Finally. It was his time to shine. He had one shot at this. The camera crew would be here in one hour. "Bruzzahs~!" Karamatsu called as he walked into the living room where 5 little bean men laid lazily. "It's time, my bruzzahs, the camera crew will be here soon! We have to clean, hm, mom's orders!" He flipped his hair, a few sparkles flying off in result. The brothers looked at the second oldest with blank faces, and went back to minding their own business. It was as if Karamatsu was only a whistle in the wind.
Karamatsu then waltzed around the room quickly, spreading dazzling grace every where he stepped. "Come on, my bruzzahs! It's time to get moving, you know!" He played it off as if he wanted them to help him clean, but really he wanted them gone. He took a step in front of Osomatsu, who was reading a comic of some sort. "Osomatsu, you wouldn't perhaps like to go to pachinko, would you?" He leaned down and winked, sparkles flew off of his eyelashes as well. Those beautiful, big, bushy eyelashes. He was truly, an anime protagonist. Osomatsu looked up at Karamatsu. "Eh? Yeah, I suppose, if you give me your wallet." He flashed a cheesy grin. Luckily for him, Karamatsu had already sabotaged Choromatsu by grabbing his wallet. "Take Choromatsu's, bruzzah, and take him with you." His voice was smooth as silk. Not too loud, but loud enough for Choromatsu to hear, whom was sitting near by reading some informational textbooks. What a fucking nerd. Osomatsu jumped with glee. "Alright! Pachinko with Chorofappyski's wallet!" He yelled, hopping as quickly as he could out of the room, making his way down the road. "Oi! Wait a second, my wallet?!" Choromatsu got up and followed, both of them leaving their half finished books behind. Two down, three to go. Karamatsu slid towards Ichimatsu, the brother who seemed to despise him the most. "Bruzzah, what are you up to?" He asked smoothly. Ichimatsu shot him a death glare, and continued to pet his cat. "Hm, heheh, I see you are doing what you usually do, always petting the cats as if they are your children, right? Which reminds me, bruzzah, have you done your feeding rounds today? I didn't see you leave the house yet." Ichimatsu froze and looked up at Karamatsu, a sense of emptiness and guilt flooding his eyes. He got up immediately, picked up a bag which seemed like cat food, and left. The cat he was holding followed him. That was easier than Karamatsu expected, he sighed with relief. He was half expecting to get punched. Now it was time for Jyushimatsu and Todomatsu. He had an idea of throwing a baseball for Jyushimatsu to go get, but he didn't want to break any windows, and his arm wasn't as strong as Jyushi's. Karamatsu slid between the last two brothers, who were playing a game with one another. "Goodu morningu." He shot finger guns at the both of him, his eyes sparkling. Yet again, Karamatsu was ignored. "Your turn, Jyushimatsu." Todomatsu nodded. "Right-O!" Jyushimatsu hastily set his checker in a new spot. Todomatsu looked at it, confused. "You can't just play there, Jyushimatsu! It's not a wise spot to go to." Karamatsu looked at both of them and thought intensely on how to get them to leave just as easily as he got the other three to leave. Before he could say anything, Todomatsu's phone began to rang. "Oh- hold on Jyushimatsu." He put the game on pause while he answered his pink smartphone. "Hi Aida! What- a mixer?! Y-yeah! I'll be there!" Todomatsu got up from the game, in a rush. "Sorry Jyushimatsu nii-san, I have to go get ready!"
Now all that was left was Jyushimatsu. Luckily Karamatsu had some suckers still left over. "Jyushimatsu, I have a big show happening, okay?" He nodded towards his younger brother. Jyushimatsu nodded. "Uh-huh."
"And I'll give you three whole suckers if you stay out of the house today, okay? You can play baseball."
Jyushimatsu paused for a second to ponder, and then nodded really fast, snatching up the suckers. "Uh-huh Uh-huh Uh-huh!" He got up, and left, hitting a few game pieces off of the table whilst in his rush. "Muscle Muscle! Hustle Hustle!" He chanted, running out the door.
5 brothers gone. The living room all to himself. Karamatsu sighed.
It was time.
