Title: But Maybe I'm Just In Love
Author: matchingbowties
Rating: PG / K+
Word Count: 3, 100+
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine
Warnings: none.
Spoilers: Season 2 relationships; mostly from 2x16 onwards.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, never will. The title is from Ed Sheeran's "Wake Me Up".
Summary: Five other ways Kurt and Blaine could have said those three words.
A/N: This is a Christmas present for Agnes (aka Bagel); my failed attempt at fluff for you, I'm sorry it turned out kind of rubbish! Basically, my overactive imagination threw all these little scenes at me while I was watching New York for the five billionth time, so I just kind of put them together into this – I hope you like it!
I.
It's been two weeks; two weeks since Pavarotti died and Kurt sang about it and Blaine's eyes were suddenly wide open, two weeks since he finally took his own advice had summoned up enough courage to tell Kurt how he felt, two weeks since they became boyfriends. And it's been a glorious two weeks, really.
Right now, Blaine is the happiest he's ever been, sitting on the couch intertwined with Kurt, whose fingers are entangled in his hair because he forced him to leave out the gel, just this once; he's halfway through reading The Prince and the Pauper for his English assignment, although Kurt's warm breath on his cheek is sort of distracting him from that. He wonders absently if he can convince Kurt to leave the warmth of their shared blanket to go make some of that peppermint hot chocolate that Blaine can never get enough of; he doesn't even care about the fact that it's early spring and not really the season for warm drinks anymore, because it is just that delicious.
"Kurt?"
"Hmm?"
He twists around in Kurt's arms to place a light kiss on his lips, and he can just do that now, and isn't that wonderful? "Will you make me some of that peppermint hot chocolate? You know, the one – "
" – that you obsess over and love even though it only take me five seconds to make?" Kurt says, but not without a smile, because he kind of likes the way that Blaine loves his hot chocolate so much.
"Yeah?" Blaine says, but Kurt's already getting up and rounding the couch, on his way to the kitchen.
"And Kurt?"
Blaine's about to ask for marshmallows, because those things are the food of the gods, but Kurt turns around to show he's listening, standing in the doorframe; he's illuminated by the sun behind him, shining through strands of hair and around his figure, and he just looks like an angel and it hits Blaine like a freight train, really; everything that this boy standing in front of him is and was and is going to be, his strength and bravery and how big he dreams, and Blaine can't breathe for a second.
"I love you." The words tumble off his lips, just like that, and they totally weren't supposed to come out, not at all; they're still just getting used to the whole being together thing, and he's never wanted to push Kurt into anything, not ever, and oh God, Kurt is going to think he's some kind of creep for saying those three words so soon and never want anything to do with him.
Kurt's frozen where he is, eyes wide and mouth just slightly parted, but then a slow smile spreads across his face and he just looks so happy and Blaine can't really believe he did that.
"I love you too."
II.
Making the decision to come back to McKinley is one of the hardest things he's ever had to do; it's easy enough to make long, detailed 'Pros and Cons' lists, to write everything down on a piece of paper, but faced with the look on Blaine's face when he told him, he wants nothing more than to stay at Dalton and never, ever leave.
And really, now, standing on the steps of this place – where he's grown so much, been loved and cared for, but threatened and so so scared as well – which has always been home, being sung to by this beautiful boy with hazel eyes who stole his heart so long ago; he doesn't know what to feel.
He's happy, so happy to be back with his friends, but he can't even begin to describe the way his heart is torn about leaving Blaine behind. More than the Warblers, more than not having to worry about being himself, more than chandeliers and varnish wood floors and advanced classes, Blaine is what he'll miss; curling up in the same armchair in the common room, sitting next to each other at lunch, passing notes in French. Blaine's his everything, by now, and to see him here, singing his heart out and so very broken – Kurt can't really believe this is all because of him.
The song draws to a close, and his Warbler friends are hugging him, clapping his shoulder, and he's suddenly reminded of how much he's leaving behind; of how these are the same people who accepted him without question only a few months ago, who treated him as one of their own straight away. Before he knows it, though, he's left facing just Blaine, who's right in front of him looking so close to tears and Kurt just – breaks, there's no other word for it. He ends up half-collapsing forward into Blaine's arms but Blaine is shaking against him too and it feels like they're just barely holding the threads of each other together. That's when he realises, and it's kind of sudden but it doesn't really take him by surprise, so much – it's sort of like drinking something hot on a cold day, a warmth that spreads through every joint in his fingers and reaches from the tips of his toes to his hairline; until he comes back to himself and he's in the middle of a crowded courtyard hugging Blaine and not ever wanting to let go because God, he loves this boy.
He pulls back just a little, enough so he can look Blaine in the eyes, and whispers in the space between them, "This isn't goodbye, Blaine – I love you."
He watches as Blaine's eyes widen just slightly, eyebrows raise the tiniest bit in surprise – and then he's smiling at him, just a little smile, but it says so much.
