A/N: Hey everyone :) I'm writing this oneshot for those of you who like my story Uncharted Territory. Umm you don't HAVE to read it to understand this, but it would probably be the best. I know it has been such a long time since i've updated but I just haven't had the inspiration to write for it again. Not yet. I will eventually though. Until then...here is some Pezberry fun for you all! I know I should of put it under Santana and Rachel, but I wanted it to be about Quinn and Rachel...which there are some thoughts of them in this. Not much, but I think you will still like this. Some of you really liked the whole 'fighting animal zombie' aspect of my story so here is some hilarious fun between these two! We've all read about the awesomeness that is Rachel in my fic, well here is some awesome Santana badassness! Hehe. Enjoy :)
"Can't we rest for like...5 fuckin' minutes!?" Santana whines, sitting down on a nearby rock. I roll my eyes because really? We've only been walking for like two hours. Isn't she supposed to be one of Sue Sylvester's noble fuckin' steeds?
"We can't stop." I say, turning to face the tired Latina. She opens her mouth but I continue. "If we stay here for too long, we might get caught up in a zombie mosh pit or something." I trail off, searching the area around us.
My eyes ran along the wooded area that surrounded us. Although I knew going into the woods wasn't my brightest plan, it was necessary. There were plenty of things that could have been dropped in here that could be useful to us in the future. I turn back to Santana and frown.
"Fuck you, hobbit. Imma rest and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it." She growls at me and I huff out a frustrated breath.
"Maybe teach you some fuckin' proper grammar..." I trail off, finally deciding to take a seat on the ground. I am tired. Only slightly though.
"I know how to speak properly, RacHELL, " She emphasizes, causing me to roll my eyes in annoyance. I should have let her rot in Lima. Or at least get her finger chewed off or something. "...I just don't. Cause it annoys the living shit out of you." She says, smirking at me.
"Whatever, Satan, " I growl, leaning my head back and closing my eyes, attempting to ignore her.
It was moments like these, however, that cause my thoughts to drift to Quinn. Is she still...what would she be doing right now? Would she be fighting for her life or defending others? I shake my head. She would definitely be defending others because she is the bravest person i've ever met. She's just so damn beautiful. I could just imagine. Her beautiful hazels, burning with a fiery passion, protecting those she loved. Her blonde locks, swishing in the wi...
"Did you fuckin' hear that?!" Santana hisses, breaking through my blonde induced thoughts. I sigh heavily but keep my eyes shut.
"Nope." I answer, hoping it pisses her off. It's quiet for a moment, and although I think she's being an ass, I listen anyways. I do hear something.
"I heard something." She states and although I wish I could still ignore her, I can't. I sigh again.
"It's nothing. Just a bug or something." I answer, hoping to god that I am right. Santana huffs angrily, but remains silent.
After another minute or two, I hear another sound. This time much closer. I open my eyes and look over to a bush about ten feet from Santana and I.
"See! I told you!" She states, turning to look at me. "Bug, my ass..." She mumbles, but I hear it. Bitch. I sigh once again and lift myself to my feet. I look at her.
"Well lets go see what your mysterious monster is." I say, an amusing tone to my voice. Santana growls at me but gets up and follows behind me.
We both walk over to the rustling bush and although I played it off as nothing in front of her, i'm actually kind of nervous about what we're going to find. I mean, this is a zombie world. I've only ever seen people zombies and like...dog zombies. Surely there can't be anything more then those...right?
When we're directly in front of the bush, we both look at eachother before I pull the bat from my back and stick it in the bush. The rustling stops. I smile and then pull some of the leaves and stuff away to reveal...a chipmunk. Munching on some nuts. My smile widens. Awww. He's cute. He looks up at us with his cheeks all puffed out and I coo at him, gently.
"You're just a lil cutie. Nothing scary, are you?" I say, and let out a little laugh. I turn to look at Santana who is frowning. "Wow, Satan. A chipmunk. You got your panties in a twist over a cute, little chipmunk." I tease, letting out another laugh. She glares at me.
"Hey, it's not funny. This world is freakin' diseased, there could be rabid shit running all up around here and we would never know it." She growls, but I can tell that she's slightly embarrassed.
