Summary: After Instrumentality, Shinji is left a broken man without hope and on the brink of total insanity, visiting a friend in a mental institution he is given an certain item that could mend his and his friend soul and entwine them forever

A/N: After my crappy attempts at an OC Love Hina fic, I've decided to go a little darker with this Evangelion fic trust and believe there are NO OC's in this fic, Only supporting characters and the less than obvious cameo appearance. But it's been so long since watching Evangelion, I'm not exactly sure that I can even remember some things

Disclaimer: All Characters Belonged to Their Respective Owners, I own nothing of this fan-fiction, Nor am I paid for writing it.

No Leaf Clover

Chapter 1

Instrumentality, a moment that will live on in various history textbooks and the hearts of conspiracy theorist forever. The pool of LCL holds memories for the boy who stands before it. Shinji Ikari looks into the pool of LCL, attempting to remember the events that happened only years ago...The choice that he was given, The way Asuka laid on the in the bed in her comatose state his...rather sexually based reaction during the incident, and his sudden reaction when she finally woke up after Instrumentality his hands clenched onto her throat. The image of her finally waking up from her state and her placing her slender hands on his cheek burrowed into his mind. The words then instantly began to ring into his head.

"Disgusting..."

Three years...Three years since the choice that changed his life forever, but the pain never got better, only worse as time drug on and quickly made Shinji feel like his bitch, Tied to life by lock and chain and a mean whip. Though everybody eventually returned to live their lives, nothing was the same, It could never be like it was, not that before was exactly great...but it was better, much better than this. He finally lifted himself up from his perch near the LCL and began his slow and thought filled walk back to Misato's Peugeot.

Misato was in the passenger seat as she saw Shinji walking to the car. About six months ago Shinji decided to get his permit, when Misato asked why Shinji stressed it was because she drove enough and he wanted to get the feel for himself, but she knew exactly why he did so. She knew, but decided not to pester him about it, he had a bunch of problems right now and he does not need her budging into his already destroyed life.

The time it took for everyone to return from the lake of LCL was amazingly short, It happened over a span of a month, Starting with Misato, being the first one out of the LCL she saw how broken both teens we're, Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome couldn't even describe their condition, Then about a week later, Touji and Hikari returned, Followed by the rest of the residence in Tokyo-2, To this moment there are still people who come out of the LCL a few foreigners mostly, But those who did not return was possibly those who did not want to or was too weak to.

Gendo the mastermind of Instrumentality seemed to not want to come back. He did do this for Yui after all, and possibly still looking for her in the heavens, If there even is a heaven, after Instrumentality, Shinji faith in his religion seem to whither away, He did not see how god can literally treat his creatures like this and them immediately start everything over. He opened the door into the car and sat in he sighed. Misato attempted to say something but silenced herself as she decided to not speak on it. He stuck the keys into the car's ignition and turned it as the car lifted from his sleep. He quickly drove off.

Every other Friday he did this going through the suffering of remembering the event leading up to all of this, As they drove through the town, the people walking to their jobs, talking on their cellphones, listening to their music, going into stores, just like before Instrumentality, every time he drove by he wondered how everybody including his friend Touji, and Kensuke, could return to normality so easily.

"We're here..."

Misato pointed toward the building as Shinji stopped the vehicle seeing the building. The words stung his heart every time he saw it. It haunts him everyday he has to see it. It made his suddenly strained and cracked heard break instantly and everyday he fixed it, It broke even worse when he sees it.

'Peaceful Forest Mental Institution'

Shinji then stepped out of the car with a sigh on his face, Misato stepped into the driver seat and looked at Shinji. "You are have a strange sense of bravery to be able to see her like this..." Misato said to Shinji with a slight frown on her face. Shinji face lacked any true emotion he simply nodded. "I'll be back for dinner....see you later Misato..." He said. Misato sighed looking down at the road ahead. She then drove off, without saying anything...It hurt to see Shinji like that, ever since she returned from the LCL she worried about Shinji, and wanted him to live the normal life he deserved. Though she thought it was sad to sad that the chances of that we're slim to none.

