Author Notes: One-shot that popped into my sleep-deprived mind last night between 2:30-3:00AM. Thought it was funny. Also, despite the title, this has nothing to do with the Christmas holiday. Disclaimer: The usual. Nothing, I own.

~ BASS DESERVED BETTER ~

It was Saturday and Maura Isles was sitting on her sofa going over case files and notes for a court case that would be starting on Monday. She was off for the weekend, on-call of course, and wanted to brush up on information before they eventually called her to testify. The case in question had taken place a few months ago and the attorneys kept having it out or delaying trial and trying to reach a settlement… until no deal could be reached and they finally got a court date.

This wasn't a first for the Medical Examiner, not by a longshot. These things happened often. It was just that she had wanted to relax for the weekend or do something fun with her best friend, Jane Rizzoli. She had wanted to schedule a weekend trip to New York; where she could shop and, to combat Jane's boredom/annoyance of having to shop or wait while Maura shopped, she'd take her best friend to Coney Island. It was summer and the weather was nice. Jane could eat disgusting fat foods that made Maura's skin crawl and they could ride the rollercoasters and all the rides they could until they exhausted themselves or boredom struck. Maura knew it would end up being the former since there was no way Jane would ever get bored with rollercoasters; though Maura would probably end up sitting out some of them out of exhaustion or the constant moving at various rates of speed in various directions and the constant jerking around became too much for her to handle.

But with the trial date, relaxation, fun and New York would have to be put off for a while.

Maura was several pages into her notes when she heard the sound of jingling bells coming from somewhere in her home. And then came a dull thud. She looked up and tried to identify what was going on.

Jane had come over earlier in the morning and got bored with Maura's studying. She had found a sports channel airing a baseball game and watched that until she realized it was a recap of a game she already watched. She kept it on, but Maura insisted on the volume staying low so she could focus.

She suggested Jane review the case file and the notes to be prepared in case she needed to testify, as well, but the detective declined and said she already knew the case. She remembered it from working it and she already reviewed. Jane's method of studying was skimming through things for a couple minutes and then cramming right before she was supposed to testify. It worked for her so she didn't question it, no matter how many attempts Maura made to get Jane to review until she had everything memorized.

But, then Jane got up and made lunch and then left the room. Maura had a yoga room, though she didn't think Jane actually went in there, and she had a small home gym down in her basement – when they needed to work out and neither felt like trudging out to a gym or when the weather was bad. Jane also knew where Maura's small home office was and could find something to occupy herself for the time being. A computer game, a random book, etc.

Maura always just hoped that Jane's boredom never resulted in something breaking or being defaced in some fashion. For a woman who was in her thirties, Jane Rizzoli always had a tendency to act like a 4-year-old child who could just not sit still. Ever.

The jingle occurred once again, followed by another small thud. The thudding sound became familiar. Bass. The jingling sound, however, piqued her curiosity.

The sounds got louder, signaling that they were moving closer to Maura's kitchen and living room. The thuds were more frequent, leading Maura to the conclusion that Bass was moving faster than he usually did. The jingling sound, though…

Maura set her files down on the coffee table and stood up to go investigate the sound. "Jane, what are you doing? Please tell me you're not aurally torturing my tortoise."

As she neared the kitchen area, heading toward the small hallway off to the left, Bass suddenly appeared around the corner, moving faster than his normal rate of speed. A ribbon was wrapped around his shell, and at the top, a small red metal stand stood up, affixed to him. The top of the stand was a couple bells. One of her Christmas decorations. The thing was meant to be attached to a door or the corner of a wall or the top of a doorway or archway. It was not meant to be an accessory for a tortoise shell.

The tortoise in question had stopped in his tracks and looked up at her, a sad pleading look on his usually stoic face.

"What did Jane do to you, Bass?" the doctor has as she approached the large reptile and bent down to examine his unwanted accessory.

The brunette detective appeared around the corner a moment later and smiled down at her handy work. "I decorated Bass. And, I was trying to get a picture that I could send to you before I took it off, but, man, your turtle moves fast. He's always still; what have you been feeding him?"

Maura stopped undoing the bells and stood up. "Tortoise, Jane. And, I feed him his usual diet of cactus pads, kale, lettuce and strawberries. And, his water, of course. He was probably moving fast because he was trying to get away from you. You are such a child." She bent back down and undid the knots that were holding the decoration in place.

"I am not. He looked cute. And, I was going to take it off after I took the picture," Jane responded.

"Really? You're faster than he is, Jane. Are you seriously telling me you couldn't get ahead of him to stop him?" Maura arched one perfectly sculpted eyebrow up at her as she set aside the bells.

Jane was silent and wide-eyed for a moment before quietly uttering, "Yes."

The doctor rolled her eyes and untied the ribbon and removed it from her pet. She stood up and set the items on the counter before moving to her refrigerator and taking out a cactus pad and a British strawberry. She set the pad on the floor and placed the strawberry on top. It was Bass's reward for being relieved of his torment.

The tortoise ambled over to the unexpected treat and reached out slowly and snapped up the red fruit. A moment later, he reached his head out again and took out a chunk a small chunk of the cactus pad.

The quiet was then disturbed by Jane's voice. "Did you ask if I was orally torturing your turtle?" she asked with a disgusted look on her face.

Maura looked confused and ran back their conversation in her head before it finally dawned on her what Jane meant. "Okay, first of all, TORTOISE, Jane! He's a tortoise, not a turtle. Secondly, I said 'aurally'. Aural, pertaining to hearing, not 'oral' as in using your mouth. Sound. I thought he was running away from you because you were following him around with bells."

"Turtles-," receiving a glare from her friend, "tortoises don't run. Although, I'm pretty sure he did. And why would I be chasing him with bells?"

"Maybe for the same reason you decided to decorate him with bells. Because you are a child in an adult's body. You get bored easily and find the strangest and almost immature ways of amusing yourself… and we all end up being subjected to it. In this case, my pet fell victim to your boredom," Maura explained.

The brunette pouted and crossed her arms. "I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

The doctor smirked at her friend. "No, you're not and yes, it will." If any other adult was like this, it would've annoyed Maura greatly. But, this was Jane Rizzoli, and this behavior became an endearing trait. She once led a quiet life with Bass. Life with Jane was unpredictable and loud and, while Bass might have had some objections, Maura loved and appreciated her home being filled with sound. While Maura wasn't willing to admit that life pre-Rizzoli was in any way boring, she had to admit Jane's childlike antics made her previously quiet existence less 'boring' and she was eternally grateful.

Jane stood there trying to gauge her friend's mood. The blonde didn't look mad, but she had been focused on work and Jane had interrupted that so it was hard to tell what was going to happen. Would Maura just give up and go back to work and tell Jane to find something quiet to do? Or would she be distracted enough to find something they both could enjoy so Jane wouldn't be bored? It was a toss-up.

Maura moved to Jane, confusing the taller woman. Said confusion grew when Maura slipped her arms under Jane's and pressed her body against hers in a tight hug. The blonde looked up at Jane. "You annoy me so much sometimes…" the confusion went further and the brunette frowned, trying to figure what the hell was happening. "… But, please don't ever change." The frown faded into a content smile and she wrapped her arms around Maura's body to return the hug.

"Okay."

"And, stop decorating my tortoise."

"Turtle."

"Jane…"