Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Summary: an unexpected power revealed an unexpected thing to Spike

When: takes place in late fourth season

Genres: What If, comedy

Rating: R

Warnings: sexual situations

Okay, there is not a big plot. I only wrote this to have fun, somewhat inspired by NautiBitz's One Shots (but not with all that sex!) Enjoy :)

Many thanks to All4Spike, who kindly beta-ed this for me :)

Spike was bloody tired of living like a doormat after the Initiative made him impot- err, tamed, fangless, or whatever they'd done to him. So, after he realized he could beat other demons without actually activating the chip, he was more than inclined to unload his frustration upon any within arm's reach. For this reason, that evening he was enjoying that big kick-assing thing so much with a very unlucky demon.

"Hey, mate. What's wrong with you? What did I do?"

"You annoy me, just your presence. And what the hell of a name is Ungschgulash for a breed? It's extinction-worthy only for that soddin' name."

Though he had a horn in the middle of his forehead and a pair of big elephant ears that made him look sort of ridiculous, the demon seemed not to be that dumb. "What do you think you're proving? Someone who picks on a weaker opponent only proves they're a big coward."

The vampire snarled and threw the Ungschgulash on the ground, straddled his scaly chest and got ready to snap his neck. He felt so bloody pathetic for doing this, but the demon hadn't needed to stress his current weakness. It only made him more pissed off.

"Maybe you should consider another way to release your anger, mate. Find some company, do a girl, you know. Or was it a girl that made you so pissed off?"

"Hey, shut your gob now. No bints trouble this time." It wasn't Drusilla's or Harmony's fault if he was in this sodding state. It was the Initiative wankers' fault. They'd taken him and played the happy surgeon, treating him like a lab rat. Just because he stayed in Sunnydale a little too long, trying to kill that bitch of a Sla-... Oh God, it was all her fault, wasn't it? Always a woman's fault. "Only postponing the inevitable, you are." Spike gritted his teeth and prepared himself for the final blow.

"Wait!"

The vampire stopped. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "What's up, now?"

"If you spare my life I can give you something very interesting in return."

Spike opened his eyes to two narrow cracks. "And what would it be, this interesting something?"

The demon grinned and relaxed for a moment. "The ability to affect someone else's will."

The vampire raised his right eyebrow. "Sort of a hypnosis thing?"

The demon's grin widened, "Exactly, but it would be only temporary. A collateral effect of my blood in your veins."

"Mh, yeah, seems quite interesting. But there is a 'but'. What kind of demons it could affect? And why do I feel as though you're trying to fool me?"

"Would I let you drink my blood, otherwise? But, if the only way to save my life is a little nip, well, I think it's worth the hassle."

Spike quickly considered his possibilities: kill the demon and feel like a coward for the rest of the evening, then drown his sorrow – and savings – in booze, or feel pity and give the demon the satisfaction of having fooled him? Well, the demon was not to blame for having met one of his worst days and Spike had nothing to lose, so why not be magnanimous?

"Fine." he said. If the Ungschgulash was trying to fool him, he could take revenge on another demon. If its blood wasn't lethal for a vampire, he considered. Damn! It was too late to consider such a thing, anyway, he was already drinking it. Not that the venom could do that much, with all the alcohol he'd got in his body...

When Giles opened the door, Spike was not surprised to see all the gang gathered in his house. In the time he'd spent with the Scoobies, he had learnt their habits: how they spent most evenings doing research and eating donuts; how Red had become an expert hacker with computers; how Goldilocks seemed to have forgotten Peaches and was dating a spineless fellow from Iowa full of smile and poncy words; how the whelp used to fold his socks in the drawer and how many time he went to the toilet during the day... Okay, TMI from the forced cohabitation with Xander. Not that Spike had had any other choice, with the Initiative's wankers after him. But it was better to be familiar with his enemies to be able to kill 'em, you know.

The Watcher glared at him. "What do you want, Spike? There's nothing for you here."

"Oh, don't be crabby, mate. Leave that to Buffy."

"Fine. What do you want?"

The vampire sniggered. "Well, why don't you jump like a soddin' rabbit for a sec, while it comes to me?" He didn't have a valid reason to be there. Truth be told, he wanted only to pass the time and be a little pain in their ass as usual. But the moment he began to turn, Rupert began to hop just like he had said.

Spike froze, stunned. What if... what if the Ungschgulash hadn't fooled him? It would be the second happy bit of news of the evening, after discovering its blood was spicy. It had an aftertaste of paprika, in fact, and Spike loved spicy food.

Well, maybe it wasn't a coincidence. 'Gulash' was in its name and this opened a full range of possibilities! Not how to prepare the famous Hungarian dish with its flesh, however, but how to have fun at the Scoobies's expense. The vampire mentally rubbed his hands together and anticipated his revenge. "Okay, okay, stop it now. Was only kiddin'." he hastened to say, before the kids seated at the round table of King Giles could realize what was going on.