Karamatsu cleaned like crazy. He straightened all of the furniture, perfectly placed all of his brother's belongings- not to mention a few of their wallets into his pocket- in fact, he was so busy making sure the house was clean, that he didn't even flinch when he accidentally came across Jyushimatsu's porn collection hiding underneath his bug encyclopedia. He didn't want to hide his brother's stuff- just wanted to make sure it was straightened up. Once the room was clean, it would be clean no more- oh no, karamatsu dares to present… his glittery Karamatsu Brand™ merchandise. A vacuum would be no match for the thousands of glitter grains. He pulled out racks of his differently styled pants- all glittered and covered in sequins. A disco ball hung from the ceiling, spinning smoothly as some sick jams played softly in the background. There were lit candles on the tables and shelving, there was a fuzzy carpet covering the ground that the other matsus didn't even know Karamatsu owned, there was shameless self promotion of his own face on his dazzling shirts just hanging on the wall as if they were awards. This was borderline narcissism. Karamatsu posed by the door, his entire exterior what the kids would call, on fleek. He tastefully held a glass of wine in one hand, his arm posed so he leaned on the doorway. If he wasn't careful the full glass of wine would stain his white robe red. And here it came, the moment we've all been waiting for, the knock on the door.
The door opened, and there he was. "Hello Karamatsu Girls™, and welcome to my crib."
The MTV opening played, and you watched from your television from home as this disaster unfolded. It truly was his time to shine.
He brought the camera crew around to every single inch of the room that he so carefully decorated. He left sections of the room for his brothers, because he thought they were important for anybody to know about. Of course, he would probably be the only one thoughtful enough to include his own siblings into any presentation of himself. "This is my oldest brother's spot, Osomatsu!" He declared, will-smith posing to show off a picture of his brother with a couple magic cards laying around, some spare change, a not-so-concealed porn dvd, and a stack of well-read comic books. "Next-o! The second oldest, me, Karamatsuuuu!" He Jojo-posed and addressed the entire right side of the room, where all of the Karamatsu Brand™ merchandise was being proudly displayed. "See the shimmer on these beautiful line of pantsu?! So sheek, so shine, these jorts have me feeling pretty horny." He winked. A stock sound effect such as "ting!" played as he executed that wink. He shook the glitter out of his hair, and batted his eyelashes at the camera. "Do you like that, baby~?" He went to sip the wine and choked. Too soon.
"Chooooromatsu!" He announced, yet again will-smith posing at the pile of Choromatsu's items. The pile presented itself with a box of tissues, a lot of nyaa-chan merchandise, his love live nendoroids and some dying glowsticks. Karamatsu sped over to Ichimatsu's pile next, showing off his fursuit, his how-to-draw furries books, and just various assortments of trash. The camera panned to show Karamatsu holding Ichimatsu's tail accessory in his hand. Karamatsu looked very confused by the shiny bit at the end of the tail, he didn't see how that would hook onto a belt loop or anything…
"Oh, yes, next up, my little JYUUUUUUUSHIMATSU!" And there lies all of the sucker wrappers that Karamatsu decided was not tash, but tokens of every time he had awarded his little brother with a sucker. An old baseball, bat, and mitt were sitting next to each other, along with his ant farm and his limited edition of high school musical 2 on dvd. Whoa. Wait a second. That wasn't Jyushimatsu's. Karamatsu started to sweat and stared down at zac efron's loving expression on the cover. How could he have misplaced his limited edition High School Musical 2 dvd into Jyushimatsu's pile?! I mean, Jyushimatsu did always watch it with him for the baseball scene, but it did not belong in his pile! Karamatsu slowly slid the dvd into his absurdly large robe pocket. The pocket never ended. It was full of secrets.
"And finally, to end all of my bruzzahs, TOTTY!" Karamatsu presented his next pile, in which he didn't know what to grab so he just took the keurig coffee maker from the kitchen and placed it on a pink pillow. Oh, were those some cold pizza rolls poking out from under the pillow? Nah. Nah it couldn't be.
"Alright my Karamatsu Girls™," Karamatsu licked his lips in the camera for effect, "Now that you know about my family, let me show you my passion." Karamatsu immediately dropped into the splits, his bare ass thankfully being covered by his robe, and he squarted himself across the room to the most important part of his entire house. "And this, MTV, is my Zaccu Efronu SHRINE!" Karamatsu praised Zac Efron like he praised God. He was his lord. He was his savior. He was his life. His cardboard cutout of Zac as Troy made him wish he was Gabriella. He shed a tear as he picked up his framed picture of Zac that he hastily drew crude sunglasses onto. He couldn't stand not knowing the secret to how Zac's eyes were so… so blue. "MTV, my crib would be incompleteu without my SHRINEU!" He sobbed. He stroked his reflection in the frame, mulan singing in his head. When will his reflection show who he was inside? The world may never know.
Little to Karamatsu's knowledge, the cameraman was, actually, Zac Efron. Of course the blue beetle-haired matsu didn't notice, he was so focused on making his MTV premiere fashionable™. He looked at his framed picture, then back up to the camera to speak again- but then. And only then, did he notice it. The cameraman had… such… beautiful blue eyes….