Back to Shinji

He walked down the corridors of the institution with a frown on his face, ever since he started to visit they seem more familiar. He then stopped as he turned to the receptionist, "May I please see Asuka Sohryu?" He asked. The nurse looked at him with a sigh, when everybody returned from the LCL, Asuka mental condition changed from completely silent and thoughtless, to Blabber and violence, which in itself was bad...but it was the DIRECTION of the violence that was the problem, A few months ago Asuka was actually caught attempting to hang herself from her bedroom window.

Luckily Shinji caught her just before she was able to do so, Forcing her away from the rope he also found various cuts on her wrist and legs. At first they decided to take her to a Psychologist, unfortunately her violence continued to not only herself but to those who tried to stop her, including the Shrink who was badly hurt by her actions. He and his collegues decided that mental institution was best for her, Misato regrettably accepted.

The nurse gave him a clipboard, like she had for the last three months. "Sign here..." she simply said. He began to write his name down on the paper, Sliding it back to her she signed again. She cannot name how many times she saw him here, It was depressing. She didn't find it possible for someone to care about another person, so much, For the last 2 months he's began to visit her and he's never missed not coming here, every other Sunday he was on time.

"Go ahead Mr. Ikari..." She said. He nodded and went past the metal detectors when a giant beep was heard, a security guard appeared in front of him blocking his way. He then emptied his pockets instantly as he knew what the beeping was, His house keys, he placed it in the holding bucket as he walked through again. Walking down the corridors hearing the screams and yells of the patients. He frowned looking at all of them luckily Asuka wasn't among the bunch who's hope for Normality was not lost but became a near impossibility.

He then walked to the next section, these people was usually the military nuts and the people who have survived suicide attempts. He walked around the open section as the patients walked around like they had no true problems some we're playing Ping Pong in silence others watching TV, but she was not out there, she never was. He took a left from the Ping Pong table and stepped near a door. He slowly opened it and walked in seeing his red headed partner.

She wore her yellow sundress that she had on in their first meeting, her hair was a complete mess and heavily ragged. Her blue eyes usually electric and alluring was now dull and nearly lifeless. Her skin which used to be creamy and soft was now roughed with scars and pale from lack of activity and sunlight. Hearing his footsteps she looked up at him with a depressed and completely scary frown.

"Why are you here?"

She whispered this with so much harshness, Shinji had no idea that he actually cringed when he heard that. She hurt him so much both physically and psychologically, but yet he stayed with her for what he does not know. She looked back down as she did not want to see his face. She felt that something about just made her feel, dirty and worthless. She stopped thinking for herself a long time ago.

"I'm not sure..." He said in all truths he did not know why he was here, at first it was only to be polite. But it slowly became something that he was just unable to describe. Asuka looked look at him with disappointment and looked back down at the cold and tiled floor, She hated when he said that, everyday he came she asked the same question, And everyday it's the same answer. She said nothing though as she knelt back down in her sitting fetal position.

This was usually like this, he visits they have no more than a three sentence conversation and they sit for the other 30 minutes. While she is not mentally insane, she seems completely detached from human life. At least that what seems, she then finally looks up at Shinji and frowns. They usually couldn't find anything to say, her self anger and his shyness made it impossible.

Until right now

"Why does he care?"

Shinji looked at her, with one eyebrow, she was not talking to anything right now she walk talking to herself her lonely c self. "I cannot get him to leave me along...he just keeps pushing me...why can't that spineless wimp just leave me alone" She asked still whispering to the doll. She never did this before now in the two months he's been visiting her. "He's doesn't care he's just rubbing it all in your face, He's rubbing your broken soul in your heart..." As she continued her...Conversation.

"For god sakes he masturbated over your unconscious body...He's just as much as a freak as you are and he's rubbing it in your face..." She said. "He's always thought he was better than you...and look at you...your rather off proving him right..." She said as she began to laugh hysterically, tears coming from her face, she then began to shake uncontrollably, Her emotions was going out of control.