Giles stopped and shrugged, resuming glaring at him as before.

"Let me come inside, mate. No bad intentions here."

As soon as Spike finished his sentence, Giles moved aside and let him enter the house. The vampire sauntered inside with his hands in his pockets and a cocky grin, wondering what he could do with his new amazing power.

"Harris, move your fat arse so I can sit there."

The boy got up without saying a word.

Buffy looked astonished. "Xander? What are you doing?"

"I'm tired of this research-party. I don't think it matters what we do, with that Adam-guy outside." He moved a hand through his hair.

"I think it does matter. We can study his demon's parts and find out his weak points."

Poor little Slayer, always in the first row to defeat evil.

"I think you can stay," said Spike, finding a seat on the couch, the best place from where to annoy them.

Xander sat down again, as though nothing had happened. Spike cracked his knuckle against his palm and thought how amusing it would be to pit each of them against the others.

"Xander, why don't you put a pencil up your noise? Willow, why don't you turn Riley into a Yeti?" God, he was getting very tired of this. There was nothing amusing in seeing them doing exactly what he wanted, without batting an eyelash. No struggling, no resistance. It was pointless. But maybe he could have a little more fun with Buffy.

"Slayer, why don't you come outside with me?"

As soon as they were outside the house, Spike went around the back where nobody could see. He leaned his shoulders on the wall and lazily lit a cig.

"Come here, Pet, in front of me."

She obeyed promptly.

"Get on your knees and tell me I'm the evilest vampire you've ever seen."

He looked at her intently as she got on her knees. Well, he knew he was being a little pathetic, but his ego was two feet under the ground and a bit of flattery wouldn't hurt.

"Yeah, master. You're the evilest vampire I've ever seen."

Spike coughed, having swallowed while inhaling the smoke. And why had he swallowed so abruptly? Why was he salivating so copiously?

"Tell me I'm the most gorgeous vampire you've ever met."

"You're the most gorgeous vampire that-"

"Tell me I'm the sexiest vampire."

"You're the sexier vampire."

Where the hell did that come from? Sure, having Buffy on her knees in front of him, eyes all shining and worshipping, when she was saying these things... Spike adjusted his crotch.

"Tell me you're eager to put your hands on my hot, tight little body, want to run 'em on my chest, want to suck my little nipples, need to-"

"I'm eager to put my-"

"Take my cock in your mouth, NOW!"

He entered the house many minutes later, heading to the bathroom. He definitely needed a shower, after all that sinking back onto the grass, and that's not counting the blood dripping from his nose. Getting hit by the Slayer while she was shagging him would be more exciting, if she hadn't punched his face.

"Hey, where do you think you're going? My house isn't a hotel." The Watcher looked at him over his glasses.

"Well, kiss my ass, Rupert."

The man got to his feet abruptly and halted Spike's progress by moving in front of the bathroom door. "I said my house isn't a hotel."

"What's wrong with you, mate? Tired of..." then he understood. The Ungschgulash said the power will be only temporary. "Fuck, I believe I... This is the wrong bathroom, isn't it? I'm going." He grinned and reversed his course.

"What the hell happened out there?" Xander looked at him, amused.

"Got assaulted by a wild tiger in heat."

As Spike reached for the door, Buffy came in. "We have to talk, luv." He grabbed her by her shoulders, making her turn and head outside. "When did the effect go away, then?"

"What effect? I don't know what you're talking about. And now, if I may..." she tried to dodge him, but Spike blocked her.

"Maybe between 'lick my balls' and 'ride me like a Valkyrie'?"

Buffy rolled her eyes and folded her arms, embarassed. She was looking everywhere but his face.

"Bloody Hell, woman! What the hell happened?" he pressed her.

"And you, what happened to you?"

After a tense moment of utter silence, the vampire moved from the door and began to pace the garden, head lowered. "Well, got myself a little... engrossed in the situation."

"Me too, so we're fine. Misanderstanding understood."

"Hey, not a misunderstanding out there." He straightened.

"What? You think it could happen again, don't you?"

"I believe it's inevitable, luv. That experience was a bloody revelation."

"Think what you want, Spike, but it won't happen anymore."

After Buffy stormed into the house, Spike grinned. It could have begun as a misunderstanding, but what had followed wasn't. And it was totally amazing. Then, if a bit of demon's blood was all it takes to make her give in, well... He could grant the Ungschgulash his full protection for a never ending supply of his blood. What did a few drops matter for it, anyway?

*** The end ***

Author's note: Though I used to take demons' names from BTVS Wikia, Ungschgulash is a product of my crazy mind.