Simon pants in his sleep, wriggling around in the bed like crazy. He suddenly sits up in the dark, wide-eyed, and panting heavily. Salty tears are streaming down his face, and burns against his pale cheeks. He is sweaty, the sheets are sweaty, and it's all mixed with tears. He swallows hard, trying to remain calm, as he rubs his temples. He closes his eyes again, with a quiet sob. He cannot do this any longer. Does not want to do it.. Can not do it. Has to do it.
Nathan is grinning at him, and those green eyes is looking at him. But, it's not like when he did nothing but mock him. No, this is a happy grin. And his eyes has a happy look, with a glimpse of love. He opens his mouth, and starts to talk, but Simon barely hears what he's saying. He's studying him instead, lost in his beautiful green eyes. He has never realised just how handsome Nathan was, but moments like this made him realise, and remember. Simon? I know I'm real fit, but can you try and listen? Simon snaps out of it, and looks at him in a new way, more focused to listen than to study. Nathan swallows hard before opening his mouth again. I love you. His words rings in Simon's ears, and he can do nothing but smile. His insides feels like fireworks, barely able to contain everything inside of him. I love you too. Nathan grins, followed by a soft chuckle. Well, that's a good thing, innit? We wouldn't want another situation like with that tattoo, would we? I like it better when you do let me put my tongue in your mouth. Simon shakes his head, with a soft laugh. No, we wouldn't want that. I do too.
Don't. Don't remember. He forces his eyes open, and Nathan disappears again. He gasps for air, shaking his head. His eyes are starting to adjust to the darkness, and he easily finds the glass of water on his nightstand, despite the tears still rolling down his cheeks in silence. He does not sleep well in the giant bed alone. Not without the curly-haired twat snoring next to him, peacefully but loud. Because one does not forget the feeling of sleeping close to his lover, with his arms wrapped around him, and head comfortably buried his neck, taking in the familiar smell with a soft sigh. One does not forget the warmth of bare skin pressed together during a cold night, or the feeling of protection and safety. Not even the sound of his lover snoring, he would be able to tell him apart from thousands of other men snoring. One does not forget. One does bury his lover deep inside his heart-shaped box, because one does never stop loving the love of his life, and any other love he would only abuse, there's only room for his lover in his heart-shaped box. But one does not want to remember when his lover is gone. One does not want to remember that all he ever wanted had been taken away from him in a heartbeat, because at night, when his lover isn't there to keep him company, to snore like he uses to, to refuse to sleep in any way but naked, to lay close and let him wrap his arms around him and kiss his neck in a way only those in love can, the loss of a soulmate is too much to bare.