Hey guys,

So this is different from anything I've done before and special thanks to Kenz and Callie for the idea.

I hope that you guys like it.

I don't own anything that has to do with NBC Chicago PD or anything Dick Wolf has done.

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Erin grunted as her back slammed into the wall behind her. Landon grabbed her ass and lifted as she pulled up and wrapped her legs around his waist, recapturing his mouth with hers. "Bunny?" he moaned and rocked her hips when she felt his erection through his jeans.

"Won't be home till late," Erin panted, as Landon carried her over and eased her onto the bed in her apartment.

Erin's head turned towards the side and she felt hot tears brimming at her lids as she looked at the picture of her and Nadia sitting on the bedside table.

It was her fault her friend was dead and that was something she knew she was never going to get passed. Her gaze then when to the picture of her and Jay and she felt a tear finally slide down her cheek.

Jay.

God, how she was so deeply in love with him, but he deserved so much better than her. And she wasn't going to let him get mixed up in her life and have his life become a cluster-fuck like everyone's life who knew her.

Bunny was right, she needed to be around people who knew her and people who wouldn't get hurt by her actions.

Erin groaned as she felt Landon bite her neck and she knew if she was going to get through this she was going to need something to take the edge off.

"Stop" Erin said as she pushed against his shoulders to keep him from leaving too many marks on her neck.

"No" Landon said as he continued to kiss his way down Erin's neck and shoulder.

"Landon...stop" Erin said as she pushed him back away from her and sat up for a minute.

"What the hell is wrong with you? I thought this was what you wanted. You were all over me at the club" Landon reasoned. Running a hand through his dark hair.

"I just need a minute" Erin said running her hand through her hair.

"Something to take the edge off?" Landon asked raising an eyebrow as he sat back and moved off the bed. "I know just the thing"

Erin watched as Landon moved to her dresser and grabbed two white pills before walking back over to the bed and sitting down.

"Here. It'll make you feel better" Landon said.

"What are they?" Erin asked as she looked at the pills in her hand.

"Does it matter?" Landon asked.

Erin looked back over at the picture of Nadia and shook her head. "No"

Erin squeezed her eyes shut as she grabbed the old beer that was on her nightstand and swallowed the pills whole before turning back to Landon and kissing him.

Erin sat up and pulled her shirt over her head as Landon fumbled with the buckle on her jeans. She nipped his shoulder and reached down to undo his pants, tugging them down over his hips.

"Let's do this," she said breathily. "Lose the pants." He stood up straight, pulling his shirt over his head as Erin knelt in front of him and pulled his jeans down.

They moaned together as he slid inside her waiting for her body to adjust to the invasion. She bucked her hips impatiently, and his chuckle became a moan as he began to move within her. Her nails raked down his back as his thrusts became less controlled. She wrapped her legs around his back and screamed his name as another orgasm overtook her. Landon lost control as the contractions of her body milked his erection and he erupted within her body, collapsing on her breathlessly.

They lay panting for a moment before Erin brought her hands up to caress her face, not realizing she'd cried her way through the entire thing.

She rolled away from Landon as he withdrew and moved off of her.

"I don't know why you always look at those pictures. That's a life of people who don't care about you" Landon said as he turned his head and saw Erin's gaze on the pictures.

Just like she did every night that he'd stayed with her. She'd just stare at photos of her old life until she'd fall asleep.

"Landon...don't" Erin pleaded.

"I love you, not them. If any of those people in those photos gave a shit about you...they'd be around"

"I know" Erin said as she pulled the blankets up and over her naked form.

"Whatever you say" Landon said as he rooled over on his own side.

Erin's eyes stung with hot tears as she looked at the picture of her and Jay. She missed him so much, she wanted him.

But wanting him was never enough.

He deserved better.

And her leaving the 21st was going to give him better.

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The phone rang out in Landon's apartment.

"Landon should I get that?"

No reply.

Erin could hear the phone being picked up at Landon's end and immediately launched into her rant.

"Landon where the hell have you been? You were supposed to call me".

There was a pause at the other end of the line, before a seductive female voice sounded down the line.

"Um, this isn't Landon actually" she giggled "He's indisposed right now. I think I've worn him out, so he's taking a nap at the moment" another throaty laugh. "Who is this please?" she asked innocently.

"Never mind who this is. Who the fuck is this?" Erin shouted down the phone.

"There's really no need to be rude. I'm sure… " she started to answer curtly.

"You know what? Just give Landon a message from me. Tell him Erin called. Just tell him Erin said goodbye".

She slammed the phone down and burst into tears.

"Thanks so much for saying that I can stay after all Erin. I'm sure the roaches didn't really want an audience while they were dying" he laughed.

"No problem Mom, seeing as Landon has decided he'd rather be spending the weekend in bed with another woman".

She could feel her voice getting louder and she looked down as tears formed in her eyes. She quickly brushed away the one that had escaped and looked back up at the back of Bunny's head. They were in her apartment and she was sitting on the couch while Bunny unpacked her bags.

