I swear Ipod shuffle reads your mind!
Emily looked at herself in the mirror; she looked a complete mess. Her hair was all over the place, her eyes were puffy from all the crying and she hadn't been out of her sisters pink PJ's for days. She hadn't seen the outside for what felt like forever, instead she had curled up in her bed faking sickness but all that was sick about Emily was love sickness. You see Emily was head over heals in love with a certain blonde, Naomi Campbell and unfortunately Naomi had only messed about with Emily and never really truly let herself be loved by Emily and visa versa because she didn't believe she was gay. Emily finally told Naomi she was tired of it all and she had had enough of Naomi walking all over her heart. Since then Emily has been house bound or lets rephrase that, bed bound. She hadn't got out of her bed in days, telling her mum she was sick. It was pretty easy to fool her mum, the old hot water bottle trick and plus Katie was supporting her sister so she helped fool the mother as well.
However today Emily felt like it was time to get out the house as her skin looked scarily pale – she looked like she was turning into the creature of the night. So she got herself into the shower and got dressed. Katie walked in and was shocked to see Emily drying her hair.
"Your up, are you going out?"
"Yeah, I'm sick of this place, sick of being sick."
"Where are you going?"
"For a walk need to clear my head, have you seen my ipod?" Katie looked around the room and spotted it under a pile of clothes. "Here" Katie passed the ipod to Emily, "Thanks." Emily smiled at her sister and headed down the stairs and out the front door. She pressed shuffle on her ipod and wished she hadn't because ipod shuffle has a way of mocking you, it's like it can read your mind.
The first song to come on was Michael Jackson, she's out of my life.
'She's out of my life, she's out of my life. I don't know whether to laugh or cry, I don't know whether to live or die? And it cuts like a knife, she's out of my life.'
God the lyrics were dangerously scarily accurate, that it made Emily freeze on the spot. She sat down on the curb and listened carefully, linking every lyric to her situation with Naomi. Naomi was out of Emily's life and Emily didn't know what emotion she felt anymore. She had felt like she was dying the pain inside was too much to bear and it really did cut like a knife. Emily could feel her eyes filling up with tears, remembering when she told Naomi she was tired of her not knowing if she was whom she wanted to be with. Emily skipped the song and carried on walking, not really knowing where she was going.
"Jesus!" Emily said out loud when the next song started, it was like her ipod was trying to make her see sense of the situation or it was just being plain mean.
'Naomi's breaking me down, with a notion so blue the sun lead to you and though your always be round, coz I love you when you're never around. The moment I met you I couldn't understand my eyes, my ears, my nose, my mouth went suddenly out of wack.' (Scarlet Blue – Naomi)
The lyrics again were scarily true to life, ever since Emily set eyes on Naomi nothing else mattered. Emily knew her and Naomi were meant to be together and she would do her best to make this happen. The line 'I love you when you're never around' really hit Emily hard. Emily really did love Naomi even now after everything she couldn't shut away the feelings she had for Naomi and her ipod was making sure she didn't forget those feelings. Before the walk, Emily had felt numb like nothing mattered any more but the songs were making her remember her heart was capable of love but maybe she sought love from the wrong person. She carried on walking coming up to the path that led to the lake where Naomi had first kissed Emily. The next song begun and Emily smiled listening to the lyrics, it was getting freaky now, it was like the ipod knew what song to play next.
'Every time I see your smile it makes my heart beat fast, I know its much to soon to tell I'm hoping this will last, coz I just always wanna have u right here by my side the futures near but never certain at least stay here for tonight.' (If the moon fell down tonight – Dear Juliet)
Emily hadn't smiled in what felt like forever but this song just sent shivers down her but in a good way because it was making her remember the night by the lake. Emily remembers looking into Naomi's crystal blue eyes, her heart had never thumped against her chest so hard. And just like the lyrics, Emily had wished that her and Naomi would last and Naomi did stay the night. However the next song made the pain re surface on Emily's face because it made her remember the morning after when Naomi walked away and left Emily alone in the woods.
