A piece of lonesome Christmas fanfic that no one ask for because nobody's doing secret santa with me. Hence I'm santa-ing you guys. All of you folks who'd read this piece.

Merry very late Christmas!

Warning :Crack. Foul flirt. Absolute worst flirt. What are friends? Friends are evil! Hint of relationships that are not relationships. Yet. I mean, GET MARRIED ALREADY, GUYS!

Disclaimer : Daiya no A is not mine.

When A Tease get Teased Until the Teased's Teaser Couldn't be Teased Back

A Daiya no A (crack) fanfic

By Twist

Jingle bells… Jingle bells… Jingle all the way…

A familiar song played from a fairly average building resided snugly along the sideway.

"Santa-san, Santa-san!" A kid jumped around excitedly, as he forced himself to ran towards the big guy in red suites handing balloons everywhere.

"Santa-san, Merry Christmas!" The kid exclaimed.

"Merry Christmas to you too," the guy chuckled as he handed the kid a balloon. From behind the kid they could see someone trying to catch up with their hyper-excited child.

"Santa-san!" The kid called again. "Am I a good kid? What should I do to not become a bad kid?"

Both the guy and the person chuckled. "Of course you're a good kid." The guy in red exclaimed, earning himself a wide smile from the kid.

"As for you to not become a bad kid," He thought for a moment. "Well, for starter, you should not force your friend into a servitude just because you're roommates and you ran out of guy to enslave."

"I can hear that, Sawamura-kun!" A voice answered from the building in which the Santa reside, as the two cameos could only tilt their heads in confusion.

"So, Kuramochi-senpai. Mind telling me again why should I work for you in a santa costume when it's already way past Christmas?"

Kuramochi gave his sla– his friend a side glance before putting him in a headlock. Which is a bit hard considering he had doubled his abdominal transversal line diameter with the costume.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! No violence please! I give! I give!"

"Speak that tone to me again when you've stopped using me as your personal note taker, brat!"

"You're so stingy! I didn't even looked at your notes that much! Kanemaru's easier to read than yours!"

"Oh, is that so, you ungrateful brat!" Kuramochi tightened his hold, letting his roommate suffered from lack of air for five an a half seconds or so. The brat totally deserved that.

"Beside I've been telling you I can't find another guy to do this job."

"Well, maybe because this job obligates using a freakin Santa costume. Do you know how hot is it inside?"

"Shut up! Having a Christmas theme in a café would boost the sale, don't you know that?"

"It's already January the 3rd!" Sawamura yelled, exasperated.

"I told you shut up!" Kuramochi gave his signature glare and Sawamura's vigor might wilt a little. "Beside it's already 10. You won't be hot anymore."

"No, I meant the costume is way too hot no matter what temperature is outside, I meant, I have dozens of wools rolled around my stomach!"

"No, that's not what I meant." Kuramochi countered. "I've told you before, didn't I? Today you'll use two kinds of Santa costume. One for the noon shift and one for the night shift."

"Oh," Sawamura looked like he just remembered. Then his frown returned. "But it's still a Santa costume, right? How do you know it won't be hot?"

"Oh, don't worry! It won't wrap you like this one." Kuramochi chuckled as he went towards the employee closet and start rummaging.

Sawamura still didn't trust the guy. Not after rooming his first two years of high school and first year of college with him. Harucchi was a friend and he's lovesick with the new boyfriend. Sawamura didn't have the heart to force them to roommate with him. Kuramochi offered him a room then, as long as he didn't mind rooming with two other people as well. Sawamura accepted, thinking that maybe now that Kuramochi was an adult, he would abandon his martial arts hobby and his tendency to try his moves on random people. Turned out that being an adult didn't mean changing their habit as well. Sawamura shouldn't really hope. Their roommates were too busy with their own life pace that they would only meet during weekends. Well, at least the apartment was a nice 2LDK* with their own bathroom. He had to share a 6J* sized room with Kuramochi again, but hey, he wouldn't find nice apartment with TV-equipped living room within that kind of price again anywhere.

"So, what do I have to wear?" Sawamura asked anyway.