Eventually, they'll be pulled away from each other; Blaine back to the bus with the rest of his friends to go back to Dalton, Kurt into a huge, bone-crushing group hug with the New Directions who are so so glad to have him back, really.
For now, though, it's just the two of them, breathing together and four words in reply hanging in the air between them.
"I love you too."
III.
It's late, way later than Blaine would normally be allowed over at the Hummel-Hudsons'. Then again, today isn't really a normal day. He and Kurt have just gotten back from Prom; tiptoeing quietly into the house when they found the lights all off, only to find Finn sitting moodily in the dark in the kitchen, muttering angrily about Jesse St James. Of course, the racket he made when he realised they were there was enough to wake Burt and Carole, and now the whole family is piled around the table, wanting to know why Kurt has a crown and sceptre, how Prom had been, "Did Quinn give it to you, dude?". Blaine can see Kurt's face becoming drawn, tired, at all the questions reminding him of what happened, so he takes his hand, just holding it, but Kurt squeezes back like it's his lifeline.
"Kurt?"
"I – I was – " Kurt takes a breath, visibly steeling himself, "I was voted Prom Queen."
"Oh, honey," Carole breaks the silence. Burt looks mutinous, as though he wants to go find his shotgun; Carole absolutely heartbroken. Finn just looks confused.
" And I – I – " Kurt breaks off, his eyes filling with tears and Blaine just wants to hold him so badly.
"And then he went up on that stage and turned the joke on all the stupid people who voted for him." Blaine breaks in, not even really caring about what Burt and Carole are thinking because all he can see is Kurt. Kurt, the same boy who only six months ago was sitting across the table from him clutching a latte with watering eyes and too pale skin, the boy who was fragile but so strong at the same time; the boy who waited and waited and waited for him, who watched him make a fool of himself and hurt him so many times but who never gave up on him; the boy who would have given up something he'd been looking forward to all year and gone to see a movie, just because Blaine felt insecure. Kurt, Kurt, Kurt – and suddenly everything falls into place and he feels sort of like how he did in Blackbird, able to see everything with a new kind of clarity; he loves Kurt, and it's as simple as that.
Later, curled up on the couch downstairs (because it's almost one in the morning, and Blaine had asked him mom nicely, and they're hoping Burt's asleep by now), Blaine will whisper it into Kurt's ear, nothing more than a breath but that breath means so much. Kurt will shiver a little at the tickle of it in his ear, will take a moment to process just exactly what Blaine has said, and – oh. He's loved, finally, he has this thing that he's been searching for for so long, he has someone who needs him just as much as he needs them. Now, though, he knows that the warmth, contentment, the feeling of utter completion inside him isn't because he's loved – it's because he's loved by Blaine, the person who's saved him in so many ways but who believes that really, it's Kurt who saved him, which Kurt still finds hard to comprehend, sometimes; and in the end that emphasis makes all the difference.
He turns around in Blaine's arms, so that he's facing him, and his eyes are bright, so bright, even in the darkness that surrounds them. Kurt kisses those same words right back onto Blaine, "I love you, I love you, I love you" against his lips, trailing down his neck, in that special place just below his ear; just feeling Blaine against him even though he can't really see properly.
In the morning, Burt wakes up early and head downstairs for his breakfast, thinking he can maybe get started early on that BMW in the garage; he freezes, though, when he sees Kurt and Blaine tangled together on the couch. They look so peaceful, though, wrapped up in each other in the golden morning light; and Burt may not know much, but he knows love when he sees it and the completely blissful, calm way Kurt is lying, relaxed against Blaine – his son is happy with this kid. He knows they're teenagers, and he knows the sort of stuff they get up to, he was exactly the same at that age; he may not like it, but he may as well accept it. He's sure, though, that Kurt can take care of himself, and – well, most of all he just wants him to be happy, and if he finds it with this Blaine kid, then so be it. Burt smiles and continues on his way to the kitchen.
IV.
Kurt's not having a great week; Jesse's back, probably, he thinks, with some plot to mess them up before Nationals, and he was shot down so very quickly at the audition – it's not like he expected more from St James, and Mr Schue has never been a very strong personality, but being told it's wrong for him to sing girls' songs? He's just kind of sick of this sort of criticism, really. On top of this all, he and Finn are planning Coach Sylvester's sister's funeral, and while he really does want to help, it's all just such a huge reminder of his mom's death, and of how close he came to losing his dad not that long ago; so he can't really be blamed when, on Thursday, he ignores Carole and his dad when he gets home, just runs up the stairs on autopilot. His mom's dresser is still there, in the spare room because Carole said she didn't trust her clumsy self around it, and while the smell isn't as strong as it was in the old house, it's still there, and Kurt just lets himself breathe. He hasn't needed to come in here in a while; he became less dependent on his mother's scent to calm him down while he was boarding at Dalton. Still, it holds its same power, and Kurt loses his awareness of time as he sits in the slightly dusty spare room and allows himself to cry all the tears he's been bottling up this week.
