My second attempt with a dragon age fan fic. I wanted a humorous romance story with a Grey Warden Cousland, with Alistair (he's one of my favs! Though really I love all the dragon age characters. : D ) I decided to rewrite the part where Alistair asks the Grey Warden how she feels about the other Companions. I don't own Dragon Age. Enjoy!

Well, He's Strange

Helena Cousland sat by the warm bonfire, braiding her long, beautiful, blonde locks into a braid before retiring for the night. After she finished braiding her hair, she sees Alistair getting ready for his night lookout. Helena has a crush on Alistair, ever since the moment she first met him arguing with that grumpy Circle Mage at Ostagar. She loves his quick, humorous wit. Helena still felt wide awake, and she decides to mess with Alistair for a little bit, before he goes off.

Helena stands up, and waltzs over to to him. Alistair looks at her with surprise that she is still awake, but he sees it as a good surprise. He has a giant crush on her, but he doesn't admit it.

"Hi," Helena starts with a sultry gaze.

"Hi," Alistair smiles, the two start talking about their night, till Alistair decides to ask Helena about what she thinks about her companions.

"I've got this nefarious plan to go around to each of them, and secretly tell them all the nasty things you've said. That way they'll mutiny, and I shall become the group leader!" Alistair laughs evilly.

"If you want to lead, all you have to do is ask," Helena replies in a matter-of-fact tone.

"What? Lead? Me? No, no, no. No leading. Bad things happen when I lead. We get lost, people die, and the next thing you know I'm stranded somewhere without any pants." Helena laughes and Alistair beams at his success of getting her to laugh. He loves hearing her sweet laughter.

"Ok, Alistair, who do you want to gossip about?" she smiles coyly.

"Morrigan," Alistair states.

"She's funny!"

"That's what you think, wait, are you saying you like that blasted woman?" Alistair asked awestruck. He just couldn't imagine anybody liking Morrigan. How could anybody like Morrigan!?

"She may not seem like it, but she is really fun! She is also nice, when she wants to be," Helena smiles.

"Well, I am shocked, I could never imagine anybody liking that bitch, Morrigan!"

"She's not a bitch, she's a witch," Helena counters.

"Oh ha, ha, I completely forgot!" Alistair did a mock laugh. "How about Sten, he's so, serious."

"Yeah, he is," Helena agreed.

"But he also looks so sad."

"He's been though a lot," Helena trailed off, thinking back on the conversations she had with the Qunari Warrior.

"Looks like you actually broke through to him," Alistair said gently. He was shocked, he thought nobody was going to get Sten to talk. "How did you do it!?"

"Patience," Helena states, gazing her light blue eyes at Alistair's brown eyes. "Lots of patience,"

"Hmm, amazing, how about Leliana? Bit of a crazy kook isn't she?"

Helena laughes lightly, "Yes, but, she is also very sad," Again Helena trails off thinking back on her conversations with the red headed Bard. She is very strange, but she is also sweet, and funny.

"I agree with that," Alistair replied. "How about Oghren? He seems to be drunk all the time!"

Helena laughs and nods her head "At least if we ever go to a bar, we'll always have a drinking buddy," she laughs.

"I agree!" Alistair laughs with her.

"Yeah " Helena remembers this one incident when she caught Oghren at the Spoiled Princess. It was a bet he made with Zevran. Zevran made a bet that Oghren could piss everywhere in the bar and not piss off the bartender. So Oghren drank six pints of beer then walks up to the barkeep. He makes a bet with the barkeep about being able to piss in a beer glass that was five feet away. The barkeep laughs and says, 'you're on'. So Oghren takes his pants off, and pisses everywhere. Helena put her shield up and Zevran hid behind it too. Oghren even hit the barkeep with his piss, and he didn't get angry, just smiles, knowing he was going to win this bet. When Oghren finished his business, the barkeep laughs, and says, 'well you made me a rich man!' Oghren beams as he gives the man one soverign, and said, 'yes and thank you, I too am rich!' then Oghren walked over to Zevran, 'well, my fine dwarf friend, I'm shocked! Here you go!' and Zeveran gives Oghren two soverigns. The barkeep watches this with his mouth gapping.

As Helena recalls the story to Alistair, he laughs very hard. "I could actually see tht happening," Alistair breathes as he is trying to catch his breath. "How about Wynne? Very motherly isn't she?" Alistair asks after he catches his breath.

"Extremely, she made me three pairs of stockings, not that I'm complaining," Helena smiles.

"I got four pairs,"

"You win,"

"Looks like it," Alistair beams. "How about Zevran? Can't really trust him,"

"I trust him."

"Really?"

"Really,"

Alistair stares hard at Helena, how she could trust him after he just tried to kill her? Helena sighs, "I know it sounds silly to you, but I do" Alistair nods and says, "ok."

Then Alistair changes the subject "How about Shale? Did you know I saw him squash a chicken! And here I thought yummy! I can finally have some nice chicken. He really ruined it for me!" Helena laughs, and Alistair looks at her. "What's so funny?"

"Shale is a girl!"

"What!?"

"Yeah, ask her yourself if you don't believe me!"

"Nooooo wwwaaaaayyy! I'll take your word for it," then Alistair lets out a heavy sigh. "This has been very eye opening for me, but we forgot one more member," Alistair smiles coyly.

"Oh yeah? Yes, I love the Barkspawn," Alistair chuckles a little. He wasn't going to ask about the dog.

"No?" Helena looks puzzled.

"I wanted to ask about that guy, Alistair," Alistair says trying to sound as if Alistair is a completely different guy. Helena understood where this is going, so she plays along.

"Gee, where do I begin," Helena smiles and looks up at the stary night sky, pretending to think very deeply about this. She put her hands on her hips and said, "He's very strange."

"Hey!"

"He also has very strange quirks."

"Like what?"

"Like bringing me terrible news and giving me witty one liners," Alistair had to smile at that reply. He remembered telling Helena that shortly after he told her about the Arch demon a long time ago.

"He also has a dislike for Morrigan."

"That's an understatement," Alistair mutters.

"An intense dislike for Morrigan," Helena corrected herself.

"Better."

"He is also very brave, and kind," Helena voice lowers a little, and she closes the distance between herself and Alistair. Alistair starts to blush a deep shade of red. "He is also noble, funny, and sweet," Next thing Alistair knew, Helena puts her plush pink lips onto his lips; he kisses back. The two made out for a little bit till they had to break away to catch their breaths. Helena kisses along Alistair's jaw line up to his left ear and whispers, "Care to join me in my tent?" she whispers into his ear. Alistair quickly leads Helena into her tent where the two of them made love all night long.