Kuramochi hummed, before he pulled a piece of cloth from the closet and show it to Sawamura. A really red piece of cloth. A really red, and really short piece of cloth. Was that meant to cover a body as tall as Sawamura's? No, the more important question was how in heaven's name was that a Santa costume!?

"What do you think?" Kuramochi grinned. Oh, how dare he had the audacity to grin!

"No." Sawamura answered instantly.

Kuramochi frowned.

"No, senpai. I'm not going to wear that." Sawamura cleared himself as he backed slowly.

"Oh," Kuramochi said, before he, as quick as a cheetah, jumped on the younger and put him into a cobra clutch.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" Sawamura recoiled.

"Why do you think you have the freedom to choose, you brat! I told you, if you don't want to do this job then you need to stop using me as your personal note taker!"

"But, Kuramochi-senpai!" Sawamura wailed. "I can't use that costume!"

"And why can't you, hmm?"

"It's a Santa girl costume!" A mini one, he added in his mind.

"Again, why can't you?"

"It… It's for girls, isn't it!?" Sawamura panicked.

Kuramochi sighed.

"Sawamura." He called before he took a grab of his precious face and directed it towards the coffee house counter. "Look closely."

Sawamura didn't know whether Kuramochi meant for him to look at the currently wiping glass Kominato-oniisan or the currently chuckling at their antic co-worker, so he asked "At what? Your crush?" because Kuramochi was fooling nobody with their eye play!

He got a smack on the head for that. And a flush of red on his face. Take that, Kuramochi-senpai! "I meant look at our boss, Idiot!"

Sure enough, the master of the house was behind the counter, looking as savory as always with his broad shoulder and loaded muscles hidden behind red crooked yukata. Had he not taken, Sawamura would jump on him on first sight. In actuality he might be one of the reasons why Sawamura always agree when Kuramochi asked for help in his part-time job.

"What of him?" Sawamura asked.

"Wipe that drool, you beast!" Kuramochi cringed. "Do you really think that kid of outfit is acceptable for a coffee house?"

"Well, for me, it is."

He got another head smack for that.

"That kind of look would get any kind of ordinary coffee house arrested, idiot." Kuramochi exclaimed.

"Huh!?" Sawamura exclaimed. "Then, this isn't just a coffee house?"

"Oh, no." Kuramochi said, and his grin is purely malefic. "This is a coffee house by day, and a bar by night. Or, to be exact, an okama gay bar."

"Huh!?" Sawamura blinked. "So you meant to say that this is…"

"Sawamura, we're in ni-choume. Of course we're at least aiming for gay people."

"But wait, when you asked me to use that costume, you want me to…"

"Oh, yess" Kuramochi hissed.

Sawamura shrieked.

"No way! No way in hell!" He tried to revolt.

"It's too late to say no! We're out of guy and all you have to do just stand there, giving hellos, and looking pretty!"

"How the hell am I supposed to be pretty!?" Sawamura exclaimed. "Beside, that kind of costume is better if used by someone cute… like, like Harucchi!"

"Oh," A single syllable stopped Sawamura from his struggle. The both of them looked up to see Kominato now closer to them than he was before.

"Is that how you see my brother, Sawamura-kun?" Kominato continued. "The type to wear something so obscene. Have you seen him wearing one, Sawamura-kun?"

"No! No, onii-san! I wouldn't dare!"

"But you dare to imagine him wearing one, hm?"

Sawamura gulped.

"Nice knowing you, Sawamura." Kuramochi whispered.

"Youichi, hold him tight."

"No! No! NOOOOO!"

"I hate you." Sawamura sniffed, both hand busy to make sure his one piece weren't riding his thigh too high.

"Shut up. Why're you still here? The bar stools are for customer." Kuramochi countered as he took another order from the table.

"I can't walk with this costume!" Sawamura whined.

"If you don't walk then how do you work, idiot!" Kuramochi countered.

"You didn't tell me that I have to wear this for work!" Sawamura exclaimed.

But this time Kuramochi was too far to hear him.

