane said sternly. Thor nodded vigorously.
"I am truly sorry, my dear Lady Jane. I shall never do it again." He vowed and kissed her hand.
"Oh, it's impossible to stay mad at you with that accent. You're forgiven." She replied with a smile. Thor looked relieved and pulled up closely against him.
"I'm sorry too, Nat. I just couldn't help myself. After all, I am a spy." Clint said sheepishly. Natasha smirked.
"Gym. Now." She commanded pointing towards the elevator. Knowing that sparring sessions usually led to some, uh, special bonding time, Clint nodded with a smile and followed the Black Widow out of the common area.
"So, how about we just put this little incident behind us?" Tony said.
"First I need to know something. Steve, how did he react?" Pepper asked.
"He completely freaked out. I'm surprised he didn't faint." The captain replied smugly.
"I had JARVIS put the footage on DVD of you'd like to watch it." Bruce pointed out.
"How could you do that, Bruce? We're science bros!" Tony whined.
"I know, but I needed something to use as a peace offering so I didn't get in trouble. Natasha still scares me." He replied.
"Alright, we'll all watch it once, then we'll burn the disk and forget about the whole thing. Deal?" Pepper suggested. Tony sighed in defeat.
"Deal."