I've been in love with the same guy for five years and he'll never know. Jeff sighed bitterly. He doesn't even notice me. Jeff thought as he watched Nick, his best friend since elementary school, speak in front of the group. Not the way I notice him. He doesn't look at me the way I look at him. He doesn't think of me the way I think of him. Jeff sighed quietly and rested his head of his hands, trying to disappear from the world by closing his eyes. He stayed that way for the rest of the meeting. It didn't matter anyway, he wasn't a lead singer for the group so no one would notice his mind being absent from the room.
"Jeff, are you alright?"
Jeff snapped his head up. He had marks on his face from where his fingers were pressed against his pale skin. "I-I...I'm fine..." Jeff said as he put his head back into his hands. He wasn't sure why he bothered looking up, he knew Nick's voice anywhere.
"Are you sure? You looked asleep the entire meeting. Are you sick or something?" There was a hint of worry in Nick's voice as he spoke.
Jeff noticed and stiffened slightly at the tone. He...noticed me... "Yeah, I'm just...tired I guess...it's nothing" Jeff replied, this time not looking up. He felt Nick sit beside him then proceed to try and put his arm around Jeff. He instantly withdrew from the touch as if instinct. Jeff looked Nick in the eye for a quick moment before darting his eyes elsewhere. He knew that if he looked Nick in the eyes Nick would find out. Find everything out. That he was gay. That every weekend when he went home since he came out to his dad three years ago he got the shit beat out of him.
"Jeff..." Nick began. "We've been best friends since you forgot your sleeping mat in kindergarden and we had to share." Jeff chuckled pathetically. "We tell eachother everything Jeff and I know you well enough to know when somethings wrong."
"I'm fine, it isn't important." Jeff replied as calmly as he could while moving his hands from his face to the table. He cares.
Nick frowned. "It just went from 'nothing' to 'not important'. Jeffy, if something is bothering you, tell me. Please, I want to help. I can't stand seeing you like this." Nick tried once again to touch Jeff but he shot his hand away before any contact was made.
Jeff cringed. He didn't mean to upset his friend. He cared for Nick deeply. He just couldn't know about all the secrets barried deep within him. "I'm fine." Jeff said in a tone as if he was trying to convince himself the same horrible lie.
Nick didn't say anything for a moment. "You're crying." Nick said in a hushed tone.
Jeff burrowed his brow in confusion before lightly touching his face. Nick was right. He was crying. He was too busy trying to convince himself of his own lie that he hadn't even noticed the tears streaming from his own eyes. He looked down in shame. He was a boy. He wasn't supposed to show any sign of weakness. He was supposed to be strong. He was not supposed to cry. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry? For what?" Nick said as he tried to put his hand on Jeff's shoulder once again.
"Don't touch me!" Jeff screamed as he got up from the table and attempted to flee the room. He had no clue where to go but he needed to leave the room.
"Jeff!" Nick yelled as he grabbed Jeff's wrist. The blond yelled out in pain as Nick pulled him into a hug. "Jeff..."
"Please. Let me go."
"Jeff, please. Tell me what's going on. Let me help you." Nick said in the most soothing tone he could muster.
"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm fine?" Jeff managed to get out inbetween his harsh sobs.
"No you aren't. I've known you almost all my life. When you broke your leg playing hockey last winter you actually laughed about it. I've seen girls dump you and you don't even bat an eye. When your parents got divorced three years ago I never saw you shead a single tear. What is so bad that it would actually make you cry?"
Jeff didn't respond. Instead he pulled out of Nick's hug and attempted to flee again. Nick still had a grip on his wrist and when Jeff moved to run his sleeve rolled up a bit showing dark bruises. "Jeff..." Nick said astonished.
Jeff didn't say anything, but instead stopped his crying. His pale skin seemed to lose whatever colour was left, leaving him white. Nick pulled up Jeff's sleeve to the elbow to reveal several dark bruises. Nick could only imagine what the rest of his frail body looked like. Neither of them said anything for what seemed to be hours, maybe even days. They were in their own little world.
"...How..." Nick whispered.
Jeff made a small chocking noise before opening his mouth to choke out. "How?" He kept his eyes on the floor.
"You're my best friend...how could I not have noticed this..."
"It's alright, no one did." Jeff said.
Nick felt chills go down his spin from the tone of Jeff's voice. He said it in such a nonchallant manner. As if they were talking about any everyday subject. "I'm not just anybody though, I should have noticed. I should have realized it sooner." The two were silent for a few minutes before Nick asked a question he knew he didn't want to hear the answer to. "How long has this been going on?"
"...Three years..."
Nick's eyes widened. "...Was it because of the divorce?..." He knew in his gut that it was Jeff's father. Nick had always disliked the man. He was strict and always seemed to act like Jeff wasn't a good enough son, or person for the matter.
"No." Jeff said tearing up again.
Nick wrinkled his brows in confusion. It seemed like the only logical reason for his dirtbag of a father to start beating his son at that particular time. "T-then why?"
Jeff sniffeled and finally made eye contact with Nick. "Because I'm gay."
Nick looked at Jeff with sympathy. "That's no reason to bea-do what he did to you." Nick said as he pulled his best friend into a hug. He knew Jeff was gay. He saw the way that Jeff looked at him. He noticed the way Jeff noticed him. The way Jeff smiled when he walked in the room. He knew for the last five years. He loved Jeff, but only as a friend. And that's why he never told him that he knew Jeff loved him. Because he knew that it would break Jeff's heart. Nick, at least, wanted to let Jeff keep that tiny shred of hope. He promised himself five years ago that he would never tell Jeff that he knew his secret.
I've been in love with the same guy for five years now, and he'll never know.
(A.N:/ This one actually ended in a much different way than it was originally going to. Ha, at first they were going to end up getting together. So, part of the idea for this came from two places. The first one is I saw a post saying something along the lines of this old man saying (paraphrasing here) "I've been in love with this girl for the last 50 years and I'll never tell her". Something along those lines and the second one is the song "My Man" from Funny Girl. There's a line that says "Oh my man I love him so, he'll never know" So, yeah. I really hope you guys liked this one. For some reason I just love angsty stories...I'm so weird but yeah...XOXO)