It was a dark and stormy night as Gayboy Jacuzzi drove his old worn out car down a dirt road in the Transylvanian woodland. He had heard that there were ruins of a castle were count Dracula had lived near the end of life. He couldn't help but feel scared by the eerie silence of the woods around him. His only comfort was his friend dildoface who was fast asleep in the passenger seat . Gayboy was sure that they would arrive at the castle in another hour. He turned to Dildoface and whispered erotically in his ear, "We're almost there, you should wake up."
"Oooo. I like where this is going," Dildoface said. "Do I get any tonight?"
Gayboy looked at Dildoface straight in the eyes ,"You're gonna get such a whoopin'." Gayboy's eyes filled with lust, but suddenly the car bounced up as if they had hit something. Gayboy stopped the car for a second wished he didn't have to be exposed to the ancient evils of these cursed lands, but he still stepped out of the dark and walking toward the a dark mass that was behind the car. Upon closer Inspection, the dark mass was an old woman but there was something not quite right about her, her hair was very bright blonde color and her skin was extremely pale and wrinkly. Gayboy tried to find a pulse but the old woman had unfortunately died, he looked to the car and called Dildoface," Dildoface, get the shovel out of the trunk, we need to bury the evidence."
"Alright, my lovely man," Dildoface said as he grabbed the shovel and threw it to Gayboy, "and I hope your penis is as hard as the shovel tonight."
Gayboy smiled at dildoface while he started to drag the old woman's body out of the road, I bet you wish my penis was a shovel," he said softly as he started digging out a hole. It was as if the act of killing this woman had not affected him and this frightened Gayboy, "Am I a monster?" he thought to himself as he continued to dig. The cold transilvainian dirt was very making progress very slow and after an hour Gayboy had only had a four inch into the ground. The act was made so much harder by the panic he felt while being out there it was almost as if someone were watching, almost like somebody wanted him dead. After two hours of digging Gayboy grew very tired and passed the shovel to dildoface so that he could could take a break.
Dildoface shoveled into the dirt and was shoveling up about an inch of it every minute. He got it down 10 inches further and said "I think this is good."
Gayboy went back to inspect the hole,"Your ass is good" he said as he slapped Dildoface's ass on his way to the hole. He got the old woman and put her into the hole then he got the shovel and started shoveling dirt over her. After everything was done he thought it appropriate to say a prayer to usher the old woman's soul into heaven. He took out his silver crucifix and started a prayer. Suddenly it was as though the forest had come alive as blood curdling screams came from virtually everywhere. Gayboy covered his ears in a vain attempt to block out the horrible noise but in all the confusion the old woman's hand shot out of the grave frantically trying to grasp anything it could. Gayboy ran back to the car as he shouted for Dildoface to do the same.
"Eeee, I hope this isn't what the Lord thinks of us!" Dildoface said as he got in the car and locked his door.
Gayboy put the keys in the ignition and turned but the car wouldn't start and every second seemed to make the screams come closer. Finally on his third try the car started and he sped down the dirt road. Then out of nowhere something that looked like a horribly gruesome parody of a human landed on the front of the car. It showed its large yellow fangs and screamed loudly the sudden noise caused Gayboy to crash his car into a tree and the two friends lost consciousness. When Gayboy awakened he found himself in what looked like an old prison cell. He turned around to see Dildoface still lying on the ground unconscious. He looks so cute when he's sleeping Gayboy thought to himself. He walked over to Dildoface and had his way with him.
Dildoface woke up in the middle of it. "Ohhh, give it to me Gaylord...give it to me hard."
Gayboy was startled by the sound of Dildoface's voice but it only renewed his constitution and he gave it to him hard for several minutes until he spilled his manseed in Dildoface's anus. Worn out from his perverted act Gayboy swiftly fell into a well-deserved sleep
Dildoface had never done something like this before. He stuck Gayboy with his member and pulled it in and out. He liked it. He pounded Gayboy for almost an hour and he finally came.
The two lovers were awaken hours later by a tall pale man. Gayboy turned to speak but he was completely dehydrated by his eventful night. The robed man grabbed both of them with superhuman strength and dragged to through a maze of dark hallways that had strange writings and maps on all the walls. After what seemed like an eternity they finally came to a large room with a high roof and a spiral staircase in the middle. The room looked like it was once beautiful with its artistic paintings and austonding arcatechture but everything now nobody a think layer of dust. The two friends were strapped into two metallic chairs by the robed man and then left alone. Gayboy tried in vain to communicate with Dildoface but it was like he couldn't form the words in his mouth. A man with long nails and what looked like a crown of bones made his way down the staircase and stood in front of Gayboy.
The man's face was hideous, it was void of most details except for his blood red eyes and sharp yellow fangs. It went to grab Gayboy's chest but was burned by the crucifix that he had under his shirt. Gayboy took that opportunity to break free of the straps and kick the hideous man in his face. He quickly untied Dildoface and he led them back into the maze of hallways.
"What just happened, Gaylord?" Dildoface asked, "And when do we get to screw again?"
Gayboy turned to Dildoface as they ran,"Hopefully we will live to screw again" he said with a slight sadness in his voice. He could hear the hideous man running towards as it screamed in anger and frustration. The two friends keep running as fast as they could until they came to an old wooden door, they went inside and barred the door. Inside the door looked like it had once been a trophy with countless of exotic animals all stuffed in intimidating positions. Behind all the dead animals there was an old hunting rifle mounted on the wall. Gayboy took the gun and the saw that it had one bullet left. He examined the room and saw there was a boarded up window in the side of the room. He got broke the boards using the butt of his gun and looked down. They were about three stories up but be was sure they would survive the fall and it's not as if they had another choice the hideous monster was starting to break through the door using its razor sharp nails. He grabbed Dildoface and then they jumped from the window intertwined in each others bodies. Gayboy felt a terrible pain as they landed and could barely walk on his foot but with the help of Dildoface they ran from the old castle ruins behind them. Even as they ran they could hear the screams of countless monsters.
Dildoface had a bullet in his pocket. "Here, Gayboy. It's pure silver, just in case any of those terrible terrible creatures chase us," he handed Gayboy the bullet, "and I want to see the long bullet in your pocket later." They shared a quick kiss and then they ran until they found the car and luckily it still worked. They drove off into the morning sun and never again went back to those cursed lands.
The end.