Disclaimer: I don't own that 70's show. If I did, it would have been WAY dirtier and it wouldn't have ended on such a terrible note. (Fez and Jackie? Really?)
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Originally this was supposed to be a companion piece to What a Long Strange Trip It's Been and The Long Road Back, but it went in such a wild direction that I just made it it's own story, so please think of it as a stand alone piece. What can I say? Sometimes these things write themselves!
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Seriously...buckle up...it's going to get crazy.
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"EVERYBODY MUST GET STONED"
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CHAPTER 1
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As Jackie's lips meet Fez's at the top of the stairs at the Forman's house, she waits impatiently for what she anticipated would be an internal explosion of fireworks. What she gets instead, is more like a glow stick at a carnival street fair.
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Sure, he's doing that thing he always does with his tongue, and it feels nice – nice the way a massage is nice – kind of relaxing. She was looking for something that was decidedly the opposite. She wanted to feel her knees falter, her breath catch, and her head get dizzy. It's at this moment that she realizes she has a made a big mistake. No, scratch that—a huge mistake. Not only isn't Fez the right guy for her, but she would now carry the burden of having smashed his beautiful heart into tiny little pieces.
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Then there is the matter of her living arrangements. She would most certainly have to move. How can one little kiss be so destructive? Maybe she is cursed? Eric always claimed she was.
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Just when she didn't think things could get any worse, she hears familiar voices gossiping about her just below the landing.
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"Can you believe it? Jackie and Fez? It's like an episode of the Twilight Zone" cackles Donna.
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"Whatever" the burn-out responds, not willing to pull back his mask of zen.
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"I mean, how much lower can she go? She's embarrassing herself" she insists.
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"Fez is a cool guy. It's not his fault she's so desperate. She's so afraid of being alone, she'll latch onto anything" he shrugs, trying to hard to have an out-of-body experience.
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He doesn't want to think about his ex banging other guys, much less one of those guys being his weird little foreign friend. He knows she's just taking advantage of Fez's kindness. He also knows she has to be pretty far gone to have gotten this bad, and the worst part is that he is painfully aware that he's the guy who drove her to the edge of this cliff.
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"Desperate? They need to invent a new word for the shame spiral she's been riding. She's gone from prissy prude to skanky slut all over the course of one year! I can't believe I was ever close friends with her" the blonde scoffs.
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Hyde shifts in place and looks Donna directly in the eyes. "It's pretty obvious to me that you never were," he says as he skulks off into the basement.
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The amazon brushes off the burn and decides to go look for Eric.
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Jackie pulls away from Fez, wondering if he heard the chat as clearly as she did. He did, and it's written all over his face.
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"They're wrong, Jackie" he empathizes as he runs his thumb down the side of her face.
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Frozen with embarrassment, Jackie shakes her head. "What if they're right?"
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"Why would you take anything Donna says seriously?" he wonders. "She's been nothing but a bitch and a lousy friend to you lately."
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"I wasn't talking about her" she says quietly as she releases Fez's hand.
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He looks at her long and hard. "I knew it. I fucking knew it all along. I was stupid to think somebody like you could ever love somebody like me."
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Jackie panics as she watches the last person who truly cares about her slip through her fingers. "No, Fez, I do love you. I do!" she cries, wrapping her arms around him, trying to will it to be true.
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He pulls her off of him. "No, you don't. I can see it clearly now. It's amazing what you can convince yourself is true when you want something badly enough."
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"Please don't leave me, Fez. You're all I have" she sobs.
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"Wish I could say the same, but I never really had you, did I?" he tells her. "Happy New Year, goddess. Hope the 80's treat you better than they've been for me so far" he says as he walks away from her, down the stairs and out of the house.
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As the front door angrily slams shut, hot tears begin to prick Jackie's eyes. She slides down the wall and lands in a messy heap on the floor, gasping for air and praying for everything bad in her life to just end.
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Out of the corner of his vision, Eric spots Donna walking towards him in the kitchen. He holds his breath, hardly believing that he's finally back in the same room with her.
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Africa had been a challenge, but one that he was passionate about. For the first time in his life he felt important, like a man, like what he was doing with his life was worthwhile. Smoking up in his parent's basement had it's place, but he'd started to outgrow all of that and wanted to make his life count for something. His buddy Charlie never got that choice and he wasn't about to let himself become just another Point Place footnote.
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He hadn't counted on missing her so much though. He tried his best to soldier on, but it's hard to throw yourself into something completely when half of you is living on the other side of the world.
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"Hey Eric" she coos, playfully slapping his arm.
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Two pairs of green eyes shoot in Kitty's direction. "You know, I'm out of champagne. I'll see you two kids later" she grins wildly, getting the picture. Though still a little upset with Donna over the whole Randy situation, she's thrilled to have her baby home finally and wants him to be happy.
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Finally alone again, his eyes sparkle with affection. She's always been able to understand him without words. They have their own special language of looks and sighs, and often that's been the only way they've been able to truly convey to each other what they can't say out loud. Eric was never great with words.
