A/N: In honor of Facebook's international "That's what she said" day, I present this to you. I had a lot of fun writing it, and I hope you have fun reading it! Don't forget to review it please!
Disclaimer: I own Gilmore Girls. That's right, you heard me: I have the first five seasons on DVD.
Lorelai Gilmore approached the counter of the empty diner, sitting herself down on the nearest stool with a deceivingly innocent smile on her face. She had felt especially bored all day, and no one at the inn was entertaining enough, so she decided to entertain herself by being especially annoying to her favorite coffee-pouring grouch. She tried to contain all her pent up energy, but she couldn't stop the tapping of her right heel against the ground.
"Luke!" She got started the second she saw him, before he was even fully out of the kitchen. "Luke, Luke, Luke!"
"Aw, geez." Luke rolled his eyes. "Is it one of those days?"
"Luke, I need coffee now! I haven't had any in, like, thirty whole minutes!" Overdramatically, she leaned toward him and gripped the counter tightly as a sign of distress.
"Gee," Luke began sarcastically, "I didn't know you could last that long."
"That's what she said!" Lorelai laughed as Luke rolled his eyes again. That was twice, now. She decided to count how many times she could make him do that as a measure of how successful she was in her mission to annoy.
"What are you, eleven?"
"I know you are, but what am I?" Lorelai laughed again as he turned away to grab the coffee pot. Three times.
"So what's got you in such a good mood?" Luke asked her, as he watched her gratefully gulp down her drink, in spite of the fact that it was steaming hot.
"I've had a really boring day."
"So… boring days are something to strive for now?"
"No, I'm in a good mood because I'm not bored anymore. You're entertaining me, of course."
"Glad to be of service."
"That's what she said!"
"Aw, geez." Four times.
"…Or he said."
"What?"
"God, Luke, don't you ever watch TV?"
"Not really, now can I end this conversation yet, or did you want something to eat?"
"Um, just a burger. With everything."
Luke went back to the kitchen and began to prepare her food. When her burger was finished, he set it down in front of her and started to leave again, not wanting to talk to her when she was in this mood.
"Luke!" Lorelai whined, dragging out the vowel. "Where are my fries?"
"You said you wanted 'just a burger.' You didn't say you wanted fries."
"I said I wanted a burger with everything. 'Everything' meaning French fries."
"No, 'everything' means you want all the toppings. 'Everything' means ketchup, onions, cheese, etcetera. It does not mean French fries."
"I'm the one that said it, Luke. I think I know what I meant when I said it, and I meant that I wanted French fries." Five times! Lorelai struggled to look irritated when all she wanted to do was roll on the floor in laughter. This was just too easy.
"Fine, whatever." Luke threw his hands up in defeat. "I'll go get your French fries."
Lorelai waited until Luke was back in the kitchen before finally allowing a smile to come across her face. When she heard him coming back, she picked up her empty coffee mug to hide the grin and pretended to be drinking until she was sure she could keep a straight face.
As she ate her burger (and fries), she watched Luke wipe down the tables with an old rag and admired the way his muscles tensed as he worked. Though she considered Luke one of her best friends, she could not deny the fact that he was downright sexy. She finished her meal and dug around her purse for her wallet to pay the bill. She stood up and walked toward the cash register, straightening her rather short skirt that had ridden up when she sat. After she paid a seemingly relived Luke, she went back to the stool and sat down again.
"What are you doing?" Luke asked her in confusion.
"I'm sitting down on a barstool." Lorelai replied in an intentionally condescending tone.
"But you drank your coffee. You ate your food. You paid your bill… You can leave now you know."
"Are you trying to get rid of me?" Lorelai put her hand over her heart in mock offense. Luke, that really hurts my poor feelings." Six times!
"Yes, I am trying to get rid of you. You're annoying."
"But I told you already: you're entertaining me. Dinner may be over, my friend, but the show continues. Dance!"
