The sky is pretty. It's got all those swirling colors -pink, blue, orange, purple. Gray likes them, he decides. The grass fields appear endless as he stares at them, and there is nothing lying ahead of him but green grass and fields. He chuckles bitterly. Moments like these make him feel bitter as hell and pathetic as an ant -which isn't even really pathetic, he thinks.
Everything is perfect. Life cannot get better. He cannot get any more fortunate.
He cannot get anymore insecure.
He has never been religious. Yes, he knows there is someone -something. Maybe it's some invisible power or maybe it's just something scientific. He doesn't really care.
But his parents did. So much. He remembers clinging to his mother's waist as she laughed and picked him up. He remembers his father swirling him around in circles. He remembers the happiness. And in the next moment, he also remembers that they're just vague memories -bound to be forgotten after a few decades. The feeling of that happiness makes his heart swell, because no matter how much he manages to relive the past, at some point or another, the reminder of its farewell is bound to stab him.
The sunlight is weird today. But it's beautiful. Some hours pass away and Gray doesn't shift from his previous position. His blue eyes -his amazingly enchanting blue eyes, as Natsu like to call them -are staring at his slender pale fingers, threaded in grass rings. The golden light showers over his hand, and he wishes for the earth to crack -or maybe the sky to burst, and some passage to open where he and Natsu can leave the world through and live in a place much better than Magnolia.
Gray knows he has already reached the line of the dangerous thoughts, and just a step more will let him enter a whole world of darkness he's been trying to avoid getting closer to since seven years.
But this time, he lets himself go through it. And the first question that strikes him is why? Why is he holding back Natsu? Why is he burdening this world? Why is he living if life is such a bitch?
The still somewhat conscious part of his mind argues that he has the right to live, and that's why he hasn't given up on life yet.
His lips curve up into a smile, and he gently lies down. He isn't gonna give up on life intentionally -but neither is he going to refuse to enter the doors of death.
He's treading water now.
The ice mage sadistically wonders whether Lucy will cry, whether Erza will cry. There is a lump he forcefully swallows as he imagines himself sprawled across the guild floor, blood oozing out of his body.
Will Juvia cry? Will Lyon come to see him? Will Cana stay sober for his funeral? Will Master call him his son?
There is a sadistic triumph in him as he imagines his fellow mages crying -bodies trembling, eyes wet, heart swelled. The ice mage wonders whether the guild will ever forgive him for not fighting back. Really. By now, they should have already been aware of his almost suicidal intentions. How many times has he tried to sacrifice his life, anyway? That just proves how low worthy he considers his life to be.
He curses. Going back is getting tough now -he knows he'll have to think positively and hang in there because negative thoughts will cross his mind to counterattack his attempts to live depression-free.
He's the only ice mage in the guild and everyone loves him.
Is that why everyone was so ready to believe that you'd betrayed them with Daphne?
He gulps. It's getting harder. Taking a deep breath, he reasons with himself that those actions were just because Natsu was in danger -and he's like the baby of the family, the apple of everyone's eye.
Then go ahead and end it already -he'll have the others to comfort him and take your place, you know.
There is a sharp and pointy hitch in his throat and it hurts him as he tries to gulp lungful of air.
Another trial and he recalls how angry Natsu was when he attempted to use his iced-shell.
Wouldn't it be satisfying to watch him cry? To break the most powerful man? To have him wrapped around your little finger, sobbing over your lifeless body? Wouldn't it be satisfying to watch him destroy everything in anguish as he realizes that you'll never breathe again? That you'll never open your eyes again and he won't be able to gaze fondly into those 'enchanting blue' pools of yours?
He feels guilty for thinking like that about Natsu -it just means how dangerous the situation is getting. He needs to stop it.
Calm -okay, he needs to get calm. His eyelashes flutter close, and he lets his heartbeat slow down. There. It's gone now -he's back to being himself again.
And tears slowly gather in his eyes as he silently begs forgiveness for even considering torturing his only love.
Sitting up slowly, he wraps his trembling arms around himself. Sweat beads form on his forehead, and the gentle breeze cools his body considerably. The thudding of his heart has increased, and he forces normalcy to slow its pace. Everything's over -he assures himself. The phase will only come after months now, and he'll be able to handle it, and he's sure 'bout that. He's grown mature, and he knows the ways to realize his worth.
There is weight on him suddenly, and he smiles guiltily as he recognizes Natsu's trembling muscular form. What had been sadistic pleasure just a few moments ago is now a very heavy guilt bearing sensation, and Gray whispers, "Sorry."
"Idiot." Natsu's heart is beating quicker than his, and his arms are closed tightly around Gray's chest.
The dragon slayer stands up, and offers his hand. Gray accepts it, and smiles as the salmon haired teenager pulls him up.
"C'mon now, don't cry." Gray murmurs with a smile as he nuzzles his boyfriend's cheek. Natsu's eyes are tinged with red and tension, and the ice mage feels another pang of guilt hit him square in the gut.
Sighing, Natsu wraps his arms around the older male's waist. Gray lets Natsu pull him closer to his burning body. Their chests collide and Gray continues smiling at his young lover.
"I was so worried." Natsu finally lets out a breath of oozing relief, and nuzzles his face in the crook of the ice mage's neck.
Gray just stands there, letting his body cool Natsu's. He knows Natsu will hold him tightly for the rest of the day, and won't leave his side even for a moment. And that's not even the extent of his possessiveness. He has witnessed potential male rivals for the dragon slayer beaten to pulp -especially a certain blonde with tinted glasses.
He locks his fingers through Natsu's locks, and murmurs in his ear, "I was just here for a day."
"And a night." Is Natsu's slightly childish and accusing reply.
Gray chuckles, and breathes fondly over Natsu's ear, "You're possessive as hell, you know? And a bit over-protective."
He feels the hold tighten impossibly around his body and a shudder run through his lover, and Gray smiles again because sometimes, he feels like Natsu is that child whom he has to shower with undeniable affection. He just cannot leave him. It's an addiction, and perhaps the dragon slayer is slightly a bit more addicted to him.
He pulls, and Natsu grumbles and Gray stands on his tip-toes and presses his lips against the smooth and tanned forehead of his lover.
"Don't do that again." Natsu pouts and Gray smiles, and kisses his cheek, then chin, and his lips finally capture the latter's lips. Because he knows Natsu means about his disappearance, and not the kisses he's showering him with. And he is on the ground now, but his back is wrapped in strong tanned arms, not allowing him to feel the coolness. Good -he doesn't need it, anyways. Legs are between his, and there is touch on his face, arms, body... and God, it feels amazing.
"Try that again and I'll tie you to my bed and pound your lovely ass so hard that you won't be able to walk. Got that?" Natsu warns as he captures the ice mage's lips between his teeth. The latter moans, and curls upward, and the feeling of completeness is indescribable. Tongues and lips battle for dominance, and soon they're rolling on the ground, feeling each other up.
Gray breaks away, and grins, "You're such a horn dog."
"Shut up." Natsu bites the junction between his shoulder and neck.
The ice mage smiles. Maybe the guild will cry -maybe it won't. It doesn't matter. What matters is that Natsu cannot stay without him and the devastating imagery of Natsu's trembling form is heart-clenching.
And no way in hell he'll let even a tear slide down his love's face.
Back again, eh? This was a bit challenging, as I'm getting quite used to write in Glee's POV instead of any third party's, so I won't mind it at all if you point the errors, typos, etc., out.
Did ya like it? Geez, ain't I making you all depressed these days, Lol? Anyways, it'll just brim my heart with happiness if you guys drop your lovely reviews by. They're amazing and encouraging, you know?