"Kurt?" he hears, and he's not sure how long it's been since he came in here – it could be anything from half an hour to six. He knows that voice, though, would know it anywhere – and what on earth is Blaine doing here? He gets up, dusts himself off, opens the door.
As they go into Kurt's room ('Door open, boys!' Carole reminds them cheerfully on her way downstairs with the laundry), Blaine tells him that Finn called and said he was acting odd, and wondered if Blaine knew what the matter was. Kurt's oddly touched that Finn's first thought was to call Blaine; more than that, though, that Blaine drove all the way to his house from Dalton, just because he thought something was up with him; he never has quite gotten used to the way Blaine is willing to go anywhere for him.
Kurt explains about Jean's death, about his mom, about Jesse and his stupid auditions, and Blaine just listens to him, so so attentive, cross-legged opposite him on the bedspread. And really, that's the thing, Blaine has always, always listened to him – even that first day on the staircase, Blaine was the one who heard him and turned around. This thought, and the thought of how much he trusts Blaine, how much they've both grown since they met; that's what leads him to drag out his beautiful chest full of his mother's things. As they sort through them, together – as Kurt recalls memory after memory, and cries tears that are tinged with something more than the normal pain of thinking about his mom; Kurt feels closer to Blaine than he ever has, letting him into this most personal part of his life, but it feels so right at the same time, so easy.
He looks up, eventually, and his eyes are still watery but Blaine's are big and so, so sincere when he takes his hands and says, "Your mom was a beautiful woman."
"I love you," Kurt says, and he didn't see it coming but yes, it's true, so very true. The words fall off his lips as easily as his own name and he thinks that maybe, deep down, a part of him has always known this – has always known that he loves Blaine for everything he is, for his obliviousness and tactlessness, for the way he loves and cares so very utterly and completely, with everything he has, for the way he sings just the way he does everything else in life, with passion and enthusiasm and joy.
Blaine looks surprised, taken aback, and his hands tighten around Kurt's on his old bedspread (the same one he's had since he was eight years old and it was the only thing he could remember his mother by), but his voice is absolutely, completely honest when he breaks through Kurt's rapid breathing in the otherwise silent room.
"I love you too."
V.
It's not a sudden realisation, for Blaine; not like Blackbird was, not at all. No, it's more of a gradual thing; over a good week as he realises that pretty much everything Kurt does, he finds perfect; how beautiful he looks walking down the path outside Dalton with cherry blossom petals blowing around him, the taste of vanilla on his lips when he kisses him, the way his face screws up in annoyance when he's mad at Finn. It swells through him, growing and growing, this feeling that he can't quite put a finger on, until it finally comes to him one day as he watches Kurt collecting their coffee in the Lima Bean.
I love you.
And now Blaine has it, knows it, it's becoming harder and harder for him to keep it in; he wants to say it every time Kurt fiddles with his hair even though it's perfect already, every time he complains about his summer freckles, every time he sneezes, even, because it has to be the cutest thing Blaine has seen in his life. He stops himself, though, because he wants it to be special, for Kurt, who's really just a hopeless romantic and who he's made wait so long; he really just wants to make everything perfect for him now, to make up for that. He just can't find the right moment, though, and that's the trouble.
"I'll miss you, Blaine, I'll miss you so much," Kurt says, and Blaine can't really bring himself to pull away from their embrace, because God, he actually doesn't know what he's going to do without Kurt. Even though they're at different schools, he ends up at the Hummel-Hudsons' every weekend, and most days after school too, and he's just so – it's almost as though he's addicted to Kurt; to his scent and taste and sometimes, he just wants to drink Kurt in and keep him forever – though he normally ends up shutting himself down as way too creepy when he begins to think like that. Instead, he just holds on tighter to Kurt, takes a deep breath and tries to keep the sensation of this in his memory, for all the days he'll have to manage without him.
Kurt starts to pull away, finally, (and no, no, it's too soon for him to be leaving) but Blaine looks up at that moment and gets lost in those beautiful, beautiful ocean eyes, and before he knows what he's doing he has an arm curled around Kurt's waist and is pulling him back in.
"Kurt – I love you."
Kurt stares him, for a few seconds, and he looks like he's not breathing and Blaine is so, so scared and every logical thought goes out of his mind, but he has to let Kurt know, "You don't have to say it back."
At this Kurt smiles, so wide and bright and stunning, and looks at Blaine like he's some kind of adorable puppy.
"I don't have to, but I want to – I love you too."
And now, Blaine thinks, he has this, maybe he'll be able to get through the week.
Later, he'll worry that it wasn't as romantic as it should have been, that it wasn't as perfect as Kurt deserved, but Kurt will just shush him and say that they love each other and that's all that matters to him, and yeah, Kurt's always been the one with more sense in him – but in the end, he loves Blaine too, so they're okay.
~end~