"Sweetie, don't worry about him, he'll be back. You know what we need to do? Have a party. So that you can take the edge off" Bunny explained.

"I don't know. I just think I'm going to get some sleep tonight"

"Aw, sweetheart, it'll be fun" she laughed, then lowered her voice "And don't worry about Landon, baby. I'm sure he'll be able to give you a really good excuse. I.. I mean, explanation".

She frowned, feeling the need to change the subject again quickly before the tears she was holding back overpowered her completely and she stood up "I'm going to go lay down" she said as the phone started ringing "Can you get that Bunny?"

"Sure" She said, leaning over the side of the couch and picking up the telephone

"Hello" Bunny giggled.

"Can I speak to Erin, please?" Hank asked

"What do you want Hank?" she asked tersely.

"I want to talk to Erin" Hank said again.

"Well Erin doesn't want to talk to you. Didn't we just go through this?" she smirked.

"Put her on the phone" he fumed.

"Sorry, no can do" Bunny said as she hung up the phone.

Erin walked into the room and raised her eyes questioningly at Bunny.

"Who was that?" Erin asked.

"Wrong number" Bunny said as the phone rang again and she answered it.

She placed her hand over the mouthpiece and mouthed 'Landon' to Erin with a concerned look. Her eyes sparkled with anger and jealousy as she walked over and grabbed the phone from Bunny's hands, whilst she retreated respectfully into the kitchen.

"What do you want Landon?"

"What do I want?" he asked incredulously. "I want to know where the hell you get off talking to my friends like that" he yelled.

"Well I think I have every right to say what I want, Landon. After all, you sleep with me and then a week later have some new skank in your house."

"What the….? Skank? Who the hell do you think you're calling a skank?"

"Well I just call it as I hear it Landon".

"You know nothing about my life. You know nothing about the people I turn to and confide in, and what's more, you don't seem to care".

They were both screaming down the phone at this point. Their tempers were not going to be controlled. They lashed out. There was no way they could stop it.

"You know what Landon? You go and have your fun. You go and turn to whatever little whore you want to keep your bed warm during the lonely nights, but just know this. You will never… EVER… return to my bed again".

"Fuck You Erin, You're nothing but a whore. You're right. You should've died right with your friend, Nadia".

"You're such a bastard. Don't ever call me again" she said calmly for the first time in their conversation. She quietly replaced the receiver, then picked the telephone up and hurled it at the television set, glass and sparks flying everywhere, before she collapsed to the floor, her mouth open in a silent scream.

Not quite sure how her life was even more fucked up than she thought.

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Erin shook her head as she tried to forget about where her life was a month ago.

She rubbed her neck tiredly as she looked up from her desk in the bullpen and across the room to where Jay was standing in the breakroom.

The night she had told Landon to never call her again was the same night she'd got the call from Al that Jay had been kidnapped.

Erin, hadn't intended on ever going back to the 21st, but knowing that Jay needed her was the only thing that pulled her back in.

And for that she was thankful. Because of that day her life was finally getting back on track. She was finally moving back into her apartment and Jay had promised her he'd help her get a new couch for her apartment.

Erin shook her head when she felt a wave of nausea overtake her.

She'd found herself feeling really lousy the last few days and figured she was just fighting off a bug since Kim had been sick a few days prior.

Erin silently hoped that it wasn't Kim's stomach bug, she really wanted to go couch shopping with Jay and get her life back on track to where she was.

"You ok?" Jay asked as he walked over and sat a cup of coffee down on Erin's desk.

"Yeah...yeah" Erin assured as she took the cup from her desk and brought it up to her lips.

"So...I talked to my couch guy" Jay said his lips turning up into a smile.

"And?" Erin asked.

"He made a few calls and I think I found something you'll like" Jay said. "Do you have plans tonight?"

"Nope" Erin said with a smile.

"Me neither. Should we go couch shopping?" Jay asked his eyes dancing as he looked at Erin.

"Indeed" Erin said with a smile

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Jay walked off the elevator with flowers in his hand as he made his way to the door of Erin's apartment. It had been almost a week since he'd helped her find her couch and the two had their very heated kiss on said couch.

Unfortunately, Erin had been sick the last few days and Jay had promised Hank that he'd keep an eye on her. He'd stopped by every day for the last few days since she'd missed work and just hung out with her and helped her with anything that she may need.

He reached into his pocket and pulled the key out that Erin had given him and quietly let himself into her place.

Erin yawned as she walked into the kitchen, wearing the same sweats she had worn for the past few days, she couldn't bring herself to change, mostly because the thought of showering made her want to throw up.

Jay looked up from where he was noisily fumbling around in the kitchen drawer when he heard her yawn followed by a loud sniffle as she came in.

"My God, she's alive….. well, just about" he smiled.

"Very funny".

"Don't you think it's time to go to the doctor? I mean, I could take you down to Med and you could see Will" Jay offered

Erin shook her head "No, it's fine. I'll be fine. I'm actually starting to feel better"

"It's just...Burgess wasn't sick like..."