Shinji began to notice this he had to do something other than sitting here. "Asuka!" He yelled but when he did so her hands clenched onto his neck. She then began to laugh as she did so. "Your pathetic...You spineless wimp you enjoy seeing me like this...powerless and defenseless, you getting a hard-off from this aren't you, Just like after Instrumentality, try to choke me now you sick pervert?" She said laughing. The Orderly's begin to notice this and instantly grabbed her down. Shinji was then forced out of the room by a security guard.

There he was standing in a hallways full of crazy Marines and war vets he sighed sitting down on a chair that was open. Then a red haired male sat down next to him, his pale skin contrast with the freckles on his face, He looked like a Gaijin which was not surprising sometimes the lake of LCL would revive a Gaijin or two. "I can sense life is not going good for you..." He said. Shinji looked at him, He wasn't sure whether to talk to him or otherwise he was in a looney bin after all. The red head looked at him again and smiled holding a bible in his hands. "Don't worry...I'm normal...I'm getting cleared today, here's my papers... "He said showing him the papers proving his removal from the facility.

Shinji looked at and scratched his head still hesitant to talk to him. "Well yeah...a lot is going on and..." He was stopped b the male. "It's spinning around you...yeah I know...I've been there...so...who was you visiting..." He asked, looking down from the male. "A friend...well...I think she's a friend..." He said. The male then frowned. "You are going though a time of uncertainty, a crossroad is placed between your life that you are not sure you are ready for it..." He said. Shinji looked at him, shocked that he hit it right on the money.

"I think I should give you something...." He said as he dropped the bag he was holding and unzipped it. Shinji looked at the man in utter confusion and yet wonder. The man then completely unzipping the bag reached in for a very damaged guitar, It looked like a Gibson Les Paul and it was, It was a Sunburst black and orange, But all of the strings was gone and a pickup seemed to be damaged. "I think you can use this more than I can right now..." He said giving it to him.

Shinji looked at him with a confused face as he held the guitar in his hands, he was not sure what was going on. He just looked at it as the red headed man got up and dusted his head. As if on cue a nurse walked to the man with a smile. "Sir your ride is here..." She said. The man nodded and began to walk off, Shinji looked at him with a confused face as he looked at him leaving. "Wait...what is your name...why are you giving me this?" He asked.

"They call me Dave...See you later!!!" He yelled as the man disappeared from sight. Shinji then looked at the guitar and scratched his head, he then sighed deciding not to think on it and placed it back in the back and picked it up. Seeing that everything has calmed down in Asuka's room he decided to walk back in, but when Shinji was about to open the door he was stopped by the doctor.

"Are you Shinji..." He asked. Shinji stared at the doctor knowing that whatever it was wasn't good, He then nods as the doctor nodded. "We need to talk to you about Asuka's Current condition..." The doctor the sighed seeing Shinji's eyebrow raise up. "Her mental state seem to be deteriorating slowly, she is losing her consciousness on reality, and is beginning to talk to herself in hopes of understanding what is around her...but her voice is not exactly an helpful one...She going to have to stay longer than we thought..." The doctor said.

Shinji sighed knowing what he was saying, He was crushed inside because of the current events. He looked at the doctor who seem to continue. "We cannot allow her to have visitors today until we do a psychological evaluation which we scheduled to be in a week, so you might not be able to see her for about two weeks...your going to have to go..." He said.

Shinji sighed

His life was going through a downhill spiral and fast, in all honesty at this point Shinji looked around seeing the area around him. He was in the Shibuya shopping district, a quiet but very expensive shopping district. After visiting Asuka he usually just walked around until he slowly found his way back home, It gave him time to think, He then looked down at the guitar bag and sighed wondering why a guy would give him a broken guitar.

He then looked up and saw a store that read 'Guitar Center' He heard of the store but he didn't know the actually had any in Tokyo-2, He looked down at his guitar and frowned. 'If I'm going to keep it, I rather fix it up..." He said stepping into the store. When he did he quickly looked around the store was filled with guitar going up and down the wall, He looked around going through small amount of people looking for a sales associate.