"I hate him!" Sawamura whined again as he bury his face in his hand.

"Oh? How coincidental. Me too." A familiar voice forced Sawamura to a straight sitting position. This voice, after all, meant more doom for him than Kuramochi and Kominato combined.

And sure enough, in front of him was another upperclassman of him, with all his familiar smirk and familiar glasses and familiar pretty boy face that Sawamura can never choose either to kiss or punch.

"Miyuki Kazuya why are you here!?" Sawamura hissed.

Miyuki just put a plate on the counter near Sawamura's head and then use the same hand to hold his chest. "How come you're so hostile with me? I'm hurt." Is what he said, but his smirk told him otherwise.

"I asked him to work here today as well," Kuramochi said as he returned from the table. "I told you, we're tight on guys today. And why are you still here?"

"But he wasn't here this noon!" Sawamura whined.

"He was in for the night shift only," Kuramochi answered as he took the plate from the counter. "The noon shift chef could work only until his shift ends. Now go to work already, Bakamura!"

Sawamura answered Kuramochi's scolding with a not very mature expression against his fading back.

"So he said," Miyuki said again, this time leaning further before him against the counter. "It's a very nice coincidence."

Sawamura turned to face him. And then his eyes wandered to his arms and spine and back to his face, and he thought, yeah, nice coincidence indeed. Sure, master was a nice eye candy, but this guy was the fucking sugar factory. But because Miyuki was a bastard that couldn't be complimented for his own good, he said instead, "don't you have to work or something, Miyuki-senpai?"

"I could say the same to you, you know." Miyuki sweat dropped. "What are you doing here in the counter? You couldn't possibly sit here just to… entertain me, could you?" He made sure to have enough pause on that sentence to ogle Sawamura's current entire being.

Sawamura's blush came full force. "You wish!" He shouted.

Miyuki replied him with a laugh, a nasal laugh that was too attractive for his own good. A laugh that Sawamura really wanted to appreciate had he not scolded for "being too loud" and "not working already".

"I should really accepted Kuramochi's other job." Miyuki straightened himself away from the counter as he sighed.

"What other job?" Sawamura asked, totally lost by the sudden change of topic.

"You weren't supposed to be the only mascot for today, you know." He winked.

"Huh!? Does that mean you want to be a Santa too!?" Sawamura asked, couldn't really picture how Miyuki would look like in a sexy Santa girl costume he currently wearing.

"Hmm, not quite." Miyuki said. "The other mascot was supposed to be a deer."

"Huh? A deer?" Did Miyuki really want to be a deer?

"Yup, A reindeer." Miyuki answered before coming close enough for Sawamura to hear him whisper, "Santa's supposed to… ride one, right? I don't mind being ridden by you."

Sawamura's blush came back full force on that suggestive tone, and Miyuki leaned back to laugh again.

"You… You indecent bastard!" Sawamura shouted again before earning himself a smack on the head.

"Why are you still here, Bakamura!? Get the fuck to work already!" Kuramochi said. "And you!" He addressed his classmate. "Leave the idiot alone for now, he has work and so are you!"

"The one you delivered just now was the last order," Miyuki said.

"Yeah? Well, too bad. Here's another one." Kuramochi said as he thrust another order form towards the chef.

"I… I better start greeting the customers then," Sawamura said as he took the half slots of sex on the beach that was tonight's free flow.

"Oh, yes." Miyuki interrupted. "Go greet them with that sexy suit, honey. And tell them to leave that ass for me."

Sawamura blushed again.

"I swear to God if he drops all those slots and makes Ryou-san mad, I'm going to bury you before killing you and then bury you again."

"Don't be mad just because I can flirt when you can't." Miyuki teased.

Kuramochi was a hair width close to punch that glasses in that pretty face.

"Get to work already, Miyuki Kazuya!" Sawamura said, despite face still colored the same tone as his dress.

"This coming from the guy lazing around the minute before?" Miyuki chuckled again.

Sawamura was about to retort when their co-worker quickly joined the chat and prompted Sawamura to serve the cocktail.