"I'm FINE" Erin said again as she looked at Jay and back down at the table.

"Okay" Jay said his voice trailing off.

"I'm sorry Jay" she sighed, slumping down into a chair.

"Have you eaten anything today?" Jay asked looking at her with concern.

"I tried first thing this morning, but I can't keep anything down. I think it's just stress from being back at work and maybe some bad choices still left in my system"

"You ready to talk about it now then?"

She shook her head and sniffed, the remains of her last crying session still very obvious by the tear streaks down her face and her red, puffy eyes. "Bunny keeps calling me. She wants to talk, but I'm just not ready to let her back in my life"

"And you don't have to be. You don't need to let her back in your life, Erin" Jay assured as he took a seat next to her.

"You know the other night on the couch...Jay...that was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened and I'm sorry that I took advantage of you" she said tersely, hurt boiling somewhere underneath the surface, just waiting to explode again, but despair was currently overriding that emotion.

Jay studied her carefully, aware that her words were just a case of false bravado, but deciding to let it pass, before nodding and turning back to the kitchen drawer.

"Erin, you don't mean that. Things are going to get better. We'll get your number changed and you won't have to worry about Bunny. And if that's the case, well, we'll get a restraining order"

Erin shook her head and looked back at Jay "All I do is mess things up, it's what I'm best at. And you should go"

"I'm not going anywhere, Erin" Jay assured

"Jay" she sighed.

"Erin listen" he said, turning serious "I know you're not ready to talk about the things that happened during your spiral. If you're ready to talk or need to cry on a real shoulder instead of just into a pillow, I'll be here you know? No matter what"

Erin took a deep breath as she tried to fight back the tears that were going to fall.

"No Jay really" she sniffled "I'll be fine. I'm on my own now, I need to get used to it".

"You're not alone, Erin. Where is all of this coming from? What did Bunny say to you" Jay asked moving over to where Erin was and sitting next to her.

"It's not Bunny!" her anger resurfacing "You just need to go Jay. Please. I mean, how many different ways are there of saying goodbye Jay? Maybe if I say it often enough, it will seem real and I'll be able to accept it. I'll be able to accept being left here alone… in this condition" she gasped as she looked up into Jay's eyes, like a deer caught in the headlights.

"What… what condition?" he asked as she shook her head and looked down at the floor "What condition Erin?" he asked again, softly.

"I'm pregnant" she cried as she said it out loud for the first time as she collapsed forward onto the kitchen table, her whole body wracked with sobs.

Jay felt like the wind had been knocked out of him at her news. He knew there was no way possible that this was his baby.

And it completely gutted him.

But now wasn't the time for how Jay Halstead felt. So, he did the only thing he knew to do.

He quickly walked over to her and pulled her up into his embrace, stroking her hair as she gasped and hiccuped between her sobs.

"It's going to be ok. You're going to be OK. I'm staying here tonight".

"There's no need" Erin said shaking her head.

His shirt was soaked with her tears and he could feel her small frame shudder with each gasp for air in between her cries.

"Are you sure Er? I mean, have you taken a test? What happened exactly".

Her tears subsided somewhat at his soothing words and comforting embrace.

"I was two weeks late. I knew there was something wrong because I'm never late… ever, because I'm on the pill so I always know when my period is due. Anyway, I started to think back and then I remembered all of those pills I took and they could have knocked the pill out or something. I went to the store and bought a test. I thought it was better to know one way or the other" she explained, trying to hold back from crying long enough to tell the story.

"It's like all I do is fuck up my life. I don't know what I'm going to tell Hank...How could I have been so stupid?" Just she quickly broke down into tears again at the memory.

He held her tighter, knowing she needed to feel safe and loved. Eventually her tears began to subside once again and he pulled away slightly and held her at arms length, looking her in the eyes.

"Erin. I'm staying".

"Honestly. I'm okay. You go Jay. I could do with a bit of time on my own now my head's clearing slightly. I have to try to work out what I'm going to do. I'll be okay, I promise."

"Well make sure you call me if you change your mind, okay?"

"I will" she reassured him. "But it's better that you go"

Jay reached his hand over and brushed the hair out of Erin's face. "It's going to be OK, Erin. No matter what, I'm not going anywhere. And no matter what you decide to do, we're all going to be there for you" He frowned slightly.

Erin shrugged and brushed off his comments, as she began to feel the first stirrings of nausea forming in the pit of her stomach.

"You get going Jay. There's something I need to do anyway".

"Alright Er, but don't forget, I'm only at the other end of the phone" he smiled as he walked towards the door.

It wasn't until much later on, long after she had thrown up her first breakfast and was trying to prepare her second, that she saw Jay's car parked outside her apartment in the same place that he'd parked this morning.

He'd never left.

Just like he'd promised.

And somewhere deep down Erin knew, no matter what, she wasn't going to be as alone as she felt.

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