All of a sudden he found one, He was wearing a Gilgamesh T-shirt and ripped pants. He was wearing skinny glasses and his right eye was covered by flowing long black hair. "Hey sir..." Shinji said looking at the male, The male looked up at Shinji his glasses hanging from his face giving him a menacing look. The look instantly sent shivers down Shinji's spine. "Uhh...I need replacement parts for my guitar..." He said showing him the guitar bag. The man looked at him and actually smiled. "Oh I thought you was just another kid returning another guitar...the replacement parts are right there..." He said pointing to the back of the store where all of the parts were...

"Thank you..." He said with a quick smile as he walked to the parts, But when he did so he suddenly realized something. He had no idea what he had, but then just as he thought that he heard something behind him. It was the Sales Associate who looked at him with a smile. "I'm guessing this is your first guitar here...let me see what we have here..." He said. He grabbed Shinji's bag and opened it, Shinji feeling slightly embarrassed attempted to stop him before he grabbed the guitar from the bag but it was too late.

The Associate grabbed the guitar and Shinji closed his eyes, hoping not to hear the man's laughter from the condition of the guitar. He did not laugh he simply looked in shock. "How did you get this?" He asked. Shinji shrugged looking and him with a faint frown surprised at his reaction. "I don't know...a man at the institution gave it to me..." He said. The Associate nodded looking at it. "He has to be giving a Novice a Gibson Les Paul...Well the damage doesn't seem to be bad..." He said with a smile.

"I like you...your very quiet...that's a sign of a amazing musician...do you play anything?" He asked. Shinji looked up at him and put his hands behind his head a little. "Cello...Self Taught" He simply said, The Associate looked at him with a confused face, This would be quite a story, a classically self taught Cellist transferring into a guitarist, He had to see this for himself, The Associate could be any more different from Shinji, He had a long brown hair, was actually very muscular which almost seem to rip though his worker's attire and he had a angry yet very cool disposition. "Wow...classical music...so you can already read notes..." He said.

The man then stepped to him. "I'm going to give you DR Hi-Voltage, Dimebag Darrell, Nickel Plated steel stings with a 10-46 gauge, two pairs of Seymour Duncan Livewire guitar pickups, A instructional book with a few good practice songs, there's even a few classical songs...And I'll give to you for the employee discount...at ¥18049" He said. Shinji looked at him with a white face and backed up in shock. "That's discount here?" He asked. The man sighed looking at the boy, "Yeah I was peeved too when I repaired mine...but think about it this way...I'm giving you the soldering iron for free" Shinji looked at him and could only nod and smile meekly

Shinji sighed looking up opening the door to the house, NERV still being a Paramilitary organization, gave heavy pensions to employees and soldiers. When Misato was given her pension she quickly bought a house for them all to live, It was a necessary move, the old apartment had...too much memories...horrid memories that they all agreed that needed to run away from. It was not far from the school and was actually close to where Hikari and Touji lived. He quickly opened the door, and shut on the lights walking into the living room he saw a note on the table.

Shinji

Filling out paperwork for NERV, ¥3000 to order out

Misato

Shinji sighed as he looked in the hallway connecting the living room the the rest of the house It was a nice house, a simple one family home, The living room was placed with the few pictures that did not give then horrid memories. Shinji's and Asuka's room was seat conveniently next to each other, on the right was the bathroom, Misato's room was adjacent of the bathroom and stood right in front of Shinji's door The hallway leading to the kitchen had a sort of drawer inside of the wall that can be used to store household things like for Misato a first aid kit, a tool kit and a bunch of papers and photo album, after grabbing his screwdriver, Shinji looked at the photo album.