'Of all the things believed in, I just want to get it over with, tears form behind my eyes but I do not cry, counting the days that past me by. I've been searching deep down in my soul words that I'm hearing are starting to get old, feels like I'm starting all over again the last three years were just pretend.' (Goodbye to you – Michelle Branch)
Emily believed in Naomi she really did but it was clear after several attempts that Naomi wasn't comfortable being 'gay' and Emily had given her enough chances and had let her break her heart way to many times. The song reminded Emily of what she had been doing hiding from the world under her duvet. She had been searching for something she knew wasn't ever going to come from Naomi and she knew she had to start over again without her. Emily couldn't look at the lake anymore It hurt to much to remember the times she spent with Naomi, she ran as fast as she could up the lane she had once ridden her bike down with the blonde. By the time Emily got to the top of the lane she spotted the pub where she had played an awful pub quiz with Naomi. This time Emily headed in for a drink to shut away the thoughts of the one girl she wish she'd never fallen in love with.
'I wasn't going to drink tonight but then I went to a bar, I wasn't gunna start that fight but they pushed me way to far, but you would never know, you would never know.' (Cigarettes – Daniel Merriweather)
Emily sat in the corner of the pub listening to Daniel Merriweather, again the lyrics fitted her life right now like a glove. If Emily got into a fight, Naomi wouldn't know because she didn't seem to care what Emily was doing or how she was feeling. One line really hit Emily hard 'Now my clothes smell of cigarettes, when they used to smell of you.' Emily couldn't stop smoking after she told Naomi to leave her alone, she literally chain smoked for days trying to get rid of the Naomi smell that made her heart hurt so much. After a few drinks she left the pub and walked on down the road coming to the bus stop that haunted Emily every time she walked past it. The bus stop where she waited bare foot with a broken heart after Naomi had told her she wasn't like her and that she didn't want to come to the college ball with her.
'How could I just let you walk away just let you lead without a trace, when I stand here taking every breath with you, you're the only one who really knew me at all, how can u just walk away from me when all I can do is watch you leave coz we shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears.' (Against all odds – The postal service)
And it was like the ipod shuffle knew exactly what it wanted Emily to hear. Emily sat on the bus stop and swung her legs back and forth listening to the lyrics. This time though Emily wasn't sure if the lyrics were about her letting Naomi go or Naomi letting her go. She defiantly agreed with the last bit, Emily and Naomi had shared the laughter and the pain and had indeed shared a lot of tears. Emily jumped off the bus stop bench and headed up the lane, she got lost in the song and didn't realise she had ended up at Naomi's house.
'We'll do it all, everything on are own. We don't need anything or anyone. If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with and just forget the world. I don't quite know how to say how I feel, those three words are said too much but not enough. (Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol)
Emily sat down on the curb across the road from Naomi's. She could see Naomi's bedroom window, she closed her eyes and remembered asking Naomi to the college the ball like they were together and remembered the blondes response of I don't want to do that. The Snow Patrol song fitted Emily's mood right now, she wished she could just lay here with Naomi and forget the world. Emily's heart was beating so fast so much emotion was running through her she didn't know what to do anymore. Emily couldn't remove her self from the curb, all she could do was stare up at the only person she's every really loved window.
'Woke up today thinking of you, another night and I made my way through, so many dreams still left in my mind but it can never come true. I press rewind and remember when, I close my eyes and I'm with you again but in the end I can still feel the pain every time I hear your name. The sun won't shine since you ran away…' (Until I get over you – Christina Milian) Ok its official the ipod really can read your mind, Emily was about to walk over to Naomi's door when she stopped and listened to the lyrics. Emily can wish on every star in the sky that Naomi would return the love she so badly wanted her to but in the end she can still feel the pain Naomi has caused her. Just like the song was telling her, the sun didn't shine anymore and this is the way it's going to be until she gets over Naomi. And just like it knew its work was done the ipod battery died and Emily wiped her tears and headed home finally accepting Naomi wasn't coming back.