So how great was The Empty Hearse?! I swear, it's the best fanfiction I've ever watched. It was like Mark Gatiss just trolled through the Sherlock tag on Tumblr and it was beautiful, so worth the 200 years of waiting. And considering how hilarious and emotional and perfect The Sign of Three was I know for a fact that the last episode will kill us all in terms of angst and tragedy. It's all been just too happy...
Anyway, I'm still not over the freaking Sheriarty that suddenly turned up in THE. I must have watched that one scene about million times already, so fanfiction just had to be written. It's sort of smutty but not really, so I've rated it M just to be on the safe side. This is pure crack, but then so was the episode.
Chuck some reviews my way. It's so good to be writing Sherlock fanfiction again.
And I know it's hard to believe considering series three has basically been pure fanfiction, but I do not actually own anything.
The Elaborate Prank
It was John's distant scream of "Sherlock!" as the mannequin fell from the ledge that finally caused Sherlock Holmes and Jim Moriarty, former arch enemies, to burst into a fit of giggles. Honestly, what was the point in fighting, what was the point of hating each other and trying to destroy each other? They could have just been doing this the whole time, playing elaborate practical jokes on the ordinary people. It was hilarious!
Of course, it had started out all very serious. Moriarty had been out to destroy Sherlock piece by piece, was threatening the lives of Sherlock's only three friends in the world and goading him into committing suicide, all to solve the final problem – their final problem. But as they faced each other on the roof of St. Bart's they made a life-changing realisation.
They were the same.
Finally they had found their equals. Sure, Jim was more into causing murders than solving them like Sherlock, but it was hardly important now. There was just the simple matter of faking the fall – as funny as fooling John would be, Sherlock insisted that his best friend being shot in the head by a sniper would be crossing the line – and then they could both spend a few years pretending to be dead and properly getting to know each other without anyone else getting in the way. The plan was brilliant in its simplicity.
As their laughter subsided they turned to look at each other, grinning broadly. They stared at each other for a few seconds that seemed to stretch on for hours, Jim's brown eyes boring into Sherlock's greenish-blue ones. And in that moment something passed between them that sent a tingle down Sherlock's spine. His eyes narrowed in realisation as Jim's gaze lingered on his cupid's bow lips hungrily. Of course. It all made sense now.
Time stood still on the roof of St. Bart's as the consulting detective and the consulting criminal leaned in at once, their heads tilted at just the right angle so their lips met in the most perfect kiss. They were both taken aback; Sherlock by how gentle and sweet the kiss was, and Jim by just how soft and moreish Sherlock's lips were. It just felt so... right. Really, they should have been doing this the whole time, this was perfect!
Their kiss deepened, Sherlock's large hands cupping Jim's face as Jim held onto the upturned collar of Sherlock's coat and pulled the taller man closer. They signed into each other's mouths as their tongues caressed with sensual slowness, until they eventually separated, gasping for breath, foreheads pressed together.
"Well, this certainly explains a lot," Sherlock murmured.
"Doesn't it just, darling?" said Jim with a chuckle.
They laughed again, shifting closer to each other from their crouched positions on the roof, before their lips crashed together once more. This kiss was more passionate, more desperate , the two gorgeous psychopaths moaning into each other's mouths as they held each other close. Sherlock pulled Jim towards him and, getting the message immediately, Jim straddled Sherlock' lap, their heated kiss never breaking. The air on the roof suddenly felt stiflingly hot, arousal making both men tremble against each other. Jim dragged his fingers through Sherlock's raven black curls, dragging his head back to kiss down his jaw, across his sharp cheekbone and down to his neck, making Sherlock's moan as the consulting criminal sucked a possessive red mark on the creamy pale skin.
"Oh, Jim," Sherlock moaned in his deepest baritone voice. "It's always been you, Jim. Always."
Jim sighed contentedly, sucking on Sherlock's earlobe before whispering in his ear. "And you, Sherlock, my dear. Us psychopaths have to stick together."
Sherlock hummed in agreement and held tightly onto Jim's hips, pulling him in closer until their bodies were practically glued together. The evident arousal in their well tailored trousers rubbed together and the two beautiful men groaned as one as they devoured each other's mouths once more, rutting feverishly against each other. They didn't have time to do more than this; they needed to get off the roof soon in order for their plan to work. So their rutting and kissing and touching soon became more hurried, desperate as they were to pleasure each other. There would be more time to explore each other more when they were properly alone, in a nice warm bed instead of this cold rooftop.
Their climaxes come just seconds apart, Jim tugging on Sherlock's hair as they moaned and whimpered against each other, shuddering together as the pleasure crashed over them. They held each other in the afterglow, trying to catch their breath, before they were suddenly overcome with another fit of giggles. This elaborate prank had gone perfectly.
Posted by xSHERLOCK4EVAx - The Empty Hearse message board
COMMENTS
BelieveInSherlockHolmes:
This does not count as a theory.
xSHERLOCK4EVAx:
oh shut up anderson, this makes just as much sense as all of your theories!
BelieveInSherlockHolmes:
You didn't even explain how he did it! You just went on and on about this ridiculous and implausible and entirely fictitious love affair with Jim Moriarty. It wasn't a theory, it was... pornography! It read like a bad love scene in some terrible romance novel. The Empty Hearse message board is for THEORIES AS TO HOW SHERLOCK HOLMES FAKED HIS DEATH, not piss-poor attempts at rewriting 50 Shades of Grey!
xSHERLOCK4EVAx:
who made you the king of theories? and anyway how is it that you're having a go at me for posting this, but its perfectly okay for you to have sherlock randomly snogging the face off molly hooper for no reason in every single one of your theories?
BelieveInSherlockHolmes:
That's beside the point. At least my theories actually go some way as to explaining how he did it. This was just nonsense.
xSHERLOCK4EVAx:
whatever. sherlock and moriarty were made for each other, they're both gorgeous psychopaths! ;)
BelieveInSherlockHolmes:
Sherlock is not a psychopath, he is a high-functioning sociopath! For goodness sake, do your research!
221Believe:
I agree this is nonsense. Sherlock is so obviously in love with John Watson!
BelieveInSherlockHolmes:
Oh, for fuck sake...
Hope you enjoyed, Humble Readers.
The only way I could make this even halfway plausible was to make it so it wasn't technically me writing it, but the girl in the episode who made up the Sheriarty theory. So anything that sounded cheesy and ridiculous was completely on purpose. No really, it was.
xxx