He slowly picked it up and opened it seeing that it was nothing in it, Which was not surprising. Photo albums was used to usually keep pictures of remembrance, they really had nothing they really wanted to remember right now. He walked back into the living room, and placed the screwdriver and the soldering iron on the table. Shinji then grabbed his guitar and placed it on the table, he started off by removing the unnecessary guitar strings from the guitar. He then grabbed his soldering iron and made sure it was merely at 30 watts, He grabbed his screwdriver and went to work.

30 minutes later

A/N: What you actually expected me to type up The WHOLE Process of replacing pickups...I want to give you guys a story not put you guys to sleep

Shinji sighed looking at his work, with a smile he grabbed the guitar by it's neck and sat it next to him on the couch. He decided to just hang low a little now and watch TV, it was on MTV. He actually didn't like MTV due to it's ironic showing of now Music but reality shows, and if they we're music it was prototypical Pop, Mall Punk, And Rap, But tonight it was different, A program called Headbangers Ball began to show, He thought it was a crazy and manically insane reality show about fighting, but what he heard would change his life forever.

A simple guitar riff combined with the bass riff, it sounded like a classical song, almost inhumanly fast, He was about to close his eyes to enjoy the sound when suddenly, The song exploded into a loud, abrasive sound. Shinji's eyes shot up as he heard the song main riff, he was confused he didn't know what to call this, It was different from any song he had ever heard before and yet. He could hear the classical element he was so into, He began to look at the TV Listening to the song as he did so.

After about 6 minutes the song was over, He was left blown out of his mind and knocked out of his seat, the Information of the song appeared as the video ended. Shinji grabbed a notepad and began to write it down hoping not to lose sight of that perfect song. He wrote it down slowly but neatly in order to make sure that he would not write it incorrectly he wanted to hear more from whoever they was, He smiled looking over the written words as he read over it.

Dream Theater

Panic Attack

Octavarium

Roadrunner Records.

He smiled he did so and quickly walked into his room taking his books and his guitar with him. His room was depressingly bare with nothing on the walls other than the drab tanned wall. He placed the guitar near his wall and the book on his desk and grabbed his laptop from the table, In which he brought with his Military Pension for school assignments, he then opened up his I-Tunes, He decided to look up the band that seem to have piqued his interest, There was a a-lot of albums by the band a lot from the 90's

He was shocked to hear that it was not classical that they was playing, it was a genre in which he heard the name of but never really paid attention to. Heavy Metal, They was part of a sub genre of that category called Progressive Metal, after reading more about them Including Musical influence and others he grabbed his I-Pod From under his desk, When he returned from the LCL he found that he could not find his SDAT player he oh so loved, Misato then decided to buy him a slick new I-Pod Touch with, 130GB of memory.

He plugged it into the computer and used his I-Tunes account to buy four albums from then, Octavarium, Systematic Chaos, Black Clouds and Silver Linings and, Finally what he thought was their most interesting in tern of a Album Cover, Images and Words. It didn't take long for all of the songs to Sync up to his I-Tunes, After doing so he disconnected his I-Pod and laid on the bed, When he did he pressed play and started with Images and Words, In which he heard a song with a strange intro of a combination of Guitar and Piano... He looked at the Song Info

Pull Me Under

Dream Theater

Images and Words

This was going to be interesting metal filled night

A/N: They are Two Cameo appearances in this Chapter, the First being a rather famous heavy metal guitarist that everybody knows about in some way (They are very few Heavy Metal artist named Dave with red hair...so it shouldn't be THAT hard to guess.).

I chose heavy metal because I thought it would be a great genre to cover in the time in which the apocalypse has just occurred and also because of wanted to give Shinji a feeling of individualism and confidence as the story goes along, I also chose it because of Evangelion and Heavy Metal both embracing in someway and sometime Postmodernism.

I also decided NOT to make this a songfic, I don't think doing a songfic is best when I just started doing fan-fiction. If you want you can find the songs and play then as Shinji is listening to them, but for now I will only post the song title and info

I also made a funny like tidbit about if an Evangelion and other favorite character Listen to heavy metal...you can find it on my profile page. Oh and Please click that little button right below this...I want to know how you guys liked it or if they is anything wrong with it