Chapter song:
La Ritournelle – Sebastien Tellier
Chapter 1 – Undoing
As the curtains hang still, a decision is being made.
A tea-light flickers under a lampshade, the irregular pattern of the pseudo-ottoman case spirals across its circular frame, letting the light that escapes splatter a royal shadow against the wall. For a moment it was an inspiration for an intricate façade, until the flame cast a new image and the scene changed.
A boy catches his reflection in a grubby mirror, he glides a hand through his hair in an attempt to make himself more presentable. In the bathe of fragmented light however, the result is ineffectual. Realising his narcissism, his head is returned gleefully to its pillow and his arm snakes around the torso of his lover.
"Mhmmm." He droned, as his partner accepted the invitation to lock themselves together.
"I can't stay in this position for long Naruto, you're too fucking warm, sorry".
They remained like this for some time. One knowing the other wasn't comfortable, hoping he would forget his discomfort, and remain bound.
"Get off."
The taller male removed Naruto's arm with a huff; pulling the duvet over himself to prevent any further disturbance, a considerable amount of negative space formed between the two former lovers. A gap in the still-static curtains allowed the moon to cut a blade across this gulf.
Mirroring this unexpected turn, Naruto rolled over to face the wall. His eyes lingered on the changing shapes cast by the lantern. He had spent a summer on this lark, this boy; he had spent a summer switching between knowing and unknowing the contents of the tall, muscular body that currently faced away from him.
He thought this summer would be different, two years at university should have been enough, he thought; every time he returned home, he fell into the same trap, the same arms, the same changing smile, the same sexual addiction. This time, he thought he was mature enough to evade the common pitfalls, say the right buzzwords and finally get more from this boy than a drunk text on a Friday night and an equally drunk fuck.
And yet he was wrong. He had been so sure; the world seemed to owe him this. Yet once again, it blessed him with only a few orgasms and a regretful few words.
"You need to leave." Naruto said plainly
The past two summers seemed to speak for him.
"Did you hear me?" He repeated, noticeably louder.
The unwelcome man turned his head slightly towards the other's back. Although Naruto couldn't see, there was a pale look of disbelief on his face.
"What? Why?" He said
"Because…" Naruto cleared his throat, slowly rolled over to face the man he had just previously tasted every inch of and shot him a forlorn look. On the pitiful side of forlorn, mind.
"I'm bored, Deidara. In fact, no; you're fucking boring. I come home every summer, try to spend time with you, and the only kind of friendship you can sustain is one involving drunk calling me every fucking weekend for sex and then ignoring me for the rest of the week? Fuck this." His voice grew louder as he reached the end of his rant, because he knew the response he would get, and he was right.
Deidara returned Naruto's gaze, stumped, oblivious.
"The worst thing is you don't even get it. You're just a fucking cunt, get out."
"If you want to cuddle I will, I was just warm." Deidara spoke plainly.
Naruto almost barked at this response.
"It's not that you prick! It's everything, telling me you miss me all year, then after you get your lay when I'm back you treat me like shit. I'm done, get your shit and go!" Naruto got out of bed mid sentence to cover his dignity with a dressing-gown and turn the light on, destroying the shapes cast on the wall and the slice of moonlight that was dividing the bed.
"Dude, calm down"
"Don't Deidara, I don't expect you to fucking get it. Just fuck off."
"The buses have stopped…" Deidara pleaded
"I don't give a shit, get a taxi" Naruto interjected, ripping a taxi number off his pin board and dropping it on the table in front of him.
They remained like this for some time. One knowing the other wasn't comfortable…hoping he would forget his discomfort, and just let him sleep. Deidara eventually stood up, sliding into his jeans (no underwear) and collected his things, all under Naruto's impatient eye.
When he had tied his last lace, he stood facing Naruto, unsure of how to formally depart, knowing this would be the last time he would see him for the summer.
"Nar…" He began
"Deidara" Naruto interrupted again, smiling.
"Please, honestly and truly: get fucked." He spat, half laughing at the fact it had taken him this long to realise how enjoyable those words were to say to his face.
Defeated, Deidara wiped the inside of his eyes and breathed deeply, still half asleep. He walked slowly out of the door Naruto had opened, still not totally sure of his crime, making sure to avoid Naruto's ever-wide gaze. As the door began to shut on Deidara's back, the chance for the last word was too much of a temptation.
"Pin Dick..." Naruto whispered. Deidara was unable to turn in time before Naruto had already clicked the lock.
Leaning against the door, the cold wood flush against his bare back; he sucked and bit the inside of his cheek as he thought over the incident fondly. Two years of obsession ended in a few seconds, and it was down to his self-control. And short temper.
He looked over at the mountains of suitcases and IKEA bags in the hallway: it was time to go back. He had missed London dearly, the only place that allowed him to be the person he wanted to be, while remaining completely anonymous. Nottingham had grown small. The trees seemed to claw stronger around his neck the longer he stayed, and he couldn't take it.
He boiled the kettle, eyeing the steam as it drifted to nothingness.
Pouring a coffee (an odd choice for a pre-sleep-post-sex beverage), he carried himself out onto the balcony and sparked a cigarette. It was 3am. From this vantage point Naruto could see other apartment blocks in the complex, some lights were on, some were off; most of the students who chose to stay over summer were probably about to start pouring back from the clubs, he did live in the center of town after all.
To his left, a couple were lying comfortably on a sofa watching television. He took another drag of his menthol cigarette. To his right, he could see through the curtains into another apartment. Books piled high next to the sofa in the living room and a Klimt painting rested against the fireplace.
"Shit!" He snapped. Absorbed in his voyeurism he had taken one drag too many and burnt his lip. Flicking the nub over the balcony and nursing his lip with a swift movement of his tongue, Naruto took one last deep breath before lazily locking the glass doors and returning to his room. Sleep came to him easily that night.
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