My Girlfriend is Better than Yours

"She's hotter, not at all bossy, hardly ever nags-"

"And all of this makes Ella better than Max?"

"Yes!"

Fang shook his head. "You can't say if Ella's hotter than Max or not. You've never even seen her."

"And? I can feel her. And feel her I have." Iggy sniggered while Fang sighed. "And what exactly have you and Max done, Fang?"

"Well-"

"Nothing. You and Max have done nothing." Iggy sobered for a second. "I feel sorry for you, really."

"Well don't, alright? Max and I are fine."

"We've been on this island a year, Fang. And you haven't gotten it in yet."

Fang finally frowned. "Since you and Ella started having sex, you've been incredibly annoying about stuff like this. Max doesn't have time to have sex with me."

"In 365 days, she hasn't found the time to sleep with her boyfriend?"

"No," Fang said, shifting uncomfortably. They were sitting on the cliff that overlooked the island, their feet hanging over the edge, both on break from their duties. Max was a stickler about everyone on the island helping out. Fang mostly spent his time building huts while Iggy spent a lot of time in the medic caves, helping where needed. "She is the leader of an island."

"Are you serious right now?"

"Let's just drop this, okay?"

"Only when you admit that my girlfriend is better than yours." This was what their original argument was about anyways. "I mean, look at the facts. Yours is an uptight bitch most of the time and mine gives blowjobs. Blowjobs, Fang!"

"You take that back, Iggy."

"She does give them. She-"

"About Max. She's not a bitch. And she's not uptight." Fang shoved the other boy's shoulder though he didn't do it hard. He didn't want his blind friend to lose his balance and fall off the cliff. Fang knew he'd get in big trouble for that. Not to mention he might accidentally kill his best friend. "You try running a whole island full of ingrates like you and then come talk to me."

"Ooh, touchy." Iggy looked off thoughtfully. "Maybe if you and Max were having more sex, you wouldn't be so edgy. Maybe you'd be relaxed like me."

"Maybe I should just shove you off the fucking cliff."

"See what I mean?" Iggy shook his sightless head. "You virgins are all the same."

"Max isn't comfortable with the idea of us having sex, alright?" Fang shrugged his shoulder, trying to pop them. Honestly, Fang wasn't comfortable either. Not with the idea of sex, but with the conversation at hand. "It's not really much of your business anyways."

"You're just jealous because Max is small."

"Small? She's rather tall."

"No, Fang, she's small."

"…Are you saying that my girlfriend has a dick?"

"No!" Iggy groaned, annoyed. "I'm saying that your girlfriend has small breasts."

"Oh." Fang sat there for a moment, staring out at the island while kicking his feet back and forth over the ledge. Then something dawned on him. "Hey! Max isn't small."

"Sure she's not."

"How would you know?"

"I just know."

"You do not."

"Do too."

"You haven't seen them."

"So what? I can just tell."

"It's not like Ella's huge or something. And hardly at all attractive-"

"Take that back!"

"No." Fang crossed his arms before slowly uncrossing them. Why was he getting so worked up? His girlfriend was the Maximum Ride. There was no freaking question who was better. The amazing, world renowned hero Maximum Ride vs. her dorky, loser younger sister Ella Martinez. Yeah, sure. Such a hard question. Right.

"Take it back, Fang."

"Or what, Iggy? You'll cook me to death?"

Iggy was turning red, clearly upset over this. Fang was too, though he was angrier over the fact that stupid Iggy was getting more action than him. Iggy. God, back in Virginia, Iggy went to Fang for pointers. Fang! He asked the dumbest questions too, all about that Tess girl. Now Iggy thought he was a big shot and knew more than Fang. Hardly. Fang was saving himself for Max. That was hot. A lot of girls thought that was hot…didn't they? And even if they didn't, Fang didn't care. Max wanted to wait, so they were waiting. God, what did Iggy think he should do? Cheat on Max? Rape her? Break up with her? Those were all horrible ideas. Not equally so, but still all horrible.

"Maybe it's you, huh, Fang?" Iggy was speaking out of anger now and it was obvious. "Maybe you're the one that doesn't want to have sex. You afraid? Stupid virgin. Or is Max just not good enough for you?"

"I'd learn who you're speaking to, Ig, and fast."

"Or are you just not into girls at all? Huh? Is that-"

"Knock it the fuck off, alright? God dang, Iggy." Fang shoved the boy again, a little harder this time. "Ella isn't half the girlfriend Max is. Just 'cause she'll put your dick in her mouth don't mean crap. Can't be that hard to do. I mean God, two inches of dick in your mouth. Ooh."