Zac Efron was sweating so bad, his beautiful hollywood makeup was starting to come off. Oh jeez. A shrine. A shrine for him. For himself. "Uh, excuse me, we're going to have to put this show on commercial break-"
"AAh, yes, of course! See you later my Karamatsu Girls™, we'll be back for more of this-" Karamatsu did a saucey gesture as he rolled the palm of his hand up his leg, which was still in the split position, "-after these commercial breaks!"
The camera went off for a bit. Karamatsu's smile dropped. He looked Zac- the real Zac- in the eyes. "Z-Zacu… Ef…E-"
"-Efron, yeah, ah- that's me." Zac gulped.
Karamatsu's eyes lit up, and just before he could shpiel a monologue about how great Zac was, Zac interrupted with "I need to go to the bathroom. Now."
"Not a problem!" Karamatsu exorcist crawled underneath Zac's legs and out the door, and waited on the hallway ceiling for Zac to catch up. The hot cameraman babe followed Shittymatsu out the door, disgusted and creeped out, as he was led to the facilities. "P-please don't be alarmed, Zacu-senpai." Karamatsu blushu'd and crawled back into the room they were shooting into. Zac sighed. "Ooookay." And then he walked into his worst. Worst nightmare.
The shower curtain had his own face on it. The toilet seat was bedazzled and had one of those stupid furry coverings on it. There was a cardboard cutout of his own face from years ago- a high school musical cutout- peeking out from behind the shower curtain. But at least the soap smelled nice. Like. Like ocean mist. It didn't help that Karamatsu's toothbrush was a High School Musical toothtunes, though. He sat down on the cushy toilet seat and pressed his hands against his temples, sighing again. It was a lot to take in. Karamatsu's head slammed through the bottom of the door. "CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING, ZACU?!"
"Ahh!" Zac was startled. "N-NO!, No, no I'm okaY- THANKS, BUT, PLEASE please PLEASE wait in the other room."
"RIGHT-O!" and then he slinked away.
Sitting in front of your TV, you wonder why the MTV commercials are so stupid. You wonder why you're watching this channel in the first place. What's sticking you here? Your shitty anime obsession for this weak piece of matsu ass? Is that it? Is it really? Go outside.
Wait, you can't go outside yet, your shitty show is back on.
The camera shows movement through the hallway, to the next room of the house, probably. A hand opens the door to reveal Karamatsu in his robe, posing on a heart-shaped bed, and it was obvious from that texture that it was all velvet. Rose petals littered the floor, and Karamatsu threw the rose from his mouth out of the shot. Oh god. Oh my god. You can't say you didn't sign up for this, because it's fucking Karamatsu. Zac is secretly hoping this is just for the show. Only time will tell.
Funky music played in the background. "Welcome back, my Karamatsu Girls™~" He greeted, and rolled over on the bed. "Welcome to your sweet oasis, my humble home, and may I mention, my schlong is VERY erect." The matsu rolled around on the bed trying to find the right pose, not really explaining the room or it's significance beyond it's sweet oasis feeling. Zac was not really listening until he heard "Paint me, Zac." The actor looked up. "What?" "Paint me, Zaccu-kun! The audience will love it!" Karamatsu dramatically leaned his head back and winked at the camera. "I'm, uh, I'm not a painter, just an actor, soo.." He tried to escape the situation, but there was no getting off this crazy train any time soon. "It is never too late to start, my sweet summer peach! Come out from behind that camera and show the world, show MTV who I have invited into my sweet crib!"
Zac Efron set up the camera on a stand and walked out in front of it. "I don't- uh, I don't know what you want me to do man, I mean, you're supposed to sh-"
"Never mind that, ZACCU! I've been waiting my whole life for this moment! I can't believe it, I have my own, number one, Karamatsu Boy™!" Karamatsu threw a crop top with his own face on it towards Zac. "For you, my love. I am a HUGE fan."
Zac sadly exposed his glorious abs and put on the too-small crop top. He hated this. He hated this job. He hated MTV. You hated yourself for watching this shit show. It doesn't even have a plot. It's just shitposting.
Karamatsu posed himself onto Zac Efron as if he was a stripper pole. "You wanna get oiled up, biggu boi?" He whispered into Zac's ear. "I wish death." Zac whispered back. "Please release me from this sin wagon." Karamatsu laughed loudly and twisted his head 360°. "There's no leaving now, buddy boy." Karamatsu exorcist crawled into Zac Efron's mouth. He has taken control of the hunk. Zac's soul has been absorbed. Finally. Finally Karamatsu has achieved the most perfect, most bodacious body. After years of watching Orochimaru perfect this technique in naruto, he can finally become the next Orochimatsu.
End
[editor's note: what the fuck am i doing this has no ending and i have no life]