"Oh please, it's just a little chip..." The following words die in my throat as I look past Santana. No. Fucking. Way. My eyes widen in horror. Santana sees my expression and laughs.
"Pffffft. Ya right, gremlin. Like imma fall for that shit. You've seen too many movies." She says, continuing to chuckle. I didn't laugh. My eyes are still widened and I unconsciously grip the stick in my hands tighter.
"This is so fuckin' unrealistic. This isn't possible." I mutter to myself, keeping my eyes trained on the...things behind Santana. The girl in question stops laughing and then gives me a glare.
"Ok, quit it! I don't like this stupid ass game anymore." She growls, and I take a deep breath.
"I'm going to count to three and we are going to run the fuck to the car and get the fuck out of here." I say as calmly, as I possibly can. Given the situation. My hands start to shake.
Santana looks at me in confusion and fear and before I can tell her to not even look, she turns slowly.
Behind her are about ten...oh god, I can't believe i'm going to say this...there are ten or eleven, chipmunks...er...chipombies? Munkbies? Oh hell, fucking chipmunk zombies! There isn't any...how the fuck? Oh god, i've seen it all now. I just saw a cute, innocent litte chipmunk and now i'm staring at ten little fuckin' demon spawns that have red eyes and teeth the size of my damn fist! Ok, so i'm overexaggerating a little bit, but still. Chipmunk zombies!
"Oh hell-to-the-fucking-no! What the..." Santana says, her tone full of disbelief and fear. She turns to me, her eyes wide and then turns to look at the bush, that still held the innocent chipmunk, eating the nuts. "You ratty little bastard! You did this, you and your stupid cheeks full of nuts! You probably nut fucked the ground to alert your spawny little cousins with a little extra juice to their mojo!" She accuses and if we weren't in a serious situation right now, I would have laughed. She's accusing a chipmunk. If I didn't already know that there are a few screws loose on the Latina then...this would have taken the damn cake.
"This isnt' the time for you to be accusing a fucking animal!" I hiss, my eyes never leaving the creatures, standing before us. "We need to get out of here. I'm pretty sure i've seen this movie before..." I trail off, thinking of the movie...Caw? Isn't that the movie where the crows attack and eat people? I mean, it's different but it still holds the same meaning.
"Ya, and how does that movie end?" Santana questions, slowly backing up. I follow her lead and gulp.
"Umm, they all die." I answer and she squeaks. A noise that I have yet to hear come from the Latina. "But, they do kill off some of the bastards before they go." I say and nod to myself. I'm all for zombies, cause like...big targets. But...chipmunks? They're tiny. I suck at golf and baseball. "You any good at golf?"
"Gol-are you fucking serious right now?" She questions, raising an eyebrow at me as we both continue to walk backwards. They follow us. Slowly. I turn to her, my eyes wide.
"I suck at golf. Small targets." I say and hope she gets my drift. She sighs.
"Look, just because i'm a lesbian, doesn't mean that i'm good at golf." She growls. I suddenly have the urge to laugh. Don't know why. "However, I did used to golf with my dad." She answers and I almost want to sigh in relief.
"Good..." I say, nodding my head as we continue to walk backwards. It's amazing that one of us hasn't tripped yet. "...cause I don't think we're going to make it to the car in time." I say and her head whips around to me. "They're chipmunks. Those bastards are fast, and they can climb trees." She gulps.
"Fucking tree nymphs..."She mumbles. "Shit...they're looking at us all...hungry and shit. What...what do we do?" I shrug my shoulders.
"My knowledge extends to zombies and dogs, so..." I don't get to finish my sentence because we both suddenly hear a...growl? It doesn't even sound like a freakin' growl.
"Did those things just...purr at us?" Santana asks, turning to me. I shrug and we both turn back to look at the Munkbies, who are now a hell of a lot closer then before. Damn, how had that happened? We hear the sounds again and yep...purring. Er, growling? Chipmunks that pu-growl. I mean growl.
Suddenly, what I was hoping wouldn't happen...does. Santana trips and falls, landing hard on her back. That, in itself, would have been freakin' hilarious, expect this time it seemed to disturb our friends. Made them...ummm angrier. I hear a small yip before i'm helping Santana off the ground and we're both full on running towards what I hope is our vehicle.
