Christ I'm a horrible author, i have absolutely no attention span, but i insist on wirting therefore inducing me to write oneshots which will be finished. My only ongoing story is so infrequently updated, i sometimes fear for it TT

BTW, this is from Sirius's POV, his thoguhts and such just before he...moves on.

I was there. For every second of it I was there. I watched the courtship, I watched my best mate, my brother fall in love, become exhilaratingly happy, almost delirious with joy and I watched him slowly break apart and fall to pieces as she rejected him time and time again. He was pretty much gone by seventh year.

That year, she was head girl and he was head boy, and they shared dormitories with each other. This time I also watched as she slowly brought him back to life. She talked to him, laughed with him and soon, they were almost inseparable. But I knew him too well and I saw he was still hollow inside as he played his part out of being best friends with the girl that he was in love with.

Then one day, he came to talk to us again. He had this massive grin plastered all over his face and his eyes were shining and he was just delirious. Though I have never fallen in love and experienced such love in my life, I felt like I had the moment I saw him. I knew my best buddy was back.

They became James and Lily, Lily and James. They were inseparable, forever intertwined. In the honeymoon phase of their relationship, me, Remus and Peter hardly ever saw him, and when we did, Lily was with him. We didn't mind though, we kinda understood in a way after watching him slowly fall apart and die inside everytime she rejected him, we understood. After the honeymoon phase passed, everything was normal, well no it was better than before, our pranks were better, we were a tighter bunch and Lily just made James happy so we liked her because we had our friend back.

They were the perfect couple. They were Lily and James, James and Lily. They weren't one without the other. They were the couple who everyone wanted to be, every girl wanted to find her James and every boy wouldn't have minded one bit if he found his Lily. It was amazing.

They were the couple who had pancake eating contests every morning and he found it a turn on when she won. They were the couple who pushed each other into the lake only to jump in after their significant other and have an all out water fight, and afterwards when they were simply floating on their backs next to each other he would notice her white school blouse was wet and adore it but be mesmerised by her brilliant red hair gently flowing in the water. They were the couple who found it perfectly normal to dance through the halls in a waltz to music only they could hear and when the other stumbled they simply burst into giggles and continued in their perfect little bubbly world. They were the couple who studied together in the library, well she was more studying and he was studying her but it doesn't matter because next thing you know, she would be in his lap and they would be giggling over a random book on the shelves.

They were just that type of couple. Where they went a small world of sunshine and flowers seemed to follow them. Even on the greyest rainiest days when they were walking and talking and laughing together there seemed to be this small world of sunshine and colour left in their wake.

People think I don't understand, they think I'd never be able to settle down, I'd always be a player. True, I will most likely never find my version of Lily, and I will probably never truly settle and have a little cottage with a loving wife and beautiful children but I have already understood and settled down, I'm living through my best friend, experiencing life through his eyes once in a while.

I do understand no matter what anybody may think.

The night they went onto a better world, I felt it. I felt as through part of me had been ripped away. It was devastating. When they came for me to drag me away to Azkaban I didn't really mind. I have already lived my life. A full and happy life, I've held onto that.

When they told me about their son, Harry Potter being orphaned I felt guilty in a way. I was his godfather and he most likely thought I'd killed his parents. Like I could ever do that. I'd give my life to them to pay them back for what they taught me.

I'll get him, I never trusted Pettigrew. His animagus from made me sure of it. You don't get to chose the animal, it chose you. And his was a rat. That traitorous weakling, I thought Voldemort wouldn't think of him as their secret keeper knowing how weak he was. I was so wrong. He'd already made up his mind whos side he was on before we left Hogwarts.

My life has had 5 stages.

Part one was before Hogwarts, at home where my mother and father taught me all the pureblood elitist crap. Where if I rebelled they beat the crap out of me and locked me away for awhile.

Part Two was Hogwarts. There I learned all about living, actually living and enjoying my life. It had the best and worst times of my life but I loved it. All of it, the good and the bad.

Part three was right after Hogwarts. We were all happy, James and Lily were married, I was enjoying my bachelor life, Remus still had us for his full moons and Pettigrew was making a life for himself quite independently, or so I thought.

Part four was Azkaban. It was cold and dark. The days and nights passed with only grey. There was nothing else. But I held onto the fact that I would get my revenge one day, I would pay back Peter Pettigrew for taking away some of the most important and well loved people in my life. I would pay him back for making my godson grow up in an abusive neglectful muggle home repressed by Lily's sister.

Part Five was after Azkaban. That brief period where I was on the run, then I met Harry and there was so much of James in him. It was like meeting an old friend. I swore I would protect the boy no matter what. I made him a promise as well, I'll never get to fulfil that promise.

I'm passing through this veil and I have no sadness because I've lived my life and I've experienced probably more than one man could in his life. I've also seen the amazing story of James and Lily's unfold. I was there the whole time. My life is based around my best friend and his love because they were the only stability in my life. But I'm happy because I've done all I could with my life, except for maybe that broken promise. But I'm not going to fight this because I don't need to hold onto anything.

Review pretty please? witgh cherries on top? i like to know how my stories went in your minds :) caus i'm an uncertain writer and i dont wanna get a Beta like so many people suggest because i don't want anyone i know readung my stories cause i'm an embarressment unto myself :P