Fang got shoved that time. "I'd learn who the fuck you are talking to."

Shoving him again, Fang stood up, spitting on the ground. "It's been a long time since I've kicked your stupid ass, Iggy, but don't think I won't."

"Fuck you, Fang. Dylan about killed you. What? You think anyone's scared of you? Huh? Pussy."

"Stand up then. Stand up!" Fang was bucking up now. He was irate, but if you asked him what he was so offended about, he'd have no idea what to tell you. He remembered Max's boobies…something about those. Right? "You blind little faggot. When I throw you off the cliff, who the fuck will be a pussy then? Huh? Huh? You think Ella's so freaking great. The whore. Who the hell actually sucks someone's freaking dick? That's sick. She's a sick person and so are you. You're both dirty, disgusting, worthless bastards who-"

"Fang!"

The color faded from Fang's cheeks. That sounded like…but it couldn't be…

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Max," Fang tried, clearing his throat as she came rushing to Iggy's side. "I didn't hear you land. Were you-"

"God, why are you yelling at him? And why are you talking that way about my sister? You freak."

Iggy stood, using the help of Max. Fang could tell he was just doing it for sympathy. He'd hardly pushed the blind teen, yet he was acting like Fang assaulted him. God. Iggy was the one who started it!

"He just stared yelling at me." Iggy turned to face Max, a hand on her shoulder as he stood. "He's jealous of Ella or something. I don't-"

"Shut up!" Fang frowned at his friend. "God, Iggy, you're the one that said-"

"Stop yelling," Max told Fang, sending him a look. "I mean it. God, I usually have to force you to even speak. What's wrong with you?"

"He said that Ella's better than you because she gives him-" Fang cut himself off. Max just stared at him though, waiting.

"She gives him what? Food? Water? Backrubs? What?"

Fang blushed finally, shuffling his feet. He and Max didn't really talk about those sorts of things. Fang didn't treat Max like new age guys treated their girlfriends; he treated her like you used to treat a girl. He'd joke around with her, sure, but sex stuff? No way. He might roughhouse with her occasionally, but never with full strength. No way he could tell her what Ella gave Iggy.

"You know," he muttered, kicking at the dirt. "She gives him…Max…"

"Look, whatever." Max shook her head. "I came up here to get you guys. Your breaks are over. Ig, can you make it back down to the caves alone?"

"Yeah, I think so," the boy said, nodding slightly as he opened his wings. "Thanks, Max."

"No problem."

She waited until they were alone on the cliff to speak to her boyfriend again. Before she spoke though, she walked over to him, laying her hand on his shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

Fang nodded, swallowing. "I just… You're way better than Ella."

"Okay."

"And I don't care that we don't have sex or nothing. I mean, I'd like to, but I'm not all broken up about it."

"Is that what you were fighting about?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that's a no brainer. I'm better than any other girl, huh?" Max was smiling at him, but Fang was still too angry to return it. "Fang, look at me."

He did as asked, locking eyes with her. "It's not like I was really gonna hit him or something."

"I know. But you can't say things like that. Ella's my family."

"I know."

She kissed him quickly then before taking a step back. "You really do need to get back to work though. You don't want people to think that I'm favoring you though, huh?"

"No," he sighed, moving forwards, pulling her into a hug. This made Max make a face though she hugged him back. "I wouldn't."

"Come on," Max said, shaking out of his hug before opening her wings again. Fang took a moment to admire them before looking back at her. "Let's go."

"Go?"

"It's my break now. I'll spend it helping you work on the huts."

"Max-"

"Just come on," she said, grabbing his hand before pulling him along. She let go of him at the ledge before jumping off. Not a moment later, she was soaring through the sky, flying away from him. Over her shoulder, she called, "Race ya!"

Ella gave blowjobs, fine. And okay, yeah, so Max's boobs were kinda small. And so yeah, maybe she nags a little too much….or maybe a lot. Still, all of those things weren't what made Ella a better girlfriend.

"No fair," Fang yelled, chasing after her. It was the fact that Max was willing to make sacrifices for him that made her not only the better girlfriend, but also the best girlfriend. "Cheater."

"You're just mad 'cause you're slow."

"You have freaking super speed!"

Max smiled back at him. "You're not gonna let your girlfriend beat you, are ya?"

Maybe. But only because she was so freaking awesome.