"Just go, Sawamura!" Kuramochi shooed. "And start cooking, you bastard."

"All right," Sawamura answered. "I'm really gonna go. Sex on the beach coming!"

"Don't forget tonight's sex on my room!"

And Sawamura officially tripped.

THE END (?)

Q&A and explanation time!

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*2LDK : the type of apartment with 2 bedrooms, living-room, dining room, and kitchen. Usually meant for 2 people. But they're college students, and Kuramochi and Sawamura had shared a room in a dorm before. Some 2LDKs have pretty spacious bedrooms, and you can rent one without any previous installments. This room was that kind, so they don't have to deal with unused beds and instead would spread their futon (a traditional Japanese bedding comprising a quilted mattress that is usually laid on the floor ©Wikipedia) on the floor. This is what I know a friend do with another apartment not in Japan to save money, but I read Japanese people respected privacy so much and they rarely rooming in one room, and even if they do they made sure the number of the room matches the number of the people resides inside so that society won't ask. So I might be wrong and this kind of setting might not be possible. But, meh, it's fiction. Let's say their landlord is a pretty chill guy and so are the tenants.

*J=jo | 1 jo = 1.53 m2 = 16.5 square feet | The size corresponds to a tatami (Japanese matt) but a tatami itself has different size depending on where they are made. Tatami in areas around Tokyo (0.88m x 1.76m x 5.5cm) are smaller than the ones in Kyoto and Nagoya region. Apartments in Japan which use western style (no tatami for flooring) room use jo as measurement. In most anime (that I watch) the protag use a 1 room apartment for a living. That kind of apartment use tatami more often than another kind. Hence most people might use tatami as Japanese measurement.

*Cobra clutch: also known as an "arm-trap half nelson sleeper", the wrestler stands behind the opponent and uses one arm to place the opponent in a half nelson (passing one hand under the arm of the opponent and locking the hand on the opponent's neck.). The wrestler then uses his free arm to pull the opponent's arm (the same arm to which the wrestler is applying the half nelson) across the face of the opponent. The wrestler then locks his hand to his wrist behind the opponent's neck to make the opponent submit or lose consciousness as the carotid artery is cut off. (©Wikipedia)
But hey! Sawamura's using a stuffed Santa costume, he's okay, the costume prevents him from getting a black out, and Kuramochi knows, ok?

*yukata. You know what that is. You must know what that is. That's, like, among the top list of sexy clothes you should wear during, erm, intimate night!?

*okama. Make up magic! Perhaps you'll be more familiar with the term drag.

*Shinjuku ni-choume. Gay paradise in Japan.

*Sex on the beach. It's a cocktail. 1 1/3 oz Vodka, 1 1/3 oz Cranberry juice, 2/3 oz Peach schnapps, 1 1/3 oz Orange juice (©Wikipedia)

All explanations are based on 1 day research and study so feel free to cmiiw.

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Q: Why would Kuramochi takes note for Sawamura? Isn't he an upperclassman?
A: He is. He was enrolled a year before Sawamura. But typical college (in which mine isn't, sadly) allows their students to choose their own class and their own tutor. Kuramochi and Sawamura happened to choose a same class for their 2nd year and 1st year respectively.

Q: What are their majors?
A: haha. Who knows?

Q: Who is Sawamura's other roommates and coworker and master?
A: And who is that kid and their parent? Who knows. Whoever wants to be roommate, coworker, master, kid, or parent, I guess.

Q: Wait, that's it?
A: Yes. No. Maybe? I mean, it's supposed to be a Tease fic. Just look at the title (that I myself don't know what that means).

Q: You're way too nonchalant about this.
A: It's crack fic. Aren't we supposed not to think on crack fic? I don't really know, though. Oh, by the way, I'm sorry if there're any grammar mistake. Or setting mistake. Or mistakes.

Q: Why do you write Q&A? How are you so sure people are going to read? Or ask?
A: ...you meant to say they're not going to?

Author's Ramble?

Explanations are too long that I don't have any of those now. Congratulations.

Thank you for proceeding this story.
Reviews are very much appreciated.