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"So" he speaks, giving her his best half-lidded bedroom smile. He wants to pull her towards him, but he holds himself back. She looks even better than he remembers and absence has only made his passion for her burn brighter.
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"So" she responds, narrowing her eyes into a seductive squint. It feels so good to see him again, despite the white hot resentment she's been stoking over the past six months. Confusing as it was to both curse his name and cry for him at the same time while he was gone, she can't help but feel pure joy to be around him now. She missed this, even if she still kind of hates him for taking it away.
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"Wanna go downstairs?" he asks, hoping to get her alone.
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She nods and grabs his hand tightly.
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Sitting alone in the basement looking dejected, Hyde nurses a beer.
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"Hey man" Eric yells from the staircase, his face lighting up at the sight of his best friend.
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"Forman" Hyde nods solemnly.
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"I know we haven't gotten a chance to really talk..." he starts awkwardly.
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"It's cool" he responds, dismissing him.
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Eric cocks his head to the side. "Is it?" he asks, already knowing the answer deep down.
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Hyde jumps up and heads towards the stairs. "You guys probably want to be alone, so uh, later," he says as he runs up the other set of stairs to the outside.
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"That wasn't weird or anything. Not at all," he muses.
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"Well, what'd you expect, Eric? Things kind of went to hell after you left," she explains, with a slight edge to her voice.
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"Remind me how that was my fault exactly?" he asks, pulling his mouth into a lopsided line.
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"He needed you. He went totally off the rails" she continues.
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"Again, I ask how any of this is my fault? It's not like I was next to him in Vegas, stuffing dollar bills into his stripper-wife's g-string," he laughs self-consciously.
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"But after it happened, you never...you never helped him," she says, getting flustered by his lack of understanding.
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He furrows his brow, then raises a finger in confusion. "How was I supposed to help him? I was busy building wells in Africa."
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"Yeah, exactly. He needed you here and you were busy in Africa helping a bunch of strangers. You have no idea what he's been through," she scolds, knowing full well she's using Hyde as a surrogate for her own feelings.
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"Donna, he's a big boy. He made his own mess without me there and he needed to clean it up himself - which he did a crap job of, by the way," he tells her.
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"Yeah, my point exactly" she mumbles.
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"It wasn't my problem, and even if it were, he wouldn't have liked what I had to say to him anyway" he claims defensively.
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Her ire has been lifted. "What is that supposed to mean?"
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"He had Jackie and he chose to be with a stripper? A stripper! Over Jackie! He really shouldn't have needed my advice to know what an insane move that was, and you know what? I wouldn't have lied to him about it. I would have told him the truth, that he was ruining his life, and he would've hated me for it," he rationalizes.
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Donna is taken aback. "First of all, you never met Sam. She happened to have been very nice."
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"Yeah, I'm sure she was lovely for...a STRIPPER." he balks. "Definitely the type of woman you want raising your daughters."
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"When did you get to be so judgmental, Eric? It's not really attractive" she hisses.
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"Let me ask you this, Donna. When I was in Africa, supposedly letting my good friend Hyde down by not supporting his crazy life choices, where the hell were you, exactly?" he questions, starting to get tired of her inquisition.
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"What's that supposed to mean?" she asks curtly.
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"I was on a different continent, but you were here in the basement watching the whole thing go down. Where was your great advice? He's your friend too," he jabs.
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"I told him what I thought," she informs him.
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"And what was that, exactly?" challenges Eric.
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Donna looks sheepish as she leans against the banister railing. "He asked me if I thought he and Jackie would be able to work out their differences and I told him I didn't. I said I thought he should try to make his marriage work."
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The words hit Eric like a lead balloon. "Oh my God. You pushed him into the arms of that woman. No wait, you screwed over your best friend and then played matchmaker with your oldest buddy and a bigamist who takes her clothes off for cash. I mean, who are you? This isn't something the Donna I know would ever do. I don't even recognize you," he says sadly, shocked by her disloyalty.
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Her eyes begin to tear as she averts her gaze. "Lately, I don't recognize me much either" she admits. "And for that, I completely blame you."
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Eric swallows hard. This is not going the way he had planned. He was so desperate to see her again that he didn't even take into consideration that the woman he may be coming back to could have changed into somebody entirely different.
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"Donna, I'm sorry I left you, but I'm not sorry I left," he explains. "I needed to do this. For us" he asserts as he runs his hands through his hair nervously.
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Donna guffaws. "For us?"
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"I was doing it for our future!" he insists angrily.
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"I gave up everything to be with you and then you left me here in this postage stamp-sized town while you traipsed around the globe. What about me?" she cries.
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"You could have done the same" he suggests weakly. "That's why I broke things off with you, so you could explore the world freely."
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"I didn't want to 'explore the world freely', I wanted to be with you! And then you dumped me in a fucking letter. A letter, Eric! We were engaged..." she weeps, shaking her head as he reaches out for her. "Don't" she threatens firmly.
