Chapter One

Serena let a sigh escape her body. She and Bernie had just spent the last three hours in theatre - a complication in their planned procedure had meant it had taken much longer than both women had expected.

She leant back into her chair and looked across at her blonde colleague. Bernie looked as though she was a million miles away, staring blankly at her computer screen.

"Bernie?"

No response.

Serena got up from her chair and went around the desk to sit on the edge of Bernie's desk. "Bernie?"

The movement seemed to bring Bernie back from her thoughts. "Sorry." She closed down her computer and turned her attention to Serena.

"You've been like for this for days. Is there something on your mind, Bern?"

Bernie gave a small shrug.

Serena frowned and got up from the desk to slide her coat on. "I haven't seen you eat all day, you're coming home with me for dinner." She'd never invited Bernie to her home before but she couldn't bear the idea of eating for the umpteenth time at Albie's and she couldn't leave her friend in such an obvious state of angst.

Bernie seemed to silently consider Serena's proposal for a second, before a small smile rose on her lips. "Dinner would be nice."

Serena had lost count of the amount of times Bernie had offered to help with dinner. 'Just sit there and drink your wine' she'd repeated on more than one occasion, slightly exasperated with her fidgety colleague. She wanted Bernie to relax, not be chopping up vegetables or worrying about if the pasta was cooked or not. She successfully managed to pull together a spaghetti bolognese without Bernie's involvement and took a seat opposite Bernie at the large oak table in the kitchen. "Bon appetit." She smiled.

With Jason out for the evening with friends, Serena realised how little time she spent with Bernie completely alone, even in their office they were constantly being bothered by their colleagues. She was surprised at how nervous she had been having Bernie in her house. She'd managed to trip over a few sentences whilst they'd spoken over their meal, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks as she'd done so. Serena almost never got flustered - she could perform a near-impossible operation in total calmness but one look from Berenice Wolfe and she was a mess.

"Thank you for this." Bernie smiled, taking a sip of her wine.

"Thank you for taking me up on my invitation. I never have anyone to visit. It's normally just Jason and I."

"No Robbie?"

"Robbie and I aren't seeing each other… it became a little complicated for him with Jason around." It had been a month since Robbie had changed his mind about moving in with her. He couldn't cope with the idea of living with Jason, though he hadn't even had the decency to tell her properly - 'I'll call you' was not the reaction she had expected from a grown man who had claimed to be in love with her. She was surprised Bernie had noticed.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Bernie reached across the table and gently ran her fingers across the back of Serena's hand. The feeling sent a tingle across Serena's skin and she moved to take Bernie's empty plate, piling it on top of hers and heading over to the sink.

Serena's feelings for Bernie were something she had never experienced before. She hadn't particularly liked the army medic when they had started working together but they'd so quickly become good friends and over the last few months Serena's feelings had deepened into something intense but yet totally indescribable. Bernie was a mystery - a beautiful, talented mystery that Serena yearned to solve.

"Was it something I said?" Bernie asked.

Serena felt herself blush in Bernie's obvious reference to her movement away from the table at her touch. "No. Can I interest you in another glass of wine in the living room?" She asked, hopeful that Bernie would agree.

The blonde gave a smile in response that made Serena's heart flutter.

Serena's living room was a mess of Jason's magazines and her collection of paperbacks she'd promised herself she'd find the time to read and never had. A flat screen TV was sat into the corner, angled into the middle of the room where a leather 2-seater sofa and armchair were placed, an oak coffee table sat in the middle of it all.

Serena placed a bottle and two glasses on the table and flicked on a lamp in the corner to cast a soft glow across the room. They both took a seat on the sofa, Serena immediately realising quite how small her sofa was when two people both sat there. Her thigh pressed against Bernie's but neither of them moved away.

Bernie reached out to pour the wine but hissed sharply, flinching at her movement.

"What's wrong?"

"Sleeping on the bloody sofa…my back is in agony" Bernie grimaced.