The ringing of the telephone cut off whatever response Luke had. He answered the phone, then started talking in a hushed voice, before pressing the hold button and returning the handset to it's place.
"Uh, Lorelai? I'm going to go take this upstairs, okay? It'll just take a minute."
"That's what she said! No, wait. He would be more likely to say that, wouldn't he."
"Who?"
"You know, him. As opposed to her." Seven eye-rolls in one conversation! That must be some kind of record.
"I'm going now."
"Bye!"
She watched him slip behind the curtain and head his footsteps going up the stairs, and then she was left all alone. Alone… and bored again. She sat for a minute and twiddled her thumbs. She hummed a little tune out loud. She took the time to really look at every sign on the wall, every decoration, the designs on the floor…
She was really bored.
She got up and tiptoed past the curtain, up the stairs, and stopped outside Luke's door. She pressed her ear against it—eavesdropping was almost as entertaining as annoying Luke.
Or, at least, it would have been if she could actually hear anything.
She peeked through the blurry glass and tried to make out Luke's silhouette. She couldn't see him anywhere, so, as quietly as she could manage, she turned the doorknob and stepped into the apartment. Once the door was closed behind her, she stood silent for a moment trying to ascertain where exactly Luke was. She saw the base of the phone hanging on the wall, and the cord wrapped around the wall into the bathroom.
This must be a really private conversation if he's hiding in the bathroom in his own apartment. Now, Lorelai really wanted to know who he was talking to and what he was talking about. She crept closer the door, and just as she was about to lean in and listen, the door swung open and she toppled over in surprise, taking Luke down with her.
As they lay tangled on the floor, Lorelai began to feel tingly where their bodies were touching… which was currently pretty much everywhere.
"What the hell?" Luke picked himself up off the ground first, and then offered her his hand to help her up too. "Lorelai! What are you doing in here?"
"I told you I was bored." Lorelai's voice sounded more apologetic than her words.
Luke shook his head. "Fine, fine. You wanna sit? Somewhere other than the floor, I mean."
Lorelai felt and uncharacteristic blush heat up her face as he led her over to sit next to him on the couch. She tried to hide her face from his view by lifting her arms to fix her hair until the blush faded.
"So… why are you here, again?" Luke leaned against the arm of the sofa and looked questioningly into her eyes.
"So you can entertain me. C'mon, Luke, we've been over this."
"And how exactly do you propose I do that?"
"How do you usually entertain beautiful women in your swinging bachelor pad?" Lorelai jokingly wiggled her eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
"My 'bachelor pad' isn't exactly 'swinging,' sorry."
"Well, I may forgive you eventually." Lorelai laid her head against the back of the sofa and closed her eyes. She moved around a bit to get more comfortable, and when she opened her eyes again she found she had moved much closer to Luke, and when her blue eyes met his, she was hit with another rush of the feelings she'd been trying to avoid for the past few years. The Luke Feelings, as she had come to refer to them when she couldn't help but acknowledge their existence. Like right now, for instance, when she could feel his breath against her face and her stomach started to turn itself in knots.
Unable to push the feelings aside any longer, Lorelai, ever the impulsive one, leaned forward and captured Luke's lips in a kiss. It was over almost as quickly as it began, but as soon as Lorelai pulled away, she felt Luke's arms encircling her and bringing her closer again.
Soon, Lorelai found herself topless and straddling one of her best friends as he kissed his way down her neck and across her chest, and finally realizing that any consequences may be totally worth it. And one thing was for sure, at least: she was definitely not bored anymore.
Clothes hit the floor, skin met skin, and Luke and Lorelai's platonic friendship was effectively ruined in favor of something that, so far, proved to be much better. Lorelai rolled over and rested her head on Luke's chest, trying to catch her breath.
"Oh. My. God." She finally managed to get out. "That… was incredible."
Luke looked her in the eyes and smirked. "That's what she said."