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His emerald eyes glow with emotion. "I love you, I never stopped loving you."
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"Yeah, just not enough to stay" she sighs. "Why don't you just go, Eric? Get out of here. Leave! That's what you're good at" she says flatly before heading upstairs again.
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"Donna, wait! I came back for you." he panics.
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"Why? I clearly don't matter to you as much as you think I do," she sighs.
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"That just isn't true. Donna, you mean everything to me," he croaks, his voice pregnant with feeling.
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"I've moved on already and so should you," she snaps before disappearing through the door at the top of the stairs.
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Eric wanders downstairs and sits dumbfounded on the couch, then buries his face into his hands.
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Jackie is sitting on the Pinciotti stoop alone, drinking champagne straight from the bottle.
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Hyde, who is covertly smoking a joint, notices her across the way and sits on the Formans' stoop. "Hey" he mumbles in her direction.
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Jackie snorts, irritated that he'd have the audacity to greet her after ruining her life.
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"What's your problem?" he gripes. "You know what—forget it. I don't have all day," he chuckles to himself over his burn.
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"Why do you bother?" she wonders aloud.
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He glares at her, unwilling to take the bait.
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Eric wanders up the back stairs of the basement unnoticed, just in time to catch the fireworks.
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Jackie stands unsteadily. "If you think I'm such a bitch, such a desperate slut, why do you even bother burning me, Hyde? I'm not worth your time, right?"
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He feels guilt creeping in, but pushes it aside and remains zen. "Maybe it amuses me to see how much lower you can sink. Heard you got dumped by Fez tonight. The bottom can't be too far off now, sweetheart."
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Jackie winces from his slam. "Well, yes, it should be interesting to find out just how far down I can fall. I mean, I'm so afraid to be alone that I'll just throw myself at the nearest guy, right?" she yells. "Oh, unless that nearest guy is you" she laughs bitterly. "Even a desperate slut like me couldn't sink that low."
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Hyde feels himself getting hot with anger. "Just because I dumped your ass and married somebody better- -"
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"You didn't dump me Hyde, and she was no wife - she was just the dirtiest hangover in history. That's what you had" she slurs, pointing at him.
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"How much have you had to drink anyway, Jackie?" he asks, genuinely getting concerned for her.
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"Not enough to find you remotely attractive. I know that's how you select your women nowadays," she snaps.
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He's really pissed now. "Just remember Jackie, I picked a drunk whore to marry over you. That's how badly I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with you."
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Furious, Jackie launches her empty champagne bottle and watches it shatter at his feet. "Edna had the right idea about you," she says calmly as tears silently stream down her face.
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Hyde's stomach rises to his throat as his eyes register the betrayal he feels from her last barb.
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Fearing violence, Eric quickly runs into the middle of the fray to break it up. "Enough! That's enough."
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A huge wave of relief sweeps across Jackie's features. She leans her head back and sends a silent prayer upwards for Eric's perfectly-timed entrance.
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"Come to join the party, Forman?" Hyde asks sarcastically.
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Eric looks at his sometimes brother with utter disdain. "Not if you're the one hosting it, man" he says with disappointment, as he crosses over to the Pinciotti stoop, collects Jackie, and ushers her into the passenger's side of the Vista Cruiser.
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He quickly takes his own seat then turns his head to look upon his battle-scarred friend with pity. "I'm so sorry, Jackie" he tells her with heartfelt emotion.
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Though she's not his favorite person, he never hated her as much as he let on. In fact, by the time he left, he actually rather liked her. Guess Hyde's presence left her changed positively in one regard. It didn't matter one bit though. Even if he did still hate her - wrong is wrong - and if she had to endure anything close to the vicious attack that he witnessed here tonight on a regular basis, he was going to have her back regardless who it pissed off.
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As he puts his car into gear he wonders what the hell went wrong the day he stepped on that airplane. He barely recognizes any of these people anymore. Is there any reason he should join this circus too?
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Jackie's right cheek is pressed up against the window as she gazes at the blood moon ahead.
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Eric gets it now why Hyde always used to call her his doll. Looking at her, beautiful but broken on on the seat next to him, she did look too perfect to be real. Like a child's favorite baby doll that accidentally fell on the side of the road during a move. Beautiful, but damaged and forgotten.
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"Where do you want me to take you, Jackie?" he asks timidly, almost too afraid to disturb her.
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She gazes over at him with mismatched, bloodshot eyes. "Just drive. I don't care where" she hoarsely whispers, then silently turns back towards the window.
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A/N – What do you think? This is the only part of the story that is based on canon. The rest will be a wild ride. So you know, it will start out with a little J/E but if you've been reading the other ffs I've written, you know everybody ends up with the right person in the end ; )
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I'm dying to know what you think so far. Sound off in the reviews section and let me know!
PS-there should be somebody getting high in every chapter, so keep your eyes peeled!