We hear a bunch of yips which only cause my legs to work even harder. Fuck me. I'm running away from a bunch of damn rodents. This is unbelievable. If only Quinn could see me now...
"Oh fuck this..." Santana growls, whirling around, bringing her shotgun out of her bag and aiming it at the creatures, which were about five feet from us. She fires off a shot and the force is so incredible that when it does hit one of the Munkbies, the others surrounded it flew sideways, being knocked away by the blast. Hahahahahahaha. That shit is hilarious. I turn to her. Her smirk is almost scary looking. "Take that Stewart Little! Fuck you!"
She aims again and fires off another shot at the Munkbies, resulting in the same reaction. It was funny to watch, but in all reality, this was going to last long. I take my bat of my back and hold it in batting position. Yes, I suck at baseball, but I wasn't about to go without any possible way of protecting myself.
My eyes stay on the tiny rodents, who were down in numbers, but there was still like eight of them and they looked even more pissed then before. I'm about to warn Santana when I hear her loud voice.
"FOUR, MOTHERFUCKER!" She yells and all I see is a Munkbie go flying the in air and squishing against a tree. Damn. Santana is cackling away, swinging a large stick that slightly resembles a hockey stick and she's actually hitting the bastards. I'm shocked.
I continue to watch, from behind her that is, as she mutilates all the little bastards and she's laughing while doing it. Yep. Sue Sylverster's noble fuckin' steed is back! I smirk. However, it fades when I notice one lone Munkbie, on a branch, sitting just above Santana's head. She doesn't.
"Umm, Santana!" I yell, trying to get her attention as I watch it crawl down the branch, getting closer to her.
"Hi ho silver, away!" She shouts, striking another Munkbie. My eyes continue to watch the little bastard makes its way towards her. If it could smirk, i'm sure it would be doing that right now. I sigh. Oh shit.
"Santana!" I growl, the fact that she's ignoring me is pissing me off. "Satan!"
"Eight's a crowd, whore nuggets!" She continues to yell and it baffles me. The things she seems to come up with are freakin' ridiculous. Whore nuggets? Who says that? "Adios, bitchez, auntie 'Tana is in da house!"
The Munkbie finally seems to reach her and lifts its ass, in what i'm assuming is an attack position and I have no choice. It's now or never. Oh, one-day-baseball-practice-with-daddy, don't fail me now! I run up towards Santana and close my eyes, and I take a swing.
CRUNCH
CRACK
THUMP
...
Wake up!" I open my eyes, and i'm instantly aware that I am in the car. I can see Santana leaning over me and I let out a sigh of relief. I sit up, shaking my head in the process.
"I just had the strangest dream..." I say, rubbing my sore head. Santana raises an eyebrow at me.
"Was it about chipmunk zombies?" She asks and I furrow my eyesbrows.
"Ya, how did you know?" Santana laughs then and I frown
"Oh cause that shit was true. It happened." She answers and my eyes widen. I look frantically around the car and then look to her in confusion. She just laughs louder. "Hahaha you...hahaha...you hit a branch with your bat...hahahah...and it swung back...knocked you the fuck out...TKO...hahahaha." She says, laughing in between breaths. "Funniest fucking thing i've ever seen. Fuck, even the chipmunk zombies stopped and stared." She tells me and I sigh. I rub my head again and then frown when she continues to laugh.
"Shut the fuck up." I growl, jumping out of the car. I'm pissed now. She follows me out of the car and points at me. I glare at her kick her in the shins. She yelps. "I said shut up!"
"Did you just kick me in the damn shins, you fuckin' four year old!?" She asks, increduously. I nod and smirk at her.
"Got you to shut your big mouth, didn't it?" I say, glaring back at her. She frowns but before either of us can say anything else, we hear a moan from beside us. We both look and my smirk just widens. "Now that's more fuckin' like it." I say, walking towards the zombie and pulling out my bat in the process. "Hasta la vista, motherfucker." I say, swinging my bat around and hearing a confirming crunch.
"Showoff.." I hear from behind me. Yup. Order is restored.
Well there you have it! Hilarious times with Pezberry! I love writing them together! Only as friends of course. :) Review and have an awesome week fellow writers!