"Why are you sleeping on the sofa?" Serena placed her hand on Bernie's back, rubbing it gently through Bernie's black cotton shirt.

Bernie paused, closing her eyes. "Marcus and I had an argument a few days ago. He said I'm not the same person he married, he doesn't want to share a bed with me anymore. I can't say I blame him."

Serena felt her whole body fill with concern and empathy. Her marriage had been unbearable just before the divorce, she hated to think of Bernie going through anything similar. "What happened?"

"He knows I had an affair when I was in the army…" Bernie's voice was quiet and quivered as she spoke but her gaze remained focused on the floor like she was unable to meet Serena's eye.

Serena was taken aback by Bernie's confession. She never expected Bernie to be the type to cheat. She remembered how difficult she had taken the news of Edward's affair, she still hated him for it. She felt like a hypocrite to be so forgiving of Bernie.

"I haven't told him, but I can tell he knows, I can feel it when he looks at me." Her voice was so full of pain and frustration. "When she came to Holby to see me, we ended up kissing... but she said my decision to leave the army had already destroyed what we had. It turns out the IED did more damage to my heart than it did to my back."

"She?" Serena felt a rush of heat across her body at Bernie speaking about being with another woman. A heat that reached every finger and every toe and right down into the depths of her belly.

Bernie nodded, not meeting Serena's gaze.

"Oh, Bernie." She reached out and took her colleague's hand. "You need to tell Marcus. You can't trap yourself in a relationship that doesn't make you happy, even if your affair is over."

The blonde looked up at Serena with tears in her eyes. "I'm not sure I'm brave enough… I can't bear to lose my kids, I feel like I've only just got them back. They'll hate me. "

Serena wrapped her arms around her tightly. She'd never seen Bernie cry before, had always regarded her as the big macho army medic, the stronger out of the two of them in the all ways it was possible to be strong. "I'm here for you." She shushed.

She heard a sob escape Bernie's lips and held her tightly as she cried. They stayed like that, wrapped in each other's arms for what felt like an eternity until eventually Bernie's tears subsided and her breath calmed. She pulled away from Serena's embrace, wiping her cheeks with the palms of her hands. "I should go." her voice was almost a whisper.

It was at that moment Serena heard Jason slide his key into the front door and he came into the living room, a smile on his face. "Hello Aunty Serena, Dr Bernie."

"Did you have a good night, Jason?" Serena asked, feeling Bernie leave her side, rising to her feet from the sofa. She missed the feeling of their contact immediately.

"I did thank you. Have you been crying Dr Bernie?"

"No, no." Bernie assured him with a small smile. "I should be going, it's late."

Serena walked with Bernie to the front door. "Can I call you a cab? Or drive you home?"

Bernie shook her head, pulling her coat on. "It's not far, I think I'll walk, clear my head."

"Will you text me when you're home and let me know you're safe?"

"I'm not a child, Serena." Bernie replied, although it was tinged with lightheartedness.

"I know… I just... care about you." Serena replied, her words carrying more meaning than she had anticipated, stripping Bernie of her playful expression. The air suddenly felt heavy and full of tension. Serena couldn't tear her eyes away from Bernie's. The blonde's expression was both unreadable and utterly enticing. Eventually Serena broke their gaze, clearing her throat uncomfortably as she pulled the front door open for Bernie.

"I'll text you." Bernie promised, slipping out into the night.

An hour later Serena's phone vibrated on her bedside table. She had tried to sleep but was finding it impossible, her body tense with the intangible emotions surrounding her friendship with Bernie. Bernie's confession was still fresh in her mind, having raised numerous questions within Serena that she now seem plagued by.

She grabbed the phone and unlocked it to see Bernie's message:

I just got home. Thank you for this evening. B x

She smiled, too tired to try and compose something in response but glad Bernie had text her like she'd said she would. She lay back down and thought of Bernie sleeping on the sofa with her back pain. She would have to fix that tomorrow.