A/N: Italic writing is Faith's memory of their conversation. Regular text are Faith's current thoughts.

Rating: T

Summary: Faith's thoughts while leaving.

What hurts the most:

I've felt this before. This hollow cold, this rotting numbness. For once, I'm the one who's provoked it. It's ironic actually. The best day of my life, will also be the worst day of my existence.

"Faith! Look at me dammnit! You can't leave! We need you here…. I need you here."

"Why B? Cause you'll look better in comparison? Me being the bad slayer, will somehow make you look that much better?"

Everybody leaves. It's a fact of life. Accident or choice, everybody will leave you. That's why we all should learn how to be alone. Because right when you need that person the most….in your weakest moment, they will never be there to help you out of the darkness.

"No, Faith that is NOT what this is about."

"Oh yeah B? Then what is it then?"

Maybe I'm doing the right thing, maybe I'm making the biggest mistake of my life. I don't know honestly. If I stay I'll probably end of ruining her life, it wouldn't be the first time I tainted something beautiful. If I go….she'll have a better chance, a better chance at being as normal as a slayer can be I guess. She could find someone else, someone who's good for her….someone who deserves her. Someone who's not a complete fuck up.

"I need you here Faith. I can't let you just up and leave."

"Why B? You still haven't given me one goddamn reason, why I need to stay. Give me one reason."

"I love you, you idiot! There! That's my reason, are you happy now? I love YOU."

She's still asleep. She looks like an angel, even in this shitty motel room. The gentle rise and fall of her chest, with every shallow breathe is hypnotizing. It's odd to think that I've fucked a lot of times before in my life, but I've never made love, until today. It's odd how the same act can be so much sweeter…so much better, when I actually love the person I'm doing it with.

"You love me….?"

"Yes...I do…and I want you to stay here….with me, Faith."

My bags were already packed, I'm glad. If I tried packing now, I would have probably woken her up. I find a piece of paper and a pen that barley works; I scribble something quickly on the note, and place it next to B on the bed. I can't resist placing a quick kiss on her shoulder. I'm sorry B, sometimes you can't always have things go the way you want. Sometimes, the things that hurt the most are for the best.

Buffy,

I love you. But I can't stay.

-Faith

I'm Sorry, B.

End