Fain of Consciousness

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach

"Are you scared of me...woman?"

"I'm not scared." She said tenderly. "I'm not scared."

The auburn haired woman reached for his outstretched hand, but as she reached his finger tips he turned to dust.

"I see." He whispered to himself. "In my hand...I held her heart."

Orihime was trying to reach the black haired espada before he disappeared completely. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and dripped off her jaw. However, she was too late. He was gone. Ulquiorra, was gone. She held her hands over her heart. A moment of pained regret stung her heart sharply. After the orange haired shinigami had left she remained on top of the dome. Her Quincy friend remained by her side. She spent the time looking into the distance. Eventually, the captains retrieved them both, and returned them to the world of the living.

Dust floated on the wind as the captains gathered, circling around the small group, then floated away. Orihime's eye's followed the dust trail before she was instructed to enter the Garganta in order to return home. The woman did so with a slight hesitation, and one final look back at Hueco Mundo. A few final tears fell from her face, and mixed with the dust that was drifting away.

Weeks had past since the woman had left, and an air of sadness was drifting on the wind throughout the desert lands of the Hollows. That's when things began to change. A spark of consciousness came to life, and he knew he was alive. The dust settled together and his consciousness was fully awakened. He knew that he was not whole again, but that time would bring him into being again. In the mean time he would drift along silently, alone. As he meandered he thought of many things, and observed others. His thoughts turned to the woman with auburn hair, time and time again. The pained expression on her face as he turned to dust played over repeatedly. The times they spoke in her room. The passion of her thoughts and feelings. He could almost feel the burn on his face when the woman slapped him. She had been so angry at him in that moment. If he could have, he would have smiled at the recollection.

When the memories of their conversation in the fifth tower came, he would feel sad. The woman had really opened up to him then. She had truly been unafraid because her heart was with her friends. Just as his heart was with her now. It was now that he completely understood what she meant, and kept some small hope for himself that a part of her heart was with him as well. Ulquiorra's consciousness continued to drift through Hueco Mundo with these thoughts moving him forward. The former espade drifted like this for a year. The time had come for his body to take form. Knowing that he would be weak and vulnerable, Ulquiorra found a safe place for his body to regenerate. After a few months of living off the reiatsu in the air his body was complete, but his full strength had not returned. The black haired arrancar stayed close to his haven and hunted cautiously.

It took a full six months for his body to reform, and his strength to return. Although he was not back to his former strength he had become formidable again. Ulquiorra prowled the deserts of Hueco Mundo again. While investigating a nearby area he found a small pool of water. Ulquiorra knelt beside the pool, and scooped up some water in his hands. His face reflected in the water. The familiar green eyes and facial stripes looking back at him. Splashing the water onto his face, the arrancar breathed a sigh of relief. That's when something caught his eye. Black hair. All black hair. Ulquiorra had never been one to stare at himself, but this was something he could not ignore. Lifting his hand to the left side of his head, there was no mask, just smooth black hair. How did he not realize this sooner? How did he miss this? The shock was soon overshadowed by a feeling he could only describe as horror, when he looked at the base of his neck. The espada jumped back from the pond, falling back on his hands. His hand was shaking when he reached for his throat. Fingers searched for his Hollow's hole, but only found smooth skin instead. Something was incredibly wrong here. Somehow things had gone awry when his body reformed. Most of all, he wondered how he had not realized what had occurred. As he turned the last few months over in his mind, he tried to figure it out. Everything seemed normal as he filtered through his reconstruction. Nothing had made him feel like things had changed. He still felt like himself. Then it hit him. This changes everything!

Ulquiorra returned to his sanctuary, sitting silently with the tattered cloak wrapped around his slender frame. He knew that he would need to discover what had happened to him. The problem was, who did he turn to? Considering the fact that he was clearly no longer an arrancar, let alone a Hollow, help would not be found in Hueco Mundo. Also, he was not human and could not seek help from anyone in the living world. Likewise, he was not a whole, and could not ask for aid form the Soul Society. The situation was more complex then he had originally anticipated. As he continued to contemplate his situation he began to doze off, and memories started filtering back again.

