Jac being pregnant really got me thinking about her relationship with Jonny and his reaction to her being 'late' last year... I might make this a two shot if people want me to so please review! x

This is it

"Jac, either you tell Jonny or I will!" Mo shouted as we argued in the locker room.

"I can't!"

"Jac, you're already showing, look at you. You're five months gone already, you can't hide it for much longer, people have already begun gossiping!" Mo said harshly, staring at my rounded belly.

"He won't want anything to do with it, this is probably my only chance to be a mother, I can't lose my little girl!" I replied, my words dripping with emotion. "I'll be gone soon enough."

"You think he'll make you get rid of it? Jac, you and me both know that he would never do that! Talk to him, tell him the truth, he'll understand I promise! He won't walk out on you either, he's not that kinda guy! You can't leave without giving him a chance." Mo told me, placing her hand on my arm.

"I'm scared." I said quietly, letting a single tear slide down my cheek.

"I know. Just don't do this on your own." She told me before wrapping her arms around me briefly and then leaving me to get changed in peace.

I pull my top over my head and look at my rounded stomach in the mirror, my hand resting on top, protecting my daughter. I sighed deeply, it's obvious that I have to tell Jonny but how, what do I say, how much do I tell him.

No matter how much I hated to say it, Mo was right, telling him everything is the only option.

On the ward...

"Jonny, a word." I said nervously to the nurse whose stood next to me At the nurses station. "In my office."

"Course." He replied coldly, following me into my shared office with Elliott.

"I think it's best if you sit down." And he does, he sits down on the sofa near my desk and watches me as I pace around the room, searching for the right words to say.

"Are you alright?" He asks nervously, the harshness gone from his voice. "You can tell me." He whispers, trying his best to put me at ease.

"Jonny, I think it's best if I start from the beginning." I said, sitting down beside him. "I don't know if you remember but several months ago I told you I was suffering from bad period pains?"

"I remember."

"I lied, I didn't know what it was, I ran some tests to check whether it was my kidney and they came back negative so I did an ultrasound."

"Yourself?" He asks me, slightly shocked that I'd hidden it so well.

"Yes, I gave the scan to Serena and she told me to take it to gaenacology and they sent me for an endoscopy, that's where I was when I had 'food poisoning'. I was told that I had endometriosis and that I probably wouldn't be able to conceive." I explained, hanging my head in shame. "I'm so sorry for hitting you, as soon as I did it, I wished that I could take it back. What you said, it really hurt me. Any other day and I would have brushed it off, I would have thrown something twice as nasty back at you but on that day I thought that I was going to lose everything in my life that was important to me. Yet I still did. I thought that if I couldn't have children then you'd have walked away, found someone who could. So instead, I pushed you away and I'm sorry." I explain, not realising how much I was crying until I begin to wipe the tears away. "On the night Tara died, you took me in when I needed you and we slept together. And I stupidly thought that there would be no chance that I'd get pregnant so I didn't bother with the morning after pill but I found out 4 months ago that I was very very wrong."

"Are you telling me that you're pregnant? With my baby?" I nodded in reply, not trusting myself to speak. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asks me softly.

"I was too scared." I whispered, my voice broken and shaky. "I don't expect you to be involved but I want you to know that I'm keeping it . This is probably going to be my only chance to be a mother and I don't want to destroy that. If you walk away now I'll understand, there's not much keeping you here. The bitch and her devil daughter, not exactly anything worth staying for. I just want you to know that I'm sorry, for everything. Everything that I did, everything that went wrong. I know it was fault and I will have to live with that for the rest of my life. My dad wasn't around, my mum drove him away and then she ran away herself. It's not a particularly nice feeling to know that you're an unwanted child so if you decide that you don't want to be involved, I think you should know now that I've told Hanssen that I've handed in my resignation. There's never been anyone or anything that I'd give everything up for. I'd give up my life, my career, my whole identity for her and I'm bloody terrified about that but I wouldn't want anything less for our little girl. A fresh start. I hate to pressure you but I need to know what you want."

"I'm sorry, I can't." He said quietly, staring at the floor. "I can't do it!"

I try not to sob as he tells me this but I can't. I did know deep down that he'd reject me but I didn't want to face it.

"That's fine, I understand. I'll be gone as soon as I possibly can. I've found somewhere up north and I've got a job offer so it shouldn't take too long. I'll email you when she's born if you like, send you some pictures." I sobbed. "Goodbye Jonny." I whisper gently.

And then I left.

I didn't do big farewells or tearful goodbyes so in the passenger seat of Sacha 's car, i decide that a letter to those I knew well and an email to the rest would suffice...

Dear colleagues/friends,

I know that this is a surprise, but I'm leaving. I've been here for more than eight years and its going to be hard saying goodbye. I've made a lot of friends and probably just as many enemies and I've met some amazing people. I'll miss you all in some way or another and I guess I just wanted to say thank you and goodbye. I'm going to be starting my new life away and I'm going to have an addition to my family by Christmas! Thank you everyone for everything really.
Jac Naylor

Dear Michael,
You probably didn't expect to hear about my departure so suddenly and I'm sorry that I can't do this in person but you know how difficult I find goodbyes. By the time you're reading this you will probably know that I'm having a baby and for the first time in my life, I may not have everything that I want, but I have everything I need. There's a job opening for a joint clinical lead and I've been offered the job. The two of us will be very happy there together. Thank you for everything that you've done for me Michael, you are when of the people I'm really going to miss. Take care of yourself Michael.
Jac

Dear Elliott,
Thank you for everything. You've been like the father I never had and I don't know where I'd be without your guidance. I'm really sorry for all the terrible things I've done, I've screwed you over so many times and I hate myself for it. I apologise for all the secrecy, but I'm starting afresh. I've got a new name, a new baby and a new job and I can't let the past pull me back. It doesn't matter where I'm going, I just want you to know that I'm happy, I'm really happy and that I'm going to miss you so much. I wish that I could've stayed but its too difficult, too much has happened. Take care of yourself Elliott.
Jac

Dear Mo,
Thank you for your support over the last few months, I probably wouldn't have been able to keep it a secret without your help. I didn't think I'd ever be saying this but if things had been different and I had stayed then I think we would have been good friends. When I told Hansen that I was leaving, I recommended you for my post and I think that with a bit more practise then you could be the new me. Good luck , I know that you can do this!
Jac

I didn't have everything, I never would have. But I finally have a family, a family of my own. No matter how small. It's just me and my baby now and its time to put us first...

Thanks for reading, please review! x