The first time I saw Johanna was at the Reaping of the seventy first Hunger Games. She was screaming and crying, and many people in the Capitol felt sorry for her. Others just laughed and bet on how quickly she would die. In the interview she looked so lost and afraid of the Games…nobody really thought she would survive for long. I felt there was something more; something this young girl was hiding behind that mask of fear and hysteria.
When she won the Games, proving an impressive control of her axe, many people were surprised and very pleased with her ability. I was crying my eyes out; I didn't know exactly why, I just felt so relieved because she had won -and if I was lucky enough (and coming from a family like mine I would be), I would have a chance to meet her.
At the Capitol, everyone who is somebody is invited to the party at the end of the Victory Tour. There's an annual dinner at the Presidential Palace to honour the new Victor with the largest circus the Capitol can offer. My family was at the time one of the richest families in all of Panem. However, being the heir of a fortune has its pros and cons. My mother was the most important fashion icon in her youth, and therefore, it was my duty to keep the title in the family. I don't have any siblings, so there was no one else who could inherit it. It's not that I didn't enjoy fashion, but I preferred to leave the trend-setter task to other people. In any case, I usually tried not to call so much for attention at parties, but it is quite complicated when you have something that looks like an entire peacock on top of your head. Also, I found it hard to simply chat all night with people who aren't exactly your friends knowing that they smile at you now, but at the moment you turn your back, they will judge you. I guess the Capitol wasn't precisely heaven for me.
Despite all this, I worked really hard with my stylist for an entire month to put together the perfect outfit for Johanna's party. I knew that the whole Capitol thing would be overwhelming for her, so I wanted my dress to be beautiful, but not as extravagant as others I have worn. I chose a simple ball gown in an earth colour with golden foliage going around my upper chest and my waist and down my leg. We added some golden bracelets and hair accessories as well. My hair was up in a bun with some strands falling out in an intended messy style, keeping it in my natural brownish shade. We took advantage of my pale skin to give it a golden shine. Basing my make-up on that, he used a dark eye shadow and black eyeliner, with no colour on my lips. We couldn't have been happier with the result; I looked stunning and simple, almost modest in my outfit.
The party was one of the biggest ones I've ever seen, and everything was decorated District Seven-like, with trees and wood everywhere. Everything had a green tone, even most of the guest's dresses, so I couldn't help but feel a twinkle of pride at the attention my dress was getting. Although I looked quite confident, my heart was beating hard, my breathing was fast, and I found myself extremely nervous and anxious.
When Johanna finally arrived, everybody stared at her in awe. She was wearing a lacy sand-coloured short dress with a long sweep train. Her short brown hair had some red locks and her make-up was even less than mine. Some could have said she was defying every single dress code in the Capitol. Even my mother was questioning her stylist's choice.
"Whoever sends this girl like this to a party of such importance for her should be punished", I remember her saying to almost everyone that approached her.
Of course, I had no interest in any of her or her friend's critiques, so I left to seek my chance to talk to the young victor.
I allowed some time to pass and waited patiently for Johanna to be left alone so I could introduce myself. I'm timid by nature, but I pushed that aside. Complaining about how exhausting people were at the Capitol appealed to me as conversation starter. For some reason, I wanted her to like me. Finally, I spotted her near a table filled with fruit. I approached her trying my best to look confident.
"Did you get tired of the Capitol already?" I asked with a smile, trying to keep my voice in a normal tone.
"I've had enough of this since the Reaping". She answered with a serious look and an aggressive tone, almost like she wanted to throw something at my face. I hope it wasn't an axe.
"It must be really hard…everything they make you do and say. You can't be yourself; you have to follow the rules, no questions asked and all of it with a smile on your face". I tried to sound understanding, like I knew what she was going through.
"Look, I don't know what kind of problems you think you have but I bet they aren't as remotely hard as mine, so maybe you should go looking for someone who understands how it's like not be able to decide which colour to dye your hair next and leave me alone, 'cause you have no idea how it's like to be me". I could tell she was keeping herself from shouting the last bit. She looked furious, but I couldn't understand why. I opened my mouth to say something but there was a lump in my throat. I closed it again and she walked away, tears about to stream down her face.
I ran back to my mother and asked to leave, but she said it would be impolite to do so before President Snow's speech. I claimed I wasn't feeling well, and she had to allow me to be taken back home.
As soon as I arrived, I got into bed and started crying. Only I could be so stupid to ignore she wasn't like anyone I had met before; she wasn't from the Capitol, and I couldn't expect to understand her completely. Even more so, I couldn't expect her to understand me or my lifestyle.
I couldn't sleep that night. My head was full of thoughts about Johanna. It was all so clear in my head now…how could I ever comprehend what it is like to be forced to leave your family and fight to death with a group of kids? Her head right then must have been full of hate and guilt. Hate towards us, the Capitol, for making her do it and enjoy our meals and parties while the districts suffered. Guilt, because she had to kill those children in the arena with such cruelty, and she got to attend to parties, eat delicious food and have lots of money, all over their corpses.
I promised myself that I would meet her again and show her I was different, that the Capitol was many things, but that I wasn't a part of it. And maybe, just maybe, she could make me understand, and I could help her.