Once again memories of the fifth tower came back. He recalled the moment that he got the upper hand on the substitute shinigami, and Orihime erected her shield to protect him. This time he took note of the pained look on her face. It was as if she was conflicted, not wanting either of them to get hurt. When he confronted her about her hesitation her confusion became clearer. A faint sense of happiness filled him, knowing that she cared enough for them both, that she didn't want either to get hurt. However, that boy always complicated things, which angered him. No matter how much she cared for that boy he would never see it, and never accept her. The woman continued to hold onto the false hope that he would one day recognize her affection. His anger persisted as his memories moved to the battle on top of the dome of Los Noches. The orange haired shinigami continued to infuriate him with his blind stubbornness. For a few short moments he had hoped the boy would finish him, and take the woman away from this place. That ended quickly when he realized how blind, and selfish the boy was. At every turn the stubborn human taunted him, and his ignorance was incredible. His temper flared to the point of showing his resurreccion form. To show the woman her misplaced trust in her friend, Ulquiorra killed the boy before her very eyes. His heart hurt when she pleaded for him to stop. Her choice of words made an impact on him. For some reason she chose to ask him to halt. The woman could have chosen any number of more demanding words, but she chose a word that asked him to spare the boy.

The next memory to invade his plagued mind was one of the hardest for him to recall. After Kurosaki's Hollow form had been subdued, the woman ran to his side. The sight of her at his side again was too painful, and he had to physically turn away. His heart truly hurt in that moment. A final rejection by the one person he had held any interest in.

The memory that followed did not seem as familiar. Orihime stood at the top of the dome. Her Quincy friend lay beneath her healing shield, and Kurosaki was gone. This could not be his memory, he was already gone. Although he did not remember being there he could feel the woman's pain surging through him. The feeling was almost overwhelming, and it was making it hard to breath and his chest hurt. Tears fell from her cheeks as she looked out over Hueco Mundo. Feeling her pain as his own, he realized her sadness was for him. In a strange way this made him happy. The last thing he recalled before falling into a deep sleep was of the woman leaving Hueco Mundo forever. When she turned around to give one last look, the sadness was still clearly written on her face.

When Ulquiorra awoke the next morning he felt oddly refreshed, and he had an idea. First things first. He needed some clothes. The thread bare cloak he had taken off another was not going to suffice. He would need to sneak into Los Noches to get what he needed. Picking up his sword, and covering himself with his cloak he made for the castle. His strength was almost completely recovered, so he was able to move across the barren landscape quickly. When the former espade reached the entrance he was met by it's guardian. Ulquiorra kept the hood pulled down low over his head, and the cloak wrapped closely around his body.

"Ulquiorra-sama, is that you?" The guardian asked with surprise clear in his voice.

"Of course it is." He snapped. "Now step aside."

The Hollow moved aside and let his old comrade pass. The black haired man passed by calmly, then moved into a sonido into the castle. Masking his spiritual pressure the former espada slipped past the residence of Los Noches without notice. He cautiously made his way to his old room. Sweeping the chamber with his eyes it was clear that nothing had changed. Even in his long absence no one had taken up residence in his former living quarters. This was a good thing. Ulquiorra entered and shut the door behind him. Finding one of his old uniforms, he dressed himself, then slipped his sword in at his waist. He then moved onto the bathroom were he looked himself over in the mirror. Although the face looking back at him was familiar, it was also strange. He pulled the zipper on his jacket all the way up. No one would question, since he always kept his Hollow hole covered before. His lost mask was a bigger problem though. All he had to do was get out, and through the Garganta. Once in the world of the living he would need to find that man. Doing this unnoticed was the hardest part. Ulquiorra ran his fingers through all of his hair and sighed. Sweeping the cloak back on he pulled the hood low again, and cautiously exited the room.

He moved through the corridors quickly knowing that he would need to find a place that was unoccupied in order to open the Garganta. Something like that would draw attention, and that was the last thing he needed. The large open yard that was outside the main castle was in sight, and the perfect place to leave Hueco Mundo.

"Ulquiorra." A familiar voice said with a bite of anger. "You have finally returned."

The hooded man turned to see who was addressing him, despite him already knowing. Standing just inside the castle was Grimmjow. The blue haired espada looked as angry as he always had. He glared down at his former superior. Ulquiorra turned away again, and continued walking into the large open area. Using a sonido the sixth espada appeared behind his opponent, his hand reaching for the cloak. A quick dodge kept it in place, and distanced the two men from each other. Grimmjow lunged forward again, not giving up on his challenge. Ulquiorra knew he might not be able to defeat him in this condition, and would have to rely on his speed. The two danced between attacks and dodges until Grimmjow had gotten the upper hand. Catching hold of the hood he pulled it back with a jerk. When the espada saw the man beneath the hood he stood motionless with shock. Seizing the opportunity Ulquiorra moved in, and gave him a hard jab to the gut. Grimmjow buckled over, stunned by the blow and gasping for air. In the next instant Ulquiorra had opened the Garganta, and disappeared.